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(Slate)   My daughter wants to bring her boyfriend to Christmas dinner. Which would be fine if she didn't bring her husband, too   (slate.com) divider line 190
    More: Unlikely, daughter wants, dinner, boyfriends  
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15490 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2013 at 1:47 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-05 09:41:00 AM  
Not that unlikely. I was at a dinner with my wife's cousins where the (divorcing) husband was invited because his in-laws liked him, and thought that he needed a "nice" holiday dinner. Nobody but me thought it awkward.
 
2013-12-05 09:53:50 AM  

exvaxman: Not that unlikely. I was at a dinner with my wife's cousins where the (divorcing) husband was invited because his in-laws liked him, and thought that he needed a "nice" holiday dinner. Nobody but me thought it awkward.


I hear where you're coming from (my fiance's family loves her brother's ex-wife and invite her everywhere), but this is a tad different. Your wife isn't still sleeping with the divorcing husband while sleeping with you.

I don't think any dad likes the idea of his daughter getting it from two (or more) men. It can cause that "I didn't raise a slut" attitude to pop in. And I'm not saying she is a slut by any means, just what he's probably thinking.
 
2013-12-05 10:55:14 AM  
From the 2nd one.

After I accepted I received the following message via social media from an old acquaintance: "Hey I'm wondering if you could not go to the party so that I can attend. I kind of dislike you that much. Much appreciated."

What's to query? That's awesome. Tell the person you won't be going, but go anyway and fark around with them. Oh I'd love that.
 
2013-12-05 12:29:20 PM  
my csb:
When I got married to my first husband, I wanted to invite my father's 3rd ex-wife (my 2nd step-mother).  My father vetoed that idea, saying he thought it would be tacky.

Then he insisted that I invite both his girlfriends...including the married one...who had to come with her husband.

My very, very Catholic in-laws were not let in on how that relationship worked.
 
2013-12-05 12:42:11 PM  
Well, if this is truly an "open relationship", then the husband should just bring at least 3 of his side girlfriends, and loan one to dad for a bit, that should smooth things over enough.
 
2013-12-05 12:43:11 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-05 01:02:40 PM  
Once your child reaches about 16 years old there is very little you can do to shape their choices in life.  Accept them for who they are and provide guidance when asked.  And if you want them to hate you, by all means pass judgement on them and their friends.  Who doesn't want to die alone?
 
2013-12-05 01:03:29 PM  
That whole childhood bedroom thing should get interesting.
 
2013-12-05 01:04:41 PM  
I say if "Tom" brings a dish for dinner and a present for gift exchange tell hubby to STFU.
 
2013-12-05 01:13:34 PM  

exvaxman: Not that unlikely. I was at a dinner with my wife's cousins where the (divorcing) husband was invited because his in-laws liked him, and thought that he needed a "nice" holiday dinner. Nobody but me thought it awkward.


My daughter and I spend Thanksgiving and/or Christmas with my ex-husband and his parents just about every other year.  The years I don't are usually because he has a girlfriend he wants to bring.
 
2013-12-05 01:25:51 PM  

Slaxl: From the 2nd one.

After I accepted I received the following message via social media from an old acquaintance: "Hey I'm wondering if you could not go to the party so that I can attend. I kind of dislike you that much. Much appreciated."

What's to query? That's awesome. Tell the person you won't be going, but go anyway and fark around with them. Oh I'd love that.


That could backfire. A person like that is likely pretty unhinged and could be packing heat.
 
2013-12-05 01:49:43 PM  

Diogenes: I say if "Tom" brings a dish for dinner and a present for gift exchange tell hubby to STFU.


This.  Especially if his gift is good booze.
 
2013-12-05 01:50:38 PM  
What's the big deal? People in Alabama never have more than one male at the dinner table?

/ducks.
 
2013-12-05 01:50:45 PM  
Letter writer answered her own question: if all parties to the poly relationship are cool and consenting, there is no problem.

Prudie is prude-y as usual, though:
"so I can understand your husband's point of view that he attended Amanda's wedding to Jacob, where she vowed to forsake all others, including every Tom, Dick, and Harry."

Oh did she, now? This is 2013 and that sounds facile as fark.
 
2013-12-05 01:51:35 PM  

Carn: Diogenes: I say if "Tom" brings a dish for dinner and a present for gift exchange tell hubby to STFU.

This.  Especially if his gift is good booze.


What if the dish if Beef Wellington?.
 
2013-12-05 01:51:46 PM  
I saw a clip of this on x-hamster.
 
2013-12-05 01:52:44 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: Once your child reaches about 16 years old there is very little you can do to shape their choices in life.  Accept them for who they are and provide guidance when asked.  And if you want them to hate you, by all means pass judgement on them and their friends.  Who doesn't want to die alone?


there is always honor killing.
 
2013-12-05 01:52:55 PM  
Too many greasy pony tails.
 
2013-12-05 01:53:04 PM  
i42.tinypic.com
 
2013-12-05 01:53:39 PM  
Was the letter written by a certain Jaguar fan's mom?
 
2013-12-05 01:53:50 PM  

scottydoesntknow: I don't think any dad likes the idea of his daughter getting it from two (or more) men. It can cause that "I didn't raise a slut" attitude to pop in. And I'm not saying she is a slut by any means, just what he's probably thinking.


Came to say this.  He's upset because his daughter is a little slut in his mind
 
2013-12-05 01:54:57 PM  
Husband for money and stability, boyfriend for sex and emotions.
 
2013-12-05 01:55:30 PM  
I'm not a selfish twat, I'm polyamorous.
 
2013-12-05 01:55:41 PM  

CygnusDarius: Carn: Diogenes: I say if "Tom" brings a dish for dinner and a present for gift exchange tell hubby to STFU.

This.  Especially if his gift is good booze.

What if the dish if Beef Wellington?.


I don't get it so I'll say no problem.
 
2013-12-05 01:57:03 PM  

Carn: CygnusDarius: Carn: Diogenes: I say if "Tom" brings a dish for dinner and a present for gift exchange tell hubby to STFU.

This.  Especially if his gift is good booze.

What if the dish if Beef Wellington?.

I don't get it so I'll say no problem.


On a personal experience, the dish is glorious, but I can't cook it because I either ruin the crust or the meat.
 
2013-12-05 01:57:45 PM  
If I had a daughter, I know I wouldn't want to be forced to process two dudes banging her, much less at a family dinner with some allegedly post-modern "humor" thrown in to be sure.  It's like everyone has decided to push their luck this decade.

Wow.
 
2013-12-05 01:59:47 PM  
what they do in private is none of your business.

Right, however this is not in private, this is in public.  The father doesn't want to let her bring her boyfriend to dinner because he does not agree with her choice.  Letting the boyfriend come is a signal to all who attend that he is okay with it.  There's a difference between the mindset of "I accept that it's your choice" and "I agree and support your choice."  Just as the daughter wants acceptance for her beliefs, she should similarly accept her father's beliefs.
 
2013-12-05 01:59:48 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: Once your child reaches about 16 years old there is very little you can do to shape their choices in life.  Accept them for who they are and provide guidance when asked.  And if you want them to hate you, by all means pass judgement on them and their friends.  Who doesn't want to die alone?


Most people who profess they hate their parents after they've reached 16 have already had a solid foundation of hate laid for them during their first 16 years alive.
 
2013-12-05 02:00:18 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: [img.photobucket.com image 480x320]


I rather liked this movie.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-12-05 02:01:24 PM  
Came to say this.  He's upset because his daughter is a little slut in his mind


His daughter is a little slut. The problem lies in that being perceived as a negative.
 
2013-12-05 02:01:39 PM  

walktoanarcade: It's like everyone has decided to push their luck this decade.


Said the population above a specific age, every decade for all of recorded history.
 
2013-12-05 02:01:43 PM  
I'm just glad this Dear Prudence article wasn't about incest. For a change. (Or was it? I didn't read TFA.)
 
2013-12-05 02:01:57 PM  

ltdanman44: scottydoesntknow: I don't think any dad likes the idea of his daughter getting it from two (or more) men. It can cause that "I didn't raise a slut" attitude to pop in. And I'm not saying she is a slut by any means, just what he's probably thinking.

Came to say this.  He's upset because his daughter is a little slut in his mind


Maybe that turns him on a tish?  And that angers him.  I think dada has some farking baggage and is also upset that his own daughter is living a happy and open life.
 
2013-12-05 02:02:20 PM  
I wonder how subby would feel about his wife inviting her girlfriend over for a New Years Eve party for three.
 
2013-12-05 02:02:32 PM  
My mother-in-law hosted family christmas at her B&B one year, family from out of state, my parents, all of us there in her cozy home...
along with her long time live-in boyfriend, who is a bit of a shmo...
and her new boyfriend who took her dancing and out to dinner...

That was loads of fun...   a month later Shmo left and new guy and her started down the road to the purgatory they now revel in, a purgatory of dumb, ignorance, derpitude, holier than thou born agains ism mixed with ideological racism...

Honestly, if she had at least not done that in front of all of us, leaving us to be uncomfortable the whole time it would not have been that bad,
but she used Christmas as the stage for some sort of Boyfriend coup d'etat statement of her personal relationships...
 
2013-12-05 02:03:23 PM  

scottydoesntknow: I don't think any dad likes the idea of his daughter getting it from two (or more) men. It can cause that "I didn't raise a slut" attitude to pop in. And I'm not saying she is a slut by any means, just what he's probably thinking


She's not a slut.
She is only inviting two of the men she's been slagging over.
 
2013-12-05 02:03:28 PM  

Mitch Taylor's Bro: I'm just glad this Dear Prudence article wasn't about incest. For a change. (Or was it? I didn't read TFA.)


So she married her brother, but her cousin is her boyfriend?.
 
2013-12-05 02:03:45 PM  
Anybody else noticed that the (alleged) letter writer signed it "Stuck in the Middle?"

I'm not saying I believe it, but it's good.
 
2013-12-05 02:03:54 PM  

ProfessorOhki: walktoanarcade: It's like everyone has decided to push their luck this decade.

Said the population above a specific age, every decade for all of recorded history.


You may need to learn the differences between tolerance, acceptance, and respect.
 
2013-12-05 02:04:50 PM  

Prey4reign: Marcus Aurelius: Once your child reaches about 16 years old there is very little you can do to shape their choices in life.  Accept them for who they are and provide guidance when asked.  And if you want them to hate you, by all means pass judgement on them and their friends.  Who doesn't want to die alone?

Most people who profess they hate their parents after they've reached 16 have already had a solid foundation of hate laid for them during their first 16 years alive.


are you underaged or severely deprived of any interaction with children and young adults?
16 is right where all the groundless hate, resentment, rebellion flourishes until it starts to die out in the later 20s when the individual starts to understand and know better.

granted there are exceptions where 0-16 had plenty of reason for hatred, but the opposite above is by far the norm.
 
2013-12-05 02:05:03 PM  

lennavan: Right, however this is not in private, this is in public. The father doesn't want to let her bring her boyfriend to dinner because he does not agree with her choice. Letting the boyfriend come is a signal to all who attend that he is okay with it. There's a difference between the mindset of "I accept that it's your choice" and "I agree and support your choice." Just as the daughter wants acceptance for her beliefs, she should similarly accept her father's beliefs.


No, it's not. It would be a signal to all who attend that the father cares more about welcoming and being together with family than about passing petty judgment on them. Nobody agrees with everything their children do, or everyone they love.
 
2013-12-05 02:06:09 PM  

ltdanman44: scottydoesntknow: I don't think any dad likes the idea of his daughter getting it from two (or more) men. It can cause that "I didn't raise a slut" attitude to pop in. And I'm not saying she is a slut by any means, just what he's probably thinking.

Came to say this.  He's upset because his daughter is a little slut in his mind


^Thatness
 
2013-12-05 02:07:07 PM  
You people have some farked up families.
 
2013-12-05 02:07:34 PM  
sounds like she's going to get plenty of stuffing.
 
2013-12-05 02:07:41 PM  
No, it's not. It would be a signal to all who attend that the father cares more about welcoming and being together with family than about passing petty judgment on them. Nobody agrees with everything their children do, or everyone they love.


Please remember that when your son becomes a neo-Nazi
 
2013-12-05 02:07:51 PM  

Rent Party: You people have some farked up families.


My family's full of politicians.
 
2013-12-05 02:07:52 PM  
What's not mentioned here is that the daughter has to know that dad isn't uncomfortable with the situation. By inviting "Tom" over, she's kind of rubbing daddy's nose in it. Maybe she's just looking for acceptance, but the way to do that is through a one-on-one conversation, not by dragging the issue in front of everybody. I'm gonna have to take dad's side here and say no go.
 
2013-12-05 02:08:59 PM  

Wellon Dowd: I saw a clip of this on x-hamster.


Was it one of those exactly 6:00 length ones that cuts out all the good parts?
 
2013-12-05 02:09:03 PM  

farkeruk: sounds like she's going to get plenty of stuffing.


So much, she didn't even bother with the dressing.
 
2013-12-05 02:09:07 PM  
FTA: "...she vowed to forsake all others, including every Tom, Dick, and Harry..."

Well two out of three isn't bad.
 
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