If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   I'm a shaaaark....I'm a shaaaark...Thanks for the luau....I'M A SHAAAARK   (cnn.com) divider line 35
    More: Sad, Hawaii, recreation area  
•       •       •

7296 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2013 at 7:05 AM (19 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



35 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-03 07:08:09 AM
"Ocean closed"?

How the hell do you close the entire ocean?
 
2013-12-03 07:11:26 AM
Don't swim in their dining room and you'll never get bitten.
Don't blame the fish for doing what nature designed them to do.
(if anything blame humans for the pollution and overfishing that are destroying shark's natural food stocks)
 
2013-12-03 07:12:47 AM

Weatherkiss: "Ocean closed"?

How the hell do you close the entire ocean?


I'm guessing they used a combination of velvet ropes and crime scene tape.
 
2013-12-03 07:18:34 AM

SquiggsIN: Weatherkiss: "Ocean closed"?

How the hell do you close the entire ocean?

I'm guessing they used a combination of velvet ropes and crime scene tape.


Gray minds think alike
 
2013-12-03 07:19:10 AM
*great

Damn phone autocorrect
 
2013-12-03 07:20:42 AM
Not getting the "Sad" tag vibe here. "Dumbass" pops to mind.

You are in the sharks living room, dangling your foot in the water. WTF did you think was going to happen?
 
2013-12-03 07:20:42 AM
"Don't dangle your feet in shark-infested waters" is one of those phrases that's so common-sense, you almost think it could remain unsaid.

Almost.
 
2013-12-03 07:36:17 AM

The victim's companion, who was also on a kayak, told the department that his friend was fishing for baitfish with artificial lures when a shark bit one of his feet, which was dangling over the edge of the boat.


Dear CNN: that was not a shark "attack". This was a shark trying to decide whether the guy was food. If the answer had been "yes" THEN there would have been an attack and the guy would have been in much worse shape.


Dead is still pretty bad, I guess.
 
2013-12-03 07:42:41 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: The victim's companion, who was also on a kayak, told the department that his friend was fishing for baitfish with artificial lures when a shark bit one of his feet, which was dangling over the edge of the boat.


Dear CNN: that was not a shark "attack". This was a shark trying to decide whether the guy was food. If the answer had been "yes" THEN there would have been an attack and the guy would have been in much worse shape.


Dead is still pretty bad, I guess.



Yeah, but "Deadly Shark Tasting" might not play very well.
 
2013-12-03 07:51:39 AM
But was there any indication lasers were used?
 
2013-12-03 07:58:58 AM

Weatherkiss: "Ocean closed"?

How the hell do you close the entire ocean?


You just post the SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING. meme. Where do people get those any way?
 
2013-12-03 08:01:54 AM
""We are not sure why these bites are occurring more frequently than normal, especially around Maui," Aila said. "That's why we are conducting a two-year study of shark behavior around Maui that may give us better insights." "

Could possibly have to do with humans' efforts to
1) depopulate the more 'natural' feedstock of the oceans
2) change the temperature of the oceans
3) change the chemical composition of the oceans
4) ... do we need to keep going ?
 
2013-12-03 08:06:09 AM
Shark: Is this food? No, it's a human. Humans are full of artificial additives and still don't have enough fat to qualify as fish, let alone seal. Humans taste foul. You might as well eat an albatross.

Oh, well, maybe as junk food.
 
2013-12-03 08:08:05 AM
I've snorkeled in that area a lot. The visibility is usually pretty good and I have never seen a shark thankfully. I think the issue here is the guy was looking too much like a seal.  Sitting in a kayak and dangling your legs over the side casts a silhouette from underneath. Same as when you're paddling a surf board. Can't blame the shark for taking an exploratory nibble. Poor shark is probably swimming around trying to get the taste of feet out of his mouth.

img.bnqt.com
 
2013-12-03 08:15:37 AM

gunsmack: Not getting the "Sad" tag vibe here. "Dumbass" pops to mind.

You are in the sharks living room, dangling your foot in the water. WTF did you think was going to happen?


Um, sharks aren't the murderous eating machines you see in the movies. As long as you don't look or sound like a seal; they will, for the most part, leave you alone. If you've ever been to the Atlantic or the Pacific; you've likely been within 100 yards of a shark and never knew it.

/ This shark wasn't hunting human; as it took a taste and decided to leave
 
2013-12-03 08:15:52 AM

SquiggsIN: Don't swim in their dining room and you'll never get bitten.
Don't blame the fish for doing what nature designed them to do.
(if anything blame humans for the pollution and overfishing that are destroying shark's natural food stocks)


He was mostly just fishing in the shark's dining room.  I think I'd absolutely consider taking a bite out of a shark if he just waltzed into my kitchen and started "fishing" for food out of my fridge.
 
2013-12-03 08:21:08 AM

Munden: SquiggsIN: Don't swim in their dining room and you'll never get bitten.
Don't blame the fish for doing what nature designed them to do.
(if anything blame humans for the pollution and overfishing that are destroying shark's natural food stocks)

He was mostly just fishing in the shark's dining room.  I think I'd absolutely consider taking a bite out of a shark if he just waltzed into my kitchen and started "fishing" for food out of my fridge.


I think I'd like to see a waltzing shark.
 
2013-12-03 08:28:23 AM

brantgoose: Weatherkiss: "Ocean closed"?

How the hell do you close the entire ocean?

You just post the SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING. meme. Where do people get those any way?


Still statistically more dangerous to walk around in Philadelphia so do we close it too?
 
2013-12-03 08:43:05 AM
According to the BBC article the victim was 57 yrs old and is from Washington.

/Sloppy article.
 
2013-12-03 08:45:20 AM

Weatherkiss: "Ocean closed"?

How the hell do you close the entire ocean?


Fudge Ripple Pouchappy wanted for questioning.
 
2013-12-03 08:45:51 AM

Sybarite: Englebert Slaptyback: The victim's companion, who was also on a kayak, told the department that his friend was fishing for baitfish with artificial lures when a shark bit one of his feet, which was dangling over the edge of the boat.


Dear CNN: that was not a shark "attack". This was a shark trying to decide whether the guy was food. If the answer had been "yes" THEN there would have been an attack and the guy would have been in much worse shape.


Dead is still pretty bad, I guess.


Yeah, but "Deadly Shark Tasting" might not play very well.


I don't know. "Deadly Shark Tasting" actually sounds kind of badass. Like, a competition where people swim up to a shark with a sharpened spoon, extract some flesh, then consume it and GTFO before the shark retaliates. Hmm. I just might have a new way to get lots of money from overly- macho dumbasses. *goes off to write a waiver sheet*
 
2013-12-03 08:59:39 AM

Leader O'Cola: ""We are not sure why these bites are occurring more frequently than normal, especially around Maui," Aila said. "That's why we are conducting a two-year study of shark behavior around Maui that may give us better insights." "

Could possibly have to do with humans' efforts to
1) depopulate the more 'natural' feedstock of the oceans
2) change the temperature of the oceans
3) change the chemical composition of the oceans
4) ... do we need to keep going ?


5) Humans are getting tastier?

Weird that an adult male died from blood loss after having been bitten on the foot - even if the foot was amputated. Higher up on the thigh, yes, but usually people survive the initial loss of a hand or foot since the blood vessels constrict after shock.
 
2013-12-03 09:40:06 AM
I know the shark that bit the guy. His name was YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA. Now, he once bit my sister. No realli! She was Karving her initials on the shark with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...


Mynd you, shark bites Kan be pretti nasti...
 
2013-12-03 10:32:13 AM
Try and stop looking like food.
 
2013-12-03 10:48:36 AM

Leader O'Cola: ""We are not sure why these bites are occurring more frequently than normal, especially around Maui," Aila said. "That's why we are conducting a two-year study of shark behavior around Maui that may give us better insights." "

Could possibly have to do with humans' efforts to
1) depopulate the more 'natural' feedstock of the oceans
2) change the temperature of the oceans
3) change the chemical composition of the oceans
4) ... do we need to keep going ?


5)i141.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-03 12:02:08 PM

SquiggsIN: Don't swim in their dining room and you'll never get bitten.


Yep. I don't get in the ocean...there's too many things with too many teeth(and stinging tentacles).
 
2013-12-03 01:49:46 PM
Feed a shark a man, and you feed it for a day.
Teach a shark to human, and you feed it for life.
 
2013-12-03 02:33:59 PM

Englebert Slaptyback: The victim's companion, who was also on a kayak, told the department that his friend was fishing for baitfish with artificial lures when a shark bit one of his feet, which was dangling over the edge of the boat.


Dear CNN: that was not a shark "attack". This was a shark trying to decide whether the guy was food. If the answer had been "yes" THEN there would have been an attack and the guy would have been in much worse shape.


Dead is still pretty bad, I guess.


I wonder if his death was partly due to poorly applied tourniquet.
 
2013-12-03 03:05:48 PM

Keeve: Englebert Slaptyback: The victim's companion, who was also on a kayak, told the department that his friend was fishing for baitfish with artificial lures when a shark bit one of his feet, which was dangling over the edge of the boat.


Dear CNN: that was not a shark "attack". This was a shark trying to decide whether the guy was food. If the answer had been "yes" THEN there would have been an attack and the guy would have been in much worse shape.


Dead is still pretty bad, I guess.

I wonder if his death was partly due to poorly applied tourniquet.


It wouldn't surprise me. The shark probably wasn't even licensed to put on a tourniquet.
 
2013-12-03 04:06:09 PM
I live in Kihei, and the answer to "why" is pretty obvious. Because of intense conservation efforts, the turtle population, once dwindling, has exploded.  There's so many turtles in the water now that they build these cute little fences to keep them from wandering onto the roads.Sharks love tasty turtles.

Also, every winter, humpback whales migrate to Maui waters to calve. Thanks to conservation efforts, there are more whales than ever and sharks love to pick off the weak ones and the newborns.
 
2013-12-03 04:17:33 PM
I'd like to think that, in his final moments as he lie bleeding, he thought to himself: "What a cool way to die. We all are going to die, but I died from a shark attack while kayaking in Hawaii."
 
2013-12-03 05:25:16 PM

Stig O'Tracy: I live in Kihei, and the answer to "why" is pretty obvious. Because of intense conservation efforts, the turtle population, once dwindling, has exploded.  There's so many turtles in the water now that they build these cute little fences to keep them from wandering onto the roads.Sharks love tasty turtles.

Also, every winter, humpback whales migrate to Maui waters to calve. Thanks to conservation efforts, there are more whales than ever and sharks love to pick off the weak ones and the newborns.


yes, there have been whale conservation efforts
no, there are absolutely not 'more whales than ever'. global whale populations are still a tiny, tiny fraction of what they were a few centuries ago.
 
2013-12-03 05:51:37 PM

SquiggsIN: yes, there have been whale conservation efforts
no, there are absolutely not 'more whales than ever'. global whale populations are still a tiny, tiny fraction of what they were a few centuries ago.


More than ever "in recent years". Smarty.
 
2013-12-03 06:08:28 PM

SquiggsIN: Stig O'Tracy: I live in Kihei, and the answer to "why" is pretty obvious. Because of intense conservation efforts, the turtle population, once dwindling, has exploded.  There's so many turtles in the water now that they build these cute little fences to keep them from wandering onto the roads.Sharks love tasty turtles.

Also, every winter, humpback whales migrate to Maui waters to calve. Thanks to conservation efforts, there are more whales than ever and sharks love to pick off the weak ones and the newborns.

yes, there have been whale conservation efforts
no, there are absolutely not 'more whales than ever'. global whale populations are still a tiny, tiny fraction of what they were a few centuries ago.


Thank  you, SquiggsIN. Same thing with turtles, and actually the same thing with fish too (including sharks). It's easy to THINK there is a lot, because what we see in our lifetime is "normal", but on a scale with historic abundance, modern populations are still shiatty. Hawaii in particular has a LOT of fisherman pulling out a LOT of fish (due to extremely lax fishing laws and very few, small protected and restricted areas).

Also, I'm fairly certain that even tigers don't eat humpbacks - killer whales and false killer whales, maybe, but they hunt in groups. Tiger sharks are powerful, but they are also cautious and don't tend to take prey larger than themselves. Turtles, yes, and this may have been a case of instinct being set off by the shape seen from below. Also, the person in question WAS fishing, which is considered "provoked" in most cases. Kayak fishing and kayak spearfishing are getting more and more popular, and spearfishers often leave their fish on kui (stringers) in the water. It's possible this shark had learned bad habits and associated "things dangling near a kayak" with food.

I have heard stories of sharks going for kayaks that were using live bait - one person I know says the one time they've seen a galapagos shark was when a kayak nearby had fish in the water. These people were supposedly not using live bait but all the same the shark may have thought food was nearby.

In any case, there is ALWAYS danger in the water. The sharks live there. You have to assume they are always present somewhere. It's just like getting in a car - safe practice is to assume a defensive mindset. Though to be fair, the ocean itself is much more deadly than the sharks (drowning).
 
2013-12-03 07:54:47 PM
WTF?  No one posted the "singing shark" yet?
 
Displayed 35 of 35 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report