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(Science Friday)   "What if I told you that this drug treats everything? What if I told you it prevents almost every illness you might get? It's 100 percent effective, and works for every person around the world, rich or poor, young or old, with no side effects?"   (sciencefriday.com) divider line 160
    More: Cool, side effects, drug treats, Hospital for Special Surgery, percent effective, illness, anxiety disorders, cancer types  
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22582 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2013 at 4:52 PM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



160 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-14 12:42:25 PM
"By now you've guessed it. The miracle medicine that works across every disease state is called exercise. "


This miracle medicine is called "Buy my book."  Side effects may include nausea and high blood pressure from the annoyance you derive from reading the most trite writing this side of a morning drive time radio commercial.
 
2013-12-14 12:49:51 PM
I'd explain how this works, but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.
 
2013-12-14 12:50:09 PM
Does this miracle drug require me to get up off my ass?  Yes?

NO DEAL HOWIE
 
2013-12-14 12:59:04 PM

RodneyToady: This miracle medicine is called "Buy my book."


Ding Ding Ding!
 
2013-12-14 12:59:28 PM
Good exercise. Good sleep. Good nutrition. And don't smoke . . . if everybody did that this particular physician would see two-thirds less patients.

We're all going to die. But do you want to spend the last third of your life on a scooter? The goal is "compression of morbidity". Be fit of mind and body, and then go downhill of natural causes in a short 6-month time frame at age 86. I'm 46. I've worked towards that goal every day for 15 years. Wish I did better, but at least I have beer, Fark, and football to blame for any shortcomings in that department.
 
2013-12-14 01:01:31 PM
Well, when I can take exercise by mouth (huh-huh) twice daily with food, we'll talk.
 
2013-12-14 01:21:17 PM
Trust Pirelli's Miracle Elixir!
 
2013-12-14 01:26:11 PM
Well, Doc, what if I told you to go fark yourself running and just give me my goddam pills?
 
2013-12-14 01:26:34 PM
FTFA: By now you've guessed it. The miracle medicine that works across every disease state is called exercise.

I'd say "go fark yourself you pretentious smarmy farkwit".

Yes, we know exercise is good for us but the simple truth of the matter is most of us are too exhausted with the day to day grind of survival to have the energy left over to engage in extra manual labour that creates nothing but boredom and physical pain.

This guy deserves a farking drop kick in the balls.
 
2013-12-14 01:32:11 PM
Well, you know, it's 100% effective unless you drop dead from a heart attack, break a leg, get hit by a car while out jogging, fall off of a treadmill, crack your head open, and are permanently paralyzed...

You know. 100% effective!
 
2013-12-14 01:36:49 PM

Rincewind53: Well, you know, it's 100% effective unless you drop dead from a heart attack, break a leg, get hit by a car while out jogging, fall off of a treadmill, crack your head open, and are permanently paralyzed...

You know. 100% effective!


Broke your leg? Walk it off!
 
2013-12-14 02:04:17 PM

Rincewind53: Well, you know, it's 100% effective unless you drop dead from a heart attack, break a leg, get hit by a car while out jogging, fall off of a treadmill, crack your head open, and are permanently paralyzed...

You know. 100% effective!


Got chronic bronchitis/colds/flu because you've run yourself down...
 
2013-12-14 03:11:56 PM
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-14 03:52:56 PM
"Ain't nobody got time for dat."

img.fark.net
 
2013-12-14 04:09:44 PM
Hunh. I thought the answer was going to be weed.
 
2013-12-14 04:24:02 PM
Is it Love?

'Cause love is the drug that I'm thinking of.
 
2013-12-14 04:29:24 PM

Ghastly: FTFA: By now you've guessed it. The miracle medicine that works across every disease state is called exercise.

I'd say "go fark yourself you pretentious smarmy farkwit".

Yes, we know exercise is good for us but the simple truth of the matter is most of us are too exhausted with the day to day grind of survival to have the energy left over to engage in extra manual labour that creates nothing but boredom and physical pain.

This guy deserves a farking drop kick in the balls.


Yeah, tell you what, you condescending douche, why don't you have a sudden, drastic reduction in your ability to absorb thyroid, then try your 'miracle'. Farking asshole.

/And I  like exercise now, at least some kinds
//But holy fark this guy is a douchebag
 
2013-12-14 04:56:48 PM
Hmm. I don't know....

What does Jenny McCarthy have to say about it?
 
2013-12-14 04:56:57 PM
I prefer the regimen of smuggling drugs on foot from down south. It's physically demanding but lucrative. By now you've guessed it. It's called Mexercise.
 
2013-12-14 04:58:17 PM
DNRTA; it is exercise, right? Right.

/learned it in school, saw a TED talk about it
//talked about how if they packaged the benefits an hour of exercise into a pill, it would be the most profitable drug in the world
 
2013-12-14 04:58:19 PM

Ghastly: FTFA: By now you've guessed it. The miracle medicine that works across every disease state is called exercise.

I'd say "go fark yourself you pretentious smarmy farkwit".

Yes, we know exercise is good for us but the simple truth of the matter is most of us are too exhausted with the day to day grind of survival to have the energy left over to engage in extra manual labour that creates nothing but boredom and physical pain.

This guy deserves a farking drop kick in the balls.


Ya know, if you exercised more, you wouldn't be so exhausted all the time!
 
2013-12-14 04:58:42 PM

brimed03: Hmm. I don't know....

What does Jenny McCarthy have to say about it?


I read on the internet that Jenny McCarthy causes autism. But you can get a shot for it.
 
2013-12-14 04:59:21 PM
I think the answer is drinking tea.

The Asians have been doing it for thousands of years and look how many of them there are.
 
2013-12-14 04:59:38 PM
"So ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for YOU."
 
2013-12-14 05:00:04 PM

SilentStrider: Hunh. I thought the answer was going to be weed.


I also assumed it was going to be weed based on the number of pothead diatribes I've listened to that started this same way.
 
2013-12-14 05:00:12 PM

Tax Boy: Is it Love?

'Cause love is the drug that I'm thinking of.


What is love?

/baby don't hurt me
//don't hurt me
///no more
 
2013-12-14 05:00:19 PM
Fat-shaming
 
2013-12-14 05:00:44 PM
image1.findagrave.com

"It turns out, I'm allergic".
 
2013-12-14 05:00:45 PM
image1.findagrave.com

Would like a word
 
2013-12-14 05:01:45 PM
funnyphotodump.com
 
2013-12-14 05:02:02 PM

Crudbucket: SilentStrider: Hunh. I thought the answer was going to be weed.

I also assumed it was going to be weed based on the number of pothead diatribes I've listened to that started this same way.


If only there were something you could smoke that would help you forget about those.
 
2013-12-14 05:02:12 PM
Yeah, because fitness people never suffer things like heart disease, joint inflammations, osteoporosis, or other genetic issues that are hereditary and have fark all to do with your routine.

I agree exercise is important, along with eating healthy and everything else that goes with it. Personally, I'm more concerned with managing my stress and blood pressure just dealing with the daily struggle to earn a livable wage to survive.

Fark you, Doc. Ultimately, we're all worm food in the end. Longer life these days just means longer for employers to earn off your back, not that they give a shiat about your health otherwise.
 
2013-12-14 05:02:28 PM
Can't argue with any of the facts, but damn it's hard to exercise sometimes. I fluctuate between running/gym 6 days a week and then going, maybe, once a week for like a month. Work and family priorities can really kill your time and energy. It's one of the main reasons we got a dog. He whines a lot if we don't walk him everyday. We might only go a couple miles, but that's better than sitting on the couch all night.
 
2013-12-14 05:02:31 PM

FraggleStickCar: Ghastly: FTFA: By now you've guessed it. The miracle medicine that works across every disease state is called exercise.

I'd say "go fark yourself you pretentious smarmy farkwit".

Yes, we know exercise is good for us but the simple truth of the matter is most of us are too exhausted with the day to day grind of survival to have the energy left over to engage in extra manual labour that creates nothing but boredom and physical pain.

This guy deserves a farking drop kick in the balls.

Ya know, if you exercised more, you wouldn't be so exhausted all the time!



Ya know, if you go jogging for just half an hour a day, every day of your life, you will live an extra five years.  But you will have spent six years jogging, so it's a net loss.
 
2013-12-14 05:04:03 PM
By the time he mentioned the book, I was already surprised by his marvelous impression of an 1890's traveling snake-oil salesman.

BTW, my guess was "water".
 
2013-12-14 05:04:17 PM
Is it available in an instant, microwaveable form?  I'm really in a hurry.
 
2013-12-14 05:05:17 PM
This thread sound fat.
 
2013-12-14 05:06:33 PM
OK, I'm persuaded that I need to exercise.

Now I need is a drug to give me will power.
 
2013-12-14 05:06:55 PM

PsiChick: Yeah, tell you what, you condescending douche, why don't you have a sudden, drastic reduction in your ability to absorb thyroid, then try your 'miracle'. Farking asshole.


Um, what?
 
2013-12-14 05:08:00 PM
Putting my hoveround upright after it tipped over when I dove for a hot wing I saw under the recliner counts as exercise, right?
 
2013-12-14 05:08:12 PM
yeah, i guessed "water" too.
 
2013-12-14 05:09:11 PM
If I can't crush and snort it, f*ck that.
 
2013-12-14 05:09:43 PM
Is it Scotch?

It must be scotch.

/I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...
 
2013-12-14 05:10:13 PM

houstondragon: Yeah, because fitness people never suffer things like heart disease, joint inflammations, osteoporosis, or other genetic issues that are hereditary and have fark all to do with your routine.

I agree exercise is important, along with eating healthy and everything else that goes with it. Personally, I'm more concerned with managing my stress and blood pressure just dealing with the daily struggle to earn a livable wage to survive.

Fark you, Doc. Ultimately, we're all worm food in the end. Longer life these days just means longer for employers to earn off your back, not that they give a shiat about your health otherwise.


Winner of "Most Bitter Fark Post of the Day" award.


You have 10 minutes to call the main number and register for your prize, which may be up to and including a cash award!


/void where prohibited, all rights reserved, see Drew for details
 
2013-12-14 05:10:25 PM
The drug Exercise has two isomers, one is good for the body and the other causes heart attacks.
 
2013-12-14 05:10:36 PM
exercise!?  What cures exercise injuries, then?
 
2013-12-14 05:10:51 PM

Pinko_Commie: Is it Scotch?

It must be scotch.

/I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...


I change my answer.

Please let it be scotch.
 
2013-12-14 05:11:12 PM
Is it my penis?
 
2013-12-14 05:11:25 PM
For the generally unmotivated like myself, the trick to exercise is to remove the suffering element, make it enjoyable. eg. if you don't like the gym, find other ways.

A pleasant commute to work on foot is not particularly intense, but if your situation is that it's that VS no exercise then it's of considerable benefit.
 
2013-12-14 05:11:26 PM

Crudbucket: SilentStrider: Hunh. I thought the answer was going to be weed.

I also assumed it was going to be weed based on the number of pothead diatribes I've listened to that started this same way.


Dude, have you ever tried exercising...on weed?
 
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