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(CNN)   *DING* You are now free to move about the cabin and choke the living shiat out of the asshole in 17E that has been blabbing nonstop on his cellphone since Cleveland   (cnn.com) divider line 144
    More: Obvious, cell phones, cell phone bans, Secretary of Transportation Michael Foxx, Bill Shuster  
•       •       •

8270 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Dec 2013 at 5:14 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



144 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-12-12 04:38:09 PM  
Some sort of immunity should be given to those sitting around someone who does that.  And you know there's going to be at least one on every flight.  Temporary insanity?
 
2013-12-12 04:40:00 PM  
I'd don't always use cell phone jammers when I fly, but when I do, it's because you're an asshole.
 
2013-12-12 04:57:48 PM  
Well now I'm farked whenever I fly. I just know some asshole will do this whenever I fly. I'm half tempted to be that asshole now. Or that I'm drunk right now
 
2013-12-12 05:04:46 PM  
100 variants on:
"Hello! Hey! Hello! HELLO! HELLO! Hey, it's me. Me. Me! Me, it's me! ME! Yeah! I'm on the plane. Plane. PLANE! PLANE!! I'm! On! The! PLANE! Yes, really. I said YES, REALLY! (Pause) Oh, nothing. "
 
2013-12-12 05:13:40 PM  
I haven't seen anything this bad since that Anita Bryant concert.
 
2013-12-12 05:16:29 PM  
Get everyone else on the plane to start chanting ASS-HOLE ASS-HOLE louder each time until they hang up then boo real loud
 
2013-12-12 05:17:24 PM  

vernonFL: I haven't seen anything this bad since that Anita Bryant concert.


That's certainly not gay.
 
2013-12-12 05:18:12 PM  
tribktla.files.wordpress.com

Problem. Solved.

/is there anything duct tape can't do?
 
2013-12-12 05:18:22 PM  
i2.cdn.turner.com

Oh dear god if anyone ever needed de-planing at FL350 it's this guy.
 
2013-12-12 05:18:53 PM  
I have no problem if people use a cellphone around me.

Where the problem lies is with those who don't seem to understand how the cell phone works, and feel the need to yell loud enough that the person on the other end could hear them without a phone. Fix this, and I really don't have a problem. People are free to talk on a cell phone, I just shouldn't be able to follow their conversation from 8 rows away.
 
2013-12-12 05:19:28 PM  

NightOwl2255: vernonFL: I haven't seen anything this bad since that Anita Bryant concert.

That's certainly not gay.


Obviously, you missed the joke there...
 
2013-12-12 05:20:31 PM  
Just give people who want to talk on their cel phones their own section of the plane:

amazingdata.com
 
2013-12-12 05:20:44 PM  
Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.
 
2013-12-12 05:21:29 PM  
It was never about interference with the plane's instruments, it's all about humans being incapable of acting in a considerate and civil manner.
 
2013-12-12 05:21:43 PM  

Mikey1969: NightOwl2255: vernonFL: I haven't seen anything this bad since that Anita Bryant concert.

That's certainly not gay.

Obviously, you missed the joke there...


He's not on instruments.
 
2013-12-12 05:22:31 PM  

ElwoodCuse: Get everyone else on the plane to start chanting ASS-HOLE ASS-HOLE louder each time until they hang up then boo real loud


I don't know why, but I find it very rude when people answer their phones and have conversations in a public bathroom while taking a shiat.

Conversations seem to end a lot faster if I constantly flush the toilet.
 
2013-12-12 05:23:05 PM  
It's not going to freaking matter. You're not going to have service a couple minutes outside your origin or destination.
 
2013-12-12 05:23:39 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: 100 variants on:
"Hello! Hey! Hello! HELLO! HELLO! Hey, it's me. Me. Me! Me, it's me! ME! Yeah! I'm on the plane. Plane. PLANE! PLANE!! I'm! On! The! PLANE! Yes, really. I said YES, REALLY! (Pause) Oh, nothing. "


Or, "Guess where I'm calling from?  Nooo!  Guess again!  Nooooooo!  Guess again!"
 
2013-12-12 05:24:16 PM  
If you don't already own decent aftermarket earbuds with noise-blocking or noise-canceling capabilities, now would be a good time to add that to your holiday wish list.
 
2013-12-12 05:24:41 PM  

ElwoodCuse: Get everyone else on the plane to start chanting ASS-HOLE ASS-HOLE louder each time until they hang up then boo real loud


"I'm an asshole, ee-oh-ee-ole, I'm an asshole, ee-oh-ee-oh-ee-ole"
 
2013-12-12 05:25:25 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: Just give people who want to talk on their cel phones their own section of the plane:

[amazingdata.com image 500x495]


Wait, that kid was hanging there the entire flight?

img.fark.net
 
2013-12-12 05:27:46 PM  
It is going to be very expensive.  Like $3 a minute.  It is not like a regular call.
 
2013-12-12 05:27:55 PM  
"Can I see our house?  I dunno.  Lemme look out the window.  Hey, dude, get up so I can look out the window.  Can you wave so I can see you?"
 
2013-12-12 05:28:45 PM  
I imagine people who would do that are the same people that feel like their ticket gives them the right to crush my knees and force me to stare at their bald spot for the remainder of the flight.
 
2013-12-12 05:29:55 PM  

Ditto: I imagine people who would do that are the same people that feel like their ticket gives them the right to crush my knees and force me to stare at their bald spot for the remainder of the flight.


Look upon that bald spot as a blank canvas.  Have Sharpie, will travel.
 
2013-12-12 05:30:18 PM  

Belias: Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.


The first white night of the thread! Fun!
Listen. Put down the cell phone, man.

It's not your fault...
it's not your fault...
It's not your fault...
 
2013-12-12 05:30:30 PM  
Now you can quit your biatchin' about the TSA - I won't be armed when you make your call.
 
2013-12-12 05:31:46 PM  

Belias: Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.


I was flying from Singapore to Frankfurt on a flight that took off at exactly midnight.  Popped my melatonin and was ready for a nice 8 hour sleep during the flight.  Then this Aussie dude next to me decides he's the next incarnation of Dick farking Cavitt and starts interviewing the Frenchman sitting next to him.  This goes on for at least an hour while I feign sleep.  The Frenchman finally has enough and says he's going to sleep.  the Aussie nudges me and says "hey!".  I pretend to wake up and I say "If you wake me up again I'm going to hurt you very badly while you're not looking."

It was a nice quiet flight after that.
 
2013-12-12 05:31:52 PM  

Belias: Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.


People tend to talk a lot louder on cell phones than in real life. I don't know why.

Can't they compromise and let people text only?
 
2013-12-12 05:34:27 PM  

scottydoesntknow: ElwoodCuse: Get everyone else on the plane to start chanting ASS-HOLE ASS-HOLE louder each time until they hang up then boo real loud

I don't know why, but I find it very rude when people answer their phones and have conversations in a public bathroom while taking a shiat.

Conversations seem to end a lot faster if I constantly flush the toilet.


I was in the multi-stall restroom in my office once and encountered a young Trixie with her cellphone, sitting in a stall with the door open just chatting with her pal. I went in to the furthest stall to do my business and I heard her say "Oh My God. She actually started peeing!" Then burst into horrified laughter. I would have done Anything to have been able to hang a monkey tail on command at that moment, but alas.

How dare I use the toilet for toileting!
 
2013-12-12 05:34:34 PM  
I could actually see that happening, can't you? There's always some mouth breather that insists on talking louder than necessary. It's only a matter of time before a fight breaks out when people are trapped in a small space with some idiot on a cell phone.
 
2013-12-12 05:35:09 PM  
OK.  But only if it's Diane.
 
2013-12-12 05:36:44 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: scottydoesntknow: ElwoodCuse: Get everyone else on the plane to start chanting ASS-HOLE ASS-HOLE louder each time until they hang up then boo real loud

I don't know why, but I find it very rude when people answer their phones and have conversations in a public bathroom while taking a shiat.

Conversations seem to end a lot faster if I constantly flush the toilet.

I was in the multi-stall restroom in my office once and encountered a young Trixie with her cellphone, sitting in a stall with the door open just chatting with her pal. I went in to the furthest stall to do my business and I heard her say "Oh My God. She actually started peeing!" Then burst into horrified laughter. I would have done Anything to have been able to hang a monkey tail on command at that moment, but alas.

How dare I use the toilet for toileting!


I would like to know what she was thinking.  It was a booth for cell phones?  Your office is too unsanitary to pee in?  She expected you to leave when you saw she was chatting?  I admit I am a little baffled.
 
2013-12-12 05:36:55 PM  

Mikey1969: NightOwl2255: vernonFL: I haven't seen anything this bad since that Anita Bryant concert.

That's certainly not gay.

Obviously, you missed the joke there...


of course he did.  And don't call him ... obviously.... nevermind
 
2013-12-12 05:37:29 PM  
Some people cannot stand to be alone with their thoughts and need that pacifier.  They should be beaten.
 
2013-12-12 05:37:32 PM  
My mom talks like she's in the middle of Hurricane Sandy during normal cell phone calls; can't imagine the fustercluck that will ensue when she's allowed to call from 35,000 feet.

kikiandtea.com
 
2013-12-12 05:37:44 PM  

Mugato: Belias: Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.

People tend to talk a lot louder on cell phones than in real life. I don't know why.


Because (i) their hand and the phone is blocking one of the ears so they can't hear their own voice as clearly, and (ii) the phone doesn't play their voice back through the earpiece, or if it does, it's not as loud as it should be. Basically, if you can't hear yourself well, you'll unconsciously start speaking louder, and conversely, if you're very loud in your own ears, you'll start speaking softer. It's one of the easy ways to control a speaker or announcer's volume in a microphone, by varying the amount going to their headphones or monitors.
 
2013-12-12 05:38:13 PM  

elev8meL8r: OK.  But only if it's Diane.


I see what you did there..and I approve ;)
 
2013-12-12 05:38:16 PM  

Belias: Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.


And the airplane is not loud enough (hence the loud conversations )

Ya know who REALLY annoys me ? people who think they have a right to not be annoyed in public space

whoops let me retype that

YA KNOW WHO REALLY ANNOYS ME ? PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO NOT BE ANNOYED IN PUBLIC SPACE

get over yourselves you self entitled asswipes, the world does not revolve around you, if you want quiet space go back to your mother's basement where you belong.
 
2013-12-12 05:38:42 PM  
My solution to airplane inconveniences, board the plane drunk. shiat, I remember back in the day, not only was I able to get past security and board the plane with a bottle of Captain Morgan, when the stewardess saw it, she just told me to be more discrete about it.

God I miss the 90's.
 
2013-12-12 05:39:56 PM  
teenytinycornteeth:

I was in the multi-stall restroom in my office once and encountered a young Trixie with her cellphone,...

That was just uncalled for.
 
2013-12-12 05:40:39 PM  
I've ridden the bus between NYC and Boston (about four hours) where a person behind me has spoken on a phone non-stop the entire time. Quietly, yes, but non-stop. I felt sorry for whoever was on the other end.
 
2013-12-12 05:41:21 PM  
The worst are the jackholes who bring their ocean liner trunk as carry-on and spend ten minutes crushing the shiat outta my bag in the overhead as they insist, "It'll fit. I fly with it all the time."

Then, as they finally push their fat ass into their seat, they roll their eyes and mutter "oh great..." at my kid who's done nothing wrong and will not be doing anything wrong.
 
2013-12-12 05:41:29 PM  

Slartibartfaster: Belias: Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.

And the airplane is not loud enough (hence the loud conversations )

Ya know who REALLY annoys me ? people who think they have a right to not be annoyed in public space

whoops let me retype that

YA KNOW WHO REALLY ANNOYS ME ? PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO NOT BE ANNOYED IN PUBLIC SPACE

get over yourselves you self entitled asswipes, the world does not revolve around you, if you want quiet space go back to your mother's basement where you belong.


You said it, pal.  Dump those reasonable expectations of mutual respect and civility or get back to your mother's basement you cretins!
 
2013-12-12 05:42:00 PM  
People using cell phones in public spaces - including airplanes, and movie theaters, and restaurants - are annoying, yes, but I don't see the need to pass a federal law banning the use of phones in such places. There are already public disturbance laws - if someone was shouting on a plane, they're going to be restrained and arrested, regardless of whether they're using a phone or not, so why do we need  another law for them to violate? Particularly when it's only indirectly targeting the annoying feature, being loud? If someone is very quiet with their phone, then who cares? Do you really feel the need to pay tens of thousands in prosecution and imprisonment costs for someone who says "we're landing in half an hour, see you soon" and hangs up?
 
2013-12-12 05:42:09 PM  
So how many days between the lifting of the ban (we know it's gonna happen) and some sort of incident involving law enforcement and the use of a cellphone on a plane?

2? 3? A week? What say you, Fark?
 
2013-12-12 05:43:41 PM  
movieandtvshows.files.wordpress.com

"The government won't respect my privacy,"
 
2013-12-12 05:44:11 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: So how many days between the lifting of the ban (we know it's gonna happen) and some sort of incident involving law enforcement and the use of a cellphone on a plane?

2? 3? A week? What say you, Fark?


50 bucks on 7-14 days.
 
2013-12-12 05:44:35 PM  

Theaetetus: People using cell phones in public spaces - including airplanes, and movie theaters, and restaurants - are annoying, yes, but I don't see the need to pass a federal law banning the use of phones in such places.


What gets me are the people who are unable to walk and talk at the same time--literally. They're on their cell phone, and they'll just stop in the middle of a hallway, or restaurant, or sidewalk, or whatever. Just. Stop. Like it's too much for their brain to handle two things at once.

Can't handle it? Pull over and finish your convo. The world will be here when you get back.
 
2013-12-12 05:45:32 PM  

Belias: Because people without cellphones don't converse loudly on airplanes.


Half of a phone conversation is harder to blot out than a whole live conversation.  There's something about the starts and stops and the irregular intervals between statements that makes it so.  I hope talking on cell phones is never allowed on planes.
 
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