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(Newsnet5)   Here's your annual "Cost of the Twelve Days of Christmas" bullshiat article   (newsnet5.com) divider line 28
    More: Stupid, PNC Wealth Management, Christmas Price Index, dance company  
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1677 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Dec 2013 at 10:00 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



28 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-02 10:06:25 AM
The War on Christmas is really driving the costs up.:
 
2013-12-02 10:08:12 AM
if you buy all 364 items repeated throughout the carol, you'll pay $114,651 -- 6.9 percent more than last year.

But remember, kids, inflation is only hovering around 1%. The reason you feel like everything is getting more expensive is because rich people are making more money than you, and that's not fair.
 
2013-12-02 10:09:48 AM
1. It's been rumored that if you stare at a bathroom mirror and sing 12 Days of Christmas in its entirety, followed by a full rendition of 99 Bottles of Beer, when you're done you will still be stupid.


2. That god awful earworm was (likely) written by someone in France and was later put to music by someone in Britain (Frederic Austin).  And the only redeeming factoid I can pull from all of this is that they're both dead.

3. Coffee
 
2013-12-02 10:11:00 AM
I'm in the wrong line of work.   I want to get paid to do this "study"
 
2013-12-02 10:12:36 AM
Thanks fartbongo
 
2013-12-02 10:14:35 AM
I'll bet the dork who writes this article every year gets together every once in a while with the dork from Punxatawny with the top hat who talks to groundhogs, they head off to a Motel 6 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and have a threesome with an Amway salesman while smoking banana skins and listening to old David Cassidy 8-tracks.
 
2013-12-02 10:15:59 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: if you buy all 364 items repeated throughout the carol, you'll pay $114,651 -- 6.9 percent more than last year.

But remember, kids, inflation is only hovering around 1%. The reason you feel like everything is getting more expensive is because rich people are making more money than you, and that's not fair.


You have to admit, gathering that small percentage of financial decision makers who represent the 1% for a nice bout of collusion is much easier than gathering the unwashed masses and getting them to stop buying things they don't really need.  Inherently, the scales are tipped in favor of those rich jerks.
 
2013-12-02 10:24:38 AM
I'll shiat in a box and mail it to you for free.
 
2013-12-02 10:27:18 AM
I don't see an indoor plastic birdbath listed in there.
 
2013-12-02 10:28:21 AM
Fark this article, Fark March Madness productivity loss, and Fark "college freshman have never seen a floppy disk"
 
2013-12-02 10:32:50 AM
More importantly, there somehow continues to be a black market that sells lords, maids, and ladies into slavery, despite being found and questioned by journalists every late November-early December.
 
2013-12-02 10:40:03 AM

EyeballKid: More importantly, there somehow continues to be a black market that sells lords, maids, and ladies into slavery, despite being found and questioned by journalists every late November-early December.


Hahaha. I got root beer out of my nose. Thanks for that. :)
 
2013-12-02 10:44:36 AM
Are there actually places where you can hire "8 Maids a Milking"?
 
2013-12-02 10:49:19 AM

TV's Vinnie: Are there actually places where you can hire "8 Maids a Milking"?


Craigslist and Adultfriendfinder come to mind.
 
2013-12-02 10:52:15 AM
But I have a 20% off coupon from Bed Bath and Beyond.
 
2013-12-02 11:00:51 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: TV's Vinnie: Are there actually places where you can hire "8 Maids a Milking"?

Craigslist and Adultfriendfinder come to mind.


I like to pick up one from the islands. They're very good.
 A stroke as gentle as a feather

I'll catch a rainbow from the sky
and tie the ends together.
Heigh ho! I am here.
Am I not young and fair?
Please come say, how do?
The things I'll show to you.
Would you have a wond'rous sight?
The midday sun at midnight.
Fair maid, white and red,
Comb you smooth and stroke your head.
How a maid can milk a bull!
And every stroke a bucketful.
 
2013-12-02 11:19:40 AM

fruitloop: But I have a 20% off coupon from Bed Bath and Beyond.


One item only. Those bastards. We were going to buy towels!
 
2013-12-02 11:26:40 AM

ElwoodCuse: Fark this article, Fark March Madness productivity loss, and Fark "college freshman have never seen a floppy disk"


"Electronics manufactured in Asia because of cheap labor costs" still okay?
 
2013-12-02 11:53:45 AM
Can we get an international ban on that effing song already, it's the Christmas equivalent of 99 bottles of beer on the wall, it just goes on, and on, on.....
 
2013-12-02 12:18:00 PM

fruitloop: But I have a 20% off coupon from Bed Bath and Beyond.


Heh. They've been spamming me with those catalogs lately so I've got several of them. Makes stocking up on Sodastream "Sparkling Naturals" syrups (the regular syrups they sell have Splenda up the wazoo and taste like floor wax) all the more affordable. I use low carbonation with the Country Time syrup to make my own Rondo.

indiebear.com
 
2013-12-02 12:19:46 PM
My Calling Birds this year are defective. They don't so much call as they do squawk and sh*t all over the place.
 
2013-12-02 12:21:00 PM
FTA:  The eight maids-a-milking still cost a total of just $58 because the federal minimum wage hasn't risen. At $7.25 each, they're the least expensive gifts in the song.

That's it! Call out the dairy maids. We strike for a union!

*Except in New Zealand, where they already have a Dairy Workers Union.
 
2013-12-02 12:54:52 PM
Seven swans cost $7,000 this year, the same as in 1984, while the cost of a single partridge went from $12.57 to $15 during the same period. One pear tree to put that partridge in? Thirty years ago it cost $19.95, but will now set you back $184.

DAMN YOU, OBAMA!!!
 
2013-12-02 01:06:36 PM
If they would only stop to explain that the 12 days are from Christmas to Epiphany.

Thats 12 MORE SHOPPING DAYS!

Why are they not pushing this?
 
2013-12-02 01:07:16 PM

TV's Vinnie: My Calling Birds this year are defective. They don't so much call as they do squawk and sh*t all over the place.



Funny, except "calling birds" is incorrect. The birds are colly birds, aka blackbirds.
 
2013-12-02 01:15:26 PM
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT
 
2013-12-02 01:22:19 PM

Psycat: I'll bet the dork who writes this article every year gets together every once in a while with the dork from Punxatawny with the top hat who talks to groundhogs, they head off to a Motel 6 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and have a threesome with an Amway salesman while smoking banana skins and listening to old David Cassidy 8-tracks.


go on
media.247sports.com
 
2013-12-02 01:25:28 PM
I'll just take the nine ladies dancing and the other $107K for, um, entertainment expenses...
 
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