If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Mirror.co.uk)   Man sitting on toilet has penis bitten by snake - when all he really needed was a viper   (mirror.co.uk) divider line 52
    More: Scary, bathrooms, snakes, mass panic  
•       •       •

6260 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Dec 2013 at 3:29 AM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-12-11 11:01:02 PM
Years ago, a man inherited a house from his great uncle who died in the war. The house sat on a hill outside of town in the next state and rumors were told that it was haunted. The man traveled to the town to inspect the house and found that it was a wonderful old mansion in great condition, but very, very old. So, he decided to move in and enjoy his inheritance.

A couple weeks after he moved in, late at night, the phone rang. When he answered it, a voice said, "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 weeks!" and then it hung up before he could say anything. This really shook the man. The next day, he searched the Internet under 'snakes' for 'vinder viper' but found nothing.

A week past with no concerns and again, late one night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 week!" and hung up. This made the man quite nervous, not knowing what a vinder viper was. He asked around the town, and no one had ever heard of any such viper.

Four days later, late at night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 days!" The man is getting much more concerned now.

The next night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there tomorrow!" Needless to say, the man is just plain scared now.

The next evening, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 hour!" The man tries to leave, but his car battery is dead.

Nearly an hour later, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 minutes!" The man runs around locking all the windows and doors and calls 911. The police are on their way.

Soon, there was a knock at the door. The man opened the door a crack and asked, "Is that the police?"

"No, I am the vinder viper. I come every month to vash and vipe your vindows."
 
2013-12-11 11:29:56 PM
images.tvfanatic.com
Can relate.
 
2013-12-12 12:00:34 AM

shanrick: Years ago, a man inherited a house from his great uncle who died in the war. The house sat on a hill outside of town in the next state and rumors were told that it was haunted. The man traveled to the town to inspect the house and found that it was a wonderful old mansion in great condition, but very, very old. So, he decided to move in and enjoy his inheritance.

A couple weeks after he moved in, late at night, the phone rang. When he answered it, a voice said, "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 weeks!" and then it hung up before he could say anything. This really shook the man. The next day, he searched the Internet under 'snakes' for 'vinder viper' but found nothing.

A week past with no concerns and again, late one night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 week!" and hung up. This made the man quite nervous, not knowing what a vinder viper was. He asked around the town, and no one had ever heard of any such viper.

Four days later, late at night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 days!" The man is getting much more concerned now.

The next night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there tomorrow!" Needless to say, the man is just plain scared now.

The next evening, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 hour!" The man tries to leave, but his car battery is dead.

Nearly an hour later, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 minutes!" The man runs around locking all the windows and doors and calls 911. The police are on their way.

Soon, there was a knock at the door. The man opened the door a crack and asked, "Is that the police?"

"No, I am the vinder viper. I come every month to vash and vipe your vindows."


thx I laughed
 
2013-12-12 12:29:27 AM

shanrick: Years ago, a man inherited a house from his great uncle who died in the war. The house sat on a hill outside of town in the next state and rumors were told that it was haunted. The man traveled to the town to inspect the house and found that it was a wonderful old mansion in great condition, but very, very old. So, he decided to move in and enjoy his inheritance.

A couple weeks after he moved in, late at night, the phone rang. When he answered it, a voice said, "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 weeks!" and then it hung up before he could say anything. This really shook the man. The next day, he searched the Internet under 'snakes' for 'vinder viper' but found nothing.

A week past with no concerns and again, late one night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 week!" and hung up. This made the man quite nervous, not knowing what a vinder viper was. He asked around the town, and no one had ever heard of any such viper.

Four days later, late at night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 days!" The man is getting much more concerned now.

The next night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there tomorrow!" Needless to say, the man is just plain scared now.

The next evening, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 hour!" The man tries to leave, but his car battery is dead.

Nearly an hour later, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 minutes!" The man runs around locking all the windows and doors and calls 911. The police are on their way.

Soon, there was a knock at the door. The man opened the door a crack and asked, "Is that the police?"

"No, I am the vinder viper. I come every month to vash and vipe your vindows."

i798.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-12 12:33:45 AM
And he says, "So what did the doctor say?" and I said, "He said you're going to die".
 
2013-12-12 03:40:18 AM
Was it a German man?
 
2013-12-12 03:42:48 AM
Poor Kwabena Nkrumah, had his Big Black Snake bitten by a Big Black Snack. Now he is probably going to be stoned to death for being a homosexual.
 
2013-12-12 03:49:46 AM
That is the what happens when taking a wide stance in a public restroom.
 
2013-12-12 03:50:38 AM
cl.jroo.me

All right. Who forgot to flush?
 
2013-12-12 03:54:19 AM
All I can say is:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH! ! !

/nopenopenope.jpg
 
2013-12-12 03:57:19 AM

Brainsick: All I can say is:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH! ! !

/nopenopenope.jpg


I know how you feel.

s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2013-12-12 04:05:46 AM
Obviously this isn't heaven... because Janis Joplin's not giving me a rimjob. Sorry... a viper bit my dick. I'm not myself.
 
2013-12-12 04:07:48 AM
With a snake bite you wouldn't even have time to post on fark about how very scared you are.

Link
 
2013-12-12 04:17:33 AM
So who's gonna use this to write a sequel to "Black Snake Moan"?
 
2013-12-12 04:18:38 AM

illannoyin: With a snake bite you wouldn't even have time to post on fark about how very scared you are.

Link


Y'know, that thread never gets old. I was just a lurker back then, but I remember my being at my GF's house and her asking me what the hell was so funny. After I showed her what all the hilarity was about, we spent the next hour reading the thread together and laughing our asses off.
 
2013-12-12 04:18:58 AM
www.awesomelyluvvie.com
 
2013-12-12 04:21:20 AM
Was guessing Australia, but surprised it happened in Ghana.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-12 04:21:53 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-12 04:27:14 AM
Wow. I've had this nightmare since I was a small child.

And now, it happened.

...

I'm psychic!
 
2013-12-12 04:32:54 AM
Worst. Bestiality. Evar.
 
2013-12-12 04:35:09 AM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-12-12 05:55:54 AM
i.imgur.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2013-12-12 05:56:18 AM
images.wikia.com
 
2013-12-12 06:53:27 AM
TFA says it was a black snake.  How hard is it to show a picture of a black snake instead of a generic pic of some other snake.

// just saying
 
2013-12-12 07:06:27 AM
Is this what he needed?

static.cargurus.com
 
2013-12-12 07:15:50 AM
There was a small black snake of some kind right behind the seat of the basement toilet in my house.  It looked dead or asleep so I just left it alone and went elsewhere.  When I came back in an hour it was gone who knows where.  I just pretend it didn't happen.
 
2013-12-12 07:26:19 AM
Wanted for questioning.  If you know where he is please call the Angel Beach, Florida police department.
 
2013-12-12 07:31:49 AM
Wanted for questioning.  If you know where he is please call the Angel Beach, Florida police department.
img.fark.net
 
2013-12-12 08:07:56 AM
If a snake tried to bite my snake, my snake would bite back
www.wildlifeextra.com
 
2013-12-12 08:09:34 AM
As reported by ghanaweb.com, Mr Nkrumah's screams of 'snake, snake, snake' led to mass panic

He followed up by screaming "Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger"....
 
2013-12-12 08:21:34 AM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-12-12 08:23:34 AM

ciberido:


Get the clock!
 
2013-12-12 08:23:56 AM
31.media.tumblr.com
Vipers and toilets are always a bad combination.
/hot
 
2013-12-12 08:25:04 AM
Or maybe animated is better.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-12 08:26:39 AM
Wait.

mattandjb.com

I think I saw that episode.
 
2013-12-12 08:29:37 AM

MagSeven: [images.wikia.com image 850x1160]


Those movies are so awesome.
 
2013-12-12 08:31:57 AM
I'll just leave this here.
img19.imageshack.us
 
2013-12-12 08:52:04 AM
upload.wikimedia.org

Bitten by a Viper, you say?
 
2013-12-12 09:09:50 AM

Jesus licks bowling balls: TFA says it was a black snake.  How hard is it to show a picture of a black snake instead of a generic pic of some other snake.

// just saying


It wouldn't fit in frame. Too goddam beaucoup.
 
2013-12-12 09:28:37 AM

ciberido: Or maybe animated is better.

[i.imgur.com image 360x266]


Was going to post that.
And like others have said, NOPE.  NOPE.  NOPE.
 
2013-12-12 09:38:49 AM

Danger Avoid Death: All right. Who forgot to flush?


The Old Lady wanted to know why I just put a flashlight and my shotgun next to the toilet so I showed her that pic, she just went and put a box of shells next to the potpourri...
 
2013-12-12 09:50:17 AM
When I was 8 or 9, I was awoken by my mom screaming.  Apparently a ringneck snake found its way into the house, and somehow ended up in the terlet.

Kept it as a pet for 6 years.... cute little thing


m0.i.pbase.com
 
2013-12-12 09:51:35 AM

shanrick: Years ago, a man inherited a house from his great uncle who died in the war. The house sat on a hill outside of town in the next state and rumors were told that it was haunted. The man traveled to the town to inspect the house and found that it was a wonderful old mansion in great condition, but very, very old. So, he decided to move in and enjoy his inheritance.

A couple weeks after he moved in, late at night, the phone rang. When he answered it, a voice said, "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 weeks!" and then it hung up before he could say anything. This really shook the man. The next day, he searched the Internet under 'snakes' for 'vinder viper' but found nothing.

A week past with no concerns and again, late one night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 week!" and hung up. This made the man quite nervous, not knowing what a vinder viper was. He asked around the town, and no one had ever heard of any such viper.

Four days later, late at night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 days!" The man is getting much more concerned now.

The next night, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there tomorrow!" Needless to say, the man is just plain scared now.

The next evening, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 1 hour!" The man tries to leave, but his car battery is dead.

Nearly an hour later, the phone rang. "I am the Vinder Viper. I will be there in 2 minutes!" The man runs around locking all the windows and doors and calls 911. The police are on their way.

Soon, there was a knock at the door. The man opened the door a crack and asked, "Is that the police?"

"No, I am the vinder viper. I come every month to vash and vipe your vindows."


media.tumblr.com

The Vindow Viper!!!
 
2013-12-12 09:57:21 AM
Great.

eclecticepicurean.com

Now I'm hungry.
 
2013-12-12 10:06:48 AM
Docking unsuccessful......
 
2013-12-12 10:46:25 AM
weknowmemes.com
 
2013-12-12 11:12:56 AM
Why did he need a wiper?  Who needs a wiper?  Ok, maybe the handicapped.  Was he handicapped?  I mean before.
 
2013-12-12 11:43:03 AM
Black Snakes lived in the basement and walls of our house, some up to seven feet long. Although I never saw one in the bathroom, this was a recurring low-level fear. It didn't help that we had a composting toilet, which is basically an indoor outhouse. It seemed entirely possible that one of those things was lurking down the dark hole, waiting to take a snap at my tallywhacker.
 
2013-12-12 12:11:04 PM
Doctor says you're going to die.
 
2013-12-12 12:52:26 PM
i.imgur.comI thought it would be a story from Australia TBH
 
Displayed 50 of 52 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report