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(Telegraph)   Lawsuit demands 'legal personhood' for chimpanzees. This is how the ape uprising begins   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 127
    More: Stupid, habeas corpus, English law, Stony Brook University  
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2009 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2013 at 2:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



127 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-03 02:08:18 PM  
This isn't any more or any less stupid than corporate personhood.
 
2013-12-03 02:08:24 PM  
Jerry was a man.
 
2013-12-03 02:08:42 PM  
Pray for Mojo.
 
2013-12-03 02:08:48 PM  
Ok. Dogs too.
 
2013-12-03 02:10:13 PM  
Get your stinkin' paws off me, you damned dirty ape!
 
2013-12-03 02:11:01 PM  
Sweet!  I can finally get a bathroom monkey!!!

majikthise.typepad.com
 
2013-12-03 02:11:09 PM  
Didnt this happen in Germany or something a few years back?
 
2013-12-03 02:11:17 PM  
Can you say "Dorks", boys and girls?
 
2013-12-03 02:11:21 PM  
So if a chimp kills another chimp, do we try it for murder?

And what about indecency? They are always nude... that's obscene!
 
2013-12-03 02:11:25 PM  

i253.photobucket.com

This is totally off the record but me an my client would be willing to settle out of court for the film rights and a bunch of grapes. Okay half a bunch of grapes and ten points on the film rights. Okay, a quarter of a bunch of grapes and no film rights whatsoever but I get to indignantly throw poo at you during the signing of the agreement, I have my pride.
 
2013-12-03 02:11:36 PM  

FarkedOver: This isn't any more or any less stupid than corporate personhood.


Or fetal personhood.

/get this ball rollin'
 
2013-12-03 02:11:56 PM  
I'd be better with this than fetal personhood.
 
2013-12-03 02:12:08 PM  
There should be strict laws preventing humans from keeping or using any and all animals for any purpose. In addition, it should be strictly forbidden to even touch or disturb any other living creature. You are not above them.
 
2013-12-03 02:12:16 PM  
A human fetus residing in a womb does not have 'legal personhood'.

Going to lunch now.
 
2013-12-03 02:12:51 PM  
As long as chimpanzees don't get the vote, because if they did, permanent GOP majority.
 
2013-12-03 02:13:24 PM  

Tax Boy: As long as chimpanzees don't get the vote, because if they did, permanent GOP majority.


Chimps aren't chumps.  They know better than that.
 
2013-12-03 02:14:00 PM  
Get your dirty lawsuit away from me, you damn dirty ape!.
 
2013-12-03 02:14:02 PM  
The short story "Jerry was a Man" by Robert Heinelin already did this.

http://www.willmorgan.org/Robert_A_Heinlein-Jerry_Was_A_Man.htm

/Written in 1947
 
2013-12-03 02:14:47 PM  
I'm okay with this. We do terrible experiments on chimps because they are so similar to humans yet justify it by saying they are just animals. I'm not a vegetarian and I'm not sure how sentient every animal is but primates, whales, and dolphins should be off limits. We could at least give up hurting those 3 types of animals. The intelligence, including emotional intelligence, is too high to justify what we do to them
 
2013-12-03 02:15:02 PM  
I have no problem with putting them all in a jail for their animalistic behavior that people could visit from time to time. I think it is called a zoo.
 
2013-12-03 02:17:05 PM  
My God, the fundies were right all along.  Step 1, gay marriage; step 2, chimp personhood; step 3, human-chimp marriage; step 4, human-ANY ANIMAL marriage.

They were right, and we all laughed at them...
 
2013-12-03 02:20:19 PM  

Gunny Highway: Didnt this happen in Germany or something a few years back?


http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/01/080115-AP-chimp.html

In 2008 the Austrian Supreme Court ruled on this issue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_ape_personhood

More info here.
 
2013-12-03 02:20:24 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-12-03 02:21:05 PM  
t primates, whales, and dolphins should be off limits.


And the really cute ones, too!
 
2013-12-03 02:21:07 PM  

draypresct: Jerry was a man.


Came in for this.

"Sure Mike! Jerry good worker!"
 
2013-12-03 02:22:48 PM  

FarkinHostile: The short story "Jerry was a Man" by Robert Heinelin already did this.

http://www.willmorgan.org/Robert_A_Heinlein-Jerry_Was_A_Man.htm

/Written in 1947



As soon as a chimp says "Five, Boss. Jerry not cheat!" on the witness stand, I'll consider the notion.
 
2013-12-03 02:23:57 PM  
You know what happened LAST time they called a bunch of monkeys people.
vkb.isvg.org
 
2013-12-03 02:24:19 PM  
dungeoner.net
 
2013-12-03 02:24:25 PM  
I'm okay with special protections for demonstrably (mirror test?) self-aware animals.

/sentienceist
//no more eating european magpies
 
2013-12-03 02:25:07 PM  

Bith Set Me Up: Pray for Mojo.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-12-03 02:27:19 PM  
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!
 
2013-12-03 02:27:23 PM  
Oh, for f*ck's sake, you hippies are getting out of control.
 
2013-12-03 02:28:59 PM  
How about we uplift them first and give them client status?

/nothing is obscure on Fark
//come on, don't let me down
 
2013-12-03 02:29:56 PM  

Tax Boy: As long as chimpanzees don't get the vote, because if they did, permanent GOP majority.


And I think we're done here.
 
2013-12-03 02:29:58 PM  

HindiDiscoMonster: Sounds like....


Monkey business to me...


YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!
 
2013-12-03 02:30:51 PM  
How will this affect my chimpanzee abortion business?
 
2013-12-03 02:33:18 PM  

Bondith: How about we uplift them first and give them client status?

/nothing is obscure on Fark
//come on, don't let me down


Sure, as long as you include one on the first Sundiver expedition.

/remember to go at night
//so it's less hot
 
2013-12-03 02:33:37 PM  

doubled99: There should be strict laws preventing humans from keeping or using any and all animals for any purpose. In addition, it should be strictly forbidden to even touch or disturb any other living creature. You are not above them.


You're hilarious. We are above animals. There were no animals competing with us to invent fire or the wheel first.
 
2013-12-03 02:34:52 PM  

extroverted_suicide: My God, the fundies were right all along.  Step 1, gay marriage; step 2, chimp personhood; step 3, human-chimp marriage; step 4, human-ANY ANIMAL marriage.

They were right, and we all laughed at them...


But at least "Gay Chimp Wedding" would make a cool band name.  Maybe they could cover some Billy Idol songs.
 
2013-12-03 02:35:21 PM  
I'm fine with this, so long as they then must obey all other human rules: wear clothing in public, be arrested and given a mandatory psychiatric hold for flinging poo at people, etc. Hell, we could have prisons just for the chimpanzees we incarcerate.

/we'll call them "zoos"
 
2013-12-03 02:35:29 PM  
FTFA : The lawsuit seeks a declaration that Tommy's "detention" in a "small, dank, cement cage in a cavernous dark shed" in central New York is unlawful and demands his immediate release to a primate sanctuary.

If you actually believe that Tommy should have the same rights as humans, then you don't get to decide where he lives.  He does.  And he gets to vote and own a gun, too.
 
2013-12-03 02:35:57 PM  
Person-hood for non-human primates?  This is a blatant attempt by conservatives to expand their voting base!
 
2013-12-03 02:36:14 PM  

draypresct: Jerry was a man.


indeed.   Heinlein did it
 
2013-12-03 02:37:12 PM  

Bondith: How about we uplift them first and give them client status?

/nothing is obscure on Fark
//come on, don't let me down


I'll see your David Brin and raise you Voltaire and Dr. Moreau.
wpcontent.answcdn.com
 
2013-12-03 02:37:53 PM  

HailRobonia: So if a chimp kills another chimp, do we try it for murder?

And what about indecency? They are always nude... that's obscene!


Or I could read TFT.
 
2013-12-03 02:38:53 PM  

ModernPrimitive01: I'm okay with this. We do terrible experiments on chimps because they are so similar to humans yet justify it by saying they are just animals. I'm not a vegetarian and I'm not sure how sentient every animal is but primates, whales, and dolphins should be off limits. We could at least give up hurting those 3 types of animals. The intelligence, including emotional intelligence, is too high to justify what we do to them


Pigs are in the same league in intellegence but I dont see anyone argueing against eating Bacon. People only get upset about doing terrible things to "cute" ones.
 
2013-12-03 02:39:01 PM  

doubled99: There should be strict laws preventing humans from keeping or using any and all animals for any purpose. In addition, it should be strictly forbidden to even touch or disturb any other living creature. You are not above them.


As I look down at my half-eaten hamburger, I must say, I kind of think I am above them.
 
2013-12-03 02:40:04 PM  
Came for the Heinlein references, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-12-03 02:41:16 PM  

JuggleGeek: FTFA : The lawsuit seeks a declaration that Tommy's "detention" in a "small, dank, cement cage in a cavernous dark shed" in central New York is unlawful and demands his immediate release to a primate sanctuary.

If you actually believe that Tommy should have the same rights as humans, then you don't get to decide where he lives.  He does.  And he gets to vote and own a gun, too.


Not only that, but "primate sanctuary" would then just be a euphemism for "internment camp" and be nothing short of a way to segregate a segment of the population. Outrageous.
 
2013-12-03 02:41:53 PM  

FarkedOver: This isn't any more or any less stupid than corporate personhood.


No, it's definitely less stupid.
 
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