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(ABC Local)   Passenger forgets to pay the "wake me up before you lock up the plane" fee. Why yes, it was United Airlines. How did you guess?   (abclocal.go.com) divider line 58
    More: Weird, United Express, Intercontinental Airport, ExpressJet, passengers, fees  
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8118 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2013 at 9:23 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-08 07:39:54 AM
I play Flight Sims in preparation for this day to happen to me.  You bet your ass someone will be coming to get me off the plane once I start up the APU and try and get power to the engines. Passenger airliners don't have ignition keys other then perhaps the armored cockpit door.They rely on a dizzying array of buttons and switches that nobody but a trained pilot can make sense of.

/By this point, I could probably steal an A-10C warthog, A P-51 mustang, and a UH-1 Huey. I'm sure I could get a 737 going too.
//Alas, it is but a dream. I'd be shot dead before I could get to the taxiway, and even if I managed to take off, Landing is the much more important part and I'm not very good at that.
///Helloooooo TSA no-fly list!
////In his situation, Honestly, I'd just use the emergency escape slide. Those look super fun, and would probably only land me a misdemeanor charge instead of terrorism.
 
2013-12-08 09:09:20 AM
Considering what they'll do to musical instruments, he's lucky.
 
2013-12-08 09:27:20 AM

fluffy2097: ///Helloooooo TSA no-fly list!


Hell, you're probably on the no-fly list now.
 
2013-12-08 09:29:31 AM
What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.
 
2013-12-08 09:30:03 AM
United will rectify this in their employee procedures very quickly. With or without FAA approval, poison gas will "cleanse" the passenger section after the plane is locked. The next morning, whatever carcasses are found will be sold to the Food Service and be recycled as a meat dish in the first class cabin.
 
2013-12-08 09:31:18 AM

AAlumni: What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.


Standard Farker alcohol fuelled sleep?
 
2013-12-08 09:35:59 AM

BitwiseShift: With or without FAA approval, poison gas will "cleanse" the passenger section after the plane is locked.


No way. That'd never happen. Do you know how much poison gas costs? Even in bulk? No way. They'll hire starving student 'servers' to sweep the plane at less than minimum wage and garrotte you with sweatshop shoelaces. Then they'll go through your pocket for 'tips' which they'll have to share with management.
 
2013-12-08 09:38:28 AM
Is his last name Wagner, Wagonor, or Wagnor?  The article uses all three spellings.
 
2013-12-08 09:42:15 AM

AAlumni: What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.


Never mind that. How on god's green earth does the stewardess on a small airplane miss a guy sleeping? That crew should all be fired.
 
2013-12-08 09:43:34 AM
It got farking cold out here Friday night too (for Texas).  Like a low of 27-34 or so.
 
2013-12-08 09:44:49 AM

CRNewsom: Is his last name Wagner, Wagonor, or Wagnor?  The article uses all three spellings.


Smythe
 
2013-12-08 09:45:23 AM

fluffy2097: In his situation, Honestly, I'd just use the emergency escape slide. Those look super fun, and would probably only land me a misdemeanor charge instead of terrorism.


I expect the charges would get a lot more serious the moment you set foot on the tarmac.
 
2013-12-08 09:46:16 AM
I think you get to keep the plane when that happens....
 
2013-12-08 09:47:05 AM
Dudes got a rockin' mullet!
 
2013-12-08 09:47:13 AM
First off, he wasn't locked in the plane, he just couldn't figure out how to open one of the 4 exit doors. Secondly, the Flight Attendant didn't do a post flight cabin walk through, like the airline claims he/she did. Thats just them trying to cover their ass with the FAA.
 
2013-12-08 09:48:25 AM

fluffy2097: I play Flight Sims in preparation for this day to happen to me.  You bet your ass someone will be coming to get me off the plane once I start up the APU and try and get power to the engines. Passenger airliners don't have ignition keys other then perhaps the armored cockpit door.They rely on a dizzying array of buttons and switches that nobody but a trained pilot can make sense of.


You only need to know enough to radio the tower.  I'm sure things would get settled pretty quickly without any sort of charges.
 
2013-12-08 09:49:12 AM

CRNewsom: Is his last name Wagner, Wagonor, or Wagnor?  The article uses all three spellings.


I noticed that, too. A limitation of spell-check is one thing, but where are the proofreaders?
 
2013-12-08 09:49:25 AM

Fear the Clam: fluffy2097: In his situation, Honestly, I'd just use the emergency escape slide. Those look super fun, and would probably only land me a misdemeanor charge instead of terrorism.

I expect the charges would get a lot more serious the moment you set foot on the tarmac.


If you could prove you actually woke up inside the closed up plane (good luck with that), you'd probably be okay, after the initial DHS beating.
 
2013-12-08 09:53:13 AM

AAlumni: What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.


What kinda dead-to-the world state do you have to be in to do your walk through of an empty plane to check for passengers and you walk by a passenger sleeping in one of the seats without noticing?  I can't even imagine.
 
2013-12-08 09:54:36 AM
Wonder how long he would have lived if he didn't have a phone?
 
2013-12-08 09:57:31 AM

lenfromak: AAlumni: What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.

Never mind that. How on god's green earth does the stewardess on a small airplane miss a guy sleeping? That crew should all be fired.


_______________


Oh, I agree with firing the staff or whatever. I personally don't think they missed him by accident. You can't walk down the aisle and miss someone on a plane that small and miss an adult male.

That said, I still don't know how you can land and, taxi and everyone get up and off without waking up. Maybe he was just unconscious from a booze coma as someone earlier mentioned.
 
2013-12-08 09:58:29 AM
Well we can add locking up their customers in a plane to the list.

-Breaking Guitars
-Killing dogs
-Bumping a 90 y-o veteran from his flight for Pearl Harbor memorial

Fly United - you're gonna get screwed

s22.postimg.org
 
2013-12-08 10:05:31 AM

MooseUpNorth: BitwiseShift: With or without FAA approval, poison gas will "cleanse" the passenger section after the plane is locked.

No way. That'd never happen. Do you know how much poison gas costs? Even in bulk? No way. They'll hire starving student 'servers' to sweep the plane at less than minimum wage and garrotte you with sweatshop shoelaces. Then they'll go through your pocket for 'tips' which they'll have to share with management.


Why not just use the gas they're all carrying for making chemtrails?
 
2013-12-08 10:09:41 AM

iron_city_ap: First off, he wasn't locked in the plane, he just couldn't figure out how to open one of the 4 exit doors. Secondly, the Flight Attendant didn't do a post flight cabin walk through, like the airline claims he/she did. Thats just them trying to cover their ass with the FAA.


Yeah. Nobody who's not legally blind is going to miss a dude that size on a small commuter plane. The bullshiat, I smell it.
 
2013-12-08 10:19:57 AM
United, American, whatever... Is there really a difference between any domestic airlines?  They're all fairly awful.
 
2013-12-08 10:20:53 AM
Sounds like somebody passed out in the shiatter
 
2013-12-08 10:22:26 AM

fluffy2097: In his situation, Honestly, I'd just use the emergency escape slide. Those look super fun, and would probably only land me a misdemeanor charge instead of terrorism.


Nope. You set foot on the ramp without the proper security clearance, you face felony charges. I've seen guys get dragged away in a squad car for it. As a plus, the slides are vacuum sealed and take a couple of weeks to repackage, which is money money (about $10k). If you take an airline's ship out of business for a few weeks, that actually causes lost revenue in the tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars. The Jetblue flight attendant we farkers all love got off light: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JetBlue_flight_attendant_incident

That said, you could probably get off lightly if you could prove that you performed your actions out of fear of personal harm. The biggest deal in this scenario is going into a secured area without clearance. The government DOES NOT want you on that ramp unless they know you. In looking back at the story, there's a good reason we ramp agents jokingly call ExpressJet "Airline of the Year" (hint: don't expect it to depart on time).
 
2013-12-08 10:26:45 AM

KarmicDisaster: Wonder how long he would have lived if he didn't have a phone?


Well, they probably DID lock up the heads (toilets) on the "walkthrough", so there is that.
 
2013-12-08 10:27:28 AM

Orion5k: fluffy2097: In his situation, Honestly, I'd just use the emergency escape slide. Those look super fun, and would probably only land me a misdemeanor charge instead of terrorism.

Nope. You set foot on the ramp without the proper security clearance, you face felony charges. I've seen guys get dragged away in a squad car for it. As a plus, the slides are vacuum sealed and take a couple of weeks to repackage, which is money money (about $10k). If you take an airline's ship out of business for a few weeks, that actually causes lost revenue in the tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars. The Jetblue flight attendant we farkers all love got off light: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JetBlue_flight_attendant_incident

That said, you could probably get off lightly if you could prove that you performed your actions out of fear of personal harm. The biggest deal in this scenario is going into a secured area without clearance. The government DOES NOT want you on that ramp unless they know you. In looking back at the story, there's a good reason we ramp agents jokingly call ExpressJet "Airline of the Year" (hint: don't expect it to depart on time).


ExpressJets planes don't have slides.
 
2013-12-08 10:27:56 AM
Just wait till he gets charged and arrested for trespassing on there plane , then he will be put on the NSA list as a possible terrorist , laugh at this comment now , but you really know when you think about it , it could happen!
 
2013-12-08 10:46:44 AM
My guess he fell asleep in the bathroom.
 
2013-12-08 10:56:22 AM
The airline said there was a post-flight walk-through that was done, but the company couldn't explain how they missed Wagner.


seems simple, no one made a farking walk through to check
 
2013-12-08 11:03:25 AM
United sucks donkey balls.
 
2013-12-08 11:12:20 AM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-12-08 11:28:06 AM
"Let this be a lesson. It was incident enough. It was a faux pas," said James Conway with Global Intel Strategies Inc.


No. That wasn't a faux pas. That was negligence. There's a difference.
 
2013-12-08 11:31:11 AM
i dream about the day that a major corporation f*s me over in a highly publicized way.  easiest lawsuit money ever.
 
2013-12-08 11:31:22 AM

SirEattonHogg: United, American, whatever... Is there really a difference between any domestic airlines?  They're all fairly awful.


I've always been OK with Southwest.  Their service is basic and no-nonsense, and they don't nickel-and-dime you like the others. (2 pieces of checked-in luggage).  Priority boarding is cheap ($10). And they are efficient and generally on time.

Not perfect, of course, but a lot better than the Uniteds and Americans.  I've never had a good experience with them.

JetBlue used to be good; haven't flown them recently (they don't go where I need to go - smaller towns).
 
2013-12-08 11:32:51 AM

Bukharin: [upload.wikimedia.org image 721x541]


Darn you!  I was going to post that...
 
2013-12-08 11:55:15 AM

Bukharin: [upload.wikimedia.org image 721x541]


Okay, that was a little brilliant.
 
2013-12-08 11:57:43 AM

ThatBillmanGuy: Why not just use the gas they're all carrying for making chemtrails?


Sure, if all they want to do is lower birthrates and throw in some mind control...
 
2013-12-08 12:09:36 PM
First the people cleaning the plane didn't really do their jobs. Sounds like they cleaned the front said f**k it and left saying they cleaned the whole plane.

All he had to do was open one of the doors if they're still set up like they use to be the emergency shoot will deploy. 20 years ago it cost about $35,000 bucks to repack one of those, so today maybe around 50 to 60 thousand (I use to work for a commercial airline storage facility). That would have taught them to check for people before leaving.
 
2013-12-08 12:28:16 PM
Considering how many millions fly and how many planes are carrying them, frankly I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.
 
2013-12-08 12:36:38 PM

SpdrJay: CRNewsom: Is his last name Wagner, Wagonor, or Wagnor?  The article uses all three spellings.

Smythe



Pronounced "Brown"
 
2013-12-08 12:44:45 PM

AAlumni: What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.


Possible he took a sleeping pill to help him get through the flight.
 
2013-12-08 12:45:00 PM

Day_Old_Dutchie: Well we can add locking up their customers in a plane to the list.

-Breaking Guitars
-Killing dogs
-Bumping a 90 y-o veteran from his flight for Pearl Harbor memorial

Fly United - you're gonna get screwed

[s22.postimg.org image 354x296]


-Having a 6 hour flight delay due to someone not disarming the emergency slide before opening the door
/Yes, this really happened
//Thankfully, I was informed of the delay before going to the airport. Otherwise, I'd would have had to spend 6+ hours in MCO
 
2013-12-08 12:51:00 PM

SilentStrider: AAlumni: What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.

Possible he took a sleeping pill to help him get through the flight.



--------------------------------

Maybe that's it. A benzo for nerves and/or sleep and maybe some booze to inadvertently potentiate the effect. I still think that the FA left him on purpose with a, "He'll figure it out when he wakes up; serves him right."
 
2013-12-08 01:15:11 PM
Actually, I guessed Delta.
 
2013-12-08 01:59:53 PM
Actshoeally it was United Express, which is a regional commuter feed airline.

Carry on.

//The passenger is lucky that HE didn't get tazed and/or shot for violating aiport security.
 
2013-12-08 02:29:07 PM
FTA:"If an individual is going to be missed, what about a package or a backpack or a piece of luggage that could pose a threat to the aircraft on the next flight?" Conway asked.

img.fark.net
 
2013-12-08 02:31:59 PM

AAlumni: What kinda dead-to-the world sleep do you have to be in to sleep through a plane landing, taxiing to a gate, and the cattle getting off the plane and slamming the overhead bins? I can't even imagine.


I can sleep through anything. How drunk did the flight crew have to be to not do a walk-through and spot the guy sleeping in his seat?
 
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