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(CBS Philadelphia)   New trend has teens getting drunk on cooking wine, proving yet again that teenagers are the dumbest things alive   (philadelphia.cbslocal.com) divider line 165
    More: Fail, drinking ages, cooking wine, teens, cooking  
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5666 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2013 at 12:18 PM (31 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



165 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-03 12:19:44 PM
Vanilla Extract is over 40 proof.
 
2013-12-03 12:20:19 PM
Tastes like sum yung gai?
 
2013-12-03 12:21:16 PM

marleymaniac: Vanilla Extract is over 40 proof.


In my day all we had was vanilla extract...AND WE LIKED IT!

/tightens onion belt
 
2013-12-03 12:21:39 PM
Ain't that hard to make your own. All you need is a bucket, yeast, sugar, and water or juice.
 
2013-12-03 12:22:31 PM
I think they would die from saline poisoning before getting blitzed.  May as well drink seawater with a shot of moonshine.
 
2013-12-03 12:22:55 PM

marleymaniac: Vanilla Extract is over 40 proof.


It's also frickin' expensive. Ain't nobody got money for that!
 
2013-12-03 12:23:01 PM

QuesoDelicioso: Ain't that hard to make your own. All you need is a bucket, yeast, sugar, and water or juice.


Huh. My recipe calls for a toilet instead of a bucket. Have I been making it wrong?
 
2013-12-03 12:23:19 PM
Actually, it's the parents who are the dumbest things alive if they think that banning their kids from alcohol prevents kids from drinking.


Teach your kids to drink properly, you'll thank yourself when they go to college.
 
2013-12-03 12:23:32 PM
Ain't that hard to make your own. All you need is a bucket, yeast, sugar, and water or juice.

Well LA DEE DAH, Richie Rich! I bet you even had your own carport, too!
 
2013-12-03 12:24:14 PM
With all that salt, that just might be one wicked hangover.
 
2013-12-03 12:24:23 PM
www.damnlol.com
 
2013-12-03 12:26:17 PM
Haven't these idiots ever heard of Listerine?
 
2013-12-03 12:26:37 PM

marleymaniac: Vanilla Extract is over 40 proof.


twocrankyguys.files.wordpress.com

I'm sorry, did you want some?
 
2013-12-03 12:26:43 PM
Can't they get some good quality hairspray nowadays?
 
2013-12-03 12:26:51 PM
We created a system where drinking cooking wine is the best way for teenagers, who we know are going to drink one way or the other, to drink, and it's the teenagers who are stupid?
 
2013-12-03 12:26:52 PM

URAPNIS: QuesoDelicioso: Ain't that hard to make your own. All you need is a bucket, yeast, sugar, and water or juice.

Huh. My recipe calls for a toilet instead of a bucket. Have I been making it wrong?


static.someecards.com
 
2013-12-03 12:27:12 PM
wait till they find out you can get hammered off mouthwash.
 
2013-12-03 12:27:48 PM
Haven't these kids every tried cheesing?
 
2013-12-03 12:28:17 PM
Yeesh... can't you still get mouthwash drunk?  Or at least hand sanitizer drunk.
 
2013-12-03 12:28:18 PM
Not a single incident mentioned.

That's some fine reporting. The source was probably aunt Marge who heard about it at her weekly canasta game from, someone read about it on Facebook.
 
2013-12-03 12:28:19 PM
FTFA: "It is very high in sodium, so consuming that in conjunction with, if they're eating a fast-food meal or pretzels or popcorn or snack food, they are eating close to 10,000 milligrams of sodium per day."
Which, she warns, could be a problem in the long term


Because when these kids turn 21 they'll stick with the cooking wine.

Seriously, though, this type of thing has been happening forever. I used to manage group homes for the mentally ill and we had to ban some types of mouthwash because of the alcohol content.  Nothing like a paranoid schizophrenic on a Listerine bender. They tend to smell better, though.
 
2013-12-03 12:28:35 PM
I keep all my metallic spray paints locked up in my kitchen cupboard above the stove.
 
2013-12-03 12:29:42 PM
"It is very high in sodium, so consuming that in conjunction with, if they're eating a fast-food meal or pretzels or popcorn or snack food, they are eating close to 10,000 milligrams of sodium per day."

Wow. that is some great reporting.
Thank you for that warning.
they are teenagers.
they have unfarkingprotected sex.
they aren't listening to you.
 
2013-12-03 12:30:14 PM
imitation orange and lemon extract is 70-80 proof.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-12-03 12:30:32 PM

marleymaniac: Vanilla Extract is over 40 proof.


FrancoFile: marleymaniac: Vanilla Extract is over 40 proof.

[twocrankyguys.files.wordpress.com image 550x225]

I'm sorry, did you want some?


ah you beat me to it....
 
2013-12-03 12:30:40 PM
FTA -  "It is very high in sodium, so consuming that in conjunction with, if they're  eating a fast-food meal or pretzels or popcorn or snack food, they are eating close to 10,000 milligrams of sodium per day."

Which, she warns, could be a problem in the long term,


Honestly, if you are getting drunk off of cooking wine, I doubt you are worried about the long-term effects.
 
2013-12-03 12:30:51 PM
The Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity chapter at the University of Tennessee has a preferred way of enjoying cooking wine.
 
2013-12-03 12:30:55 PM

Alphakronik: Actually, it's the parents who are the dumbest things alive if they think that banning their kids from alcohol prevents kids from drinking.


Teach your kids to drink properly, you'll thank yourself when they go to college.


Have an uncle with teenage kids... they were having a sleepover party the other week, and he knew that some would bring in alcohol.  He had an interesting (but effective) method of keeping them safe: If they wanted to come over, they had to stay the night.  Some wanted to come over and crash them go home, but he didn't know who was drinking and who wasn't, so his rule is simply "if you are going to come, you are going to stay".
 
2013-12-03 12:31:00 PM
Cool. In a few years we should need ID to buy absolutely anything.
 
2013-12-03 12:31:01 PM
I would just steal liquor out of the liquor cabinet, you could only take a small bit out of each bottle so you might end up with some kind of rum/gin/vodka/baileys mix...
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-12-03 12:31:08 PM

vudukungfu: "It is very high in sodium, so consuming that in conjunction with, if they're eating a fast-food meal or pretzels or popcorn or snack food, they are eating close to 10,000 milligrams of sodium per day."

Wow. that is some great reporting.
Thank you for that warning.
they are teenagers.
they have unfarkingprotected sex.
they aren't listening to you.


they are having more fun than you and their girlfriends have better boobs.
 
2013-12-03 12:31:21 PM

karmaceutical: Yeesh... can't you still get mouthwash drunk?  Or at least hand sanitizer drunk.


mouthwash i can kind of see, even though it probably wrecks your stomach. how the hell can anyone stomach hand sanitizer?
 
2013-12-03 12:31:28 PM
i use regular wine (that I drink)  when I cook---can anyone tell me of a time when "cooking wine" was needed?
 
2013-12-03 12:31:43 PM
I hadn't heard of this yesterday, but today I heard of it in the media.  This proves that teens drinking cooking wine is a growing trend.  Considering that to my knowledge it's up 100% from yesterday then we can assume it will double every day until every teen is all hopped up on cooking wine.  IT'S AN EPIDEMIC!

We can only assume that many of them are buttchugging that cooking wine at rainbow parties.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-12-03 12:31:52 PM

enik: Cool. In a few years we should need ID to buy absolutely anything.


except congresscritters.
 
2013-12-03 12:32:27 PM

Alphakronik: Actually, it's the parents who are the dumbest things alive if they think that banning their kids from alcohol prevents kids from drinking.

Teach your kids to drink properly, you'll thank yourself when they go to college later.


graphics8.nytimes.com
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-12-03 12:32:39 PM

Rapmaster2000: I hadn't heard of this yesterday, but today I heard of it in the media.  This proves that teens drinking cooking wine is a growing trend.  Considering that to my knowledge it's up 100% from yesterday then we can assume it will double every day until every teen is all hopped up on cooking wine.  IT'S AN EPIDEMIC!

We can only assume that many of them are buttchugging that cooking wine at rainbow parties.


COOKING WINE MADNESS!!
 
2013-12-03 12:33:10 PM
Why the hell would you drink cooking wine? You don't even cook with cooking wine!

You cook with wine you would actually drink on its own. Cooking wine is the nastiest shiat that companies synthetically manufacture, so when you cook with it you concentrate the nasty. I'd rather cook with a nice bordeaux, or claret, or--in a fantastic chicken recipe I found online--a delectable and not-too-expensive sauvignon blanc. Hell, I've even cooked with moscato once or twice.

But cooking wine? HELL NO.
 
2013-12-03 12:33:22 PM
FarkedOver


Haven't these kids every tried cheesing?


I haven't and I am unwilling to Google it at work because I know how the internet operates.
 
2013-12-03 12:33:28 PM

99.998er: The Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity chapter at the University of Tennessee has a preferred way of enjoying cooking wine.


assets.diylol.com
 
2013-12-03 12:33:39 PM

doublesecretprobation: wait till they find out you can get hammered off mouthwash.


When I was a kid, my Mom was always impressed at my minty.fresh breath.
 
2013-12-03 12:34:12 PM

Langdon Alger: i use regular wine (that I drink)  when I cook---can anyone tell me of a time when "cooking wine" was needed?


I think cooking wine is sort of like salted butter. They put salt in there for "flavor".
 
2013-12-03 12:34:12 PM
Born and raised in the South, where alcohol influence is pretty high, I can't say I was ever THIS desparate. So, I'm going out on a not-so-weak limb here and saying that it is an isolated incident that has been sensationalized so some talentless "journalist" can struggle through to another payday.

/weed is better anyway
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-12-03 12:34:28 PM

URAPNIS: QuesoDelicioso: Ain't that hard to make your own. All you need is a bucket, yeast, sugar, and water or juice.

Huh. My recipe calls for a toilet instead of a bucket. Have I been making it wrong?


trekweb.com
 
2013-12-03 12:34:57 PM
I guess kids today are just too snooty for good, old-fashioned huffing.  Damn kids!  It was good enough for us, it should be good enough for y'all and bonus points for no salt content!

media.trb.com

Hi yo, Silver!
 
2013-12-03 12:36:18 PM

Alphakronik: Actually, it's the parents who are the dumbest things alive if they think that banning their kids from alcohol prevents kids from drinking.

Teach your kids to drink properly, you'll thank yourself when they go to college.


That seems like a sensible recommendation but science tells us that it's wrong:  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7950847

The earlier a child has a first drink, the more likely they will binge drink as an adult.
 
2013-12-03 12:37:46 PM
In my family, we wouldn't cook with anything we wouldn't drink. (glass for the pot, glass for the cook method of cooking).

/Can you actually be alcoholic if you're Irish and French Creole or is that considered just being Irish and French Creole?
 
2013-12-03 12:38:01 PM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: FarkedOver


Haven't these kids every tried cheesing?


I haven't and I am unwilling to Google it at work because I know how the internet operates.


It's a part of the EPIDEMIC of CHEESE HEROIN... which is Tylenol PM mixed with heroin.

JUST DO THE HEROIN! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVIC2gJTD9s  NSFW language
 
2013-12-03 12:38:33 PM

doublesecretprobation: wait till they find out you can get hammered off mouthwash.


Wait until they find out about Sterno and a loaf of bread.

doctorhormone.com
 
2013-12-03 12:40:12 PM
New trend?

shiat in MB we have laws about who you can sell cooking wine too its such a problem
 
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