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(Omaha World Herald)   Six holiday shopping parking disasters you encounter every year ... as depicted by cute animal stock art   (omaha.com) divider line 85
    More: Amusing, photo archive, Parking Lot Limbo, garage door opener, pervasiveness doctrine, disasters  
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9425 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2013 at 1:40 PM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-08 01:46:54 PM
"2. Hikers: Head straight for the outer reaches of the lot, figuring it's faster than hunting for a close spot, although it can mean what seems like a 3-mile hike to the entrance.

For Joe Jacoby, 32, of Omaha, this approach is the best way to shorten his overall shopping time.

"I want to get in and get out.""

3 mile hike? FFS, it probably adds one minute or so of extra walking time. I'm one of those shoppers that hates making a trip to the mall an all day affair. I just want to park, buy what I need, then leave.
 
2013-12-08 01:47:24 PM
If only subby had only RTFA. Although it does sounds like a better article than the one linked to.
 
2013-12-08 01:48:35 PM
Another reason I buy nearly everything from Amazon.
 
2013-12-08 01:50:41 PM
Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.
 
2013-12-08 01:51:01 PM
The only disaster here is why people feel obligated to fight over useless, unwanted garbage around this time every year.
 
2013-12-08 01:52:26 PM
Oddly missing from the list:

i758.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-08 01:54:32 PM
Drive to the furthest spots from the door and park. And if they are all full, may FSM have mercy upon your soul. You are in for a bad day.
 
2013-12-08 01:54:32 PM
I was promised animal sock puppets.
 
2013-12-08 01:55:10 PM

The Angry Hand of God: Another reason I buy nearly everything from Amazon.


Agreed. About the only items I do not are clothing and groceries, and clothing will be online if the same article. Prices are often better, searching is faster, reviews are available, videos and descriptions are around, and returns are easier, not to mention the lack of need to spend all day or find time to head to shop.
 
2013-12-08 02:02:17 PM
FTFA:  You drive down a row and see a person behind the wheel of a parked car, and wonder: Is the driver ready to pull out, or did he just pull in? Were those brake lights or back-up lights? Is there any place in the mall to buy wine?

If you can't tell the difference, you really shouldn't be driving.
 
2013-12-08 02:09:45 PM
What I hate are the mega strip malls (aka power centers) with lots of big box stores. They are totally unwalkable and you have to drive in the parking lot from store to store.
 
2013-12-08 02:10:13 PM

recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.


You're an idiot.

Sorry.
 
2013-12-08 02:14:17 PM
I worked at a mall for about eight years, and the only way I will go to one these days is either to buy needed clothes for myself, or if somehow I were being paid again to be there. Frikkin' consumer zombies, most of 'em. I can't believe the amount of absolute bullshiat people buy just because it's on sale.
 
2013-12-08 02:14:30 PM
They forgot to add to the last one when you see an open spot and pull up to see it's the cart return
 
2013-12-08 02:19:01 PM

BurghDude: recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.

You're an idiot.

Sorry.


I back into a spot, because I tend to encounter other drivers who are too impatient to make it easy for you to back out, and I just find it faster to drive out if I'm facing forward out of the spot. And especially if it's busy in the parking lot, then it's easier to spot pedestrians and the other cars.
 
2013-12-08 02:20:03 PM

styckx: They forgot to add to the last one when you see an open spot and pull up to see it's the cart return


or a Smart Car that's pulled all the way in so you can't see it until you're trying to park.
 
2013-12-08 02:21:35 PM
1. Prowlers: Cruise the lot searching for a space close to the store entrance - even if it requires refueling before finding one.

Die.

2. Hikers: Head straight for the outer reaches of the lot, figuring it's faster than hunting for a close spot

You're fine. I will share a species with you.

3. Stalkers: Scan the lot for a shopper heading back to a car, then follow the person and snag the spot when the driver pulls out.

Die twice, since you're also a "prowler" while you follow them.

4. The Standoff: Ever encounter this holiday fun? Two drivers pull up to an open spot at the same time.

Whatever. Kids in second grade learn how to negotiate these kinds of disputes. Be a farking grown-up. And besides, be a "hiker" and this will never happen.

5. Parking Lot Limbo: You drive down a row and see a person behind the wheel of a parked car, and wonder: Is the driver ready to pull out, or did he just pull in?

You're just another version of "prowler/stalker." Die three times.

6. The Grand Illusion: You spot from a distance what looks like an open parking space, but when you drive up you realize it's a handicap spot or there's a small car you couldn't see.

Shiat happens. Learn to look for shadows.
 
2013-12-08 02:23:55 PM

HairBolus: What I hate are the mega strip malls (aka power centers) with lots of big box stores. They are totally unwalkable and you have to drive in the parking lot from store to store.


Yes, they are totally unwalkable.

If you are a lazy slob.
 
2013-12-08 02:29:30 PM

skinink: BurghDude: recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.

You're an idiot.

Sorry.

I back into a spot, because I tend to encounter other drivers who are too impatient to make it easy for you to back out, and I just find it faster to drive out if I'm facing forward out of the spot. And especially if it's busy in the parking lot, then it's easier to spot pedestrians and the other cars.


Depends how good you are at backing in, but for some people it takes way longer to back in to a space, which slows everyone else down, especially if you have cars behind you that need to back up because they didn't realize you were going to back in. If you want to pull out quickly, the best way to do it is to find a spot a little further away and then pull through the spot into the adjacent one (assuming you can see if someone is coming). The advantage of being a Hiker (like I am) is that it is easy to do this safely on the outer edges of the lot.
 
2013-12-08 02:29:55 PM
The ones that push me to the edge are people (usually women) who are clearly done, get into their car, start it, and then ... what? They sit there for minutes and minutes doing who the fark knows while a line of cars is waiting for her to clear out.

One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes before the biatch found her reverse gear and pulled out.
 
2013-12-08 02:31:05 PM
I HATE the "stalkers". So to add a little enjoyment to my day I always walk down the aisle next to where I'm parked then cut across to my car. Bonus points if the driver actually took the time to ask me if I am leaving and I say yes I'm parked just up head while pointing in the general direction of my car.
 
2013-12-08 02:31:34 PM

skinink: "2. Hikers: Head straight for the outer reaches of the lot, figuring it's faster than hunting for a close spot, although it can mean what seems like a 3-mile hike to the entrance.

For Joe Jacoby, 32, of Omaha, this approach is the best way to shorten his overall shopping time.

"I want to get in and get out.""

3 mile hike? FFS, it probably adds one minute or so of extra walking time. I'm one of those shoppers that hates making a trip to the mall an all day affair. I just want to park, buy what I need, then leave.


Of course this is Omaha we're talking about. I could see some of the outer spaces at Nebraska Furniture Mart literally being 3 miles away from the entrance.
 
2013-12-08 02:31:46 PM

flaminio: One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes


You need a better hobby.
 
2013-12-08 02:34:53 PM

recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.


I prefer backing into parking spots, but I rarely get to because that ignorant bastard behind me will gun the engine trying to drift into the spot through the 5 foot gap I leave just before I start backing in every. Single. Time.
 
2013-12-08 02:35:55 PM

jaytkay: flaminio: One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes

You need a better hobby.


Fer sure.
 
2013-12-08 02:36:13 PM
Expected sock puppets. Was slightly disappointed.
 
2013-12-08 02:36:29 PM

flaminio: The ones that push me to the edge are people (usually women) who are clearly done, get into their car, start it, and then ... what? They sit there for minutes and minutes doing who the fark knows while a line of cars is waiting for her to clear out.

One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes before the biatch found her reverse gear and pulled out.


Meanwhile she was just waiting for her heater to kick on.
 
2013-12-08 02:41:14 PM

eas81: Oddly missing from the list:


As angering as it is to see someone not handicapped using a placcard I dont think Ive ever seen anywhere run out of handicap spots so i guess its not that big of a problem.
 
2013-12-08 02:42:02 PM

flaminio: The ones that push me to the edge are people (usually women) who are clearly done, get into their car, start it, and then ... what? They sit there for minutes and minutes doing who the fark knows while a line of cars is waiting for her to clear out.

One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes before the biatch found her reverse gear and pulled out.


...

I hate to tell you this, but you're the asshole here.

The most annoying thing I encounter in parking lots is the dipshiat who is too lazy to park a few more spaces down and walk a little more, and so they sit and wait for an eternity for someone to pull out of their space. Meanwhile there are 3 or more cars waiting to get through because they're blocking the lane.
 
2013-12-08 02:47:59 PM

flaminio: The ones that push me to the edge are people (usually women) who are clearly done, get into their car, start it, and then ... what? They sit there for minutes and minutes doing who the fark knows while a line of cars is waiting for her to clear out.

One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes before the biatch found her reverse gear and pulled out.


You're the problem. I'm stuck behind your sorry ass going nowhere.  Move on and find another spot Jackass.
 
2013-12-08 02:52:01 PM

BurghDude: recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.

You're an idiot.

Sorry.


It's safer to back into spots you idiot.  But I guess if you can't back a vehicle into a parking space then we already new you were an idiot.
 
2013-12-08 02:57:21 PM

milkyshirt: The most annoying thing I encounter in parking lots is the dipshiat who is too lazy to park a few more spaces down and walk a little more, and so they sit and wait for an eternity for someone to pull out of their space.


Odoriferous Queef: You're the problem. I'm stuck behind your sorry ass going nowhere.  Move on and find another spot Jackass.


When parking is scarce and I see a vehicle seeking a space when I return, I try to get out as fast as possible. However, there is no telling exactly when a person intends to leave. Perhaps there is a young one in the car and there are issues securing them properly or making sure there will not be any issues until back home with thirst, bathroom, and whathaveyou. Or the driver may be taking a call and hate the idea of talking on the phone while driving. She could be quite oblivious, too, wanting to peruse her new purchases for a minute or two. The moment he decides to find another space may be the moment the woman decides to leave.

Not saying waiting around forever is always the wisest choice or most courteous move, merely saying the only time he is an asshole or jackass is when the wait takes forever although the process of leaving a space should be a minute tops.
 
2013-12-08 02:59:27 PM

styckx: They forgot to add to the last one when you see an open spot and pull up to see it's the cart return


That falls under grand illusion. Also see waiter: that guy that runs the engine waiting for his kid to get off work.

Stalker; discovering the returning driver is just dropping stuff off and then returns to the mall.

-  The asshole: the guy that comes around the corner from the other direction and takes that slot you've been waiting out all afternoon (even if you did have your turning signal)
-  The defender:  the guy that parks at the entrance- usually in the center of a row to prevent others from encroaching on his lot-- and patiently waits it out for someone to leave.  Don't bother trying to    get  around this one even if you are just trying to get out of the lot, as they will creep up enough to block you out regardless of which side you attempt to pass
-  The place holder:  Mom arrives with six kids and her sister who are either dispersed or fan out on foot looking for a parking place to hold until the driver has a chance to meet up with them.  Regardless of age, they will risk being run over rather than face the wrath of mom for losing their spot.
-  The drive through:  You finally find that spot you've been seeking only to find another driver coming in from the next row.  By the time you get over your shock and beep at them, another car comes in behind them so they have no choice but remain in your slot.  May also fall under the "grand illusion"
 
2013-12-08 03:01:01 PM

Oldiron_79: eas81: Oddly missing from the list:

As angering as it is to see someone not handicapped using a placcard I dont think Ive ever seen anywhere run out of handicap spots so i guess its not that big of a problem.


Sadly you probably just weren't looking very hard =/ - one of my friends is permanently wheel-chair bound and she has problems getting a spot all the time. She once got blocked in by some biatch who parked in the yellow lines where normally my friend would use the space to get herself and the chair into the car (she has a sedan). The girl even tried to defend herself when campus police came and ticketed her by saying at least she wasn't IN the handicapped spot.

/morons
//morons, everywhere
 
2013-12-08 03:09:09 PM

BGates: BurghDude: recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.

You're an idiot.

Sorry.

It's safer to back into spots you idiot.  But I guess if you can't back a vehicle into a parking space then we already new you were an idiot.


Assuming it's not slanted parking, there really is no "law" about how to park. Conventionally, people pull in because it's easier. By driving different from other people, you are creating the dangerous situation by doing the unexpected, assuming you decide to reverse after having anyone driving behind you.
 
2013-12-08 03:09:29 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: flaminio: The ones that push me to the edge are people (usually women) who are clearly done, get into their car, start it, and then ... what? They sit there for minutes and minutes doing who the fark knows while a line of cars is waiting for her to clear out.

One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes before the biatch found her reverse gear and pulled out.

Meanwhile she was just waiting for her heater to kick on.


Yea... csb. We were visiting relatives in Harpers Ferry for a couple of weeks at Christmas, they invited a neighbor's nanny over who was watching kids while the parents were out of the country (don't even get me started on that) and I wanted to get the kids a few things... so where do you naturally go for kids on weekends? Walmart. There was one in another town, Charlestown, maybe, so I headed there with the wife dropped her off and parked. I was there in the car maybe 30 minutes and watched multiple people, probably around a dozen driving in circles the whole time looking for that up-front spot. The weather was nice enough, in the 50s.

Most of the people eventually got parked, but spent 10-20 minutes driving in circles until a spot opened up... but there was this one guy with a handicap placard on the mirror that was just cruising around and around the handicap spot. I was probably 10 spaces off the front. I saw him passing by, got out and waved him over and pointed at my spot. I told him I'll slid out and let him have it. He didn't say a word and just pointed at the placard on the mirror. Fair enough... but here's the deal: I watched at least 3 times where he passed over a spot right exactly next to the handicap parking, literally the next spot over, but it wasn't handicapped, so he didn't park. So maybe he's got some weird wheel chair setup or something in his car that needs extra space. Dunno.

The wife was walking out just as he finally secured one of his coveted handicap spots after driving around at least 30 minutes. He got out, grabbed a jacket from the back seat, and strolled in.
 
2013-12-08 03:13:03 PM

ladyfortuna: Oldiron_79: eas81: Oddly missing from the list:

As angering as it is to see someone not handicapped using a placcard I dont think Ive ever seen anywhere run out of handicap spots so i guess its not that big of a problem.

Sadly you probably just weren't looking very hard =/ - one of my friends is permanently wheel-chair bound and she has problems getting a spot all the time. She once got blocked in by some biatch who parked in the yellow lines where normally my friend would use the space to get herself and the chair into the car (she has a sedan). The girl even tried to defend herself when campus police came and ticketed her by saying at least she wasn't IN the handicapped spot.

/morons
//morons, everywhere



It's Christmas and I'll risk my reputation driving Papa's k-car for that sweet sweet parking close to the mall entrance.


I'm the dickhead with the motor running waiting for my daughter to get out of work 2-3 times a week so I'm pretty familiar with mall parking culture- I see a hell of a lot healthy teens and 20 somethings arriving in the grandparent's car  and then skipping out of the handicapped areas without a care in the world as they head for the mall.
 
2013-12-08 03:13:23 PM

jaytkay: flaminio: One time when I wasn't in a particular hurry I started a timer on one. I sat there with blinker a-blazing for nearly ten minutes

You need a better hobby.


I have seen this before:Person sitting in car, foot on brake, engine running, cell phone in ear. Next: Engine off, foot off brake, out of car and back to the store. My general policy is to find a space close to a cart return. Just not asshole enough to leave the cart in the parking space.
 
2013-12-08 03:21:59 PM

AppleOptionEsc: BGates: BurghDude: recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.

You're an idiot.

Sorry.

It's safer to back into spots you idiot.  But I guess if you can't back a vehicle into a parking space then we already new you were an idiot.

Assuming it's not slanted parking, there really is no "law" about how to park. Conventionally, people pull in because it's easier. By driving different from other people, you are creating the dangerous situation by doing the unexpected, assuming you decide to reverse after having anyone driving behind you.



The moment you passed that slot to back in, the dillweed behind you is going to fill it.  Go in headfirst just to secure your spot.  When you leave, chances are the guy who wants your spot will be blocking the flow of traffic so you won't have to worry about backing into traffic
 
2013-12-08 03:22:08 PM

AppleOptionEsc: BGates: BurghDude: recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.

You're an idiot.

Sorry.

It's safer to back into spots you idiot.  But I guess if you can't back a vehicle into a parking space then we already new you were an idiot.

Assuming it's not slanted parking, there really is no "law" about how to park. Conventionally, people pull in because it's easier. By driving different from other people, you are creating the dangerous situation by doing the unexpected, assuming you decide to reverse after having anyone driving behind you.


I wasn't saying there is a specific law (some spots do have specific rules that are marked with signage).  It is statistically proven that reverse parking is safer.  The blind spot you create by pulling into a parking spot makes it more dangerous to back out of the spot.  This is no different than parallel parking.  You signal and then back in.  If others are following to close or are in to big a hurry or not paying attention than it is there fault, not the person who is trying to park in a safer way.
 
2013-12-08 03:26:35 PM
" By driving different from other people, you are creating the dangerous situation by doing the unexpected, assuming you decide to reverse after having anyone driving behind you."

It's unexpected that someone may want to back in to a space? And that's hardly a dangerous situation if you're a good driver paying attention. I see an open spot and if someone's behind me, I stop before the spot so the person in back should understand they need to drive around me. Same as if I planned to drive forward in the spot.

This is why I hate driving sometimes. Other drivers make things more difficult than it has to be. Backing up is not a dangerous maneuver if people drive like they should.
 
2013-12-08 03:30:00 PM
The stalkers are the reason I almost never walk down the lane in which I'm parked.  I discovered, very accidentally, how pissed the stalkers get when they follow you for 3 minutes only to see you walk between cars into the next lane.

Count me in the "park way the fark out and walk" group
 
2013-12-08 03:30:30 PM

BGates: AppleOptionEsc: BGates: BurghDude: recentlyspankedamidget: Always BACK INTO a parking spot.
Never back out.

You're an idiot.

Sorry.

It's safer to back into spots you idiot.  But I guess if you can't back a vehicle into a parking space then we already new you were an idiot.

Assuming it's not slanted parking, there really is no "law" about how to park. Conventionally, people pull in because it's easier. By driving different from other people, you are creating the dangerous situation by doing the unexpected, assuming you decide to reverse after having anyone driving behind you.

I wasn't saying there is a specific law (some spots do have specific rules that are marked with signage).  It is statistically proven that reverse parking is safer.  The blind spot you create by pulling into a parking spot makes it more dangerous to back out of the spot.  This is no different than parallel parking.  You signal and then back in.  If others are following to close or are in to big a hurry or not paying attention than it is there fault, not the person who is trying to park in a safer way.



How so?  Some people really suck at backing in between two cars.  By backing in, you obstruct traffic during your first two attempts, may confuse your fellow drivers by passing up a parking spot then suddenly expecting it to be there after you pass it up.

Best bet: look back, and then slowly back out just enough so that oncoming traffic can guess your intentions, you'll either find a person who will block the oncoming traffic for your spot, or will stop long enough for you to back up and get into the flow of traffic.
 
2013-12-08 03:31:52 PM
skinink:

It's unexpected that someone may want to back in to a space? And that's hardly a dangerous situation if you're a good driver paying attention. I see an open spot and if someone's behind me, I stop before the spot so the person in back should understand they need to drive around me. Same as if I planned to drive forward in the spot.

This is why I hate driving sometimes. Other drivers make things more difficult than it has to be. Backing up is not a dangerous maneuver if people drive like they should.


Backing into a space won't fly in Texas.  We don't drive like that. Chances are if you tried that, the guy behind you would steal your spot.  Nothing personal. Just the rules here.
 
2013-12-08 03:32:32 PM

The Angry Hand of God: Another reason I buy nearly everything from Amazon.


I read on Fark that Bezos isn't always a nice guy so basically you're supporting Hitler.
 
2013-12-08 03:35:02 PM
People probably hate me too. I'm the guy with the small car who parks in the space you've partially blocked with your giant hillbilly-wagon and then flings my door open on purpose. Of course, the people who would have the opportunity to hate me are the sort of people who hate everyone, so it doesn't matter.

/If you can't park it, don't drive it.
 
2013-12-08 03:37:50 PM

Odoriferous Queef: skinink:

It's unexpected that someone may want to back in to a space? And that's hardly a dangerous situation if you're a good driver paying attention. I see an open spot and if someone's behind me, I stop before the spot so the person in back should understand they need to drive around me. Same as if I planned to drive forward in the spot.

This is why I hate driving sometimes. Other drivers make things more difficult than it has to be. Backing up is not a dangerous maneuver if people drive like they should.

Backing into a space won't fly in Texas.  We don't drive like that. Chances are if you tried that, the guy behind you would steal your spot.  Nothing personal. Just the rules here.


Like I would try to back in before traffic is clear. If the driver seems to be eager to try and jump in the spot I just found, they won't be getting it because I'll just block it. Pull my car right in front of it. Now if the driver is going to get out his car to beat me up (I really can't fight at all), I just call the cops or whatever. I'm not a tough guy by a long shot but neither am I going to roll over and let someone steal a spot from me. One way or another if there's traffic behind me they'll have to let me get in the spot or drive around.
 
2013-12-08 03:41:15 PM

Mr. Ekshun: People probably hate me too. I'm the guy with the small car who parks in the space you've partially blocked with your giant hillbilly-wagon and then flings my door open on purpose. Of course, the people who would have the opportunity to hate me are the sort of people who hate everyone, so it doesn't matter.

/If you can't park it, don't drive it.


You are saying you purposely try to damage others property because of how a person parks or because of what they choose to drive?  You're a special type of stupid.
 
2013-12-08 03:41:35 PM

Mr. Ekshun: People probably hate me too. I'm the guy with the small car who parks in the space you've partially blocked with your giant hillbilly-wagon and then flings my door open on purpose. Of course, the people who would have the opportunity to hate me are the sort of people who hate everyone, so it doesn't matter.

/If you can't park it, don't drive it.



People who believe their car really matters will occupy a space and a half as well.  I've got a small car and I am willing to make the owner crawl across the passenger side if he wants to get back out.
 
2013-12-08 03:41:39 PM
If it's not busy I'll do a quick pass by the front of the lot in case there's an open spot but if it's busy I'll head straight to the back. There's fewer pedestrians back there which means I'll have a much easier time getting out when it's time to leave.

I hate spending time trying to find a spot. I'd rather park and get on with my business. If that means a slightly longer walk so be it. I'm not going to follow people around or wait for them to get their arse in gear and I'm not going to spend time fighting over a spot. If you want the spot that bad it's yours. I didn't go there to play Parking Lot Rumble. I just want to get my shopping done and leave.
 
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