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(Miami Herald)   Totally appropriate things to buy your (former) loved ones this holiday season   (miamiherald.com) divider line 32
    More: Advice, Gift Guide, last month, Ebenezer Scrooge, Bob Cratchit  
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7724 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2013 at 4:29 PM (32 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-05 03:17:31 PM
i522.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-05 03:34:57 PM
Oh hey, I didn't know Dave Barry was even still alive!

I'll say one thing though- looking through the Harriet Carter site that one of the gifts came from there's LOTS of fun gag gifts for the fiancee's step-father. >:)
 
2013-12-05 04:11:12 PM
If they're a computer type, sign them up for MyCleanPC.  They'll love you for it forever.
 
2013-12-05 04:36:19 PM
Dave Berry is God.
 
2013-12-05 04:36:42 PM

Sybarite: [i522.photobucket.com image 640x457]


I want a Perfect Polly for my cat.  Should last 3 days before it's mauled into little pieces.
 
2013-12-05 04:39:14 PM
Wow that was lame, totally not up to the snarky standards I expect out of Dave Berry. He must be getting old.
 
2013-12-05 04:39:18 PM
I have StarRegistry.com templates.  Give me five dollars and I'll give you the gift of telling a loved one that there is a star out there just for them.  Extra for notary seal.

I also have fake Life Alert bracelets for those old relatives you don't want to see next year.  Oh and I know Veterans Day just passed but two free meals from Applebee's will pay for a fake DD214.

The holidays are about giving.
 
2013-12-05 04:40:30 PM
I read all of these posts in Todd Barry's voice before I realized these were two different people. I regret nothing.
 
2013-12-05 04:41:54 PM
i676.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-05 04:41:54 PM

Sybarite: [i522.photobucket.com image 640x457]


1.bp.blogspot.com
PRETTY BIRD
 
2013-12-05 04:42:30 PM
DUMB AND DUMBER SIMULPOST!
www.maniacworld.com
 
2013-12-05 04:56:02 PM
The Christmas after my parents split up my grandma on my dad's side got me a megaphone. The toy of a 9 year old's dreams. It even had a siren. Ah, I loved it so.
 
2013-12-05 05:00:09 PM
Dave Barry 2016
 
2013-12-05 05:02:43 PM

PainInTheASP: If they're a computer type, sign them up for MyCleanPC.  They'll love you for it forever.


that's just...i just....i don't know if i should laugh or hate you for that.

/Computer type
//hilarity would ensue
 
2013-12-05 05:11:19 PM

Russ1642: Dave Barry 2016


He's old, but he ain't THAT old. Actually, he's only 66.
 
2013-12-05 05:11:27 PM

Treygreen13: Sybarite: [i522.photobucket.com image 640x457]


PRETTY BIRD


impressive
 
2013-12-05 05:12:22 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Russ1642: Dave Barry 2016

He's old, but he ain't THAT old. Actually, he's only 66.


Huh?
 
2013-12-05 05:16:05 PM
Am I the only one who got far enough through the list that the Miami Herald got tired of me reading their ad-packed webpages for free and redirected me to an article about Jameis Winston?
 
2013-12-05 05:16:10 PM
Dave Barry - Reader's Digest "Best Comedian of the Year" for 25 Straight Years!
 
2013-12-05 05:16:38 PM

Russ1642: Sin_City_Superhero: Russ1642: Dave Barry 2016

He's old, but he ain't THAT old. Actually, he's only 66.

Huh?


He was born July 3, 1947. 66 years old. Not 2,016 years old.

Yes, I know what you were saying...
 
2013-12-05 05:27:00 PM

Treygreen13: DUMB AND DUMBER SIMULPOST!


List may have been lame, but this was EPIC!
 
2013-12-05 06:05:44 PM
~It isn't too late to send my ex a straight jacket to keep nice and snug this holiday season.~
 
2013-12-05 06:31:52 PM

Zachery: Am I the only one who got far enough through the list that the Miami Herald got tired of me reading their ad-packed webpages for free and redirected me to an article about Jameis Winston?


Nope, you're not the only one.
 
2013-12-05 07:44:54 PM
May I be the first to suggest:

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears

Only for people you truly hate and wish to never see again.

\except possibly in court.
\the reviews will do almost as much damage as the product itself.
\found in a fark thread many a moon ago
 
2013-12-05 08:14:33 PM

FrancoFile: Zachery: Am I the only one who got far enough through the list that the Miami Herald got tired of me reading their ad-packed webpages for free and redirected me to an article about Jameis Winston?

Nope, you're not the only one.


I was redirected to some story about some dead non-white guy that did some stuff, then died, or something...
 
2013-12-05 08:37:17 PM
How about a real turd disguised as a fake plastic one?
 
2013-12-05 09:18:48 PM
Let your ex spouse keep the kids and at the first Xmas apart get the kids a drum set and a stratocaster with a giant Marshall amp.
 
2013-12-05 09:26:45 PM

Zachery: Am I the only one who got far enough through the list that the Miami Herald got tired of me reading their ad-packed webpages for free and redirected me to an article about Jameis Winston?


Yep.  I got Nelson Mandela.
 
2013-12-05 11:52:02 PM

Oliver Twisted: Zachery: Am I the only one who got far enough through the list that the Miami Herald got tired of me reading their ad-packed webpages for free and redirected me to an article about Jameis Winston?

Yep.  I got Nelson Mandela.


I made it to the end!  Do I win a prize?
/hope it's not those Haribo Sugarless Gummis linked above.
 
2013-12-06 12:02:31 AM
What to get an ex-....hmm...

How about a classy picture frame, with you and your current squeeze, on a holiday, in some place where you and the ex wanted to visit?


/what do I win?
 
2013-12-06 01:58:44 AM
Don't bother with the shiatty click-fest, the only one remotely amusing is the last about Prism Glasses;

"These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle - possibly photosynthesis - to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down. This means you can watch television while lying flat on your back, which can be very handy. Or say you're a guy, and you're talking to a woman who happens to have - as so many women do these days - breasts. You don't want to be caught looking at them, but you hear them calling out to you in breast language, which only guys can hear, saying: "Here we are! Down here! Don't you want to take a gander?" If you're wearing these glasses, you CAN take that gander, while appearing to be making eye contact, thanks to science!"
 
2013-12-06 02:06:00 AM

Ned Stark: The Christmas after my parents split up my grandma on my dad's side got me a megaphone. The toy of a 9 year old's dreams. It even had a siren. Ah, I loved it so.


When I was a youngster in the early to mid 80s I got a megaphone type thing that had various sirens. My weird neighbor friend always wanted me to ride my bike really slowly with the siren on while he limped and hobbled ahead of me pretending he was Terry Fox. It wasn't that fun, but he did a decent impression for a 7 year old.
 
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