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(Mediaite)   Scientific expert, Gretchen Carlson, would like to warn you that all these touch devices are destroying your fingerprints   (mediaite.com) divider line 73
    More: Fail, Gretchen Carlson, Fox News  
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3672 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 12 Dec 2013 at 5:58 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-12 04:30:32 PM
She added that when the TSA told her they couldn't read her fingerprints, she said, "I can become a burglar now, at which my daughter then cried."

Always smart to crack jokes to TSA agents.  They LOVE that.

But, consider the source.
 
2013-12-12 04:38:24 PM
Perhaps she's not human.  That would explain a lot.
 
2013-12-12 04:39:53 PM
teenskepchick.org
 
2013-12-12 04:42:25 PM
How many times have I told you, Gretchen, you don't pick up the botox syringe by the 'hurty' end.
 
2013-12-12 04:46:10 PM
People never used their fingers for anything before touch-screen devices were invented.
 
2013-12-12 04:58:37 PM
img.fark.net
 
2013-12-12 05:02:49 PM

Marcus Aurelius: Perhaps she's not human.  That would explain a lot.


This.

The simple explanation is usually correct. She isnt human.
 
2013-12-12 05:08:34 PM

img51.imageshack.us

 
2013-12-12 05:15:31 PM
Maybe she has eczema.

I could probably become a thief in the winter.
 
2013-12-12 05:19:57 PM
She is a witch. Burn her, no need to weight her against a duck first either.
 
2013-12-12 05:44:02 PM
Gretchen should switch to her right hand to masturbate.  Clearly her vaginal juice is like the molecular acid blood of Ridley Scott's Aliens.
 
2013-12-12 05:48:58 PM
cdn.uproxx.com
 
2013-12-12 05:58:59 PM
suitupscene.com
 
2013-12-12 06:02:34 PM
Her children seem to be crying a lot. Mommy has no fingerprints? wahhh. Driving out to see the Festivus pole? wahhhh.

Perhaps she shouldn't be allow to keep her kids if she's going to inflict this much damage.
 
2013-12-12 06:03:44 PM
So FOX didn't order their Blondbots with fingerprints... so what?  They also probably don't have retinas for scanning and the only DNA they have they horked down from Roger Ailes' semi-chub.
 
2013-12-12 06:09:11 PM
"Could it be that people are losing their fingerprints because we're constantly on our fingers, either typing now or on devices?" Carlson asked, to which the answer was "It's possible."

Um, no. If that were true people who work with their hands for a living wouldn't have them. My hands are heavily calloused and rough from working my whole life with them but I still have prints.
 
2013-12-12 06:09:34 PM
qph.is.quoracdn.net
Now you tell him.
 
2013-12-12 06:09:59 PM
Don't worry Gretchen. Frankly, I think we're all surprised you even know what fingers are
 
2013-12-12 06:10:06 PM
She could retire from her job as a spokesperson for master criminals and become a master criminal herself.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-12 06:10:56 PM
Do the PA's at Fox News have to cover up the electrical sockets and put nerf on shelf corners to keep these idiots from hurting themselves?
 
2013-12-12 06:27:21 PM
I fail to see a downside to this.
 
2013-12-12 06:27:43 PM
They're not even bothering to cover up the fact they're trolling the entire nation, are they.
 
2013-12-12 06:32:58 PM

i1089.photobucket.com

Losing a fingerprint?

 
2013-12-12 06:44:04 PM
"Could it be that people are losing their fingerprints because we're constantly on our fingers, either typing now or on devices?" Carlson asked, to which the answer was "It's possible."  She added that when the TSA told her they couldn't read her fingerprints, she said, "I can become a burglar now, at which my daughter then cried."

Your fingerprints will grow pack.  People have farking dipped their fingers into acid to remove their fingerprints and their fingerprints came back after a while.  A criminal once cut his fingerprint pads from his fingers, cut them up into pieces, and attached them back on in a random way.  Guess what?  The police, after a bit of work, digitally cut the fingerprints into squares and reassembled them in the right way.  And they matched them.
So no, you won't lose your fingerprints permanently.  And no, you wouldn't be a very good burglar since the smarter ones wear gloves, so they don't leave behind fingerprints.
 
2013-12-12 07:17:17 PM

syrynxx: Gretchen should switch to her right hand to masturbate.  Clearly her vaginal juice is like the molecular acid blood of Ridley Scott's Aliens.


FARK YOU SO GODDAMMNED MUCH FOR PUTTING THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD!!!!

I prefer to think of her sitting alone... quietly... eating a pineapple
 
2013-12-12 07:27:42 PM

theorellior: They're not even bothering to cover up the fact they're trolling the entire nation, are they.


I'm THIS close to believing that Fox News is an elaborate conspiracy by the left to discredit the right ...
 
2013-12-12 07:48:08 PM
img.fark.net

FINGERPRINTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!
 
2013-12-12 08:04:23 PM

Mister Buttons: [img.fark.net image 256x192]

FINGERPRINTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!


This thing should be called the "morboandgretchen.jpg"
 
2013-12-12 08:07:07 PM

eyeq360: So no, you won't lose your fingerprints permanently. And no, you wouldn't be a very good burglar since the smarter ones wear gloves, so they don't leave behind fingerprints.


Nope. Fingerprints can often be reconstituted even if the surface has been touched through a typical glove. The reason this is true is because fingers sweat and when the finger is pressed into the glove an image of the print is then transferred from the inner lining of the glove to the outer surface. Only gloves that prevent this transference such as rubber or plastic do the trick. For obvious reason, however, gloves made out of these materials present other downsides. This is why pros often prefer false skin. But that too has issues. Its a tricky problem.
 
2013-12-12 08:18:12 PM
Draw...

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-12-12 08:24:21 PM

worlddan: Nope. Fingerprints can often be reconstituted even if the surface has been touched through a typical glove. The reason this is true is because fingers sweat and when the finger is pressed into the glove an image of the print is then transferred from the inner lining of the glove to the outer surface.


I think he's talking about the real world, not the CSI TV show.
 
2013-12-12 08:38:06 PM

impaler: worlddan: Nope. Fingerprints can often be reconstituted even if the surface has been touched through a typical glove. The reason this is true is because fingers sweat and when the finger is pressed into the glove an image of the print is then transferred from the inner lining of the glove to the outer surface.

I think he's talking about the real world, not the CSI TV show.


I wouldn't have a clue seeing as i do not own a TV. All I know is the actual forensics, not how they are presented on TV
 
2013-12-12 08:50:49 PM
Next time we see "no fingerprints were found at the scene" we'll know who the police are talking to.
 
2013-12-12 08:56:28 PM
This is deliberate stupidification of the masses. It's like Fox News is busting down the front door of every right winger's trailer front door and banging them in the skull with a ball-peen hammer.
 
2013-12-12 09:01:58 PM

worlddan: I wouldn't have a clue seeing as i do not own a TV. All I know is the actual forensics, not how they are presented on TV


In that case, it's the gloves themselves that leave their own distinguished print, unless they're latex type gloves, which can be so then as to allow the fingerprint through.
 
2013-12-12 09:02:20 PM

vernonFL: Marcus Aurelius: Perhaps she's not human.  That would explain a lot.

This.

The simple explanation is usually correct. She isnt human.


img.fark.net
 
2013-12-12 09:31:27 PM

4.bp.blogspot.com



/I know Kilmeade's Curly, so which F&F stooge is she-Larry or Moe?
 
2013-12-12 09:48:20 PM

worlddan: eyeq360: So no, you won't lose your fingerprints permanently. And no, you wouldn't be a very good burglar since the smarter ones wear gloves, so they don't leave behind fingerprints.

Nope. Fingerprints can often be reconstituted even if the surface has been touched through a typical glove. The reason this is true is because fingers sweat and when the finger is pressed into the glove an image of the print is then transferred from the inner lining of the glove to the outer surface. Only gloves that prevent this transference such as rubber or plastic do the trick. For obvious reason, however, gloves made out of these materials present other downsides. This is why pros often prefer false skin. But that too has issues. Its a tricky problem.


Ah, thank you for the correction.  The thin latex gloves do allow for fingerprints to get through the surface of the glove.
I just got peeved since she thinks that since her fingerprints "disappeared," they're never going to come back and that makes her a candidate for being a super-criminal, and ignoring the fact that her fingerprints are going to come back sooner or later AND that she still will be leaving physical evidence behind like skin cells, hair, sweat, oil, etc. behind, which contains DNA, and therefore, can be used to identify her.
Her statement was probably meant to be a joke...but still...
 
2013-12-12 09:55:57 PM
fingerprints are developed by life, Clones haven't had a life to develop them....

Yeah, that's it.

/pod people don't either.
 
2013-12-12 09:58:53 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-12 10:02:51 PM

eyeq360: Your fingerprints will grow pack.


Some day your prints will come.
 
2013-12-12 10:08:58 PM
OK, I actually asked this on a tour of what I remember being the FBI headquarters in DC. (I was a little kid... my memory may have some details wonky)

I had recently seen an episode of Battlestar Galactica -- the original, with Lorne Greene -- and they had reached Earth. Part of the plot had them in a police station and fingerprinted. But they had no fingerprints ... what with them being not human and all. (Apparently alien morphology is identical to human except for fingerprints)  The officer said they must have filed their fingerprints off.

I asked the guy giving the tour about that. The answer was, you'd only be gaining scratches that would also be unique identifiers.

The things you remember from decades ago ...

//hey, I kept this CSB on (Entertainment Tab) topic
 
2013-12-12 10:19:46 PM
She added that when the TSA told her they couldn't read her fingerprints, she said, "I can become a burglar now, at which my daughter then cried." because even she knew that Mommy was really really dumb.
 
2013-12-12 10:22:22 PM
And in response to the question "Where did my fingerprints go?" she later paused and said, "Oh that's right, I sent them out to look for my brain, one in each of the ten cardinal directions. It's weird that they haven't come back yet, right?"
 
2013-12-12 10:32:45 PM
Someone replaced her phone with a piece of sandpaper. Do you honestly think Gretchen Carlson would know the difference?
 
2013-12-12 10:34:47 PM
She's a replicant.
img826.imageshack.us
 
2013-12-12 10:44:18 PM
Someone should convince her that rubbing them off is a common side-effect of too much masturbation.
 
2013-12-12 11:20:58 PM

worlddan: eyeq360: So no, you won't lose your fingerprints permanently. And no, you wouldn't be a very good burglar since the smarter ones wear gloves, so they don't leave behind fingerprints.

Nope. Fingerprints can often be reconstituted even if the surface has been touched through a typical glove. The reason this is true is because fingers sweat and when the finger is pressed into the glove an image of the print is then transferred from the inner lining of the glove to the outer surface. Only gloves that prevent this transference such as rubber or plastic do the trick. For obvious reason, however, gloves made out of these materials present other downsides. This is why pros often prefer false skin. But that too has issues. Its a tricky problem.


Elmers Glue. That is what I use.
 
2013-12-12 11:28:50 PM

red5ish: She's a replicant.
[img826.imageshack.us image 680x724]


How dare you, Sean Young was so unbelievably doable in that movie. Unlike Gretchen, at any time.
 
2013-12-12 11:29:22 PM
I found it strange that it took this woman until her mid-forties to realize she didn't have fingerprints. I think I'd notice mine missing within a day or so.

Also, not only do I still have mine, I'd be willing to bet I've typed a lot more than she has to say nothing of swiping.
 
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