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(Celebslam)   5'2" Hayden Panettiere says she's marrying 6'6" Wladimir Klitschko because she wants normal-sized kids. Yep, math works out   (celebslam.celebuzz.com) divider line 138
    More: Interesting, Hayden Panettiere, Wladimir Klitschko, Ellen Degeneres  
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5487 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Dec 2013 at 1:58 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-03 03:06:14 PM

nekom: Planearium


www.album-art.net
 
2013-12-03 03:07:14 PM
That's exactly how genetics works.  It takes perfect averages.
 
2013-12-03 03:08:40 PM

SlothB77: That's exactly how genetics works.  It takes perfect averages.


That'd be scary, having all my children look exactly the same.
 
2013-12-03 03:08:44 PM
I have a buddy that is 7'2.  He has two older brothers: 7'0 and 6'10.  His dad is like 5'7 and his mom is like 5'0.
 
2013-12-03 03:16:58 PM
Well I'm 6'3", if any of you 5'5" lady farkers out there want to try there hand at the experiment.

/of course this being fark, I'm also out of shape, bitter, and smoke way too much weed (as if there were a thing)
 
2013-12-03 03:17:59 PM

calbert: yeah, have fun with your 11' 8" babies.

/f*cking idiots


Do you take everything celebrities say literally, or are you just too dumbstruck by pretty girls to realize when they're kidding?
 
2013-12-03 03:18:16 PM

tjsands1118: Well I'm 6'3", if any of you 5'5" lady farkers out there want to try there hand at the experiment.

/of course this being fark, I'm also out of shape, bitter, and smoke way too much weed (as if there were a thing)


Are you, me?
 
2013-12-03 03:18:52 PM

SlothB77: I have a buddy that is 7'2.  He has two older brothers: 7'0 and 6'10.  His dad is like 5'7 and his mom is like 5'0.


i think childhood nutrition (and other non-genetic factors) may take a role in ultimate height.  so, say you have all tall jeans, but exist at starvation levels the first 20 years of your life.  maybe you won't grow as much as you should.  or you have short genes, but you eat nothing by growth hormone beef.

/ who knows.  i just assume there are more factors than we have considered so far.
 
2013-12-03 03:19:48 PM

brap: I know that when I'm in the market for normal-anythinged kids my first stop is the business end of a Chernobyl native's genitalia.


*snert*
 
2013-12-03 03:23:28 PM

pute kisses like a man: SlothB77: I have a buddy that is 7'2.  He has two older brothers: 7'0 and 6'10.  His dad is like 5'7 and his mom is like 5'0.

i think childhood nutrition (and other non-genetic factors) may take a role in ultimate height.  so, say you have all tall jeans, but exist at starvation levels the first 20 years of your life.  maybe you won't grow as much as you should.  or you have short genes, but you eat nothing by growth hormone beef.

/ who knows.  i just assume there are more factors than we have considered so far.


I have a friend whose parent were born and raised in 1940/1950's China. Friend and his brother were born in 1960/1970's USA. The sons are both one foot taller than the parents.
 
2013-12-03 03:24:31 PM

pute kisses like a man: / who knows.  i just assume there are more factors than we have considered so far.


All sorts of crazy stuff influences height and weight, like if your grandparent experienced starvation as a teenager (seriously).

Epigenetics is weird.
 
2013-12-03 03:25:39 PM

spman: forgotmydamnusername: offacue: Beerguy: [assets-s3.usmagazine.com image 467x431]

LOOK AT THE HANDS......HOLY FARK.

She probably can't even reach all the way around his cawk.

Did none of you ever participate in a sport, or even get forced to take PE in school? A quick, cursory glance around a locker room should demonstrate that genitalia size does not seem to have any direct correlation with overall body size. The woman probably really is just hoping for offspring that can pull stuff off the top shelf of the refrigerator without having to stand on a chair.

A. No one under the age of 40 has ever been forced to get naked in any school locker room

B. Even if they did, no one would ever admit to looking


My swimming classes in the mid 90s absolutely required you to get naked.  You had to take off the school-provided swim suit, put it in a bin and then walk naked back to your locker to get dressed.  Yes, it was awkward.  No, I didn't look around (why bother when I've got what they have?)
 
2013-12-03 03:26:02 PM

SlothB77: I have a buddy that is 7'2.  He has two older brothers: 7'0 and 6'10.  His dad is like 5'7 and his mom is like 5'0.


But you should have seen the size of the mailman.  When he was doing his rounds it was like a wall of meat walking down the road.  It must have been hard work because when he was done visiting all the housewives delivering mail he was sorely dehydrated.
 
2013-12-03 03:27:13 PM

FrancoFile: Wellon Dowd: Worst. Boob job. Ever.[i.imgur.com image 445x650][i.imgur.com image 374x650]

That mesh top is creating a moiré pattern that makes it look much worse than it is.


Actually, no. It really is that bad.


i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com



The way the her meat connects to her ribs does not lend itself well to enhancement. There's no wiggle room in that valley, so instead of hills, she ended up with buildings.
 
2013-12-03 03:27:51 PM

SlothB77: I have a buddy that is 7'2.  He has two older brothers: 7'0 and 6'10.  His dad is like 5'7 and his mom is like 5'0.


There's a very good chance that both suffered from malnutrition as children.
 
2013-12-03 03:39:02 PM
This is what happens to her every time they get it on:

img.fark.net
 
2013-12-03 03:39:40 PM

100 Watt Walrus: FrancoFile: Wellon Dowd: Worst. Boob job. Ever.[i.imgur.com image 445x650][i.imgur.com image 374x650]

That mesh top is creating a moiré pattern that makes it look much worse than it is.

Actually, no. It really is that bad.


[i.imgur.com image 560x415]
[i.imgur.com image 650x520]


The way the her meat connects to her ribs does not lend itself well to enhancement. There's no wiggle room in that valley, so instead of hills, she ended up with buildings.


Still not worse than Tara Reid, though. That mantle of horrible boob job would take a serious farkup to top. Like inserting a third boob.
 
2013-12-03 03:40:05 PM

spman: forgotmydamnusername: offacue: Beerguy: [assets-s3.usmagazine.com image 467x431]

LOOK AT THE HANDS......HOLY FARK.

She probably can't even reach all the way around his cawk.

Did none of you ever participate in a sport, or even get forced to take PE in school? A quick, cursory glance around a locker room should demonstrate that genitalia size does not seem to have any direct correlation with overall body size. The woman probably really is just hoping for offspring that can pull stuff off the top shelf of the refrigerator without having to stand on a chair.

A. No one under the age of 40 has ever been forced to get naked in any school locker room

B. Even if they did, no one would ever admit to looking


A. 38 here and was forced
B. Never "looked" but saw
 
2013-12-03 03:46:28 PM
There is more discussion in this thread about Chernobyl genitalia than there is about one fine ass woman. There is something incorrect here.
 
2013-12-03 03:51:01 PM
As a 6'7" farker, I'd just like to say that proportionally, all of my extremities/appendages are longer than what's claimed to be average.  Which is nice.  Makes up for all the farkstick clothing I have to wear since nothing else fits.  My first "conquest" was 5'3"and my ego never had it so good.  Once you go tall, you never go small.
 
2013-12-03 03:52:44 PM
She likes rough sex.

He likes hitting people.

I see nothing but tweeting songbirds and rainbows in their future.
 
2013-12-03 03:53:21 PM

100 Watt Walrus: FrancoFile: Wellon Dowd: Worst. Boob job. Ever.[i.imgur.com image 445x650][i.imgur.com image 374x650]

That mesh top is creating a moiré pattern that makes it look much worse than it is.

Actually, no. It really is that bad.


[i.imgur.com image 560x415]
[i.imgur.com image 650x520]


The way the her meat connects to her ribs does not lend itself well to enhancement. There's no wiggle room in that valley, so instead of hills, she ended up with buildings.


She went one cup size too perky.

I feel sorry for her; she was clearly flattish and 'down-and-out' before, which is about the worst combination you can be, aesthetically speaking. So in addition to filling/rounding out, she also had the girls brought about front and center. Only problem is, you can move the adipose tissue, but you won't be moving the muscle and bone underneath.

She will not age well between the navel and the collarbone.
 
Ab3
2013-12-03 03:57:16 PM
Her?

And him?

That's a stretch.
 
2013-12-03 03:59:32 PM

shifter_: clkeagle: Arkanaut: The math might work out, but the genes might now.

But you know what will get a workout -- her vagina! Hey-o!


Obvious jokes aside... Coming from a 6'2" guy, that's not necessarily how it works. The roomiest space I've ever invaded (so to speak) was a 5'3" girl... and the most compact by far belonged to a girl who is 6' tall. Female internal bits come in all shapes and sizes, just like most other body parts.

Yep. I agree. I married the tightest one I found. She is 5' 10". The Ex was 5'5" and you coulda parked a buick in there and not banged the doors


There's always the anus!
 
2013-12-03 04:05:48 PM

The_Six_Fingered_Man: 100 Watt Walrus: FrancoFile: Wellon Dowd: Worst. Boob job. Ever.[i.imgur.com image 445x650][i.imgur.com image 374x650]

That mesh top is creating a moiré pattern that makes it look much worse than it is.

Actually, no. It really is that bad.


[i.imgur.com image 560x415]
[i.imgur.com image 650x520]


The way the her meat connects to her ribs does not lend itself well to enhancement. There's no wiggle room in that valley, so instead of hills, she ended up with buildings.

Still not worse than Tara Reid, though. That mantle of horrible boob job would take a serious farkup to top. Like inserting a third boob.


No doubt. I'm just saying, this is a bad enhancement. I suspect, however, that there was little chance of a good one given the original configuration. With a valley that wide, there's a musculature issue. What I'd wonder is if her surgeon warned her of the potential of a goofy spoon valley or if the goofy spoon valley came as a surprise to her.

Based on the way she's dressed since the boob job, I can only assume she doesn't realize how bad it looks.
 
2013-12-03 04:07:33 PM

whistleridge: 100 Watt Walrus: FrancoFile: Wellon Dowd: Worst. Boob job. Ever.[i.imgur.com image 445x650][i.imgur.com image 374x650]

That mesh top is creating a moiré pattern that makes it look much worse than it is.

Actually, no. It really is that bad.


[i.imgur.com image 560x415]
[i.imgur.com image 650x520]


The way the her meat connects to her ribs does not lend itself well to enhancement. There's no wiggle room in that valley, so instead of hills, she ended up with buildings.

She went one cup size too perky.

I feel sorry for her; she was clearly flattish and 'down-and-out' before, which is about the worst combination you can be, aesthetically speaking. So in addition to filling/rounding out, she also had the girls brought about front and center. Only problem is, you can move the adipose tissue, but you won't be moving the muscle and bone underneath.

She will not age well between the navel and the collarbone.


Bingo. Goofy spoon valley.
 
2013-12-03 04:11:16 PM
I'd stick it in her pooper.
 
2013-12-03 04:18:22 PM
I'll bet she ends up screaming for a c-section.
 
2013-12-03 04:47:16 PM
I can totally see where she's coming from.

I am 5'3" and my wife is 5'9". I exclusively dated taller girls for this exact same reason (unfortunately this also meant I could never date other Asians).

My son, who is 11 months old was born 2lbs heavier than I was and has been consistently on the 65th percentile with height which makes me very happy.

I don't care whether he would be tall enough to play basketball or whatever, I would just like for him to be normal/average. As it is, even if he were he would still get slack for being the shortest but eugenics isn't done in one generation.
 
2013-12-03 04:49:34 PM
You know what happens? You get a tiny woman having giant babies. Have fun with that.
 
2013-12-03 05:00:54 PM
Now the big German lady marrying the slim Chinese man, that I understand.  So the tiny, ditzy blond wants an episiotomy that goes up to her bellybutton?  

God bless her.  Have fun with that.
 
2013-12-03 05:04:07 PM
She may find that the baby is just too farking huge for her frame.
 
2013-12-03 05:06:21 PM

Clock Spider Jerusalem: You know what happens? You get a tiny woman having giant babies. Have fun with that.


that'll teach me to not hit refresh
 
2013-12-03 05:15:11 PM
Which one of them beat the crap out of Lennox Lewis?   That was probably the last great heavyweight fight I've seen.

I hope that's this guy.
 
2013-12-03 05:24:29 PM
As a short lady, I also lurve the tall and hard guys.

I think it's a genetic thing.
 
2013-12-03 05:28:36 PM

LaurenAguilera: As a short lady, I also lurve the tall and hard guys.

I think it's a genetic thing.


How YOU doin'?
 
2013-12-03 05:44:15 PM

Laobaojun: Now the big German lady marrying the slim Chinese man, that I understand.  So the tiny, ditzy blond wants an episiotomy that goes up to her bellybutton?  

God bless her.  Have fun with that.


cdn.necolebitchie.com
www.atbreak.com
www.writetrack.com
cdn.necolebitchie.com
i368.photobucket.comi1.ytimg.com
 
2013-12-03 05:44:53 PM
 
2013-12-03 05:47:24 PM

spman: Every interview I read with this girl confirms my suspicion that she has an acute case of the batshiat crazies


Acute case? It's downright adorable.

(HP threads are the BEST!!!)
 
2013-12-03 05:51:53 PM

KWess: I sat in the Lufthansa lounge with him in the Detroit airport.  I didn't immediately realize who it was, but I remember thinking 'who is that giant?'

His fists looked like cinder blocks made of ham.


Thank you for helping me to finish my detective novel. "As he pummelled me, his fists rained down like a downpour of cinderblocks made of ham. He was playing a Concerto in Pain, Fist major."
 
2013-12-03 05:56:58 PM
spman:  No one under the age of 40 has ever been forced to get naked in any school locker room

 cdn.newsoxy.com

Disagrees
 
2013-12-03 06:00:36 PM

Sweet Chin Music: Beerguy: LOOK AT THE HANDS......HOLY FARK.

Like a father taking his daughter to get some ice cream...


Well, some cream anyway.
 
2013-12-03 06:22:44 PM
Dude looks a whole lot bigger that 6'2" when he stands next to her.  At least 6'14" or something.
 
2013-12-03 06:30:08 PM

SlothB77: I have a buddy that is 7'2.  He has two older brothers: 7'0 and 6'10.  His dad is like 5'7 and his mom is like 5'0.


Yeah but the mailman was 6'8
 
2013-12-03 06:30:31 PM

shifter_: Beerguy: [assets-s3.usmagazine.com image 467x431]

LOOK AT THE HANDS......HOLY FARK.

The size comparison of his arms to her legs is just wierd.
She can prolly taste him when taking it doggy.


I think the image you're looking for is "when he comes off, she has to blow her nose".
 
2013-12-03 06:31:54 PM

Saiga410: SlothB77: I have a buddy that is 7'2.  He has two older brothers: 7'0 and 6'10.  His dad is like 5'7 and his mom is like 5'0.

But you should have seen the size of the mailman.  When he was doing his rounds it was like a wall of meat walking down the road.  It must have been hard work because when he was done visiting all the housewives delivering mail he was sorely dehydrated.


Grr...tiny fist etc.,

It was too obvious for someone else to NOT have tried it before comment 94.  Le Sigh
 
2013-12-03 06:33:15 PM

Rent Party: Which one of them beat the crap out of Lennox Lewis?   That was probably the last great heavyweight fight I've seen.

I hope that's this guy.


His older brother, Vtali. He's an order of magnitude harder than Wladimir. Lennox Lewis beat the crap out of Vitali, too. The Klitschko brother lost that one on cuts. Most heavywieghts getting caught flush by the bombs either guy was throwing would have instantly gone to sleep. This includes little brother, who has been KTFO by 3 guys who were only a shade better than journeymen.
 
2013-12-03 06:34:47 PM

dj_spanmaster: LaurenAguilera: As a short lady, I also lurve the tall and hard guys.

I think it's a genetic thing.

How YOU doin'?


*checks profile*

Not as good as I'd be if you were tall and hard?

/jk
//carry on
 
2013-12-03 06:35:37 PM

Fano: Laobaojun: Now the big German lady marrying the slim Chinese man, that I understand.  So the tiny, ditzy blond wants an episiotomy that goes up to her bellybutton?  

God bless her.  Have fun with that.

[cdn.necolebiatchie.com image 465x700]
[www.atbreak.com image 468x700]
[www.writetrack.com image 560x902]
[cdn.necolebiatchie.com image 550x500]
[i368.photobucket.com image 365x600][i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]


Do you think he just walks around the bedroom wearing her like a codpiece, bumping in to walls and shiat?  Maybe tie her legs up near her ears and tell her to hold on to the ceiling fan?
 
2013-12-03 06:45:11 PM
Didn't Robert Downey Jr make the remark that Hayden's mom turned her into a prostitute for the people in the hollywood elite?I wouldn't be surprised she seems kind of crazy every time I have heard her talk.
 
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