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(Chron)   MegaMillions jackpot hits $400,000,000 as recent rule changes make odds of winning less likely than your penis gaining sentience, detaching itself from your body, and starting an ironically named ska band   (chron.com) divider line 159
    More: Cool, MegaMillions, Ankeny, Virginia Lottery, office pool, U.S. Virgin Islands  
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9914 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Dec 2013 at 7:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-12 05:19:59 PM  
"Ironically Named Ska Band" is the name of my ironically named ska band.
 
2013-12-12 05:23:51 PM  
That's curiously specific.
 
2013-12-12 05:24:48 PM  
I didn't think Pecker Tracks was that ironic
 
2013-12-12 05:27:54 PM  
That reminds me, I should really get an RFID tag put in that thing.
 
2013-12-12 05:28:25 PM  
Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?
 
2013-12-12 05:31:03 PM  

doglover: Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?


This always amazes me.  The lines get nuts when the jackpot's high.  Sure, $100 million would be awesome.  But $1 million isn't worth your time?
 
2013-12-12 05:36:16 PM  
The Pie Tasters?
 
2013-12-12 05:39:54 PM  

Diogenes: doglover: Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?

This always amazes me.  The lines get nuts when the jackpot's high.  Sure, $100 million would be awesome.  But $1 million isn't worth your time?


To be fair, they only advertise on the news when it's over a certain level.

I'd buy more lottery tickets if they reminded me "Hey, you can get an INSANE ROI, maybe. Probably not, but it's healthier to put down the soda and pick up the slip of paper anyway."
 
2013-12-12 05:44:39 PM  
So you're saying there's a chance?
 
2013-12-12 06:00:29 PM  
"The Hairy Spelunkers"
 
2013-12-12 06:24:00 PM  
The Surfing Buttholes.
 
2013-12-12 06:56:05 PM  
I like those odds. Someone buy me a ticket, i'll pay you back out of the winnings... that you'll have to send to me.
 
2013-12-12 06:59:30 PM  
 
2013-12-12 07:01:03 PM  
This happened to me last year so I guess I might have good odds.  Its band is "Rude 'Nis."
 
2013-12-12 07:01:48 PM  
Didn't realize that Skankin' Pickle was still around.
 
2013-12-12 07:13:20 PM  
My boss was giving me shiat for buying tickets this week because "I was throwing my money away."  I told him I only play when the jackpot gets high, and I make up for the extra money I spend on the lottery by stealing Keurig pods from the office.

He wasn't amused.
 
2013-12-12 07:16:53 PM  
I've gambled a hell of a lot more for a hell of a lot less possible return.

$2 is worth it if it's over $100
 
2013-12-12 07:17:29 PM  

scottydoesntknow: I've gambled a hell of a lot more for a hell of a lot less possible return.

$2 is worth it if it's over $100M


FTFM
 
2013-12-12 07:26:03 PM  
I have bought one lottery ticket in my life.  I might throw a couple bucks at this one.
 
2013-12-12 07:35:21 PM  
"We usually don't play until the jackpot is at least 100 million,"

I don't understand that mentality at all.
 
2013-12-12 07:41:06 PM  
What ARE the odds, anyway?
I just want to see the numbers bigger than the jackpot.
 
2013-12-12 07:41:19 PM  

Klippoklondike: I have bought one lottery ticket in my life.  I might throw a couple bucks at this one.


Don't bother, the GODS have already decreed me the winner.
 
2013-12-12 07:41:35 PM  

Mugato: "We usually don't play until the jackpot is at least 100 million,"

I don't understand that mentality at all.


100 million is the new 1 million.
 
2013-12-12 07:43:50 PM  
All my winnings will take my Penis' Band "Skankin' Subby's Mom" to the Top Of The Charts
 
2013-12-12 07:43:58 PM  
Detached Falace would make a great name for a ska band.
 
2013-12-12 07:44:16 PM  
I figure the odds of me winning are 50/50

Either I win or I don't
 
2013-12-12 07:44:57 PM  
"How do I feel about a $400 million jackpot? The same as I feel about $20 million. I won't win," said Byerly. "I'm buying the tickets to daydream. That entertainment value is worth 2 or 3 bucks."

'Bout sums it up for me.
 
2013-12-12 07:45:14 PM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4


I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,

And the next morning I can't for the life of me
Remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,

They hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
But they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,

And calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,

Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
Next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.

I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
But I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.
 
2013-12-12 07:45:56 PM  

Slaxl: I like those odds. Someone buy me a ticket, i'll pay you back out of the winnings... that you'll have to send to me.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-12 07:46:05 PM  

Diogenes: doglover: Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?

This always amazes me.  The lines get nuts when the jackpot's high.  Sure, $100 million would be awesome.  But $1 million isn't worth your time?


$1M and I still have to work $400M and I never have to work again.  Hell after the taxes on $1M I could barely buy a house in the the neighborhood where I live (renting)
 
2013-12-12 07:46:44 PM  

doglover: Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?


I do.  Have you seen the price of secret hide-away underground lairs under a volcanic island?  I need that if I hope to push forward with my plan to take over the world.
 
2013-12-12 07:47:33 PM  

dr_blasto: That's curiously specific.


I figured it was referring to this.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIUk08iYZKE
 
2013-12-12 07:48:48 PM  

Mugato: "We usually don't play until the jackpot is at least 100 million,"

I don't understand that mentality at all.


Three-digit millions is the generally accepted level at which the argument between the "lottery is a stupid people tax" and "hey, daydreaming is worth a couple bucks" tends to favor the latter. It's usually rare enough that people can justify the occasional ticket buying (and feel better than those losers who buy tickets every week).
 
2013-12-12 07:48:53 PM  

satanorsanta: Diogenes: doglover: Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?

This always amazes me.  The lines get nuts when the jackpot's high.  Sure, $100 million would be awesome.  But $1 million isn't worth your time?

$1M and I still have to work $400M and I never have to work again.  Hell after the taxes on $1M I could barely buy a house in the the neighborhood where I live (renting)


I always wonder what the diminishing returns are with this. Make it $200 mil and double the chances of winning, $100 mil and quadruple it, $40 mil and it's ten times. Which of these scenarios will sell more tickets?
 
2013-12-12 07:49:40 PM  
Odds in winning the big prize are 1 in 259 million.

Very likely, in the next couple of years, we're going to see a $1 billion jackpot.
 
2013-12-12 07:51:27 PM  

Mugato: "We usually don't play until the jackpot is at least 100 million,"

I don't understand that mentality at all.


It's like playing roulette. The odds of hitting any number is 1:37, but you wouldn't play if the payout on a 1 in 37 bet is only double your wager. So wait until the payout is closer to the odds, 100m and up.
 
2013-12-12 07:52:43 PM  
So that's actually happened to 12 of the 3 billion living males?

/didn't think so.
//will buy a few tickets.  I piss away more on less, and so do you.
 
2013-12-12 07:52:56 PM  

LessO2: Odds in winning the big prize are 1 in 259 million.


And yet no one ever says, "Hey somebody has to get struck by lightning in their own living room whilst making out with Scarlet Johanson, why not me?".
 
2013-12-12 07:55:03 PM  
The Penska File
 
2013-12-12 07:55:15 PM  

OgreMagi:  Have you seen the price of secret hide-away underground lairs under a volcanic island?  I need that if I hope to push forward with my plan to take over the world.


I want to get in on this.
 
2013-12-12 07:56:12 PM  

satanorsanta: Diogenes: doglover: Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?

This always amazes me.  The lines get nuts when the jackpot's high.  Sure, $100 million would be awesome.  But $1 million isn't worth your time?

$1M and I still have to work $400M and I never have to work again.  Hell after the taxes on $1M I could barely buy a house in the the neighborhood where I live (renting)


Here too. 

 A "decent" house around here will pop you $400,000. The "nice" houses are in the realm of $800,000. 

There's a single wide trailer on a small plot of land going for $150,000. Cheapest place out there right now.

/why yes we're looking.
 
2013-12-12 07:57:09 PM  
The John Wayne Bobbitt Project?
 
2013-12-12 07:57:14 PM  

Mugato: "We usually don't play until the jackpot is at least 100 million,"

I don't understand that mentality at all.


If your odds are 1 in 400m then it actually makes a sort of sense. Over an infinite amount of draws you'd come out ahead.
 
2013-12-12 07:57:19 PM  
Unless said band's name is "We Are Not A Ska Band", how the hell can it be ironic?
 
2013-12-12 07:57:57 PM  
My wife always wants to buy lottery tickets when it gets over, say, $300M. No way, I say. I don't want that curse to befall me. A $1M or $2M payout is more than enough for me and not enough to destroy everyone around me.
 
2013-12-12 07:58:03 PM  
My penis is more of a skiffle fan.
 
2013-12-12 07:59:13 PM  

Mugato: LessO2: Odds in winning the big prize are 1 in 259 million.

And yet no one ever says, "Hey somebody has to get struck by lightning in their own living room whilst making out with Scarlet Johanson, why not me?".


I wonder if I could use that as a pickup line if I ever meet her....
 
2013-12-12 08:02:05 PM  

dr_blasto: That's curiously specific.


Because it's actually happened:

d1mi3s36zg393u.cloudfront.net

The irony comes from the use of the word "Big"
 
2013-12-12 08:02:23 PM  
$400M?  That means a lot more people playing.  It's not worth it.  You'd probably end up having to split it with 4 or 5 people.
 
2013-12-12 08:04:01 PM  

Diogenes: doglover: Otto said that since late October, there have been 30 winners of the $1 million secondary prize

Who needs the jackpot?

This always amazes me.  The lines get nuts when the jackpot's high.  Sure, $100 million would be awesome.  But $1 million isn't worth your time?


Nope. Not worth my trouble.

As I have explained before, the expectation of a bet is the cost of the bet times the odds of winning. For more complicated bets, my math fails rapidly, but if you simply tote up all the prizes and sum them, then divide by the number of tickets, you are doing well in a vague sort of way.

Buying a ticket for $1 in a lottery with one in ten million odds of winning $1 million, your expectation is $1,000,000 times 0.0000001, which is one thin dime. That is what you can expect to get on average for your $1, which is to say a loss of $0.90. 9,999,999 times a loss of $1 plus 1 times a win of $1,000,000 is not a wise bet. They are tricky though, and might charge you $2 for a ticket, in which case the prize is even more laughable.

If you up the prize to $10,000,000 though, your expectation is $1. On average (over the next ten million draws, you can expect to win the big prize once, which pays you back for the $9,999,999 you ought to have lost on average by then. Plus a buck.

A lot of work for a buck.

The 641 lottery has a one in 13,900,000 or so chance of paying out the big prize. True, the lesser prizes of $1,000,000 are nice, but no way do they cover your likely loses. To break even playing the lottery, you have to buy a lot of tickets, so the size of the prize matters. Whenever the prize is more than the price of the ticket (now $2 or $3, I forget) times the number of tickets, you are looking at a far chance of making your long term investment in tickets back in one go.

Of course, the odds of that happening are pretty slim. But it is a rational bet.

Smart people play the odds and are more likely not to buy lottery tickets, but when they do, they know it is best to buy all of your tickets for one draw, and when the prize is humungous, enough to pay you back with money to spare--a lot of money to spare.

A $400 million prize would tempt even an economist, except for one catch. Even if you bought nearly all the tickets, there's still a chance the other ticket buyers would win. Victory does not always go to the largest army, nor the lottery prize to the guy who gets his odds down from 1 in 100 million to one in a million by blowing a fortune on tickets.

So who cares about a lousy million? Buy a Canadian lottery ticket--no taxes. Until Uncle Sam catches up with you. Lottery winnings are tax free in Canada. They figure you've suffered enough if you are desperate enough to buy lottery tickets.

One million is the loneliest number, except for two million. Two million can be a lonely number and usually is after you have given your last buck to a hooker or an ingrate and realize you forgot to pay the taxes on that $2,000,000 when you could have.
 
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