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(Some Professor)   Once upon a time American cities were lonely places devoid of squirrels. Here's how the greatest country in the world fixed that problem   (jah.oxfordjournals.org) divider line 80
    More: Interesting, american cities, Americans, urban areas  
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7850 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Dec 2013 at 1:57 PM (19 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-07 12:04:42 PM
home.earthlink.net

"When I was by the window I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then they moved my desk seven times, seven times, they moved my desk, and I told Bill if they moved it one more time, then I'm quitting. I was going to quit."
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-12-07 12:14:39 PM
So people taught squirls to hump their legs?
etiennebenson.com
 
2013-12-07 12:24:38 PM

vpb: So people taught squirls to hump their legs?
[etiennebenson.com image 500x366]


They can learn to eat out of your hand fairly easily from seeing people do that, I think they can even recognize the person that feeds them. I do know for sure, they know the limit to our dogs' wireless fence. The bunnies do too. :/
 
2013-12-07 12:26:03 PM
There are tons of squirrels in my neighborhood; I see them every day. It's been raining off and on all morning, and those damn squirrels are STILL running around out there. I just saw one, soaked, on a palm tree near my bedroom window. Seriously.
 
2013-12-07 12:47:53 PM
If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.
 
2013-12-07 01:21:42 PM

FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.


But what else is there to poison in the park in the spring? Outside of the random pidgeon?
 
2013-12-07 01:29:14 PM

simplicimus: FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.

But what else is there to poison in the park in the spring? Outside of the random pidgeon?



You raise a good point I hadn't previously considered.  Hmmm....  I'm just spit-balling here... how about toddlers?
 
2013-12-07 01:31:54 PM
I had no idea that the issue was so widespread.  Here in Calgary, a pair of eastern greys were released at the zoo some 50 years ago.  They now dominate the urban landscape.  Their size and aggressiveness means that they've pushed out any and all of the native squirrels, save for ground squirrels.

What is equally surprising is that I never see an eastern grey outside of the city.  There, their smaller, more timid country cousins continue to live happily grey-free.  Probably because there is not an abundance of food from crabapple trees and bird feeders.
 
2013-12-07 01:33:36 PM

FloydA: simplicimus: FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.

But what else is there to poison in the park in the spring? Outside of the random pidgeon?


You raise a good point I hadn't previously considered.  Hmmm....  I'm just spit-balling here... how about toddlers?


Hmmm. May have to switch from the peanuts coated in cyanide, what with the allergies and all. Maybe Pixie Sticks.
 
2013-12-07 01:52:12 PM
It's because of welfare.  When you start giving poor people food, they don't have to hunt squirrels in order to eat.
 
2013-12-07 02:00:18 PM

simplicimus: FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.

But what else is there to poison in the park in the spring? Outside of the random pidgeon?


Hipsters.
 
2013-12-07 02:01:07 PM

simplicimus: FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.

But what else is there to poison in the park in the spring? Outside of the random pidgeon?


Don't know about you but there are tons of rabbits around where I live in Chicago.
 
2013-12-07 02:04:01 PM
We had too many squirrels in our backyard they would eat the veggies in the garden.

My wife the gardener has figured out how to get them to kill themselves.

1.) Plastic garbage can filled 2 feet deep with water
2.) Black oil sunflower seeds scattered across the top
3.) A stick laid over the top of the bucket

The stupid farkers jump in and die.

She caught eight in one afternoon.
 
2013-12-07 02:05:02 PM
On campus, we had a squirrel with a fur-less tail that we called the Crack Squirrel. I swear that thing enjoyed tormenting students by chasing us, jumping out of trash cans and randomly walking backwards up the side of a wall.
 
2013-12-07 02:08:57 PM

maniacbastard: We had too many squirrels in our backyard they would eat the veggies in the garden.

My wife the gardener has figured out how to get them to kill themselves.

1.) Plastic garbage can filled 2 feet deep with water
2.) Black oil sunflower seeds scattered across the top
3.) A stick laid over the top of the bucket

The stupid farkers jump in and die.

She caught eight in one afternoon.


I'm saving this info for next spring.  Thank you.   Let the fark bashing begin.
 
2013-12-07 02:10:54 PM
Nuts
 
2013-12-07 02:11:03 PM
lh6.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-12-07 02:11:43 PM

maniacbastard: We had too many squirrels in our backyard they would eat the veggies in the garden.

My wife the gardener has figured out how to get them to kill themselves.

1.) Plastic garbage can filled 2 feet deep with water
2.) Black oil sunflower seeds scattered across the top
3.) A stick laid over the top of the bucket

The stupid farkers jump in and die.

She caught eight in one afternoon.


Squirrel stew!
 
2013-12-07 02:15:38 PM
Thats it in a nutshell.
 
2013-12-07 02:17:43 PM
The squirrels where I live are all despondent and depressed. They are routinely attempting suicide by running in front of automobiles. They need some Prozac.
 
2013-12-07 02:18:11 PM

FloydA: simplicimus: FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.

But what else is there to poison in the park in the spring? Outside of the random pidgeon?


You raise a good point I hadn't previously considered.  Hmmm....  I'm just spit-balling here... how about toddlers?


Nah, poison cats first...then the toddlers.
 
2013-12-07 02:18:46 PM

born_yesterday: Squirrel stew!


If you like fear shiats and drowning squirrel vomit in your stew, enjoy!
 
2013-12-07 02:19:03 PM

OregonVet: vpb: So people taught squirls to hump their legs?
[etiennebenson.com image 500x366]

They can learn to eat out of your hand fairly easily from seeing people do that, I think they can even recognize the person that feeds them. I do know for sure, they know the limit to our dogs' wireless fence. The bunnies do too. :/


I feed 'em peanuts from my hand and lemme tell ya squirrels sure have a hankerin' for peanuts.  I got about 3 that'll come right up to me and take it outta my hand but I've changed over to giving them to 'em via a pair 'o scissors after one munched down on my peanut shaped finger.  They seem to have crappy eyesight.
 
2013-12-07 02:22:12 PM
A link to a notice about an article. We will talk about anything.
 
2013-12-07 02:24:26 PM

simplicimus: FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.

But what else is there to poison in the park in the spring? Outside of the random pidgeon?


So if sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgin!
To poison a pigeon in the park.
 
2013-12-07 02:27:03 PM
I like squirrels :0/
 
2013-12-07 02:31:42 PM
i387.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-07 02:32:42 PM

maniacbastard: We had too many squirrels in our backyard they would eat the veggies in the garden.

My wife the gardener has figured out how to get them to kill themselves.

1.) Plastic garbage can filled 2 feet deep with water
2.) Black oil sunflower seeds scattered across the top
3.) A stick laid over the top of the bucket

The stupid farkers jump in and die.

She caught eight in one afternoon.


They'll be back...

www.tanwater.com
 
2013-12-07 02:35:40 PM

AGremlin: [home.earthlink.net image 455x347]

"When I was by the window I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then they moved my desk seven times, seven times, they moved my desk, and I told Bill if they moved it one more time, then I'm quitting. I was going to quit."


I know IMDB lists that as the quote, but shouldn't it be  merry?  How does Milton know they're married?  Do they wear little squirrel rings?  Did they have a little squirrel ceremony?
 
2013-12-07 02:38:11 PM

suburbanguy: AGremlin: [home.earthlink.net image 455x347]

"When I was by the window I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then they moved my desk seven times, seven times, they moved my desk, and I told Bill if they moved it one more time, then I'm quitting. I was going to quit."

I know IMDB lists that as the quote, but shouldn't it be  merry?  How does Milton know they're married?  Do they wear little squirrel rings?  Did they have a little squirrel ceremony?


Probably because he saw them mating.
 
2013-12-07 02:38:17 PM
redcrosschat.org
 
2013-12-07 02:38:48 PM

suburbanguy: AGremlin: [home.earthlink.net image 455x347]

"When I was by the window I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then they moved my desk seven times, seven times, they moved my desk, and I told Bill if they moved it one more time, then I'm quitting. I was going to quit."

I know IMDB lists that as the quote, but shouldn't it be  merry?  How does Milton know they're married?  Do they wear little squirrel rings?  Did they have a little squirrel ceremony?


Are you questioning the rationale of a pyromaniac with a stapler fixation?
 
2013-12-07 02:44:13 PM

FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.


Don't forget flea ridden. F*ckers are forever scratching at their hinds.
 
2013-12-07 02:49:25 PM

simplicimus: suburbanguy: AGremlin: [home.earthlink.net image 455x347]

"When I was by the window I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then they moved my desk seven times, seven times, they moved my desk, and I told Bill if they moved it one more time, then I'm quitting. I was going to quit."

I know IMDB lists that as the quote, but shouldn't it be  merry?  How does Milton know they're married?  Do they wear little squirrel rings?  Did they have a little squirrel ceremony?

Probably because he saw them mating.


As a married man, I would say that most certainly proves the squirrels are NOT married. *badumptish*
 
2013-12-07 02:49:59 PM
I like to tease the lil basterds.  One day in college I'm sitting on my little 2 person deck eating lunch in between classes.  I have a dish of pistachios and I see a squirrel below me.  I tossed one down, watched him eat and could only imagine him/her thinking OMG!  WTH WAS THAT!?!?  No no little one, you get just one.
 
2013-12-07 02:50:16 PM

tonguedepressor: suburbanguy: AGremlin: [home.earthlink.net image 455x347]

"When I was by the window I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then they moved my desk seven times, seven times, they moved my desk, and I told Bill if they moved it one more time, then I'm quitting. I was going to quit."

I know IMDB lists that as the quote, but shouldn't it be  merry?  How does Milton know they're married?  Do they wear little squirrel rings?  Did they have a little squirrel ceremony?

Are you questioning the rationale of a pyromaniac with a stapler fixation?


Um, when you put it that way....no.
 
2013-12-07 02:50:35 PM

suburbanguy:  How does Milton know they're married?


The squirrels were yelling at each other.
 
2013-12-07 02:53:53 PM

FloydA: suburbanguy:  How does Milton know they're married?

The squirrels were yelling at each other.


They're not MARRIED, they're MERRY!
 
2013-12-07 02:53:54 PM

maniacbastard: We had too many squirrels in our backyard they would eat the veggies in the garden.

My wife the gardener has figured out how to get them to kill themselves.

1.) Plastic garbage can filled 2 feet deep with water
2.) Black oil sunflower seeds scattered across the top
3.) A stick laid over the top of the bucket

The stupid farkers jump in and die.

She caught eight in one afternoon.


You're so going to end up in a Fark headline someday.
 
2013-12-07 02:54:43 PM

FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.


No kidding. I hate the pesky rodents.
 
2013-12-07 02:55:43 PM
Them're good eatin', if ya cook 'em right.

Grandma used to insist on no less than five squirrels or ten quail, or she wouldn't bother. Not enough meat otherwise.
 
2013-12-07 03:04:26 PM

wambu: The squirrels where I live are all despondent and depressed. They are routinely attempting suicide by running in front of automobiles. They need some Prozac.


You are making a mistake common to many budding interspecies anthropologists and projecting your own cultural belief set onto the squirrels.  In fact, there is a avid parkour movement in the squirrel community, and while it does lend itself to risky thrill seeking behavior sometimes, they aren't trying to commit suicide; they would argue that you can't actually live unless there is the fear of death.  That is what makes you truly feel alive.
 
2013-12-07 03:08:16 PM
I until I had a garden, I thought they were cute.

Now I want to kill them all.
 
2013-12-07 03:12:35 PM

Salmon: I until I had a garden, I thought they were cute.

Now I want to kill them all.


Plant nothing with bulbs. Tulips are futile except as a squirrel snack.
 
2013-12-07 03:17:10 PM
Canada sent squirrels to the US?
 
2013-12-07 03:17:32 PM

SDRR: You're so going to end up in a Fark headline someday.


I'll be selling squirrel jerky out of the back of a car off the side of the highway.
 
2013-12-07 03:17:42 PM

HoratioGates: wambu: The squirrels where I live are all despondent and depressed. They are routinely attempting suicide by running in front of automobiles. They need some Prozac.

You are making a mistake common to many budding interspecies anthropologists and projecting your own cultural belief set onto the squirrels.  In fact, there is a avid parkour movement in the squirrel community, and while it does lend itself to risky thrill seeking behavior sometimes, they aren't trying to commit suicide; they would argue that you can't actually live unless there is the fear of death.  That is what makes you truly feel alive.


I'll just leave this here in rebuttal.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-07 03:23:22 PM

whatshisname: Canada sent squirrels to the US?


just the black ones
 
2013-12-07 03:24:09 PM

tonguedepressor: FloydA: If they didn't have a toupee stapled to their ass, everyone would realize that they are just f**king filthy, disease-ridden rats.

Don't forget flea ridden. F*ckers are forever scratching at their hinds.


And forever stealing my wifes flower bulbs .
 
2013-12-07 03:29:02 PM
Squirrels have their place.

That place is not in our cities.
 
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