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(News.com.au)   Ten things a bachelor should sacrifice for a wife is the worst deal since Pepsi bought Madonna in 1989   (news.com.au) divider line 183
    More: Unlikely, Pepsi, Call of Duty 4  
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17618 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Dec 2013 at 8:57 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-02 08:39:00 PM
I don't violate any of those except the poster one. You can take my signed Jaws, The Day the Earth Stood Still and Empire Strikes Back Posters out of my cold dead hand.
 
2013-12-02 08:49:03 PM

Mugato: I don't violate any of those except the poster one. You can take my signed Jaws, The Day the Earth Stood Still and Empire Strikes Back Posters out of my cold dead hand.


How are you going to get them into your hand after you die? Especially since one of your hands will be on a tie wrapped around the closet pole and the other will be around your penis.

/at least I'm assuming that's hoe you'll die
//i kid
 
2013-12-02 08:54:17 PM
I would have gone for toning down the amount of internet porn, but that's just me.  The rest of this shiat is something only college guys without jobs tend to do.
 
2013-12-02 09:01:17 PM
The majority of these are stereotypes that most men don't fall into. Right?
 
2013-12-02 09:02:02 PM

Lsherm: I would have gone for toning down the amount of internet porn, but that's just me.  The rest of this shiat is something only college guys without jobs tend to do.


Not true. I have a 38-year-old friend who has a job at the post office who needs to read this but it would hurt his feelings if I told him so.
 
2013-12-02 09:02:07 PM
I'd have said the worst deal since Pepsi set Michael Jackson on fire in 1984.
 
2013-12-02 09:03:17 PM
This is more like a list of what you do when you move out of a dorm and into your first real home. I haven't done any of this since I was like 19.
 
2013-12-02 09:04:20 PM

NateAsbestos: The majority of these are stereotypes that most men don't fall into. Right?


I do have the pile of clothes and drink from the container. I don't play video games all weekend as much as I used to but I did at one point. I, however, cook and clean the toilet plus I'll iron my clothes more than you'd expect (and my girlfriend doesn't know how to)?

Posters, however, MUST be framed before it goes on the wall
 
2013-12-02 09:04:28 PM
I do what I want, when I want. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
 
2013-12-02 09:04:32 PM
'Don't be you, be me!' articles are always fun.
 
2013-12-02 09:04:53 PM
People may play video games as much as their free time allows.  If they pay their bills on time and so forth it is their prerogative.
 
2013-12-02 09:05:27 PM

Lsherm: I would have gone for toning down the amount of internet porn, but that's just me.  The rest of this shiat is something only college guys without jobs tend to do.


Heh... I know a lifelong bachelor in his early 50's who's guilty of all of this... including the Budweiser girl & Lamborghini Countach posters tacked to the wall of his living room.

But I agree with you in principle... hell, I didn't do any of this crap once I was 25 or so.
 
2013-12-02 09:05:42 PM
I had lost all but 2 of these by college, aged 19. It is called not being a child.
 
2013-12-02 09:05:53 PM
The only one that really applies to me is 4, and only because my line of work doesn't really allow for good sleeping habits.  The rest I learned to correct real quick when I no longer lived in a dorm.
 
2013-12-02 09:06:10 PM
Half of those aren't bachelor traits, they're dirty mother farker traits.

// a dirty mother farker is a dirty mother farker, bachelor or not.

// growing up, my stepfather pooped with the bathroom door open. Who the fark does that, you gotta contain that shiat until the vent can deal with it, you don't let the scent of bowels roam around the house.
 
2013-12-02 09:06:50 PM
So, don't be a lazy slob?
 
2013-12-02 09:06:53 PM
So, which brave soul is going to write a list of the 10 habits that females need to stop right now?

I am sure once you explain to women it is for a worthy cause (because it pleases men) then they will immediately comply without question.
 
2013-12-02 09:07:07 PM
I don't play video games ALL weekend. Sometimes I sleep.
 
2013-12-02 09:08:35 PM
...two chicks at the same time?
 
2013-12-02 09:08:42 PM
Do this.
Don't do that.
Can't you read my minnnnnnnnnnnd?

Ugh!
 
2013-12-02 09:08:52 PM
Half of those I didn't do even in high school/college.
 
2013-12-02 09:08:54 PM
Stupid article is stupid.

*glances at pile of clothes*

    Walls are covered with maps, house is sanitary, decor is "neo ski-bum meets college dorm" styling with most things in milk crates or rubber maids. No TV, so no video games. Food is mostly healthy hippie-vegetarian stuff or grown in my garden.

   In closing: article writer is a douchebag
 
2013-12-02 09:09:17 PM

NutWrench: I don't play video games ALL weekend. Sometimes I sleep.


Come on, fess up.  You do take the time for the occasional bout of masturbation, right?
 
2013-12-02 09:09:56 PM

zzrhardy: So, which brave soul is going to write a list of the 10 habits that females need to stop right now?

I am sure once you explain to women it is for a worthy cause (because it pleases men) then they will immediately comply without question.


cdn04.cdnwp.thefrisky.com
 
2013-12-02 09:10:28 PM
10) Only if I'm in a real hurry
9) Finally outgrew that within the last year.  Except when a new game that I was really looking forward to comes out.
8) People actually do this?
7) You can take my daily shower from my cold, dead hands.
6) More than I'd like.  But I also work a lot.
5) Usually in bed by midnight - up by 6 or 7.
4) Guilty of leaving the seat up unless I have guests over.  Nope on the others
3) I own an ironing board and an iron.  Somewhere.  Only used in rare occasions.
2) Perpetually bad at this unless I know there's a chance others will drink out of it.  I don't want to dirty a dish just for a sip of something.
1) I have NOTHING on my bedroom walls, so there's that.

/List is missing an entire folder in your favorites linking to porn
//Batchelor
 
2013-12-02 09:11:32 PM
#5*

*unless you work the night shift.
 
2013-12-02 09:11:32 PM
Dry cleaning. Best money one can spend.
 
2013-12-02 09:12:25 PM
What utter crap. I've been married for over forty years, and i haven't conformed to any of these. Is it an Australian thing?
 
2013-12-02 09:13:33 PM
They must have consulted my mother for most of that list.

"You can't (insert harmless thing here)."
"Why not? It's not hurting anything."
"Because it's just not how you should do things."

/And she thinks that's a perfectly legitimate argument
 
2013-12-02 09:14:38 PM
"Bachelors are often responsible for the serial mistreatment of their toilets. Leaving the seat up..."

Who the fark made that crap up anyway? The rule in my house has always been this: If the toilet seat isn't in the position it needs to be in to do your business, change it. Any woman that's to lazy to put a toilet seat down isn't worth living with anyway.
 
2013-12-02 09:15:16 PM
I know I will take some heat for this but I tend to sit when I pee at home. Many problems averted.
 
2013-12-02 09:16:10 PM
So weekends of video games is bad, but weekends of watching football is still okay, right?

Who cares how you spend your free time as long as shiat that needs to get done gets done.
 
2013-12-02 09:16:16 PM
[reads #10]

Goddammit! [piles items into laundry hamper, goes to store to pick up laundry soap]
 
2013-12-02 09:17:03 PM

smunns: I know I will take some heat for this but I tend to sit when I pee at home. Many problems averted.


Pussy

1.) Do you have a pussy?
2.) Are you that whipped by a pussy?
3.) Are you that much of a wuss

/Sorry, I had to. On behalf of the rest of us.
 
2013-12-02 09:17:10 PM

smunns: I know I will take some heat for this but I tend to sit when I pee at home. Many problems averted.


One of my friends ( I forget why exactly, I think it had something to do with track) had to take some medicine that turned his piss orange.  He said that the spray pattern was actually much larger than one initially thinks and seeing it in orange convinced him to start sitting.
 
2013-12-02 09:17:21 PM
This is why you stand your ground for a man-cave.  Except for the pile of dirty clothes and hygiene stuff.  People who smell bad and whose apartments smell bad are nasty.  Don't be that guy.
 
2013-12-02 09:17:52 PM
Creoena: 2) Perpetually bad at this unless I know there's a chance others will drink out of it. I don't want to dirty a dish just for a sip of something.

By all means, contaminate your food and put it back into the fridge.

www.edu-graphics.com

Do you gnaw on a block of cheese to avoid dirtying a knife? Do you rip chunks out of the leftover turkey like a wolf in the middle of winter?
 
2013-12-02 09:18:26 PM
Is this like those "articles" women find in those shiatty magazines at the checkout line that are so bad, no author is willing to have their name attached to it?
 
2013-12-02 09:18:36 PM

smunns: I know I will take some heat for this but I tend to sit when I pee at home. Many problems averted.


static.fjcdn.com
 
2013-12-02 09:18:49 PM
Whew, I can still eat in bed.
 
2013-12-02 09:18:55 PM
Any writer of an article that demeans TV dinners, takeout, or pizza obviously isn't working enough hours.
 
pla
2013-12-02 09:19:10 PM
I have to agree with a lot of these.  But until someone can explain to me how "pile of dirty clothes in a decorative wicker enclosure" beats "toss 'em in a pile near the washer", I will continue to do the latter.

#2 I can agree with at a fundamental "don't get germs on the container" level, but my SO and I tend to like totally separate beverages.  I see no reason to dirty a glass when she won't ever touch my brand of soda, and I won't ever touch her crappy fruity foo-foo drinks.

And #4?  Seriously?  We (my SO and I) have a very simple way of dealing with this - When you need to use the toilet, adjust whatever state you find it in to one that better suits your needs.  Seat down?  I raise it.  Seat up?  She lowers it.  Simple and fair.  Don't like it (and I've had SOs that don't)?  Okay, new rule: Down, including the lid, always.  Oh wow do women hate not having a response to a completely fair compromise!  XD
 
2013-12-02 09:24:50 PM

smunns: I know I will take some heat for this but I tend to sit when I pee at home. Many problems averted.


I'm single and I do this. I don't want to pee all over my bathroom floor. Plus, a few more seconds to read Fark on the iPhone.

You have my support, brother.
 
2013-12-02 09:26:15 PM

pla: Okay, new rule: Down, including the lid, always. Oh wow do women hate not having a response to a completely fair compromise! XD


The lid always goes down in my place, if only because I have a dog, and I'm not a fan of completely closing the door in the wintertime (gets cold in there sometimes). Don't like the rule or want to follow it? You can go outside.
 
2013-12-02 09:26:41 PM
10) a hamper is just a pile with a wall around it
9) wish I had time for a weekend long gaming marathon
8) did this in college... suite-mates were smokers and I didn't have the money to do laundry every day.
7) step 1: wake up. step 2: stumble to shower. step 3: contemplate the cosmos while rinsing away the filth for 10 minutes. step 4: actually clean yourself and prepare for your day
6) easy meals are just that... easy meals. If I want to eat microwave burritos off of a paper plate while I'm home alone on a weeknight... that's nobody's concern but mine. you should be more concerned by all of the empty alcohol containers than by the take-out.
5) to bed between 10:30 and 11:30, up around 6. occasional insomnia, but less often now that I've given up caffeine.
4) you're welcome to clean my bathrooms if you want. I clean them whenever I expect company, but seldom outside of that.
3) my dryer has a "wrinkle release" setting that works quite well.
2) meh... i'll swig from the 2-liter bottle of soda, anything else goes in a glass.
1) I have abstract fine-art prints and photos on my walls. posters are for high-school... "tapestries" are for college.
 
2013-12-02 09:26:52 PM
Posters are framed. The seat stays up in my place, down in yours. I don't play video games all weekend, I play guitar but let's face it, that's the only reason we're dating.
 
pla
2013-12-02 09:27:33 PM
lordargent : Do you gnaw on a block of cheese to avoid dirtying a knife? Do you rip chunks out of the leftover turkey like a wolf in the middle of winter?

These both depend on how long said food item will hang around. I would say "no" (only because you should really slice it thinly to maximally enjoy it) and "yes", but in both those situations, they tend to not last more than a day anyway.

/ Yes, I've taken micro.
// Now culture your keyboard, Mr. germaphobe.
 
2013-12-02 09:27:49 PM
Drinking wine from the bottle is perfectly acceptable as long as the girlfriend doesn't catch me.
 
2013-12-02 09:29:40 PM

johnny queso: Dry cleaning. Best money one can spend.


Dry cleaning too often damages clothes. Sending your stuff out to be laundered costs a lot of money and requires you to go out of the way to take loads of laundry to and from the cleaner constantly. Just man up and learn to work a damn washing machine- they're actually shockingly simple devices to operate.
 
2013-12-02 09:30:17 PM

Gergesa: smunns: I know I will take some heat for this but I tend to sit when I pee at home. Many problems averted.

One of my friends ( I forget why exactly, I think it had something to do with track) had to take some medicine that turned his piss orange.  He said that the spray pattern was actually much larger than one initially thinks and seeing it in orange convinced him to start sitting.



It could have been medication for a urinary tract infection. It turns the urine a vibrant orange that temporarily stains the sides of the toilet bowl.
 
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