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(Deadline)   In light of the success of their series The Bible, the History channel is thinking about developing a new series "Jesus: The Lost Years" which may include frat parties, hookers & blow and an exorcism   (deadline.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, exorcisms, History Channel, New York Film Critics Circle, supernatural drama, John the Baptist, rat race, Pontius Pilate, Amityville Horror  
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337 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 04 Dec 2013 at 12:14 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-04 11:13:44 AM  
Sounds, "Gospel of Thomas"-ish
 
2013-12-04 11:20:57 AM  
You forgot his time as an architect. Jesus was an architect, previous to his years as a prophet.
 
2013-12-04 11:33:18 AM  

They could just do a movie version...

i1123.photobucket.com 

 
2013-12-04 11:42:19 AM  
I like the story where Jesus totally pwnded that Balrog too. Awesome raid!
 
2013-12-04 12:03:55 PM  

Nabb1: You forgot his time as an architect. Jesus was an architect, previous to his years as a prophet.


There's only one thing left to do in this thread now....ding-a ding dang, my dang a-long ling-long...
 
2013-12-04 12:07:13 PM  

UberDave: Nabb1: You forgot his time as an architect. Jesus was an architect, previous to his years as a prophet.

There's only one thing left to do in this thread now....ding-a ding dang, my dang a-long ling-long...


Nobody with a good car needs to worry about nothing.  Do you understand?
 
2013-12-04 12:17:20 PM  
Always thought that Jesus' Lost Years were basically like Fist of the North Star...

/YOU WA SHOCK!!!
 
2013-12-04 12:19:06 PM  
This sound gnosty......


/I am sorry
 
2013-12-04 12:22:53 PM  
I can see it now, Jesus chases a stolen artifact onto a circus train and falls into a pen full of snakes. That's where his lifelong fear of snakes begins.
 
2013-12-04 12:23:55 PM  

Rev. Skarekroe: UberDave: Nabb1: You forgot his time as an architect. Jesus was an architect, previous to his years as a prophet.

There's only one thing left to do in this thread now....ding-a ding dang, my dang a-long ling-long...

Nobody with a good car needs to worry about nothing.  Do you understand?


And I'll tell you why!  I come along way since I believed in anything.   I come half way around the world.
 
2013-12-04 12:25:37 PM  
 
2013-12-04 12:28:16 PM  
Birth, wise men, traveling due to dreams, that story about being lost and then found in a temple, two decades of nothing reported, 33 year old Jesus.

For the son of God, there is alot of missing information about his life.
 
2013-12-04 12:28:45 PM  
windycitizensports.files.wordpress.com

I like to think of Teenage Jesus as sort of like that kid in school that everyone thought was a weirdo because he was always reading a book at recess and never really talked to anyone? So everyone ignores him or picks on him and he's never doing anything about it, but then one day you're paired up with him in science class and you're all like "Oh great, the weirdo kid". But you get to talking and it turns out that he can name, like, every X-Men ever created - their names and their powers and who they've teamed up with and everything - and he's got a whole stack of back issues that he'll let you come over and read after school whenever you want.
 
2013-12-04 12:33:25 PM  
So Jesus was hanging out with ancient pawn-shopping, tree-cutting ice road trucking aliens while writing apocalyptic prophecies?
 
2013-12-04 12:36:25 PM  
 
2013-12-04 12:39:59 PM  
Jesus and Judas were best friends
 
2013-12-04 12:42:11 PM  
Do it.  I'm interested in seeing what kind of shiat they make up.
 
2013-12-04 12:57:51 PM  
Sweet. I hope it focuses on the adventures of Jesus and Velociraptor.

farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-12-04 01:02:15 PM  
Do a series based on all those excised parts of the Bible, where Jesus is like a young Clark Kent, doing miracles and getting into trouble with the local street toughs. I can go either way on a Smallville version or the gritty, troubled Man of Steel version.
 
2013-12-04 01:03:49 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Sounds, "Gospel of Thomas"-ish


The Infancy Gospel, definitely. (There's another "Gospel of Thomas" that is just a bunch of quips by Jesus.)

In the Infancy Gospel, little boy Jesus is a badass:

• 5-year old Jesus makes birds out of clay. A local jew complains to Joseph that Jesus isn't supposed to be working on the Sabbath. To spite the Jew, Jesus decides to bring the birds to life.

• Another kid messes with some puddles that Jesus had made, so Jesus puts a curse on the kid and he immediately withers up.

• Another kid bumps up against Jesus while walking down the street. Jesus puts the whammy on the kid, and he falls down and dies. That kid's parents go to Joseph and ask him to either make Jesus be nicer or just move the family out of town before he kills even more: "Thou that hast such a child canst not dwell with us in the village, or do thou teach him to bless and not to curse, for he slayeth our children." Joseph goes and lectures Jesus about being nicer, and Jesus responds by making the kid's parents go blind. Joseph responds by pinching Jesus' ear.

• A teacher offers to take young Jesus on as a student. The teacher starts to teach Jesus about the alphabet, but Jesus goes off on a long crazy rant about the letter "A." The teacher begs Joseph to take freaky weirdo Jesus back: "Woe is me, wretch that I am, I am confounded: I have brought shame to myself by drawing to me this young child. Take him away, therefore I beseech thee, my brother Joseph."

• Jesus then pipes up with a "just kidding!" and suddenly heals the people he cursed/blinded. Nevertheless, everybody is scares shiatless of him: "And no man after that durst provoke him, lest he should curse him, and he should be maimed."

• Jesus is playing with a friend in a room on the second floor of a house. The friend falls out of the second-story window and dies. His parents come and accuse Jesus of pushing the kid out the window. Jesus denies pushing him, and, to prove his point, raises the kid from the dead just so he can ask the kid if he had pushed him out.

• Mary sends Jesus out to get some water. He accidentally breaks the clay pitcher he was carrying, so instead, he fills his pants (well, "his garment") with water and carries that home. Mary is thrilled.

• Joseph is building a bed for a customer, but mis-measures a key piece of wood, leaving it too short. Jesus takes the piece of wood and stretches it (!) so that it fits.

• Joseph hires another teacher to teach Jesus how to read. Jesus sasses the teacher, so the teacher smacks him on the head. Jesus curses the teacher to pass out and fall on his face. Jesus then leaves the passed-out (dead?) teacher and walks home. Joseph says to Mary: "Let him not [go] forth out the door, for all they die that provoke him to wrath."

• A third teacher tries to teach Jesus to read, but it turns out, Jesus already knows how. The teacher tells Joseph what a good student Jesus is, and Jesus decides to relent and lift the curse he put on the second teacher (the one he left passed out).

• Jesus' brother James is sent out to get firewood, and Jesus tags along. James gets bitten by a poisonous snake and is about to die. Jesus breathes on the wound, and James is cured. Then the snake explodes. Seriously.

• Young Jesus comes across a baby who is dying. Jesus heals the baby, and tells the baby's mother to start nursing him, but to think about Jesus while she does.

• Jesus comes across a construction site where one of the workers has died. Jesus revives him, and then tells him to get back to work.
 
2013-12-04 01:10:32 PM  

Uzzah: Another kid bumps up against Jesus while walking down the street. Jesus puts the whammy on the kid, and he falls down and dies. That kid's parents go to Joseph and ask him to either make Jesus be nicer or just move the family out of town before he kills even more: "Thou that hast such a child canst not dwell with us in the village, or do thou teach him to bless and not to curse, for he slayeth our children." Joseph goes and lectures Jesus about being nicer, and Jesus responds by making the kid's parents go blind. Joseph responds by pinching Jesus' ear.


i.imgur.com

"But it's good that you're making it snow, Jesus, - it's real good. And tomorrow - tomorrow's going to be a real good day!"
 
2013-12-04 01:14:09 PM  
I'd watch a series about Jesus' awkward teen/young adult years, where he's just a confused young Jew in various fish out of water situations around the Old World, using his magical powers to occasionally right some wrong or get into hijinks.

Like Caine, in the Kung Fu, but with more of a young Jason Biggs vibe.
 
2013-12-04 01:21:30 PM  

Dancin_In_Anson: They could just do a movie version...

[i1123.photobucket.com image 379x564]


Beat me to it, Dancin.  LOVE that book!
 
2013-12-04 01:22:37 PM  
Was the Eastern Star an alien spacecraft?  I'm not saying it was aliens... but it was aliens.
 
2013-12-04 01:23:02 PM  

severedtoe: Rev. Skarekroe: UberDave: Nabb1: You forgot his time as an architect. Jesus was an architect, previous to his years as a prophet.

There's only one thing left to do in this thread now....ding-a ding dang, my dang a-long ling-long...

Nobody with a good car needs to worry about nothing.  Do you understand?

And I'll tell you why!  I come along way since I believed in anything.   I come half way around the world.


He built a hell of a hot rod.
 
2013-12-04 01:39:23 PM  

Dancin_In_Anson: They could just do a movie version...

[i1123.photobucket.com image 379x564]




I would love to see the reaction to that movie. It would make the reception that "The Last Temptation of Christ" got look like the second coming.

I'd settle for a "Bloodsucking Fiends" movie right now. But I don't know if they could ever do justice to the story of Philly.
 
2013-12-04 01:48:01 PM  
Will it show Jesus finger banging Judas as punishment for his betrayal?
 
2013-12-04 01:59:42 PM  
He's bound for New Orleans.
 
2013-12-04 02:16:27 PM  
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

-Luke 23:34
 
2013-12-04 02:22:33 PM  
As if there are no other creation myths or legendary tales to make into a TV series.
 
2013-12-04 02:22:35 PM  

max_pooper: Jesus: the Missing Years


That better be John Prine . . .  (checks) . . . yes indeed. On of my favorite Prine tunes.

/he recorded with the Stones
 
2013-12-04 02:43:09 PM  

Uzzah: • Jesus is playing with a friend in a room on the second floor of a house. The friend falls out of the second-story window and dies. His parents come and accuse Jesus of pushing the kid out the window. Jesus denies pushing him, and, to prove his point, raises the kid from the dead just so he can ask the kid if he had pushed him out.


"Did I push you?"
"No, Jesus, you didn't."
"Okay, thanks, buddy. You can go back to being dead now."
"Gggkk..."
 
2013-12-04 03:38:32 PM  
And yet if I leave town with a waittress for one weekend, the whole world knows about it.
 
2013-12-04 03:41:41 PM  

Uzzah: In the Infancy Gospel, little boy Jesus is a badass:


I like this Jesus. He has absolutely no morality whatsoever and seems to act entirely on impulse -- essentially, like any kid with superpowers. I think a series based on this kind of Jesus would work. I'm thinking like a Hercules or Xena-style show.
 
2013-12-04 03:43:54 PM  
Here's betting they'll still figure out a way to fit in the Obama Devil.
 
2013-12-04 04:35:08 PM  
It's the History Channel, so...aliens, right?
 
2013-12-04 05:00:18 PM  

Flappyhead: Here's betting they'll still figure out a way to fit in the Obama Devil.


Dick Cheney worships Obama?
 
2013-12-04 05:17:00 PM  

RockNStroll: It's the History Channel, so...aliens, right?


I don't know if it's really aliens.  Let me call a buddy of mine down here who's an expert on aliens and we'll sort this out.
 
2013-12-04 05:19:35 PM  

dilettantegrrl: Dancin_In_Anson: They could just do a movie version...

[i1123.photobucket.com image 379x564]

Beat me to it, Dancin.  LOVE that book!


Ayup. Came to propose Lamb as well.
 
2013-12-04 06:33:45 PM  

Uzzah: Because People in power are Stupid: Sounds, "Gospel of Thomas"-ish

The Infancy Gospel, definitely. (There's another "Gospel of Thomas" that is just a bunch of quips by Jesus.)

In the Infancy Gospel, little boy Jesus is a badass:

• 5-year old Jesus makes birds out of clay. A local jew complains to Joseph that Jesus isn't supposed to be working on the Sabbath. To spite the Jew, Jesus decides to bring the birds to life.

• Another kid messes with some puddles that Jesus had made, so Jesus puts a curse on the kid and he immediately withers up.

• Another kid bumps up against Jesus while walking down the street. Jesus puts the whammy on the kid, and he falls down and dies. That kid's parents go to Joseph and ask him to either make Jesus be nicer or just move the family out of town before he kills even more: "Thou that hast such a child canst not dwell with us in the village, or do thou teach him to bless and not to curse, for he slayeth our children." Joseph goes and lectures Jesus about being nicer, and Jesus responds by making the kid's parents go blind. Joseph responds by pinching Jesus' ear.

• A teacher offers to take young Jesus on as a student. The teacher starts to teach Jesus about the alphabet, but Jesus goes off on a long crazy rant about the letter "A." The teacher begs Joseph to take freaky weirdo Jesus back: "Woe is me, wretch that I am, I am confounded: I have brought shame to myself by drawing to me this young child. Take him away, therefore I beseech thee, my brother Joseph."

• Jesus then pipes up with a "just kidding!" and suddenly heals the people he cursed/blinded. Nevertheless, everybody is scares shiatless of him: "And no man after that durst provoke him, lest he should curse him, and he should be maimed."

• Jesus is playing with a friend in a room on the second floor of a house. The friend falls out of the second-story window and dies. His parents come and accuse Jesus of pushing the kid out the window. Jesus denies pushing him, ...


Jesus was a real riot back then.
 
2013-12-04 06:38:37 PM  

NeverDrunk23: Birth, wise men, traveling due to dreams, that story about being lost and then found in a temple, two decades of nothing reported, 33 year old Jesus.

For the son of God, there is alot of missing information about his life.


Did you do anything between age 13 and 30 that YOU want made into a miniseries?
 
2013-12-04 08:01:17 PM  
it's a decent john prine album?
 
2013-12-04 08:51:19 PM  

Dancin_In_Anson: They could just do a movie version...

[i1123.photobucket.com image 379x564]


Came here for this. Leaving satisfied.
 
2013-12-04 09:51:22 PM  
Is Jesus in the Temple?
 
2013-12-05 11:56:24 AM  
What? No "Mohammad the pedophile years"? Just sayin'.
 
2013-12-05 11:56:45 AM  
No mention yet of Christopher Moore's Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal?
 
2013-12-05 04:33:32 PM  

LazarusLong42: No mention yet of Christopher Moore's Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal?


You mean the third post?
 
2013-12-05 05:06:47 PM  

Cerebral Knievel: LazarusLong42: No mention yet of Christopher Moore's Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal?

You mean the third post?


That post is, fortunately, invisible.
 
2013-12-05 09:22:07 PM  

LazarusLong42: Cerebral Knievel: LazarusLong42: No mention yet of Christopher Moore's Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal?

You mean the third post?

That post is, fortunately, invisible.


Oh dear, I'm sorry, I didn't realize there where tizzies.. I tried to respond to the issue earlier, but the bottling line at the brewery distracted me with it's incessant need for attention

Mr. Moore's book as well , all his books really have all been optioned. and I would love to see lamb turned into a movie, But, as much as I see the movie "Wholly Moses" not being able to be made in this day and age, L,TGATB even more so. and that makes me sad, because that book alone I like to read at least once a year to reconfirm my tenous grasp of christian faith, and always keep a paper back copy around to give away to anyone I feel might be a true believer.


with all that said.. my ALL TIME favorite book is still the island of the sequined love nun
 
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