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(Eater)   Brooklyn hipsters proclaim bacon OVER, are now into artisanal porridge "made from a variety of ancient, global, and gluten-free grains." A steal at $7 a bowl   (eater.com) divider line 116
    More: Ironic, natural kind, pop-up shop, Specialty store  
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4069 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2013 at 3:53 PM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-14 04:50:35 PM
Yah well, Brooklyn hipsters can suck my taint.  I'm sure it'll taste better then that blob of home schooled brown sugar with a sprinkle of re-branded cherrios dust in a bowl.
 
2013-12-14 04:52:11 PM

simkatu: Company


Brooklyn Nipple Tassel Company
crafters of urban, artisinal Nipple Tassels
 

I done a LOL.
 
2013-12-14 04:53:03 PM

SirEattonHogg: I like oatmeal a lot. Much to the dismay of my wife who finds it very bland eating, I'll eat quaker oats every frigging day.

However, to me its cheap food (but healthy). There is no way in hell I'd pay 7 bucks - or even 4, 5 bucks for a bowl.  That's like trying to sell me gourmet breakfast corn flakes.


I find this post amusing, because where I grew up oatmeal was the "exciting" breakfast food.  Hot, with a distinct taste.  "Normal" was cold cereal, and "Bland" was grits.

Your wife has high standards on how intense and entertaining breakfast should be.
 
2013-12-14 04:53:09 PM

NobleHam: meatofmystery: This whole bacon = manliness and cool is becoming the internet equivalent of buying a hummer with a pair of nuts on the tow hitch.

Who ever said bacon = manliness and cool? Bacon is just uniquely delicious.


Uniquely? No, there are a lot of things that are meat and also delicious.
 
2013-12-14 04:53:27 PM

lilplatinum: The fact that something opens in Brooklyn therefore means every white person in Brooklyn dines there.

/every hipster I know has laughed when walking past that place


By the time it makes the news it's all played out.
 
2013-12-14 04:54:56 PM

NobleHam: meatofmystery: This whole bacon = manliness and cool is becoming the internet equivalent of buying a hummer with a pair of nuts on the tow hitch.

Who ever said bacon = manliness and cool? Bacon is just uniquely delicious.


That;s because it tastes like human.

/delicious, delicious human
/what, you think cannibals call it "long pig" because it sounds cute?
 
2013-12-14 04:55:04 PM

shlabotnik: FTFA - There's also a menu of dairy-free, gluten-free "Belgian Waffletwists," a trademarked name for sandwiches built on Belgian waffles.

I read this as Belgian Waffletwats.

I have no point.


I used to get those here, before it was popular:

i263.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-14 04:59:03 PM
So the trend of taking things originally designed for the poor or 'economically challenged' and turning them into high end, luxury items and changing their name to include 'artesian' to increase their price obscenely is still going strong.

I've some artesian dog sh*t for sale. Wait! That's already been done.

How about some genuine, hand-chainsaw chopped, delicately aged and carefully stacked, organically grown Oak firewood? It's artisanal! Sun dried and aged 10 months. Only $300 a cord.

Porridge was initially a medieval food for the poor and, according to archeologists who recreated original recipes from traces found in digs, not exactly titillating to the tongue. Bland, actually.

Hipsters, the current Yuppies.

I still haven't figured out why I can walk into any of the now popular, over priced coffee stores, see walls lined with scores of exotic and often pricey bags of coffee beans, yet only be able to get a cup of their store brand.
 
2013-12-14 05:11:52 PM

genner: lilplatinum: The fact that something opens in Brooklyn therefore means every white person in Brooklyn dines there.

/every hipster I know has laughed when walking past that place

By the time it makes the news it's all played out.


It just opened, it didn't play at all.
 
2013-12-14 05:12:13 PM
Hipsters discovered congee?  With the right "add ons", congee is a rather pleasant way to start the day.

Fireproof: Brooklyn Nipple Tassel Company
crafters of urban, artisinal Nipple Tassels


I like that idea.  Pair it with authentic, hand-tooled merkins, and you're onto something.
 
2013-12-14 05:12:19 PM

The_Original_Roxtar: Porridge is the shiat you eat when you're too poor to afford anything else. I can see why it would appeal to the hipster ethos. Soon enough these people will be self-publishing books about excrement re-consumption as a dietary ideal. "learn from the canine" they will say.


"learn from the rabbit," would be more like it. I even have a name ready: The Brooklyn Refectory, with a painting of a rabbit as part of the sign.

How a word like "refection" can have such different meanings just amazes me.
 
2013-12-14 05:13:55 PM

NobleHam: dusty15893: NobleHam: meatofmystery: This whole bacon = manliness and cool is becoming the internet equivalent of buying a hummer with a pair of nuts on the tow hitch.

Who ever said bacon = manliness and cool? Bacon is just uniquely delicious.

Yeah but bacon has ran it's course.  Jim Gaffigan kind of set it off and now I'm tired of seeing bacon-wrapped, bacon-infused, bacon-flavored everything.  I mean it's really just annoying. Sure bacon is tasty but admit it, you weren't waving the bacon flag 10 years ago when bacon was just as tasty.

Of course now it's  ZOOMMMGGGG!!! there's bacon flavor in my food that's so edgy!

/Mmmm bacon flag

I'm not waving a bacon flag now, or wrapping everything in bacon. I just like to eat it. Always have.


I cooked and ate a pound of butcher block bacon last night for dinner.
 
2013-12-14 05:15:22 PM
I recently took a day trip over the Brooklyn with my wife and a female friend who lives in Astoria, Queens. Our friend swore to us that the hipsters that we see parodied on TV actually exist. I vehemently denied that such silliness actually existed.

Well, we came up out of the subway and GODDAMN if they weren't EVERYWHERE. Each one more ridiculous-looking than the next. The ironic t-shirts. The thick-rimmed glasses. The farking BEARDS. We went into a small cafe and while sitting al fresco in the rear noticed that every single person in the immediate area was wearing some variant of Tom's Shoes.These people have "individualized" themselves right into generic commonality.
 
jgi
2013-12-14 05:16:46 PM
I don't begrudge anybody who's making money their own way. Entrepreneurship, in a "hipster" business or otherwise, is pretty admirable.
 
2013-12-14 05:18:55 PM
Jim_Callahan:
I find this post amusing, because where I grew up oatmeal was the "exciting" breakfast food.  Hot, with a distinct taste.  "Normal" was cold cereal, and "Bland" was grits.

Your wife has high standards on how intense and entertaining breakfast should be.



That's funny because as a Northerner, I recall when I was a kid on a family trip to the South and having grits for the first time at some fancy hotel.  It was kind of exotic to me .... lol
 
2013-12-14 05:19:37 PM

Rik01: So the trend of taking things originally designed for the poor or 'economically challenged' and turning them into high end, luxury items and changing their name to include 'artesian' to increase their price obscenely is still going strong.

I've some artesian dog sh*t for sale. Wait! That's already been done.

How about some genuine, hand-chainsaw chopped, delicately aged and carefully stacked, organically grown Oak firewood? It's artisanal! Sun dried and aged 10 months. Only $300 a cord.

Porridge was initially a medieval food for the poor and, according to archeologists who recreated original recipes from traces found in digs, not exactly titillating to the tongue. Bland, actually.

Hipsters, the current Yuppies.

I still haven't figured out why I can walk into any of the now popular, over priced coffee stores, see walls lined with scores of exotic and often pricey bags of coffee beans, yet only be able to get a cup of their store brand.



I do like congee, and gruel in general - it's an under rated food. And not just for orphans. That said, charging 7 dollars a bowl is part of the same cycle of "people throw this away" to "omg that's haute cuisine!"


Recent but non-exhaustive list:
Lox Wings
Bone Marrow
All the organ meats run around on this spectrum
Bread

Now oats.

I'm sure older farkers will be able to call out food trends from their life times, but in all honesty a good rule is this: If it's suddenly made of what used to be scraps and costs a fortune as an app at Blue Ribbon, it's a trending "used to be thrown out" type of food. Expect to see it everywhere.
 
2013-12-14 05:20:06 PM

Rik01: So the trend of taking things originally designed for the poor or 'economically challenged' and turning them into high end, luxury items and changing their name to include 'artesian' to increase their price obscenely is still going strong.

I've some artesian dog sh*t for sale. Wait! That's already been done.

How about some genuine, hand-chainsaw chopped, delicately aged and carefully stacked, organically grown Oak firewood? It's artisanal! Sun dried and aged 10 months. Only $300 a cord.

Porridge was initially a medieval food for the poor and, according to archeologists who recreated original recipes from traces found in digs, not exactly titillating to the tongue. Bland, actually.

Hipsters, the current Yuppies.

I still haven't figured out why I can walk into any of the now popular, over priced coffee stores, see walls lined with scores of exotic and often pricey bags of coffee beans, yet only be able to get a cup of their store brand.


Its all the same!!!! If people who get coffee at those places could "taste" the differences, they wouldn't be getting coffee there!!! I go to a small artisan place that roasts a different kind of bean to make a hot beverage better than coffee. You have probably never heard of the place the bean or the drink.
 
2013-12-14 05:20:08 PM
t.qkme.me
 
2013-12-14 05:21:19 PM

Rik01: So the trend of taking things originally designed for the poor or 'economically challenged' and turning them into high end, luxury items and changing their name to include 'artesian' to increase their price obscenely is still going strong.


The only part of that that is different from how things always were is the word 'artesian'.

For decades rich people have been discovering that when you make poor people food with rich people ingredients, it's actually pretty tasty.

And people selling food to rich people have known to justify a hefty price tag by using flowery language. The kicker is, it's psychology, and it works. And believe it or not, it works on everyone. Maybe not with porridge, but people really do enjoy foods more if they think they're expensive and special.

Is there really any difference between the artesianal stuff and the ordinary stuff? Maybe a little. Probably not enough to justify the price tag, unless the consumer is rich and doesn't care about the price.
 
2013-12-14 05:24:03 PM
I like how people are acting like $7 is a lot for a food item in New York city.  Thats a farking sandwich or almost a full value meal at McDonalds for christs sake.
 
2013-12-14 05:24:34 PM
Dear Hipsters,

Please, for the love of god, stay the fark away from Grits! We don't need yall farking that up too!

signed,
mafiageek1980
 
2013-12-14 05:25:20 PM

Krieghund: Rik01: So the trend of taking things originally designed for the poor or 'economically challenged' and turning them into high end, luxury items and changing their name to include 'artesian' to increase their price obscenely is still going strong.

The only part of that that is different from how things always were is the word 'artesian'.

For decades rich people have been discovering that when you make poor people food with rich people ingredients, it's actually pretty tasty.

And people selling food to rich people have known to justify a hefty price tag by using flowery language. The kicker is, it's psychology, and it works. And believe it or not, it works on everyone. Maybe not with porridge, but people really do enjoy foods more if they think they're expensive and special.

Is there really any difference between the artesianal stuff and the ordinary stuff? Maybe a little. Probably not enough to justify the price tag, unless the consumer is rich and doesn't care about the price.


The artesian stuff comes from deep wells.  That's the difference.
 
2013-12-14 05:25:38 PM
Brooklyn hipsters put the anal in artisanal.
 
2013-12-14 05:25:54 PM

lilplatinum: genner: lilplatinum: The fact that something opens in Brooklyn therefore means every white person in Brooklyn dines there.

/every hipster I know has laughed when walking past that place

By the time it makes the news it's all played out.

It just opened, it didn't play at all.


.....and by the time a band finds a drummer it's time to listen to someone else.
I don't pretend to understand the rules.
 
2013-12-14 05:26:10 PM

lilplatinum: The status of food changes throughout times, independent of

completely driven by "the hipster ethos".

It's the hipsters of any era that try to be individual and edgy and original, whether they be called "flaneurs", "bluestockings", "dandies" or "hipsters".
 
2013-12-14 05:34:27 PM
A riot is a terrible thing. And I think it's just about time that we had one!

We need to go to Brooklyn. We need to kick some ass. We need to take down some names.

/no bacon? you have got to farking be joking or crazy
 
2013-12-14 05:36:49 PM

August11: I've met hipsters and I've been to Brooklyn. Apparently, the place has been taken over by them.

Hipsterism is like New England snow. It is fun for a very brief time, then it becomes troublesome, then it melts away.


Try dealing with junkies some time. Hipsters are downright easy to deal with compared to that crap. Maybe "troublesome" in the fact that I end up listening to too much crappy indie music while with them, but when they're here I stick them with my weird foreign jazz and doom metal anyways. Most of the ones I know are artists anyways so we get along since I'm a gem carver and a bit "off."

/fell for a junkie like a dumbfark a couple months ago.
//she was really interesting in my defense, at least at first.
///don't do that, I'm still trying to sort that shiat all out and hoping I didn't catch anything, I need to see a doc before I sleep with anyone else.
 
2013-12-14 05:45:56 PM

mafiageek1980: Dear Hipsters,

Please, for the love of god, stay the fark away from Grits! We don't need yall farking that up too!

signed,
mafiageek1980


Oh, you know they probably will.  They're like the locust-aliens from Independence Day.

The only solace I can offer you is the knowledge that, when that horrible day comes and they are purveying bespoke grits with artisinal molasses, you can step right up to their smug little faces and say you were eating grits before it was cool.
 
2013-12-14 05:49:08 PM
Lilplatinum:

I like how people are acting like $7 is a lot for a food item in New York city.  Thats a farking sandwich or almost a full value meal at McDonalds for christs sake


Oh look at mister fancy pants who can afford daily full value meals at McDonalds!

Do you show up wearing a monocle, top hat and spats when you eat your posh breakfast sandwich?

All I can afford is gruel and I like it.
 
2013-12-14 05:52:43 PM

JonnyBlack: August11: I've met hipsters and I've been to Brooklyn. Apparently, the place has been taken over by them.

Hipsterism is like New England snow. It is fun for a very brief time, then it becomes troublesome, then it melts away.

Try dealing with junkies some time. Hipsters are downright easy to deal with compared to that crap. Maybe "troublesome" in the fact that I end up listening to too much crappy indie music while with them, but when they're here I stick them with my weird foreign jazz and doom metal anyways. Most of the ones I know are artists anyways so we get along since I'm a gem carver and a bit "off."

/fell for a junkie like a dumbfark a couple months ago.
//she was really interesting in my defense, at least at first.
///don't do that, I'm still trying to sort that shiat all out and hoping I didn't catch anything, I need to see a doc before I sleep with anyone else.


People on the con are the worst. It doesn't matter what they get over on you--a stolen cigarette or an extra cup of coffee.  It's that they don't feel right about themselves unless they con you about something. Anything.
 
2013-12-14 05:58:29 PM
I can't imagine caring what Brooklyn hipsters think about anything.

/bacon never was a thing, I eat the same amount I did as before the Internet collectively lost its minds about it
//do like bacon
 
2013-12-14 06:01:23 PM
I've been to this place. They sell grits, oatmeal, and amaranth with a bunch of high-quality delicious toppings. Too expensive though; I'd rather have an egg sandwich for $3. Plus it's freezing inside and the coffee is lousy. I won't be going back.

There's a really good taco truck right across the street. That's where the hipsters are lining up. This place is pretty much empty.
 
2013-12-14 06:01:43 PM

Rik01: Hipsters, the current Yuppies.


I disagree, Yuppies could actually hold a job.
 
2013-12-14 06:02:02 PM

farkeruk: FrancoFile: How do I get ahead of the next hipster fad so I can sell them ridiculous junk at a 6000% markup?

My advice and advice I've been giving everyone: start a macaroon bakery.

[ichef.bbci.co.uk image 448x256]

It perfectly encapsulates things hipsters like. Childishly colourful, European and individualised. So, people can choose how many of each colour they want, and you charge them through the nose for the privilege. I mean, people in London were charging £2 for a farking cupcake.

The big thing is the marketing. You've got to get your presentation right. You might be a dude operating out of an industrial unit in New Jersey, but you need to push the buttons that makes people think that you're a charmant mademoiselle baking them in her kitchen by hand. Maybe get some silly van to deliver them in to reinforce it.


You're a farking genius. Call it Coloroon, do the place in the hues of a basic Crayola box, making a lavish/ridiculous and tedious time consuming fuss over placing the Coloroons into the box (their 'Homearoon') and change payment accepted for every customer: checks only no cash; debit not credit etcetera. Tie the boxes closed with paired multi-color thin ribbon and sisal twine, insisting the customer comes to a reserved area of the Roonery (because Bakery will never do) where you make them place their finger for the knot as an assistant coaches them in how to say "finger" in three obscure languages. Repaint the Roonery using the basic Crayola shades but in different geometric patterns every Sunday night. Make customers stand outside when it rains, all the while apologizing profusely that the humidity plays havoc with the essence of the Roon. Have your workers wear bizarre Elton John lensless glasses and flour in their hair for no reason whatsoever.
 
2013-12-14 06:06:02 PM
www.quickmeme.com
 
2013-12-14 06:46:35 PM

Fast Thick Pants: I've been to this place. They sell grits, oatmeal, and amaranth with a bunch of high-quality delicious toppings. Too expensive though; I'd rather have an egg sandwich for $3. Plus it's freezing inside and the coffee is lousy. I won't be going back.

There's a really good taco truck right across the street. That's where the hipsters are lining up. This place is pretty much empty.


Funny around here is a hipster cafe with some really crappy high end food. Most of it is organic (so they say) which automatically means most of it is marked up 2500%. Tofu and Vegemite Burgers...
I once tried the Tofu burger, it reminded me of when I was out in the woods and was learning what to eat and what not too, and had to eat this leaf that was incredibly bitter and god aweful. This Tofu burger made me really want to eat more of that leaf whatever it was called.

Anyone remember the photos from the occupy wall street? Hipsters wearing $100 designer jeans, armani shirts, camping out with Iphones and Ipads.... I really miss that thread LOL
 
2013-12-14 07:01:24 PM

meatofmystery: This whole bacon = manliness and cool is becoming the internet equivalent of buying a hummer with a pair of nuts on the tow hitch.


Based upon your fark handle I'm gonna say your just jealous of bacon because you're nasty SPAM.
 
2013-12-14 07:24:26 PM
Do you know how much bacon you can buy for $7?!!

You could get at least 1.5 lbs.
That's a lot of bacon to put on your porridge.
 
2013-12-14 07:27:36 PM

Misconduc: Tofu and Vegemite Burgers...
I once tried the Tofu burger, it reminded me of when I was out in the woods and was learning what to eat and what not too, and had to eat this leaf that was incredibly bitter and god aweful. This Tofu burger made me really want to eat more of that leaf whatever it was called.



I was veggie for a few years.  Anything vegetarian that has been adulterated and twisted and tweaked to mimic a meat-based food will always be crappy.  It's also just plain a bad idea on a conceptual level.  (So don't eat a farking burger.  Eat a burrito.)

Tofu in its natural habitat is okay.  It's like a soft cheese.  There are cheaper, less flavorless ways of getting vegetarian protein, though.  (Like other beans, that are still bean-like.  Or eggs.)
 
2013-12-14 07:30:56 PM
s.mcstatic.com
Bacon is over?
Nothing is over! NOTHING!
 
2013-12-14 07:32:03 PM
This gluten free shiat is stupid as balls...
 
2013-12-14 07:38:29 PM

Likwit: This gluten free shiat is stupid as balls...


Hey, my balls are gluten free, buster.
 
2013-12-14 08:08:36 PM
This is my go to most mornings, just add a sprinkling of dark brown sugar and a splash of milk. Yummy.

www.bobsredmill.com
 
2013-12-14 08:11:01 PM

dusty15893: NobleHam: meatofmystery: This whole bacon = manliness and cool is becoming the internet equivalent of buying a hummer with a pair of nuts on the tow hitch.

Who ever said bacon = manliness and cool? Bacon is just uniquely delicious.

Yeah but bacon has ran it's course.  Jim Gaffigan kind of set it off and now I'm tired of seeing bacon-wrapped, bacon-infused, bacon-flavored everything.  I mean it's really just annoying. Sure bacon is tasty but admit it, you weren't waving the bacon flag 10 years ago when bacon was just as tasty.

Of course now it's  ZOOMMMGGGG!!! there's bacon flavor in my food that's so edgy!

/Mmmm bacon flag


I don't think we'll be seeing porridge-infused vodak any time in the near future.
 
2013-12-14 08:11:31 PM
Likwit:   This gluten free shiat is stupid as balls...


I've had gluten free food and it tastes like balls.

Well, I don't know what balls taste like. But it doesn't taste good.  Gluten free food that is... not balls.  I assume balls taste bad, but as I said I wouldn't know.
 
2013-12-14 08:12:44 PM
Got a can of Tactical Bacon in today.  Neat but way overpriced for the amount of bacon you get.
 
2013-12-14 08:28:13 PM
Now I'm hungry for grits.
 
2013-12-14 08:37:09 PM

farkeruk: FrancoFile: How do I get ahead of the next hipster fad so I can sell them ridiculous junk at a 6000% markup?

My advice and advice I've been giving everyone: start a macaroon bakery.

[ichef.bbci.co.uk image 448x256]

It perfectly encapsulates things hipsters like. Childishly colourful, European and individualised. So, people can choose how many of each colour they want, and you charge them through the nose for the privilege. I mean, people in London were charging £2 for a farking cupcake.

The big thing is the marketing. You've got to get your presentation right. You might be a dude operating out of an industrial unit in New Jersey, but you need to push the buttons that makes people think that you're a charmant mademoiselle baking them in her kitchen by hand. Maybe get some silly van to deliver them in to reinforce it.


You're a bit late.  But that's more of an Upper East Side thing, anyway.  Hipsters want to be rustic, not. European.
 
2013-12-14 08:49:50 PM

Handsome B. Wonderful: Rik01: Hipsters, the current Yuppies.

I disagree, Yuppies could actually hold a job.


How do broke people pay for seven dollar gruel?
 
2013-12-14 09:01:34 PM

NobleHam: dusty15893: NobleHam: meatofmystery: This whole bacon = manliness and cool is becoming the internet equivalent of buying a hummer with a pair of nuts on the tow hitch.

Who ever said bacon = manliness and cool? Bacon is just uniquely delicious.

Yeah but bacon has ran it's course.  Jim Gaffigan kind of set it off and now I'm tired of seeing bacon-wrapped, bacon-infused, bacon-flavored everything.  I mean it's really just annoying. Sure bacon is tasty but admit it, you weren't waving the bacon flag 10 years ago when bacon was just as tasty.

Of course now it's  ZOOMMMGGGG!!! there's bacon flavor in my food that's so edgy!

/Mmmm bacon flag

I'm not waving a bacon flag now, or wrapping everything in bacon. I just like to eat it. Always have.


It's almost as though the people who complain about bacon feel compelled to cook some up and eat it every single time they see it mentioned on the internet. Just look at the language they use in their complaints. Such victims of their own imaginations.
 
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