FARK.com: (804857) Hawking: The stories in the media are completely false, and I am profoundly disappointed by the circulation of such personal and inaccurate information

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		Hawking: The stories in the media are completely false, and I am profoundly disappointed by the circulation of such personal and inaccurate information (telegraph.co.uk)		85
		More: Followup

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17664 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2004 at 1:53 PM | Favorite | share:

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Unfreakable		2004-01-23 01:32:46 PM

But it was on the internet! It must be true!

darkrose		2004-01-23 01:33:18 PM

This would make a good audio edit.

DownSouth		2004-01-23 01:34:12 PM

We so got Punk'd.

moth		2004-01-23 01:56:38 PM

You mean I don't get to see the worlds smartest man fukn his wife? Damnit. Well good I know now.

/cancelling airfare and returning maids outfit

farkin_catatonic		2004-01-23 01:56:51 PM

i ran into a door jamb. er, i mean, fell down the stairs...er, fell out of bed and hit my head on the bedside table...

i'll take his word for it, but reverse the roles, and who would believe a woman saying that?

/tries to reign in judgement

HolyoaK		2004-01-23 01:57:04 PM

Pfffft, he knows that if he doesn't put the lotion on his skin, he'll get the hose again.

Yodas Ugly Brother		2004-01-23 01:57:16 PM

Hawking: The stories in the media are completely false, and I am profoundly disappointed by the circulation of such personal and inaccurate information
What he really means is, "My wife has been beating me up, and if I tell on her then she is going to bite my testicles off"

Holy_Ell		2004-01-23 01:57:17 PM

His wife pimp slapped him before the interview.

Purple_Jack		2004-01-23 01:58:44 PM

...it says on this statement she 'asked' me to read out.

control		2004-01-23 01:58:48 PM

Too late. Professor Hawking is now a sex god among the astronomer B&D quad&nurse S&M fetishists.

biffstertim		2004-01-23 01:59:17 PM

Someone look for a code. Like every prime number position of characters in the statement, or something.

"HELP ME THE CRAZY biatchS TRYING TO KILL ME"

Bill_Wick's_Friend		2004-01-23 02:00:14 PM

Silence. I don't need anyone to talk for me!
.
.
.
. except this voice box

ivan		2004-01-23 02:03:00 PM

I think his wife made up all that time/space nonsense, too. She's a menace.

kevra		2004-01-23 02:03:05 PM

boom chaka-laka-laka boom chaka-laka-laka boom chaka-laka-laka

boom

Pablo_Roo		2004-01-23 02:05:03 PM

BULLshiat.

johnny_wadd		2004-01-23 02:07:49 PM

I read the Mirror article and didn't feel it worth my while to comment. I was underwhelmed (but not surprised) at the predominant "SHE"S A farkIN' biatch!!! BURN HER!!! BURN HER !!!! attitude of the ensuing posts.
Who the feck puts one iota of cedibility in the English National Enquirer? I fart in your general direction.

iwasrobot		2004-01-23 02:07:57 PM

he's gonna be really pissed when he finds out about all the internet geeks rappin on his tag

slobarnuts		2004-01-23 02:09:30 PM

they sabotaged his talk-box.

TheCharmerUnderMe		2004-01-23 02:10:26 PM

The wife H4x0rd his voice computer.

"...now. leave. me. alone. and. ignore. the. woman. behind. the. curtain."

ringersol		2004-01-23 02:12:52 PM

would suck to be Hawking and have some jackass h4x0r your talk box. I mean, it isn't like he'd have recourse to explain that it isn't him saying crap. and it isn't like voice-print analysis could demonstrate that it was an impersonator...

polysorbate80		2004-01-23 02:14:28 PM

As long as the monkey riding a dog was real, I'm happy.

I love that dog-ridin' monkey. Someone show it again!

First Post		2004-01-23 02:16:45 PM

"So when you see me comin biatch, you better duck
'cause Stephen Hawking is crazy as f*ck"

scavenger		2004-01-23 02:16:58 PM

I think it would be funny to mess with his voice box so that it would say "beedee beedee beedee" before every thing he said.

that's what I think.

Kent_Brockman_Allstars		2004-01-23 02:19:21 PM

Here is a monkey riding a dog.... don't know if it's the one you are looking for.

waitaminute...		2004-01-23 02:20:18 PM

Stephen Hawking's statement: "The allegations are completely untrue. But I'll tell you one thing that is true. The deals you get at Buff Whelan Chevrolet. They'll make you a deal that can't be beat.

Who's been messing with my voice box?"

willywanka		2004-01-23 02:23:38 PM

I am doffing my cap to tabloid press for this one. This is a big feat.

Seriously, how many of you out there would have EVER said this guy would make it inot the tabloids for:
a. abuse
b. sex stories

I mean really, the Michael Jackson/J. Lo crap is for amateurs...working this angle and getting it to fly takes talent.

SpaceAmoeba		2004-01-23 02:25:11 PM

scavenger

You owe me a keyboard. That hit me so hard and so rediculously that I nearly died trying not to attract attention to myself.

And I'm reasonably sure I'm going to hell for finding that so funny... :)

vdrog		2004-01-23 02:25:30 PM

Like all men - he's just thankful he's gettin some. Unlike all men - he doesn't feel the need to complain about it.

TheAnvil		2004-01-23 02:25:41 PM

Larry Flynt is right!

ForceMcCocken		2004-01-23 02:26:15 PM

Who would ever believe this crap?

MC Hawking would never stand for that kind of activity.

...

ookdalibrarian		2004-01-23 02:27:36 PM

Yet he can't explain the medical history of broken arms, wrists, cut throat etc. etc.

0ok

Awaiting the follow up after the police investigation

unexplained bacon		2004-01-23 02:27:41 PM

I can understand the problem his wife must be having

I mean you tell yourself
'don't punch Steven Hawking, don't punch Steven Hawking', and the next thing ya know you punched Steven Hawking

it's not her fault really, i have the same trouble with my grandma.

moth		2004-01-23 02:31:47 PM

un bacon:

I think it's your grandma's fault, cuz I have the same problem w/her.

senoy		2004-01-23 02:33:42 PM

Hey, he says he isn't being abused. In my mind case closed. Even if he is being abused, if he doesn't want to talk about it, I say we just let it go on until he changes his mind.

unexplained bacon		2004-01-23 02:33:43 PM

moth
you must be right who could resist,
sittin' there smuggly knitting me slippers. pheh

hehehehehe!

willywanka		2004-01-23 02:37:10 PM

don't you know its just a funny sounding, computer-generated cry for help?

polysorbate80		2004-01-23 02:39:17 PM

It's not the same monkey-riding-a-dog picture, but there is no such thing as a bad picture of a monkey riding a dog.

Thanks, Kent.

Elrik		2004-01-23 02:39:27 PM

"beedee beedee beedee"

chakalakasp		2004-01-23 02:39:55 PM

Translation:"Jesus Christ on a stick, I'm getting poontang here and all I can move is my friggin eyebrows. Cut me some f*cking slack, people!

Werbal_Kint		2004-01-23 02:40:08 PM

"Yes. Throw him in the tube. It was my idea."

Kent_Brockman_Allstars		2004-01-23 02:40:44 PM

I couldn't agree more....

Monkey riding a dog.... Ha!

Doonyman		2004-01-23 02:41:28 PM

Yeah, sure. You're not an S&M/voyeur freak, Steven. I belieeeeeeve you.
*wink*

Roark		2004-01-23 02:42:31 PM

Damn, I had the biggest crush on Erin Gray back in the Buck Rogers day. That silver plastic suit...faptacular.

unexplained bacon		2004-01-23 02:44:20 PM

ya know if everything plays out just right, this could be leading towards the best cops episode ever.

just imagine for a minute, steven would of course be in a beer-stained sleeveless t-shirt, while his wife would be holding a drink and a cigarette swearing up a storm

/i wonder if Mr. Hawking has swear words on his voicebox?

Uncle Bester		2004-01-23 02:45:01 PM

I need to hook up my buddy, who raises miniature horses, up with the monkey/dog people.

techmaniac		2004-01-23 02:45:39 PM

"The stories have misrepresented mine and my wife's fetishes. She doesn't use leather and riding crops, it's PVC and feathers. As for the broken wrist, I was a bad little generator for my horny mistress on that day."

/Steven "Beat Me" Hawking

bigpenguin		2004-01-23 02:47:58 PM

i have the good monkey riding a dog pic, but no way to post it. anyone?

farkin_catatonic		2004-01-23 02:48:20 PM

tech, you're going straight to hell, you know that right?

/wonders if laughing one's @ss off leads to hell too

cuppycake		2004-01-23 02:49:01 PM

I think drew should volunteer to help spice up his voice box with the words. "Boobies", "Weeners", and of course "Fark".

I'd definitely read "A brief history of the Farking Universe"

pyr8bwoy		2004-01-23 02:49:40 PM

did nayone else read that with the voice-box voice?

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