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(Idaho Statesman)   Church Deacon offers alibi in child fondling case: "Satan was in that storage room and took over my body"   (idahostatesman.com ) divider line
    More: Sick, Satans, Nampa, deacons, lascivious, kissing, Adventist Church  
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3747 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Dec 2013 at 9:35 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



94 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2013-12-12 09:08:47 PM  
Bailiff, whack his pee pee.
 
2013-12-12 09:10:56 PM  
The Devil went down to Nampa. He was lookin' for a girl to feel.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.
When he came across this deacon eatin' at a potluck the people had brought.
And the Devil jumped up on a storage bin and said "Boy, let me tell you what..."
 
2013-12-12 09:21:42 PM  
Wait until you see what he has in store for you in a cell
 
2013-12-12 09:35:50 PM  
NO.

devilsfoe.com
 
2013-12-12 09:36:02 PM  
"Satan" of course, is the pet name for his dick
 
2013-12-12 09:37:34 PM  
NAMPA, IDAHO

More like NAMBLA, IDAHO.
 
2013-12-12 09:37:52 PM  

bearded clamorer: The Devil went down to Nampa. He was lookin' for a girl to feel.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.
When he came across this deacon eatin' at a potluck the people had brought.
And the Devil jumped up on a storage bin and said "Boy, let me tell you what..."


Win.
 
2013-12-12 09:38:04 PM  
He should have pled not guilty by reason of affluenza.
 
2013-12-12 09:38:47 PM  
Probably also be the name of his new cell partner.
 
2013-12-12 09:38:52 PM  
Gotta another one for ya, Frank Castle....
 
2013-12-12 09:42:32 PM  
thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-12-12 09:42:52 PM  

bearded clamorer: The Devil went down to Nampa. He was lookin' for a girl to feel.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.
When he came across this deacon eatin' at a potluck the people had brought.
And the Devil jumped up on a storage bin and said "Boy, let me tell you what..."


I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a kiddie diddler too
and if you'd care to make a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you do a terrible diddle, father
but give the Devil his due
I bet a child of gold
except for the holes
'cause to think I'm better'n you
 
2013-12-12 09:43:41 PM  
Talk about a Great Disappointment.
 
2013-12-12 09:44:32 PM  
Satan: "Wasn't me, I was at training camp!"
 
2013-12-12 09:44:35 PM  
The punishment should fit the crime.  The crime is "letting Satan in," so he should be given a punishment worthy of Satan.

Freeze him in a lake at the center of the Earth.
 
2013-12-12 09:47:46 PM  
Satan also made off with all of last week's donations and blew every last dime at the OTB,

That guy sucks,
 
2013-12-12 09:47:57 PM  

Prey4reign: He should have pled not guilty by reason of affluenza.



It wouldn't surprise me in the least if it becomes a very popular defense stratagem from now on.
 
2013-12-12 09:48:18 PM  

Captain James T. Smirk: bearded clamorer: The Devil went down to Nampa. He was lookin' for a girl to feel.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.
When he came across this deacon eatin' at a potluck the people had brought.
And the Devil jumped up on a storage bin and said "Boy, let me tell you what..."

I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a kiddie diddler too
and if you'd care to make a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you do a terrible diddle, father
but give the Devil his due
I bet a child of gold
except for the holes
'cause to think I'm better'n you


This made me snort loudly. Thanks.
 
2013-12-12 09:48:26 PM  
You don't accept his defense?
That's anti-freedom of religion!
War of Christmas!
 
2013-12-12 09:48:43 PM  
Oh?  It was Satan who did it?  Well in that case it's all okay.  Let the guy have his freedom.  He's been through Hell, that's punishment enough.
 
2013-12-12 09:51:31 PM  

Captain James T. Smirk: bearded clamorer: The Devil went down to Nampa. He was lookin' for a girl to feel.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.
When he came across this deacon eatin' at a potluck the people had brought.
And the Devil jumped up on a storage bin and said "Boy, let me tell you what..."

I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a kiddie diddler too
and if you'd care to make a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you do a terrible diddle, father
but give the Devil his due
I bet a child of gold
except for the holes
'cause to think I'm better'n you


http://youtu.be/tnepPZChA5U

Goddamn you, now I gotta watch it to get it out of my head.
 
2013-12-12 09:53:47 PM  
Damned odd, according to all my friends I am a Godless heathen. But Satan has never taken over my body to molest children. But a church deacon who I would think would have all the 'God is on my side' protection and immunity gets 'controlled in a storage room.
 
2013-12-12 09:54:18 PM  
www.nytmare.org
 
2013-12-12 09:57:15 PM  
Hmm, instead of admitting to being there and appealing to the presence of an imaginary being with supernatural powers that made you fondle a child, a better alibi might be something like: "I wasn't there."

I mean, if you're going to make shiat up, at least don't put yourself at the crime scene.
 
2013-12-12 09:57:15 PM  
If you believe in outside spiritual forces it is not a stretch to say they influence or even take control of people. That's not an alibi though; in Abrahamic religions the person is still punished.
 
2013-12-12 09:58:20 PM  

Waldo Pepper: "The devil made me do it" must never come out of a true Christian's mouth.


That...that is...new.
 
2013-12-12 09:59:50 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
"I know I'm technically obligated to forgive you, but me on a cracker, dude"
 
2013-12-12 09:59:54 PM  
blogs.babble.com
 
2013-12-12 10:00:14 PM  

LincolnLogolas: Talk about a Great Disappointment.

I see what you did there. Golf clap you magnificent bastard.

 
2013-12-12 10:00:45 PM  
He ain't got no alibi, he crazy
 
2013-12-12 10:04:39 PM  

Waldo Pepper: worlddan: Waldo Pepper: "The devil made me do it" must never come out of a true Christian's mouth.

That...that is...new.

really?


Yes. Congratulations.
 
2013-12-12 10:07:23 PM  

GentDirkly: If you believe in outside spiritual forces it is not a stretch to say they influence or even take control of people. That's not an alibi though; in Abrahamic religions the person is still punished.


I say we take him at his word. If he's that Satan-susceptible he should be locked up anyway.
 
2013-12-12 10:13:05 PM  
"Believing in God means never having to say you're sorry."

Seen on a Church sign in my old neighborhood. Not sure they thought that slogan all the way through.
 
2013-12-12 10:16:07 PM  
Prove he didn't.
 
2013-12-12 10:16:43 PM  
Sooo... Is the demonic possession defense a case of insanity?

Or just bullshiat?
 
2013-12-12 10:16:52 PM  

js34603: Prove he didn't.


Uh, prove Satan didn't take over the Deacon I mean.
 
2013-12-12 10:25:38 PM  

Waldo Pepper: Satan can tempt a christian but can not ever take over a Christian's body. A person can not have both Christ and satan taking over one's body.

now please before I get slammed by the non Christian farkers on this point.  I'm simply disagree with this evil person on their claim that he is a Christian.  A true Christian will own up to their sin and ask forgiveness first of the person/persons they sin against then from God.

"The devil made me do it" must never come out of a true Christian's mouth.


So, obviously he's demon possessed but all he has to do is say"Jesus Christ is Lord" and we'll know the demon left - because no demon can say that.

Religion: defying all logic for millennia.
 
2013-12-12 10:25:48 PM  
"Alibi" isn't the word you'e looking for there, subby. An "alibi" means claiming you were someplace else. There's a different term for the deacon's story; it's called a "confession".
 
2013-12-12 10:35:59 PM  

Captain James T. Smirk: bearded clamorer: The Devil went down to Nampa. He was lookin' for a girl to feel.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.
When he came across this deacon eatin' at a potluck the people had brought.
And the Devil jumped up on a storage bin and said "Boy, let me tell you what..."

I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a kiddie diddler too
and if you'd care to make a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you do a terrible diddle, father
but give the Devil his due
I bet a child of gold
except for the holes
'cause to think I'm better'n you


The deacon said "My name's Alex, and it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet and you're gonna regret, cause I like fondlin' children."
 
2013-12-12 10:47:10 PM  
So we will put Satan in prison... in your body.
 
2013-12-12 10:47:53 PM  

"Twas all Lucifer, don't you see?!"
Deacon Perv exclaimed suddenly.
As he had been caught
That plea was for naught-
Countdown to jail cell sodomy.

 
2013-12-12 10:52:48 PM  
Heterosexual Pedophile.
String him up.
"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."
 
2013-12-12 10:56:39 PM  
Of course. The "Geraldine" defense.

s21.postimg.org


"The DEVIL made me do it."
 
2013-12-12 10:56:59 PM  
So the insanity defense.
Gotcha
 
2013-12-12 10:57:32 PM  

Waldo Pepper: Benevolent Misanthrope: Waldo Pepper: Satan can tempt a christian but can not ever take over a Christian's body. A person can not have both Christ and satan taking over one's body.

now please before I get slammed by the non Christian farkers on this point.  I'm simply disagree with this evil person on their claim that he is a Christian.  A true Christian will own up to their sin and ask forgiveness first of the person/persons they sin against then from God.

"The devil made me do it" must never come out of a true Christian's mouth.

So, obviously he's demon possessed but all he has to do is say"Jesus Christ is Lord" and we'll know the demon left - because no demon can say that.

Religion: defying all logic for millennia.

Well you can make fun of religion and that is okay.

i realize this makes no sense to unbelievers and it will be viewed as illogical. that's fine.



I'm so glad you granted your permission for me to disagree.  You have no idea how worried I was that you might not think it was okay.
 
2013-12-12 10:58:17 PM  

Kurmudgeon: Heterosexual Pedophile.
String him up.
"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."


Is it possible to stumble when one is on their hands and knees?
 
2013-12-12 10:58:39 PM  
So this man thinks that the Devil... not as a concept, not as an idea, but an actual, physical being... jumped into his body and made him fondle a kid?

*sigh*
 
2013-12-12 11:03:13 PM  
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.
 
2013-12-12 11:07:49 PM  
Sorry you pylon. Satan passed through the child groping stage in 6009 BC.
 
2013-12-12 11:12:02 PM  

Kurmudgeon: Heterosexual Pedophile.
String him up.
"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."


What's "heterosexual" got to do with it? Would it be different if he was fondling boys?
 
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