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(io9)   Crucifixion: It's a slow, horrible death. Well at least it gets you out in the open air   (io9.com) divider line 101
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3840 clicks; posted to Geek » on 06 Dec 2013 at 8:44 PM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-06 07:30:39 PM
I remember when I first read about this in the 1970's. It was common and cheap.
 
2013-12-06 07:32:42 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
"Crucifixion?  HAH!"
 
2013-12-06 07:33:43 PM
...Hey Peter, I can see your house from here!
 
2013-12-06 07:35:59 PM
I once asked a Russian Orthodox monk about the diagonal piece on the cross used by Eastern and Russian Orthodox religions. He explained that when typically there was a foot support on the cross.

This supported enough of the victim's weight to avoid tearing the nails out of the hands/wrists. But since the weight of the victim still wanted to fall forward, the victim still suffocated when his arm/shoulder strength gave out.

The bar on the Orthodox cross is at an angle because when Christ died, he kicked it.

Makes sense, I guess. More than I wanted to know.
 
2013-12-06 07:40:39 PM
Always look on the bright side of life...
 
2013-12-06 07:43:26 PM
That's why Jesus is so popular. He's very well hung.
 
2013-12-06 07:47:46 PM

mr_a: The bar on the Orthodox cross is at an angle because when Christ died, he kicked it.


He was friggin' Jesus.  He was always kickin' it.
 
2013-12-06 08:05:25 PM

Earguy: ...Hey Peter, I can see your house from here!


My favorite crucifiction Joke.

My second. "Can you putne up for the night?"
 
2013-12-06 08:06:52 PM

mr_a: I once asked a Russian Orthodox monk about the diagonal piece on the cross used by Eastern and Russian Orthodox religions. He explained that when typically there was a foot support on the cross.

This supported enough of the victim's weight to avoid tearing the nails out of the hands/wrists. But since the weight of the victim still wanted to fall forward, the victim still suffocated when his arm/shoulder strength gave out.

The bar on the Orthodox cross is at an angle because when Christ died, he kicked it.

Makes sense, I guess. More than I wanted to know.


I heard It was based on a mistranslation of the bible that Jesus had one leg longer than the other.
 
2013-12-06 08:15:22 PM
Yeah, that's pretty bad, but do you know what would make it even worse?

TICKLE ATTACK!!
 
2013-12-06 08:23:20 PM

simplicimus: I remember when I first read about this in the 1970's. It was common and cheap.


Yeah, even the backwards Baptist church where I went as a child was pretty hip to most of the stuff in the article.
 
2013-12-06 08:29:34 PM

MadAzza: Yeah, that's pretty bad, but do you know what would make it even worse?

TICKLE ATTACK!!


The Saint Andrew's X-style cross works much better for that.
 
2013-12-06 08:32:06 PM

oh_please: Always look on the bright side of life...


Beat me to it.  Had to be here
 
2013-12-06 08:58:46 PM

Cagey B: MadAzza: Yeah, that's pretty bad, but do you know what would make it even worse?

TICKLE ATTACK!!

The Saint Andrew's X-style cross works much better for that.


Heh heh heh ...
 
2013-12-06 08:59:56 PM

Doryphore: oh_please: Always look on the bright side of life...

Beat me to it.  Had to be here


Yeah, but life's a piece of sh*t, when you look at it
 
2013-12-06 09:03:24 PM
Would the Christian symbol have been an axe instead of a cross if the Romans had simply beheaded him?

/or a head in a basket
 
2013-12-06 09:04:33 PM
It's not Easter. Doesn't the writer / poster of this article know that by FEDERAL STATUTE, stories describing how one dies via crucifixion can occur ONLY at Easter???
 
2013-12-06 09:07:08 PM
...Well, it's just another cross they gotta bear.
 
2013-12-06 09:23:57 PM
Went to Catholic school for 13 years and I still don't understand why the symbol of Christianity is the method by which their savior was killed?

No disrespect intended, but I sincerely don't get it.  Why is the cross, Jesus' electric chair, or firing squad, or gas chamber, or lethal injection, the symbol of holiness?

(I also don't understand why people place memorials on the side of the highway where loved ones were killed.  I would prefer a memorial someplace that I "lived", something I was known for, something I enjoyed!  A celebration of my life.  Not a reminder of my death!)
 
2013-12-06 09:27:48 PM

buntz: Went to Catholic school for 13 years and I still don't understand why the symbol of Christianity is the method by which their savior was killed?

No disrespect intended, but I sincerely don't get it.  Why is the cross, Jesus' electric chair, or firing squad, or gas chamber, or lethal injection, the symbol of holiness?

(I also don't understand why people place memorials on the side of the highway where loved ones were killed.  I would prefer a memorial someplace that I "lived", something I was known for, something I enjoyed!  A celebration of my life.  Not a reminder of my death!)


Because he got better?
 
2013-12-06 09:28:26 PM
Crucifixion's a dawdle.
 
2013-12-06 09:46:34 PM

buntz: Went to Catholic school for 13 years and I still don't understand why the symbol of Christianity is the method by which their savior was killed?

No disrespect intended, but I sincerely don't get it.  Why is the cross, Jesus' electric chair, or firing squad, or gas chamber, or lethal injection, the symbol of holiness?

(I also don't understand why people place memorials on the side of the highway where loved ones were killed.  I would prefer a memorial someplace that I "lived", something I was known for, something I enjoyed!  A celebration of my life.  Not a reminder of my death!)


It's supposed the represent the ultimate sacrifice that God made. To send his own son to death at the hand of man to open the gates of heaven. Until he died everyone was hanging out in Abraham's Bosom in Hell. When he died they could finally get in. It's to remember that action because at that point people stopped being Jewish and became Christian.

I did 8 years of Catholic school (even was an alter boy much to the continued jokes of my siblings following the sex scandals). I've seen things that have made me believe in God. I have also seen things in the church that made me understand that prayers are bought and sold. The church is built on money, though most of the lower peons, lower priests, and missionaries don't know that. This new pope is really gunning to get me back in a mass for the first time in over a decade, though.
 
2013-12-06 09:47:18 PM

buntz: I also don't understand why people place memorials on the side of the highway where loved ones were killed. I would prefer a memorial someplace that I "lived", something I was known for, something I enjoyed! A celebration of my life. Not a reminder of my death!


Have you ever noticed that only Christians are terrible drivers? You never see any Stars of David or Crescent Moons by the side of the road.
 
2013-12-06 09:48:58 PM

Darth_Lukecash: Earguy: ...Hey Peter, I can see your house from here!

My favorite crucifiction Joke.

My second. "Can you putne up for the night?"


Q. Why did Jesus die on the Cross?
A. Because he didn't have a safe word.
 
2013-12-06 09:49:13 PM

Huck And Molly Ziegler: It's not Easter. Doesn't the writer / poster of this article know that by FEDERAL STATUTE, stories describing how one dies via crucifixion can occur ONLY at Easter???


Are you annoyed that they've given away the ending?  Enjoy that manger while you can, kid...
 
2013-12-06 09:59:37 PM

mr_a: I once asked a Russian Orthodox monk about the diagonal piece on the cross used by Eastern and Russian Orthodox religions. He explained that when typically there was a foot support on the cross.

This supported enough of the victim's weight to avoid tearing the nails out of the hands/wrists. But since the weight of the victim still wanted to fall forward, the victim still suffocated when his arm/shoulder strength gave out.

The bar on the Orthodox cross is at an angle because when Christ died, he kicked it.

Makes sense, I guess. More than I wanted to know.


Rope seems to be the opinion these days.
 
2013-12-06 10:02:27 PM

Earguy: ...Hey Peter, I can see your house from here!

always a classic.


/a laugh is just another year in hell...so enjoy!
 
2013-12-06 10:04:05 PM

MadMattressMack: It's supposed the represent the ultimate sacrifice that God made.


I understand that.  Again, 13 years of Catholic school.  I, too, was an alter boy.

My issue is why they would choose that as the symbol.  What if they didn't kill Jesus?  Or what is they did but with a sword?

Seriously not trying to be disrespectful to anyone's religion (I'm no longer a follower.  Like I said, 13 years of Catholic school) but have you ever heard the comedian Jake Johannson's routine that said Jesus wasn't crucified but actually slipped and fell in the tub?

Instead of a cross there's a bathtub hanging above the alter.  They bring the shower nozzle down for baptisms.
And instead of doing the sign of the cross before prayers they all wave their arms around and go "whoa whoa WHOA WHOA!!!!!!"
 
2013-12-06 10:05:43 PM
A lot of people today would *love* having live crucifixions on TV.
 
2013-12-06 10:06:49 PM

Kibbler: A lot of people today would *love* having live crucifixions on TV.


I'd watch the shiat out of that.
 
2013-12-06 10:07:08 PM
So You Think You Can Breathe
 
2013-12-06 10:08:07 PM

Kibbler: A lot of people today would *love* having live crucifixions on TV.


It takes 2 to 3 days to die, usually. Might be a little boring to watch.
 
2013-12-06 10:11:48 PM

MadMattressMack: It's supposed the represent the ultimate sacrifice that God made. To send his own son to death at the hand of man to open the gates of heaven.


I still don't get that. Why does anyone have to die at all? I have to admit that I don't understand even the basic tenant of Christianity. What's really disconcerting is that no preacher has been able to explain it either.
 
2013-12-06 10:14:47 PM
hateandanger.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-12-06 10:14:59 PM

Donnchadha: buntz: I also don't understand why people place memorials on the side of the highway where loved ones were killed. I would prefer a memorial someplace that I "lived", something I was known for, something I enjoyed! A celebration of my life. Not a reminder of my death!

Have you ever noticed that only Christians are terrible drivers? You never see any Stars of David or Crescent Moons by the side of the road.


Lulz
 
2013-12-06 10:22:39 PM

simplicimus: Kibbler: A lot of people today would *love* having live crucifixions on TV.

It takes 2 to 3 days to die, usually. Might be a little boring to watch.


As opposed to network primetime?
 
2013-12-06 10:22:46 PM

Mugato: MadMattressMack: It's supposed the represent the ultimate sacrifice that God made. To send his own son to death at the hand of man to open the gates of heaven.

I still don't get that. Why does anyone have to die at all? I have to admit that I don't understand even the basic tenant of Christianity. What's really disconcerting is that no preacher has been able to explain it either.


Ancient folks seemed to have had a hardon for blood sacrifice, as if killing a gods creations somehow pleased said god, instead of pissing them off that you were wrecking their stuff.

The idea that God had to sacrifice himself to himself to change the rules he made himself is such a bizarre concept to me.
 
2013-12-06 10:23:41 PM

farkingismybusiness: [hateandanger.files.wordpress.com image 630x853]


Do you think Jesus ever made the sign of the cross?

In the name of the Me, Myself and I...
 
2013-12-06 10:25:50 PM
Scaphism. That is all.
 
2013-12-06 10:26:49 PM

Antimatter: The idea that God had to sacrifice himself to himself to change the rules he made himself is such a bizarre concept to me.


Good, I'm not the only one. "just because...shut up" never satisfied my curiosity on the subject.
 
2013-12-06 10:30:27 PM

Mugato: MadMattressMack: It's supposed the represent the ultimate sacrifice that God made. To send his own son to death at the hand of man to open the gates of heaven.

I still don't get that. Why does anyone have to die at all? I have to admit that I don't understand even the basic tenant of Christianity. What's really disconcerting is that no preacher has been able to explain it either.


Several lifetimes ago, I was a medical student at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. I began to encounter some difficulties in my medical career around the time they started making us show up at the hospital at 4 AM to stick our fingers up sad old dying mens' asses, and I began to have doubts about my chosen field, so I went to the student adviser for some advice on my issues.

I'll never forget it.

He drew a cliff on one side of a piece of paper. Then he drew another cliff on the other side of the paper. Between the two cliffs, he drew a cross bridging the two. He then explained I am on the cliff, and God is on the other side, and only Jesus (the cross) can possibly bridge the two.

I left in a sort of stunned disbelief. I never attended another class again.

/csb
 
2013-12-06 10:30:55 PM
Most experts agree, though, that what ultimately kills a crucified person is suffocation.

YES! I was right!
 
2013-12-06 10:34:48 PM

buntz: Went to Catholic school for 13 years and I still don't understand why the symbol of Christianity is the method by which their savior was killed?

No disrespect intended, but I sincerely don't get it.  Why is the cross, Jesus' electric chair, or firing squad, or gas chamber, or lethal injection, the symbol of holiness?

(I also don't understand why people place memorials on the side of the highway where loved ones were killed.  I would prefer a memorial someplace that I "lived", something I was known for, something I enjoyed!  A celebration of my life.  Not a reminder of my death!)


Heh. What's funny is that our pastor asked this exact same question.  Why not make the symbol for Christianity be a cave?  Considering that it's not just the sacrifice (crucifixion) but also by the resurrection by which we mortals are saved.

/Church of Nazarene
//man, that was DECADES ago
 
2013-12-06 10:45:46 PM

Mugato: MadMattressMack: It's supposed the represent the ultimate sacrifice that God made. To send his own son to death at the hand of man to open the gates of heaven.

I still don't get that. Why does anyone have to die at all? I have to admit that I don't understand even the basic tenant of Christianity. What's really disconcerting is that no preacher has been able to explain it either.


Because prior to that point the relationship between God and Man, in pretty much all societies, was seen in a sacrificial light. You gave things up to appease the thunderous sky wizard and maybe not get your house flooded, or maybe you'd get a son instead of a hated daughter. You removed your sins from yourself through the sacrifice, and then were no longer unclean (in societies that did not consider intent in profanity) or damned (in societies that did).

The core message of Christianity is contained in God's sacrifice, then. He literally incarnates part of himself, suffers, and dies, and is yet reborn, in the very last sacrifice anyone would ever have to make again. In Christian belief, one of the purposes of Jesus' coming was to completely end that former relationship between God and man, because as Jesus said it's a completely unworkable one. How, exactly, are you supposed to approach perfection by burning up a perfectly good cow or adhering to a really long list of rules you have to follow lest you, for some reason that makes absolutely no sense to you, become polluted? You don't. That kind of thing breeds resentment and hatred. Of course all the people in the Old Testament were cursing God. He's regularly sending plagues and crap and doesn't even offer a nice reward at the end of it. You go to sheol, which at best can be described as a really dismal place that nobody wants to go to. Job and Ecclesiastes, amongst others, are full of rage at God and the world he's made.

So instead, God turns the tables. Yes, it is impossible for human beings, via their own effort, to render themselves sufficiently pure to deal with an infinite divine being. One imagines that he made things work for people who did their best... but as the new world of social connections arose, that kind of really hostile relationship is going to make it harder and harder for people to be good and make the world a better place. This way, it's much easier. The crucifixion is a signal to everyone that God isn't interested in adhering to those strict forms anymore, that they were for our benefit but aren't needed as a way to relate to the Godhead anymore, and he wants to make it a lot less painful for people to follow God. Accept the gift, treat others with fairness, dignity, and kindness, and let other people know that they don't have to knock their heads eight times against the floor anymore. They just need to be the people they were always meant to be, and treat each other with love.

This message caught on like wildfire. This new way of dealing with God was a lot more reassuring and less anxiety-producing than what was there before.

Going beyond that starts going into "Why doesn't God just manifest before and speak to every one of us and tell us that this is how it goes and this is what happens if you don't believe" territory and that gets into knotty issues of free will and faith and grace and stuff.
 
2013-12-06 10:47:08 PM

Mugato: Antimatter: The idea that God had to sacrifice himself to himself to change the rules he made himself is such a bizarre concept to me.

Good, I'm not the only one. "just because...shut up" never satisfied my curiosity on the subject.


Pretty much.  I'm now of the belief that unless you were specifically raised to accept that without question, you really have no reason to even become a christian.
 
2013-12-06 10:50:14 PM
asset-b.soup.io
 
2013-12-06 10:55:51 PM
The worst part about crucifixion, and nobody ever mentions it, is the flies. You are driven absolutely rat-farking crazy before you finally suffocate yourself to death.

Still, nail em up, I say. Nail some sense into em.
 
2013-12-06 10:56:37 PM

Mugato: Antimatter: The idea that God had to sacrifice himself to himself to change the rules he made himself is such a bizarre concept to me.

Good, I'm not the only one. "just because...shut up" never satisfied my curiosity on the subject.


For God so lived the world he was willing to let his 33 year old son come back home to live in his basement after his second attempt at a career ended badly.
 
2013-12-06 10:58:14 PM

captainktainer: Because prior to that point the relationship between God and Man, in pretty much all societies, was seen in a sacrificial light. You gave things up to appease the thunderous sky wizard


You started out like you were being snarky but at the end of your post you sounded like every other preacher who tried to seriously explain the concept. I still don't know why anything had to be sacrificed in the first place, be it goats or a carpenter or God himself. Oh well, not going to make sense of any of it tonight.
 
2013-12-06 11:03:59 PM

buntz: Went to Catholic school for 13 years and I still don't understand why the symbol of Christianity is the method by which their savior was killed?

No disrespect intended, but I sincerely don't get it.  Why is the cross, Jesus' electric chair, or firing squad, or gas chamber, or lethal injection, the symbol of holiness?

(I also don't understand why people place memorials on the side of the highway where loved ones were killed.  I would prefer a memorial someplace that I "lived", something I was known for, something I enjoyed!  A celebration of my life.  Not a reminder of my death!)


Watch this video and part two and prepare to be kind of amazed.
 
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