If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Oregon Live)   Drive by shooter caught on camera. No, not that type -- the um...other...type   (oregonlive.com) divider line 60
    More: Sick, felony charges, Seattle, insanity plea, Snohomish County, Chevy Silverado, News Tribune, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Seattle Neighborhoods  
•       •       •

16589 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Dec 2013 at 5:33 AM (17 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



60 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-12-12 05:40:17 AM
It's good to have hobbies.
 
2013-12-12 05:51:52 AM
A serial masturbator accused of repeatedly terrorizing a South Seattle neighborhood

You can't terrorize a neighborhood with your penis. It's annoying, sad and pathetic but it's not terrorizing unless your penis is ten feet long and you wield it like the mace of Sauron.
 
2013-12-12 05:53:28 AM
Both hands on the wheel for safety.
 
2013-12-12 05:53:57 AM
Why a serial masturbator does it.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-12 05:58:47 AM
How is he steering his truck at the same time?  Knees?
 
2013-12-12 06:06:53 AM
So.... Did he finish or not? I hate being caught mid-spank....
 
2013-12-12 06:07:35 AM
img.fark.net

Inspiration?
 
2013-12-12 06:10:09 AM
There are a LOT of cereals out there with awesome names if you look at them through the cereal masturbator context.
 
2013-12-12 06:15:19 AM
CSB, I guess:
I lived in a neighborhood where a guy did something similar. He liked to drive around and ask women for directions. They'd walk over to tell him and he'd be whacking it furiously. I think that ended in a ass whooping rather than conviction.
/CSB
 
2013-12-12 06:15:57 AM
What.. the... Fark is going on in Washington?

FTFA: Elsewhere in the Northwest:
Thieves stole a woman's home in Newport, Wash. [KXLY.com]
A drunk, 30-year-old man is accused of biting off his dad's eyebrow during a ride home from a wedding. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]
A barber who allegedly had beef with a customer is accused of stabbing the man in the testicles with a pair of scissors. [KOMOnews.com]
Washington state has already received 1,700 pot business applications. [Tacoma News Tribune]
A North Albany teen accused of building bombs and planning to blow up his high school will use an insanity plea in court. [Corvallis Gazette-Times]
A man who attacked a Sikh cab driver in Seattle will get 40 months in prison. [Vancouver Columbian]


To hell with arrow to the knee, scissors to the scrotum will finish it!
 
2013-12-12 06:16:07 AM
A different type of camera?
 
2013-12-12 06:17:29 AM

NutWrench: A serial masturbator accused of repeatedly terrorizing a South Seattle neighborhood

You can't terrorize a neighborhood with your penis. It's annoying, sad and pathetic but it's not terrorizing unless your penis is ten feet long and you wield it like the mace of Sauron.


In which case, good for you. Cause that's just freakish and probably the only use you'll get out of it.
 
2013-12-12 06:18:20 AM

NutWrench: A serial masturbator accused of repeatedly terrorizing a South Seattle neighborhood

You can't terrorize a neighborhood with your penis. It's annoying, sad and pathetic but it's not terrorizing unless your penis is ten feet long and you wield it like the mace of Sauron.


Don't you know Weedlord Bonerhitler?
 
2013-12-12 06:19:34 AM

NutWrench: A serial masturbator accused of repeatedly terrorizing a South Seattle neighborhood

You can't terrorize a neighborhood with your penis. It's annoying, sad and pathetic but it's not terrorizing unless your penis is ten feet long and you wield it like the mace of Sauron.


Gives whole new meaning to 'beat off'
 
2013-12-12 06:20:13 AM

NutWrench: A serial masturbator accused of repeatedly terrorizing a South Seattle neighborhood

You can't terrorize a neighborhood with your penis. It's annoying, sad and pathetic but it's not terrorizing unless your penis is ten feet long and you wield it like the mace of Sauron.


I guess if you like the ever watching eye...
 
2013-12-12 06:22:28 AM

NutWrench: A serial masturbator accused of repeatedly terrorizing a South Seattle neighborhood

You can't terrorize a neighborhood with your penis. It's annoying, sad and pathetic but it's not terrorizing unless your penis is ten feet long and you wield it like the mace of Sauron.


i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-12-12 06:29:09 AM
So where's the picture?
 
2013-12-12 06:36:41 AM

Slaxl: So where's the picture?


What a serial masturbator might look like:
i36.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-12 06:44:09 AM
Aren't we all serial masturbators?
Wouldn't the door of the vehicle would be blocking the deed from most people and all kids?
 
2013-12-12 06:46:19 AM

I sound fat: There are a LOT of cereals out there with awesome names if you look at them through the cereal masturbator context.


I'll never look at a box of Frosted Flakes the same, anymore.
 
2013-12-12 06:55:48 AM

NutWrench: A serial masturbator accused of repeatedly terrorizing a South Seattle neighborhood

You can't terrorize a neighborhood with your penis. It's annoying, sad and pathetic but it's not terrorizing unless your penis is ten feet long and you wield it like the mace of Sauron.


Ever seen Todd and the Book of Pure Evil? Season 1, Episode 8. Todd is a fun, little Canadian TV show. Definitely NSFW, Episode 8 in particular.

/IMDB changed the name of Episode 8 to a more family-friendly name
//'Ello, Todd.
 
2013-12-12 07:17:10 AM
She said that she was shocked, disgusted, and felt traumatized

Really? I mean, traumatized? By a penis?
 
2013-12-12 07:22:08 AM

the8re: What.. the... Fark is going on in Washington?

FTFA: Elsewhere in the Northwest:
Thieves stole a woman's home in Newport, Wash. [KXLY.com]
A drunk, 30-year-old man is accused of biting off his dad's eyebrow during a ride home from a wedding. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]
A barber who allegedly had beef with a customer is accused of stabbing the man in the testicles with a pair of scissors. [KOMOnews.com]
Washington state has already received 1,700 pot business applications. [Tacoma News Tribune]
A North Albany teen accused of building bombs and planning to blow up his high school will use an insanity plea in court. [Corvallis Gazette-Times]
A man who attacked a Sikh cab driver in Seattle will get 40 months in prison. [Vancouver Columbian]

To hell with arrow to the knee, scissors to the scrotum will finish it!



Cops hunt man who flashed Christmas shoppers at Target; late-night news roundup

Attention Christmas shoppers. There's a flasher on aisle five.

http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2013/12/c op s_hunt_man_who_flashed_chri.html

A pair of thieves who posed as Cherokee Indians were able to dupe a Seattle utility company into giving them 21 tons of copper, which they sold. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

Astoria police arrested a 50-year-old woman who was spinning cookies in a school parking lot and smashing her car into garbage cans. [Astoria Daily Astorian]
 A Seattle teen was shot while urinating outside on his way from school. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]heheeee!


Seattle police have recovered a stash of stolen wine worth $650,000. Just in time for the holidays. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

Pot smoking in public will get you a $27 fine. In Washington. [Seattle Times
 
2013-12-12 07:37:25 AM
I wouldn't mind being traumatized by a penis, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
 
2013-12-12 07:39:06 AM

wambu: Why a serial masturbator does it.

[i.imgur.com image 233x300]


I would hope that this serial masturbator wasn't either kid-tested OR mother-approved.  Although the latter bit is less disturbing.
 
2013-12-12 07:39:47 AM
Just what sized penis can be seen over the dashboard or drivers door of a Silverado by some kid?
 
2013-12-12 07:41:49 AM

Primitive Screwhead: I sound fat: There are a LOT of cereals out there with awesome names if you look at them through the cereal masturbator context.

I'll never look at a box of Frosted Flakes the same, anymore.


I'm also left to wonder about the leprechaun's Lucky Charms.... :/
 
2013-12-12 07:50:29 AM
Wrote a song about being caught "spankin' it": content.internetvideoarchive.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsPi1lWKhG4
 
2013-12-12 07:51:38 AM
Thanks for the picture of what a Chevy Silverado looks like
 
2013-12-12 07:53:09 AM
Like a rock.
 
2013-12-12 07:55:27 AM

xanadian: Primitive Screwhead: I sound fat: There are a LOT of cereals out there with awesome names if you look at them through the cereal masturbator context.

I'll never look at a box of Frosted Flakes the same, anymore.

I'm also left to wonder about the leprechaun's Lucky Charms.... :/


Show us a picture of your cheeri  O  face
 
2013-12-12 08:06:42 AM
meth
 
2013-12-12 08:10:34 AM
A serial masturbator

Well, at least it wasn't one of those parallel masturbators!
 
2013-12-12 08:12:06 AM
Seattle tab in the works.
 
2013-12-12 08:12:54 AM

DesertCoyote: Seattle tab tag in the works.


FTFM
 
2013-12-12 08:12:59 AM
Cumshot Surprise dot com?
 
2013-12-12 08:19:14 AM
And yet none of these "news" sites seem to be able to produce a photo of the suspect so that I may determine if he's attractive or if a crime was committed.
 
2013-12-12 08:22:33 AM
Was it Multiple Miggs?
 
2013-12-12 08:27:37 AM
Each time, Schmidt allegedly slowed to a crawl

...then sped up?
 
2013-12-12 08:36:23 AM
Raaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... ieeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr St. masturbator.

/got nothin'
 
2013-12-12 08:52:24 AM

Satanus Maximus: So.... Did he finish or not? I hate being caught mid-spank....


Jesus Christ man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public.
 
2013-12-12 09:02:16 AM

RobSeace: A serial masturbator

Well, at least it wasn't one of those parallel masturbators!


I've been trying to figure out what that would look like.
 
2013-12-12 09:03:21 AM

xanadian: Primitive Screwhead: I sound fat: There are a LOT of cereals out there with awesome names if you look at them through the cereal masturbator context.

I'll never look at a box of Frosted Flakes the same, anymore.

I'm also left to wonder about the leprechaun's Lucky Charms.... :/


Cap'n Crunch?

You're doing it wrong

/or oh so right
 
2013-12-12 09:39:05 AM

LiberalConservative: Aren't we all serial masturbators?
Wouldn't the door of the vehicle would be blocking the deed from most people and all kids?


Well, he thought so, however the photo must have proved him to be wrong.
 
2013-12-12 09:49:53 AM
FTFA: Authorities have issued an arrest warrant for Schmidt, who was previously convicted of exposing himself to a barista in Snohomish County.

I always assumed that was the purpose of the bikini coffee places.  They don't want to look at your junk if you're not going to tip.
 
2013-12-12 09:55:19 AM

dennysgod: Satanus Maximus: So.... Did he finish or not? I hate being caught mid-spank....

Jesus Christ man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public.


4.bp.blogspot.com


Approves

Also, I didn't know they had drive-by skeet shooting...
 
2013-12-12 09:57:24 AM

RobSeace: A serial masturbator

Well, at least it wasn't one of those parallel masturbators!


I would have thought we moved onto USB masturbators by now.
 
2013-12-12 10:11:12 AM
Maybe a backseat "driver" we couldn't see in the picture?
 
2013-12-12 10:14:24 AM

mudpants: Just what sized penis can be seen over the dashboard or drivers door of a Silverado by some kid?


Exactly.
I'm 6' tall, and I surf-fish with a buddy who's had Silverados for at least 15 years, and I can't see his dong until I'm practically on the running board!
 
2013-12-12 10:24:15 AM

Sean M: RobSeace: A serial masturbator

Well, at least it wasn't one of those parallel masturbators!

I would have thought we moved onto USB masturbators by now.


Come on, not only do you want him masturbating serially, but you want him to do it on a bus while travelling across the entire universe?! Who has that kind of stamina??
 
Displayed 50 of 60 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report