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(Optimal Human Modulation)   Fark.com has provided laughter and truth for years. But who is this man "Drew Curtis" really?   (optimalhumanmodulation.com) divider line 105
    More: Amusing, Drew Curtis, Fark, OpHuMod, laughs, richest men, truth  
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8292 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2013 at 8:48 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



105 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-14 04:40:35 PM
If that were really the tech staff, nothing would get done.  Servers would be down forever.
 
2013-12-14 05:15:48 PM
But who is this man "Drew Curtis" really?

He's a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi
 
2013-12-14 07:43:26 PM
HE'S NOT A CHICKEN!

img.fark.net
 
2013-12-14 07:51:27 PM

farm4.staticflickr.com

 
2013-12-14 08:09:42 PM
Awwww, no Plug tag?
 
2013-12-14 08:10:18 PM

antidisestablishmentarianism: Awwww, no PlugPublicity tag?


FTFM
 
2013-12-14 08:19:32 PM
Total puff piece.....must have been written by Barbara Walters' staff.
 
2013-12-14 08:21:00 PM
Drew Curtis was my third child's surrogate.  He carried my son for 9 months, birthing him at home with only bourbon for anesthesia.
 
2013-12-14 08:23:50 PM
very cool piece

made me laff
 
2013-12-14 08:46:06 PM
Drew likes beer and boobies.
 
2013-12-14 08:51:47 PM

antidisestablishmentarianism: Awwww, no Plug tag?


You think Drew really needs to plug his website with an article you're reading on said website?
 
2013-12-14 08:53:36 PM
Is that the guy who started reddit?

That's a very popular website.
 
2013-12-14 08:54:16 PM

twistedmetal: [farm4.staticflickr.com image 500x334]


How the hell is he a Troll Slayer?  If anything he's a troll enabler.  Look how many damn troll accounts are moderators here.
 
2013-12-14 08:54:26 PM

sendtodave: Is that the guy who started reddit?

That's a very popular website.


No, he's the fat kid in Stand by Me.
 
2013-12-14 08:54:52 PM
He's a douchebag who hires right-wing shills to stir up shiat on a crappy website.
 
2013-12-14 08:55:38 PM
Did Buzzfeed get a new URL?
 
2013-12-14 08:56:28 PM
media.247sports.com

He's the host of American Justice. Duh.
 
2013-12-14 08:56:30 PM
He seems 50% sysadmin and 50% drunken saboteur from here. Every post I've ever seen from him was of the "Fark is broken maybe someone fix later but now more beer" variety.

That's not to say that "sysadmin" and "drunken saboteur" are mutually exclusive groups ;P
 
2013-12-14 08:57:10 PM

gonzoduke: But who is this man "Drew Curtis" really?

He's a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi


You know Drew Curtis?  *I* know Drew Curtis!!   Did I ever tell you about the time Drew went hunting? Well anyway, Drew decides he's gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleagul.
 
2013-12-14 08:58:25 PM
i586.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-14 08:59:03 PM
Duh. He's the former vocalist/guitarist for Husker Du!

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-12-14 09:02:22 PM

The Madd Mann: antidisestablishmentarianism: Awwww, no Plug tag?

You think Drew really needs to plug his website with an article you're reading on said website?


I don't know, but I've been seeing a lot of ads for Roku - on my Roku.
 
2013-12-14 09:03:54 PM
So that's how its done, eh, modmins. Person wants to get a greenlit around here...write an article about the founder. Whatever it takes, I guess.
 
2013-12-14 09:04:58 PM
Notice how you never see Drew and The Stig photographed together.
 
2013-12-14 09:05:01 PM
I learned many years ago that Drew was my red-headed bastard step-father, recently released from prison for cooking shine and selling phony food stamps. This is why we don't have a relationship to this day. Oh, and he doesn't pay his car insurance on time, either.
 
2013-12-14 09:05:01 PM
He's a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
Drew went public with his own buttocks and made seven million.
Did I ever tell you about the time Drew went hunting? Well anyway, Drew decides he's gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleagul.
We once had a bachelor party for Drew. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Drew once hosted the Grammy's and gave every award to Cory Hart.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Drew got his girlfriend pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
Drew's family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
Drew's ranked eighteenth in the AP College Football Poll.
Did I ever tell you about the time Drew was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Drew chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breast feeds John Madden.
Drew named the group ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Drew's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
They use Drew's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
Drew directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
All the Yes album covers are Curtis family photos.
Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Drew's groin.
Did I ever tell you about the time Drew taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Drew taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Drew said, It would have happened sometime.
Drew's semen can form into a liquid human. Like that guy from Terminator 2.
Drew still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
Drew used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Drew, except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
He cornered the market on booze.
Drew Curtis is a son of a biatch.
Did I ever tell you about the time Drew Curtis forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Drew tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled.
Hell eat a homeless person if you dare him.
One time I asked Drew to dress up as Santa for a Christmas party I was having for my children. Anyway, Drew shows up as Santa, says I've got goodies for you kids. He reaches into his bag and proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says There's no Santa cause I ate him!
You know he sheds his skin once a year.
I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.
Did I ever tell you about the time Drew and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Drew throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Drew decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, "God bless him! Don't shoot him, hes a human!"
Ya know, he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.
His favorite TV movie is The Boy In The Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
Drew Curtis is a son of a biatch.
So anyway, Drew would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Drew had to shoot the maid.
Drew would use his own thigh as an anvil.
Ya know, it was the sight of Drew's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He showers in grain alcohol.
He uses the Shroud of Turin as a gold towel.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
His first name is Drew.
He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
A Toast To DREW CURTIS!
 
2013-12-14 09:06:43 PM
"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."


Oh, c'mon man, who hasn't? Jesus............
 
2013-12-14 09:07:14 PM
But on Fark.com the user-submitted headlines usually capture thetrue essence of the story through wit, irony and sarcasm.

i818.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-14 09:10:38 PM
Never trust a man with two first names.
 
2013-12-14 09:15:36 PM

kling_klang_bed: Duh. He's the former vocalist/guitarist for Husker Du!


No, you're thinking of the guy who sang "Love will tear us apart".
 
2013-12-14 09:17:30 PM
The polar opposite of Nelson Mandela?
 
2013-12-14 09:20:31 PM
He IS the 142nd most interesting man in the world.
 
2013-12-14 09:22:41 PM
FTHL : who is this man "Drew Curtis" really?

robsmovievault.files.wordpress.com

"He's a star, he's a star, he's a star.

He's a big bright shining star."
 
2013-12-14 09:23:30 PM

The Madd Mann: antidisestablishmentarianism: Awwww, no Plug tag?

You think Drew really needs to plug his website with an article you're reading on said website?


Dammit, I corrected myself already.
 
2013-12-14 09:23:55 PM

oh_please: Not  worth the copy pasta

Oh please.

 
2013-12-14 09:24:40 PM

stanhapsburg: kling_klang_bed: Duh. He's the former vocalist/guitarist for Husker Du!

No, you're thinking of the guy who sang "Love will tear us apart".


Hmmmmmmmm, with a bowl haircut, I could see the Ian Curtis comparison.

For a while, he went under the name Art Garfunkle.
 
2013-12-14 09:25:46 PM
content6.flixster.com
 
2013-12-14 09:29:06 PM

SilentStrider: Drew likes beer and boobies.


The author of TFA could have saved a lot of typing had he simply typed that.
 
2013-12-14 09:29:13 PM

kling_klang_bed: Duh. He's the former vocalist/guitarist for Husker Du!

[upload.wikimedia.org image 250x173]


Hüsker Dü: now with umlauts!
 
2013-12-14 09:29:29 PM

nytmare: Notice how you never see Drew and The Stig photographed together.


You may be on to something.  I've heard that Drew only knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong too.
 
2013-12-14 09:31:12 PM
But who is this man "Drew Curtis" really? Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street!
A trick or two with trolls and the whole Internet's on its feet. We dare not leave him to his own devices. His half-witted fans will get out of control.
 
2013-12-14 09:36:27 PM
I hope this guy knows that this place isnt really a news site.
 
2013-12-14 09:36:41 PM
Subby...Drew's still not going to sleep with you.
 
2013-12-14 09:39:05 PM

Hector Remarkable: But who is this man "Drew Curtis" really? Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street!
A trick or two with trolls and the whole Internet's on its feet. We dare not leave him to his own devices. His half-witted fans will get out of control.


But how can we stop him? His drunkenness increases by leaps every minute, he's on top of the bar.
 
2013-12-14 09:40:40 PM
cdn.pastemagazine.com
GIS says this is drew curtis. google knows all.
 
2013-12-14 09:42:54 PM
• "Did I ever tell you about the time Drew Curtis forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Curtis tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled. "

• "We once had a bachelor party for Curtis. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it. "

from http://www.psychonoble.com/subpages/quotes.html
 
2013-12-14 09:46:54 PM

Arachnophobe: Hector Remarkable: But who is this man "Drew Curtis" really? Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street!
A trick or two with trolls and the whole Internet's on its feet. We dare not leave him to his own devices. His half-witted fans will get out of control.

But how can we stop him? His drunkenness increases by leaps every minute, he's on top of the bar.


The crowd crown him king, which Google would ban. I see not news, because of one man.

//Hey Curtis Ho Curtis, Curtis Curtis Ho.
 
2013-12-14 09:47:21 PM

BumpInTheNight: Never trust a man with two first names.


Sirhan Sirhan
Ron Paul
Drew Curtis


Got it
 
2013-12-14 09:47:51 PM

some_beer_drinker: [cdn.pastemagazine.com image 300x300]
GIS says this is drew curtis. google knows all.




GIS said that this was Drew Curtis:
www.bustedmugshots.com
 
2013-12-14 09:48:34 PM
Who is Drew Curtis? Drew is a complex personality, as are most of the small breed of modern day renaissance millionaires.
 
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