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(Business Insider)   Nigerian state oil company has mysteriously failed to account for nearly $50 billion in crude oil sales. Goodluck finding that   (businessinsider.com) divider line 32
    More: Fail, crude oil  
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1030 clicks; posted to Business » on 11 Dec 2013 at 5:02 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-11 03:21:55 PM  
I'm sure I'll get an email telling me where the money is any day now.
 
2013-12-11 03:31:28 PM  
I'm pretty sure I have it. I sent the guy the money for the fees, etc., but the transfer to my bank account hasn't been made yet.
 
2013-12-11 04:00:23 PM  
i1.ytimg.com

I just want to tell you, Goodluck, we're all counting on you.
 
2013-12-11 04:20:04 PM  
Oddly enough, I know where it went, and who can help Nigeria get it released. It was just a bureaucratic snafu.

They need to sent $11.5M United States dollars to MR MARTIAL CARRICK, and it'll be taken care of.
 
2013-12-11 04:57:46 PM  
The embezzler must be a real prince among men.
 
2013-12-11 05:10:31 PM  

Relatively Obscure: [i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]

I just want to tell you, Goodluck, we're all counting on you.


I see what you and subby did there.
 
2013-12-11 05:21:28 PM  
My buddy used to trade physical commodities including things like tanker loads of aviation gasoline from Nigeria.
I don't know how he could stand handling all of the calls from Nigerians trying to separate him from his product and/or money.

"Yes.  We will need to have a representative physically inspect at the product in the tanker....Hello? Hello?"
 
2013-12-11 05:26:07 PM  
Nigerians sure love the word "modality".
 
2013-12-11 05:26:28 PM  
China and Russia. Book it. Done.
 
2013-12-11 05:51:29 PM  
Those corrupt former colonies grow up so fast. Seems just like yesterday they were winning their independence. Now look at them, all grown up and grifting at a first-world level
 
2013-12-11 05:57:10 PM  
Corruption? In Nigeria?
 
2013-12-11 06:32:02 PM  

zerkalo: Those corrupt former colonies grow up so fast. Seems just like yesterday they were winning their independence. Now look at them, all grown up and grifting at a first-world level


Please. The amount of institutionalized corruption in Nigeria blows the pants off of 1st world countries.
 
2013-12-11 06:44:32 PM  
DEAREST FARK FRIEND,

MY NAME IS PRINCE JABU HAB ABUHABJAB AND I AM THE CEO OF THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL OIL CORPORATION OF NIGERIA.

I HAVE PERFORMED A MOST EXTENSIVE SEARCH OF THE INTERNET TO FIND A PERSON OF GREAT REPUTATION AND VIRTUE TO ASSIST ME IN COMPLETING AN INTERNATIONAL TRANSACTION IN THE SUM OF $50,000,000,000 (FIFTY BILLION DOLLARS) AND BELIEVE YOU TO BE SUCH A PERSON OF GOOD STANDING.

DUE TO POLITICAL INSTABILITY IN MY NATION IT IS NECESSARY TO TRANSFER THIS SUM OF MONEY TO THE COUNTRY IN WHICH YOU RESIDE IN ORDER TO KEEP IT OUT OF THE HANDS OF JEWISH MUSLIM COMMUNIST ABORTIONISTS. IN RETURN FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE WE WILL GIVE YOU A SUM OF 13% (THIRTEEN PERCENT) OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT.

IT IS OF VITAL IMPORTANCE THAT THIS TRANSACTION BE KEPT SECRET TO PROTECT MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF MY GOOD COUNTRYMEN WHO BELIEVE IN ALL THE THINGS YOU BELIEVE IN ALSO. WE MUST TRANSFER THIS AMOUNT BY WIRE TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT A.S.A.P. (AS SOON AS POSSIBLE). PLEASE GIVE US YOUR FULL NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND A VALID CREDIT CARD TO VERIFY THE ACCOUNT.

WE AWAIT YOUR ASSISTANCE.

IN THE BLESSED NAME OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST
YOUR FRIEND
REVEREND BAJBAH UBABAH UBAJ
 
2013-12-11 07:03:44 PM  
Corruption?
In Nigeria?
Unpossible!
 
2013-12-11 07:21:55 PM  

Ghastly: DEAREST FARK FRIEND,

MY NAME IS PRINCE JABU HAB ABUHABJAB AND I AM THE CEO OF THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL OIL CORPORATION OF NIGERIA.

I HAVE PERFORMED A MOST EXTENSIVE SEARCH OF THE INTERNET TO FIND A PERSON OF GREAT REPUTATION AND VIRTUE TO ASSIST ME IN COMPLETING AN INTERNATIONAL TRANSACTION IN THE SUM OF $50,000,000,000 (FIFTY BILLION DOLLARS) AND BELIEVE YOU TO BE SUCH A PERSON OF GOOD STANDING.

DUE TO POLITICAL INSTABILITY IN MY NATION IT IS NECESSARY TO TRANSFER THIS SUM OF MONEY TO THE COUNTRY IN WHICH YOU RESIDE IN ORDER TO KEEP IT OUT OF THE HANDS OF JEWISH MUSLIM COMMUNIST ABORTIONISTS. IN RETURN FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE WE WILL GIVE YOU A SUM OF 13% (THIRTEEN PERCENT) OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT.

IT IS OF VITAL IMPORTANCE THAT THIS TRANSACTION BE KEPT SECRET TO PROTECT MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF MY GOOD COUNTRYMEN WHO BELIEVE IN ALL THE THINGS YOU BELIEVE IN ALSO. WE MUST TRANSFER THIS AMOUNT BY WIRE TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT A.S.A.P. (AS SOON AS POSSIBLE). PLEASE GIVE US YOUR FULL NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND A VALID CREDIT CARD TO VERIFY THE ACCOUNT.

WE AWAIT YOUR ASSISTANCE.

IN THE BLESSED NAME OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST
YOUR FRIEND
REVEREND BAJBAH UBABAH UBAJ


At first I wasn't inclined to believe you, but you're a Christian and they never lie. BRB, getting my bank routing info...
 
2013-12-11 07:27:02 PM  

SmackLT: Ghastly: DEAREST FARK FRIEND,

MY NAME IS PRINCE JABU HAB ABUHABJAB AND I AM THE CEO OF THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL OIL CORPORATION OF NIGERIA.

I HAVE PERFORMED A MOST EXTENSIVE SEARCH OF THE INTERNET TO FIND A PERSON OF GREAT REPUTATION AND VIRTUE TO ASSIST ME IN COMPLETING AN INTERNATIONAL TRANSACTION IN THE SUM OF $50,000,000,000 (FIFTY BILLION DOLLARS) AND BELIEVE YOU TO BE SUCH A PERSON OF GOOD STANDING.

DUE TO POLITICAL INSTABILITY IN MY NATION IT IS NECESSARY TO TRANSFER THIS SUM OF MONEY TO THE COUNTRY IN WHICH YOU RESIDE IN ORDER TO KEEP IT OUT OF THE HANDS OF JEWISH MUSLIM COMMUNIST ABORTIONISTS. IN RETURN FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE WE WILL GIVE YOU A SUM OF 13% (THIRTEEN PERCENT) OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT.

IT IS OF VITAL IMPORTANCE THAT THIS TRANSACTION BE KEPT SECRET TO PROTECT MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF MY GOOD COUNTRYMEN WHO BELIEVE IN ALL THE THINGS YOU BELIEVE IN ALSO. WE MUST TRANSFER THIS AMOUNT BY WIRE TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT A.S.A.P. (AS SOON AS POSSIBLE). PLEASE GIVE US YOUR FULL NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND A VALID CREDIT CARD TO VERIFY THE ACCOUNT.

WE AWAIT YOUR ASSISTANCE.

IN THE BLESSED NAME OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST
YOUR FRIEND
REVEREND BAJBAH UBABAH UBAJ

At first I wasn't inclined to believe you, but you're a Christian and they never lie. BRB, getting my bank routing info...


Would it be wrong to give them my ex-wife's bank routing number?
 
2013-12-11 07:33:39 PM  
heads
start cutting off heads until the money shows up
start at the top and keep cutting ...
sooner or later money will appear
 
2013-12-11 08:14:17 PM  
Dear Prince Jabu Hab Abuhabjab,

I am Dr Okusalaye Ndende. On behalf of the international community, I am happy to greet your request for 50 Billion dollars. This is a great day for your nation and the world.

As a representative of the UN, I can assist you with this one time funding offer of $50 Billion. Please come to Lyon, France. We will meet you at the airport with a limousine and all the necessary paperwork.

Yours in trust,
Dr Okusalaye Ndende
 
2013-12-11 08:38:49 PM  
Mysteriously? I don't think that word yada yada
 
2013-12-11 09:01:30 PM  
static.giantbomb.com

/wrong blah president
//i know
///close enough
 
2013-12-11 09:46:59 PM  
On the upside, it should be pretty easy to find the new tribe around the corner with a lavish bond-style retreat and at least one man-eating tiger..
And after they move on from oprah's new place...
 
2013-12-11 10:50:27 PM  
Nigeria, please.
 
2013-12-11 10:58:16 PM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

RIP Stanley Goodspeed
 
2013-12-11 11:00:11 PM  
Ah, so that explains the billion barrels of oil that the Nigerian prince is storing in my garage. Took them forever to roll all those things in there.
 
2013-12-11 11:45:25 PM  
$50 billion is a rather princely sum.
 
2013-12-12 12:51:12 AM  
Did they check the sofa cushions?
 
2013-12-12 07:08:34 AM  

relaxitsjustme: Did they check the sofa cushions?


I was wondering the same thing.
 
2013-12-12 08:28:44 AM  

netringer: My buddy used to trade physical commodities including things like tanker loads of aviation gasoline from Nigeria.
I don't know how he could stand handling all of the calls from Nigerians trying to separate him from his product and/or money.

"Yes.  We will need to have a representative physically inspect at the product in the tanker....Hello? Hello?"


Avgas from Nigeria? Seems awful wasteful. If they tried to transport it they'd have to (expensively) clean the tanker bay it was stored within or (even a trace amount) would cause the whole shipment of regular gas to be rejected at the receiving port in most countries. Jet-A wouldn't present that problem.
 
2013-12-12 02:39:21 PM  

inglixthemad: netringer: My buddy used to trade physical commodities including things like tanker loads of aviation gasoline from Nigeria.
I don't know how he could stand handling all of the calls from Nigerians trying to separate him from his product and/or money.

"Yes.  We will need to have a representative physically inspect at the product in the tanker....Hello? Hello?"

Avgas from Nigeria? Seems awful wasteful. If they tried to transport it they'd have to (expensively) clean the tanker bay it was stored within or (even a trace amount) would cause the whole shipment of regular gas to be rejected at the receiving port in most countries. Jet-A wouldn't present that problem.


You're right. It was Jet-A.
 
2013-12-12 04:31:11 PM  
Damn Reverend, ill help you, here is my Credit card number.

XXXX-XXXX-XXXX-XXXX exp XX-XX
 
2013-12-12 04:31:51 PM  

Lonestar: Damn Reverend, ill help you, here is my Credit card number.

XXXX-XXXX-XXXX-XXXX exp XX-XX


Damn you, filter!
 
2013-12-13 03:39:27 AM  
csb

I used to work with a guy from Nigeria. At the time, there was a news story about a government official who fled the country with $10 million that he had scammed. According to my friend, he was a laughing stock because $10 million was all he could get away with.

/csb
 
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