Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(BBC)   Excluding the 36 days James Bond was in prison, hospital or rehab, the spy downed 1,150 units of alcohol in 88 days in Fleming's 14 novels, according to doctors who counted. "You wouldn't want this person defusing a nuclear bomb"   (bbc.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Amusing, James Bond, vodka martinis, Science Reporter, Sean Connery, international terrorists, Ian Fleming, British Medical Journal  
•       •       •

1349 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 Dec 2013 at 2:32 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



55 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2013-12-12 09:15:37 PM  
So Archer is pretty damn realistic despite the stylish minimal animation?

I can't blame him. His life expectancy can't be all that high any way.

MI6 gave its agents numbers so they don't have to bother to learn their names. And all those gimmicks that Q makes? How many agents get killed with their own toys?

Besides, he only drove British cars until the Germans bought them all out.

All in all, live fast, die young, hope you leave enough of a body to bury, let alone to hold an open-casket funeral.
 
2013-12-12 09:24:33 PM  
I don't want those doctors telling me how much to drink, either

/shaken, not stirred
 
2013-12-12 11:23:03 PM  
recommended maximum intake

Wait, that's a thing now?
 
2013-12-12 11:23:22 PM  
LANAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
 
2013-12-13 12:34:07 AM  
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die of liver failure.
 
2013-12-13 12:38:50 AM  
On the contrary. That's exactly the type of guy I want defusing a bomb.
 
2013-12-13 12:53:08 AM  

NewportBarGuy: recommended maximum intake

Wait, that's a thing now?


Yep. When the government's paying for your healthcare, it's in its best interest to recommend lifestyle choices that keep you healthy and out of the doctor's office.

With all the reports about how red wine is so good for the health, you'd almost expect they'd publish an RDA in addition to the RMI.
 
2013-12-13 01:14:09 AM  
I found it interesting that in the most recent movie, toward the the beginning after Bond shows up in London, they show him as a drunk who's lost his edge. Then he finally goes out on his mission and he's his usual badass self like normal.
 
2013-12-13 02:37:51 AM  
Doctors analysing the Ian Fleming novels show James Bond polishes off the equivalent of one and a half bottles of wine every day.

Pfft. Amateur.
 
2013-12-13 02:39:43 AM  
They say the study is light-hearted, and did not interfere with their day jobs

Well that's good, I was beginning to think they might have a problem.
 
2013-12-13 02:48:48 AM  

Lando Lincoln: On the contrary. That's exactly the type of guy I want defusing a bomb.


Cocktail straws *do* have their uses.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-12-13 02:52:03 AM  

Lando Lincoln: On the contrary. That's exactly the type of guy I want defusing a bomb.


whaaaaaaat?!

Also, the guy farking around with a nuke ON A TIMER might not be the guy you want giving the most farks.
 
2013-12-13 02:53:20 AM  

doglover: LANAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


I meant to quote this guy the first time.  I'm well removed from soberb myself.
 
2013-12-13 02:55:17 AM  
Archer is the greatest show on TV right now.  It is on par with the old school Simpsons episodes
 
2013-12-13 03:00:38 AM  
And he didn't. He stood there stupefied until someone else came in and flipped the power switch. Which I know doesn't match the book -- I'm just saying no one has claimed he should or would be the one to disarm a nuke.
 
2013-12-13 03:46:58 AM  
And banging all those hot Bond girls with what would no doubt be Whiskey Dick? Fuggedaboutit!
 
2013-12-13 04:06:51 AM  

cyberspacedout: I found it interesting that in the most recent movie, toward the the beginning after Bond shows up in London, they show him as a drunk who's lost his edge. Then he finally goes out on his mission and he's his usual badass self like normal.


I could be wrong but I seem remember him downing a lot of pain pills (no doubt from all the injuries he's suffered over the last two movies).  Regardless of what you think about Daniel Craig's term as the character, he'll probably be remembered as the "Battered Bond".  I keep expecting to see a product placement for Advil in Craig's Bond films.
 
2013-12-13 04:26:36 AM  
"The name is Bond. Sot Bond."
 
2013-12-13 04:44:52 AM  
img440.imageshack.us
 
2013-12-13 05:39:37 AM  
brantgoose: So Archer is pretty damn realistic despite the stylish minimal animation?

I can't blame him. His life expectancy can't be all that high any way.

MI6 gave its agents numbers so they don't have to bother to learn their names. And all those gimmicks that Q makes? How many agents get killed with their own toys?

Besides, he only drove British cars until the Germans bought them all out.

All in all, live fast, die young, hope you leave enough of a body to bury, let alone to hold an open-casket funeral
 leave a good-looking corpse.  That's how I was hoping to do it.  Then I got married at 27.  biatch ruined that idea.  27 years later I'm thinking that if I had "made her disappear" right before we were married, I would have been been released from jail 7 years ago.  And be totally free, although too old to have a good-looking corpse.
 
2013-12-13 05:51:16 AM  
Actually, the saying should be, "Live fast, love hard, die young and leave a good-looking corpse."
 
2013-12-13 06:03:04 AM  

Lando Lincoln: On the contrary. That's exactly the type of guy I want defusing a bomb.


Seriously, haven't we all met a guy whose preternatural abilities only activated upon heavy drinking?

/not that guy
 
2013-12-13 06:14:12 AM  

Lost_in_Korea: leave a good-looking corpse.


Sylvannas Windrunner approves of good-looking corpses.
 
2013-12-13 06:37:28 AM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: Lando Lincoln: On the contrary. That's exactly the type of guy I want defusing a bomb.

Seriously, haven't we all met a guy whose preternatural abilities only activated upon heavy drinking?


Depends... is posting to Fark at 3:30 in the morning a "preternatural ability?"
 
2013-12-13 06:43:39 AM  
So you'd rather him quit so his hands are shaking from the DTs, then defuse the bomb?

/and yes, Archer is a great show
 
2013-12-13 07:00:04 AM  
This guy thinks Bond's a complete farking amateur:
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-12-13 07:00:15 AM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: Lando Lincoln: On the contrary. That's exactly the type of guy I want defusing a bomb.

Seriously, haven't we all met a guy whose preternatural abilities only activated upon heavy drinking?

/not that guy


When drinking or under the influence of pretty much anything that effects my mental speed, I become a weird narrow focus of logistic planning ability.

Scrounging up a van at 7:30 at night on a Saturday for an 8 AM Sunday delivery required a few shots of Jamison but I did it and the customer was happy and unaware that the planning of handling their boxes required a 'I know there's blizzards up north, but man up, take a shot and get it delievered!" was needed.
 
2013-12-13 07:36:14 AM  

NewportBarGuy: recommended maximum intake

Wait, that's a thing now?


In the UK, yes.  Alcoholism there is obviously a big problem (you have the Irish Scots and Welsh forced to share space with the English; of course people are going to drink).  Because of the NHS, it becomes a social health problem, and trying to reduce alcohol-related illnesses helps reduce the National Health's budget.

It's not really working.  In fact things are getting worse.  The reason is that the alcohol producers have basically gotten all price controls removed, so it's become extremely cheap to get shiat-faced on shiatty alcohol product.  It turns out our sin taxes and state control are actually saving us from the same fate here, but with the consolidation of the breweries you're going to see them fighting that.
 
2013-12-13 08:38:45 AM  
Their argument is invalid. His daddy was Scottish. Five vodka martinis a day to a Scotsman? Pfffffft.
And his mother was Swiss. You know, the place that puts the brandy in a keg around the St Bernards neck?
 
2013-12-13 08:41:02 AM  
Huge-breasted water skier who slides out of control directly into James Bond at the bar: "Oooooh, I've gotten you all wet!"

James: "Yes, but my martini's still dry."
 
2013-12-13 08:51:03 AM  

TedAlsoRises: Archer is the greatest show on TV right now.  It is on par with the old school Simpsons episodes


As someone who really likes Seasons 3-8 of the Simpsons, I agree....
 
2013-12-13 09:04:08 AM  
James Bond drinks too much? In other breaking news, Superman is quite strong and Ghengis Khan was a bit rowdy.
 
2013-12-13 09:05:43 AM  

brantgoose: So Archer is pretty damn realistic despite the stylish minimal animation?

I can't blame him. His life expectancy can't be all that high any way.

MI6 gave its agents numbers so they don't have to bother to learn their names. And all those gimmicks that Q makes? How many agents get killed with their own toys?

Besides, he only drove British cars until the Germans bought them all out.

All in all, live fast, die young, hope you leave enough of a body to bury, let alone to hold an open-casket funeral.


The worst being the British cars. Sodding death traps!
 
2013-12-13 09:17:34 AM  
No surprise.   His character was alway a drunken idiot.   In the first Bond movie he was a drunk who blew his cover with wild antics, and got his partner killed because he was sleeping around instead of doing his job, and his partners rescue him and save the day.
 
2013-12-13 09:45:12 AM  

UNC_Samurai: This guy thinks Bond's a complete farking amateur:
[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x432]

Yes, but he had just helped defeat the Nazis (This is the actual Capt. Lewis Nixon from Band of Brothers on the morning after the Nazis surrendered)

 
2013-12-13 10:00:47 AM  
These guys think he's a light weight.
www.thecampuscompanion.com
 
2013-12-13 10:05:43 AM  

Bermuda59: UNC_Samurai: This guy thinks Bond's a complete farking amateur:
[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x432]

Yes, but he had just helped defeat the Nazis (This is the actual Capt. Lewis Nixon from Band of Brothers on the morning after the Nazis surrendered)


The morning after V-E Day, and those "dead soldiers" in the picture are almost certainly out of Goering's personal cellar.

/I vaguely remember an interview about a decade ago where Dick Winters said Nixon must have consumed $10 thousand worth of alcohol that night.  Keep in mind, that was in 1945 money.
//quality has a quantity all its own
 
2013-12-13 10:12:29 AM  
i512.photobucket.com

"Meh."
 
2013-12-13 10:12:41 AM  
That is pretty close to what I was drinking before I quit. You get used to it so it does not have the same effect it once did.
 
2013-12-13 11:05:52 AM  

Lost_in_Korea: 27 years later I'm thinking that if I had "made her disappear" right before we were married, I would have been been released from jail 7 years ago.


2.bp.blogspot.com

Sure you don't want the glove cleaner?
 
2013-12-13 11:14:49 AM  

Jean Claude Van Darn: Huge-breasted water skier who slides out of control directly into James Bond at the bar: "Oooooh, I've gotten you all wet!"

James: "Yes, but my martini's still dry."


The water skier in question:

www.moviestillsdb.com
 
2013-12-13 11:23:09 AM  

cyberspacedout: I found it interesting that in the most recent movie, toward the the beginning after Bond shows up in London, they show him as a drunk who's lost his edge. Then he finally goes out on his mission and he's his usual badass self like normal.


The new Daniel Craig movies seem to be trying to follow the original novels more closely.

The old Bond films started with a Fleming novel title, sometimes took one or two ideas from the book, and then just piled on a ton of chases, explosions, hot chicks and witty repartee.
 
2013-12-13 11:39:06 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I don't want those doctors telling me how much to drink, either

/shaken, not stirred


George Jones : There's a lot of doctors tell me That I'd better start slowing it down
Willie Nelson: But there's more old drunks than there are old doctors,
So I guess we better have another round
 
2013-12-13 11:50:18 AM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: The new Daniel Craig movies seem to be trying to follow the original novels more closely.


Quantum of Solace and Skyfall are both entirely original creations with exactly zero material drawn from the Fleming novels, other than the former's title.

/but they are good nevertheless
 
2013-12-13 12:53:43 PM  

macadamnut: [i512.photobucket.com image 600x450]

"Meh."


Bit early in the morning for festivities, isn't it?
 
2013-12-13 03:00:13 PM  
When I was in the Army I got some demolitions training at the same place the 55D's get trained (EOD guys) and I'll tell you this, never drink with those bomb squad mofos, they can pound any normal human under the table in a heartbeat, and the average farker under in perhaps 2 heartbeats.

And I wouldn't want anyone except those crazy mofos doing it!
 
2013-12-13 03:26:00 PM  
You know James Bond isn't his real name.  It's just a name assigned to each 007 agent when the old Bond is "retired."
 
2013-12-13 03:37:34 PM  

mrlewish: You know James Bond isn't his real name.  It's just a name assigned to each 007 agent when the old Bond is "retired."


i.imgur.com

And they lay flowers at the graves of the predecessors' wives.
 
2013-12-13 03:53:59 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: The new Daniel Craig movies seem to be trying to follow the original novels more closely.


Yeah, that's why they aren't as much fun. The Bond of the novels is a blunt instrument, a humorless brute and the new movies reflect that. Except we already have a Bourne series of movies for that.

The Bond movies are a reflection of the times they were made in. The 60's and 70's it was all free love and all the shiat that the Austin Powers movies parodied. The 80s were when the Cold War was coming to a  head and the stories focused a lot on the Russians. The Brosnan movies were in the 90s when everything was awesome and the movies were fun, Bond had fun chugging vodka, bedding hot girls and killing the bad guys. Now everything sucks and the Daniel Craig movies are just so bleak and dour and everyone's old and tired and pissed off. I preferred the 90s.
 
2013-12-13 05:27:08 PM  

Snapper Carr: mrlewish: You know James Bond isn't his real name.  It's just a name assigned to each 007 agent when the old Bond is "retired."

[i.imgur.com image 500x197]

And they lay flowers at the graves of the predecessors' wives.


Let's be perfectly honest though: There is no such thing as continuity between the movie Bonds.  We're talking about six guys over fifty-one years, and if that wasn't bad enough we're working off of stories older than that.  Several of which are out of order (book order vs movie order is 6-5-7-9-12-11-4-2-13-10-3-8-part of 14-fresh material-part of 14-five fresh material movies before finally getting to 1 for real) with anachronisms.  In Dr No they mention the recuperation after the incident that actually happens at the end of From Russia with Love.  Quarrel Jr. was only invented because in the books, that's when he's supposed to meet Quarrel for the first time (which, of course, makes Quarrel's entire first sequence in Dr. No completely wrong).  There's other stuff (like Dr. No's actual death being by burial under guano, or the actual Moonraker rocket being something akin to a V2) but either way, them finally admitting they're different Bonds is how this whole thing can be fixed.
 
Displayed 50 of 55 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report