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(Herald Sun)   Long-suffering travel writer explains in detail why he hates your kids. (Yes, YOUR kids.) Here's a taste: "The next time your son kicks me I'm going to hit you"   (heraldsun.com.au) divider line 185
    More: Amusing, son kicks, taste  
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12089 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Dec 2013 at 7:12 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-02 12:30:08 AM
Why would you hit me? I didn't do anything. Hit my kid, he did it. Then I'll hit you, and then you can justifiably hit me back. See how that works? That way, everyone gets hit. Except my wife, who will fark your shiat up worse than I will for touching the kid.

Strength in numbers, biatch. Sit down, shut up, then go whine about it later in a blog post so you can pretend you really said what you wished you'd have said (which was still lame).
 
2013-12-02 12:39:13 AM
Next time you fly. Listen closely to the Flight attendants; Right before the plane lands. They passive aggressively get back at passenger as they walk down the aisle.

Your Trash.
Your Garbage.
Your Trash
Your Garbage.
 
2013-12-02 12:51:53 AM
I would pay extra for no children. In fact, I often do. The bars, restaurants, and such I frequent rarely find themselves be-childrened.
 
2013-12-02 12:52:35 AM

optikeye: Next time you fly. Listen closely to the Flight attendants; Right before the plane lands. They passive aggressively get back at passenger as they walk down the aisle.

Your Trash.
Your Garbage.
Your Trash
Your Garbage.


I think I (mostly) get the joke, but which one is the bad one?  Garbage?
 
2013-12-02 12:54:28 AM
The answer is to tell them that if they don't restrain their kid, you'll read them this month's offering of Penthouse Letters.
 
2013-12-02 01:01:18 AM

doyner: The answer is to tell them that if they don't restrain their kid, you'll read them this month's offering of Penthouse Letters.


That's prolly illegal.

But personally I like to over educate people's annoying kids in ways they can be even more annoying. Like grass pipes, conkers, and other annoying but harmless loud noises.

Then I just have to put up with the kid for a few more hours, but the parents will have to deal with it forever. It's your fault, parents. If you didn't want little Billy to know how to crack the 100 decible barrier with nothing but two sheets of paper, you should have kept him from spilling my drink.
 
2013-12-02 01:04:15 AM

doglover: doyner: The answer is to tell them that if they don't restrain their kid, you'll read them this month's offering of Penthouse Letters.

That's prolly illegal.

But personally I like to over educate people's annoying kids in ways they can be even more annoying. Like grass pipes, conkers, and other annoying but harmless loud noises.

Then I just have to put up with the kid for a few more hours, but the parents will have to deal with it forever. It's your fault, parents. If you didn't want little Billy to know how to crack the 100 decible barrier with nothing but two sheets of paper, you should have kept him from spilling my drink.


Probably is illegal in some jurisdictions, but you get the point.  Have your little shiat ruin my travel time, I'll share with him the knowledge of middle age.  If that doesn't work, we'll go with politics and religion.
 
2013-12-02 01:12:48 AM

doglover: grass pipes, conkers


doyner: politics and religion


All fair game and you two sound fun. To be clear, I was taking a crack at this loser (article writer) for getting all tough guy and threatening violence, not for hating on a kid kicking his seat. Even pretending it could happen without getting arrested or whatever, why pick a fight with people who outnumber you? It's dumb.
 
2013-12-02 01:18:43 AM
Plus, kids love learning what they're not supposed to know.

As long as the knowledge isn't actionable, there's nothing the parents can do.

Teach 'em how to make a really loud noise or cook up something in the microwave that's nutritious, but makes the oven smell like satan's skivy's for hours, and you've struck a blow for justice and educated a child at the same time.

But being too "adult" or getting into things, like fire, that can be dangerous is not something I can recomend. Annoying as they are, kids are just kids. It's the parents' fault. They need to recieve the 3AM homemade foghorn of justice on a worknight.
 
2013-12-02 01:23:29 AM

doglover: Plus, kids love learning what they're not supposed to know.

As long as the knowledge isn't actionable, there's nothing the parents can do.

Teach 'em how to make a really loud noise or cook up something in the microwave that's nutritious, but makes the oven smell like satan's skivy's for hours, and you've struck a blow for justice and educated a child at the same time.

But being too "adult" or getting into things, like fire, that can be dangerous is not something I can recomend. Annoying as they are, kids are just kids. It's the parents' fault. They need to recieve the 3AM homemade foghorn of justice on a worknight.


I like your style, but it isn't my way.  Instead of ruining a night or stinking up the kitchen, I think planting a seed that challenges the parent's spoon-fed world view is far more impactful and likely to 1) be remembered afterward, and 2) get the parent to finally take control of the situation.
 
2013-12-02 01:27:23 AM

Fafai: All fair game and you two sound fun.


Thanks, mang.  I understood where you were coming from.  The "tough guy" routine is never a smart move.
 
2013-12-02 01:27:28 AM

doglover: Plus, kids love learning what they're not supposed to know.

As long as the knowledge isn't actionable, there's nothing the parents can do.

Teach 'em how to make a really loud noise or cook up something in the microwave that's nutritious, but makes the oven smell like satan's skivy's for hours, and you've struck a blow for justice and educated a child at the same time.

But being too "adult" or getting into things, like fire, that can be dangerous is not something I can recomend. Annoying as they are, kids are just kids. It's the parents' fault. They need to recieve the 3AM homemade foghorn of justice on a worknight.


We learned to make 'airplanes' out of June Bugs. You tied a thread around the leg of the bug and then you could control it like a airplane on a string in a circle around your head. June Bugs are basically just big flying rather nicely colored roaches.

www.jdmpics.com
 
2013-12-02 01:31:50 AM

doyner: doglover: Plus, kids love learning what they're not supposed to know.

As long as the knowledge isn't actionable, there's nothing the parents can do.

Teach 'em how to make a really loud noise or cook up something in the microwave that's nutritious, but makes the oven smell like satan's skivy's for hours, and you've struck a blow for justice and educated a child at the same time.

But being too "adult" or getting into things, like fire, that can be dangerous is not something I can recomend. Annoying as they are, kids are just kids. It's the parents' fault. They need to recieve the 3AM homemade foghorn of justice on a worknight.

I like your style, but it isn't my way.  Instead of ruining a night or stinking up the kitchen, I think planting a seed that challenges the parent's spoon-fed world view is far more impactful and likely to 1) be remembered afterward, and 2) get the parent to finally take control of the situation.


How do you know what the parent's world view is? "Psst Kid, don't trust anyone over thirty" is all you're really working with. I guess you could profile people, but any parent worth a damn wouldn't be afraid to let their child hear different ideas anyhow. But any parent worth a damn wouldn't be letting their kid kick your seat either, so you're right--fire away.
 
2013-12-02 01:38:59 AM

Fafai: "Psst Kid, don't trust anyone over thirty" is all you're really working with


Hardly.

Fafai: But any parent worth a damn wouldn't be letting their kid kick your seat either, so you're right--fire away.


Kind of.  I'll assess the situation.  I'm not an asshole.  Generally the parent's demeanor is 90% of the information anyone would need.
 
2013-12-02 01:53:09 AM

optikeye: doglover: Plus, kids love learning what they're not supposed to know.

As long as the knowledge isn't actionable, there's nothing the parents can do.

Teach 'em how to make a really loud noise or cook up something in the microwave that's nutritious, but makes the oven smell like satan's skivy's for hours, and you've struck a blow for justice and educated a child at the same time.

But being too "adult" or getting into things, like fire, that can be dangerous is not something I can recomend. Annoying as they are, kids are just kids. It's the parents' fault. They need to recieve the 3AM homemade foghorn of justice on a worknight.

We learned to make 'airplanes' out of June Bugs. You tied a thread around the leg of the bug and then you could control it like a airplane on a string in a circle around your head. June Bugs are basically just big flying rather nicely colored roaches.

[www.jdmpics.com image 321x253]


Terry Pratchett taught me about a beekeeper who would do that trick to the queen bee and use her to control a whole swarm. Never had the balls to try it myself.
 
2013-12-02 01:58:49 AM

doglover: Terry Pratchett


Have you got Raising Steam, yet? It's released in the UK in bother Audio, Kindle and Print. Unabridged.

It's not going to be released in the US until March.

And Shhhhh......audiobookbay. has the UK audiobook.

Why don't they want my money?
 
2013-12-02 02:03:16 AM

optikeye: doglover: Terry Pratchett

Have you got Raising Steam, yet? It's released in the UK in bother Audio, Kindle and Print. Unabridged.

It's not going to be released in the US until March.

And Shhhhh......audiobookbay. has the UK audiobook.

Why don't they want my money?


US business rewards pigheaded stupidity and blind greed while punishing solid economics.
 
2013-12-02 05:11:10 AM
By the third time the dad asked him to stop I had had enough. Just before he went back to the newspaper I turned to him and calmly, and quietly, said: "The next time your son kicks me I'm going to hit you." And then I asked him if he understood what was going to happen.

"Yes. you just threatened me with physical violence. Stewardess! yes...I'm sorry to bother you but this man just threatened me and said he was going to hit me. is there an Air Marshall on board? I don't feel safe next to this person. as soon as we land I'm going to contact the authorities if there is nothing that can be done during the flight. "
 
2013-12-02 07:05:28 AM

log_jammin: By the third time the dad asked him to stop I had had enough. Just before he went back to the newspaper I turned to him and calmly, and quietly, said: "The next time your son kicks me I'm going to hit you." And then I asked him if he understood what was going to happen.

"Yes. you just threatened me with physical violence. Stewardess! yes...I'm sorry to bother you but this man just threatened me and said he was going to hit me. is there an Air Marshall on board? I don't feel safe next to this person. as soon as we land I'm going to contact the authorities if there is nothing that can be done during the flight. "


No man could bear the shame and embarrassment of uttering such a whiny plea for help. The humiliation would be unbearable!
 
2013-12-02 07:11:01 AM

Slaxl: No man could bear the shame and embarrassment of uttering such a whiny plea for help. The humiliation would be unbearable!


oh I'm sure he was shaking in his boots when this guy threatened him.

i131.photobucket.com
"I'm going to hit you!"
 
2013-12-02 07:15:23 AM

log_jammin: Slaxl: No man could bear the shame and embarrassment of uttering such a whiny plea for help. The humiliation would be unbearable!

oh I'm sure he was shaking in his boots when this guy threatened him.

[i131.photobucket.com image 316x421]
"I'm going to hit you!"


It's a very serious threat, coming from that guy.

If he said it to me earnestly, I'd laugh so hard something would rupture.
 
2013-12-02 07:21:20 AM

doyner: The answer is to tell them that if they don't restrain their kid, you'll read them this month's offering of Penthouse Letters.


Unsupervised children will be given a large espresso and a puppy!
 
2013-12-02 07:26:35 AM

log_jammin: Slaxl: No man could bear the shame and embarrassment of uttering such a whiny plea for help. The humiliation would be unbearable!

oh I'm sure he was shaking in his boots when this guy threatened him.

[i131.photobucket.com image 316x421]
"I'm going to hit you!"


Haha, okay true enough.
 
2013-12-02 07:26:37 AM
www.technologytell.com
 
2013-12-02 07:27:05 AM

Fafai: Why would you hit me? I didn't do anything. Hit my kid, he did it. Then I'll hit you, and then you can justifiably hit me back. See how that works? That way, everyone gets hit. Except my wife, who will fark your shiat up worse than I will for touching the kid.

Strength in numbers, biatch. Sit down, shut up, then go whine about it later in a blog post so you can pretend you really said what you wished you'd have said (which was still lame).


Why don't you just teach your kid some farking manners?  Then it wouldn't even be an issue.  It's people like YOU that he's writitng about.  Get it?
 
2013-12-02 07:27:56 AM

log_jammin: Slaxl: No man could bear the shame and embarrassment of uttering such a whiny plea for help. The humiliation would be unbearable!

oh I'm sure he was shaking in his boots when this guy threatened him.

[i131.photobucket.com image 316x421]
"I'm going to hit you!"



Maybe when he typed up the story he accidentally left out "on"
 
2013-12-02 07:31:44 AM

log_jammin: "Yes. you just threatened me with physical violence."


Why doesn't the kid kicking him - which already happened - count as violence?
 
2013-12-02 07:32:09 AM
Flew home from Disney yesterday.

Don't get me started.
 
2013-12-02 07:34:15 AM
"...parents are losing control - or just switching into holiday mode thinking that others don't mind being in confined claustrophobic situati...etc"

Wrong. We just don't care. When I travel with my kids I do my utmost to ensure they behave themselves. However, sometimes that is not enough. When that is not enough do you think I give one shade of crap what the scowling guy sitting in the seat in front thinks of my kids? Hell no.

Oh and if someone punched me because my kid did something to them then well that's just common ass-ault and I would press full charges,
 
2013-12-02 07:34:30 AM

The Why Not Guy: log_jammin: "Yes. you just threatened me with physical violence."

Why doesn't the kid kicking him - which already happened - count as violence?


because it's a 4 year old kid.

that and I have a feeling the kid wasn't kicking him so much his foot was touching him occasionally.
 
2013-12-02 07:35:26 AM

thecolour: that's just common ass-ault


the worst kind of ass-ault.
 
2013-12-02 07:39:03 AM

Fafai: Why would you hit me? I didn't do anything. Hit my kid, he did it. Then I'll hit you, and then you can justifiably hit me back. See how that works? That way, everyone gets hit. Except my wife, who will fark your shiat up worse than I will for touching the kid.

Strength in numbers, biatch. Sit down, shut up, then go whine about it later in a blog post so you can pretend you really said what you wished you'd have said (which was still lame).


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-12-02 07:41:39 AM

doyner: The answer is to tell them that if they don't restrain their kid, you'll read them this month's offering of Penthouse Letters.


Much more effective to read them The Count of Monte Cristo.

In French.

With different voices for each character.
 
2013-12-02 07:43:07 AM

log_jammin: because it's a 4 year old kid.


for whom the parent is responsible.

that and I have a feeling the kid wasn't kicking him so much his foot was touching him occasionally.

that's almost certainly true, but it's also possible for an unruly child to do physical damage, even inadvertently.
 
2013-12-02 07:43:33 AM
I DNRTFA, but from the comments I think I get the gist. Since I travel a lot this happens to me a lot. Through my experience I have found that being direct with parents works quite a bit better than the passive aggressive route. I simply look at the parents and with murder in my voice ask the parents "Would you please restrain your child?". Of course I have the advantage of being menacingly ugly.
 
2013-12-02 07:44:30 AM
I learned a long time ago that I don't hate children, I hate their parents. Children are the symptom, parents are the disease.

Also, I think the whole "hitting your children to make them behave" thing is really missing the point. Children would be a lot better behaved if it were the parents that got hit every time the kid acted up. Kind of like Best Korea's "three generations" rule in reverse. If the kid acts up, slap the parent and, if they're still alive, the grandparent.
 
2013-12-02 07:45:38 AM

The Why Not Guy: for whom the parent is responsible.


yes. ok?

The Why Not Guy: that's almost certainly true, but it's also possible for an unruly child to do physical damage, even inadvertently.


yes, that is indeed "possible".
 
2013-12-02 07:48:05 AM
thisthreadagain.jpg
 
2013-12-02 07:48:20 AM
That fat farking tard wouldn't have the balls to hit anyone. Way to be ITG there fatso. Maybe he meant he would have his boyfriend do it.
 
2013-12-02 07:51:57 AM

log_jammin: yes, that is indeed "possible".


You must not have a toddler in your life or you wouldn't put quotes around possible. In close confines, an unruly child can do real damage without meaning to. A random kick to a sensitive area, especially if the person on the receiving end is elderly, or maybe your expensive electronic gadget goes crashing to the floor.
 
2013-12-02 07:52:37 AM
resources0.news.com.auresources0.news.com.auresources0.news.com.auresources0.news.com.auresources0.news.com.auresources0.news.com.au
 
2013-12-02 07:57:52 AM
I just punch them all hard, fast, and inclusively.
 
2013-12-02 07:59:17 AM
Can't remember where I read it, but one bloke's solution for dealing with annoying kids on aeroplanes was to quietly call over a stewardess and say "I really don't want to make a fuss, but every time that kid runs past me I'm technically breaking my parole".

Awesome response is awesome.
 
2013-12-02 07:59:54 AM

Cold_Sassy: Fafai: Why would you hit me? I didn't do anything. Hit my kid, he did it. Then I'll hit you, and then you can justifiably hit me back. See how that works? That way, everyone gets hit. Except my wife, who will fark your shiat up worse than I will for touching the kid.

Strength in numbers, biatch. Sit down, shut up, then go whine about it later in a blog post so you can pretend you really said what you wished you'd have said (which was still lame).

Why don't you just teach your kid some farking manners?  Then it wouldn't even be an issue.  It's people like YOU that he's writitng about.  Get it?


No! Not people like ME! A-bloo-bloo-bloo.
 
2013-12-02 08:00:27 AM

Slaxl: log_jammin: By the third time the dad asked him to stop I had had enough. Just before he went back to the newspaper I turned to him and calmly, and quietly, said: "The next time your son kicks me I'm going to hit you." And then I asked him if he understood what was going to happen.

"Yes. you just threatened me with physical violence. Stewardess! yes...I'm sorry to bother you but this man just threatened me and said he was going to hit me. is there an Air Marshall on board? I don't feel safe next to this person. as soon as we land I'm going to contact the authorities if there is nothing that can be done during the flight. "

No man could bear the shame and embarrassment of uttering such a whiny plea for help. The humiliation would be unbearable!


That's why I'd just beat him over the head with my carry-on luggage. So we both get arrested for "terrism".
Still, Tater Jr wailing and his parents refusing to do anything on a flight is incredibly annoying.
 
2013-12-02 08:04:02 AM
To be fair, I was once a child, and the author looks mighty kickable.
 
2013-12-02 08:07:57 AM
Hey author, it's a kid.  He wasn't kicking you on purpose, you douche, they just have short term attention spans, sometimes.  I'm sure it wasn't hurting you, and I bet you a dollar that you wouldn't threaten to hit me, on a plane.  After reading that article I almost wish you would.

It would just reinforce what I teach my kid: the world is full of assholes.
 
2013-12-02 08:12:52 AM
On my last long haul flight I had constant kicking, really strong, in my back. It was so bad I turned around to speak to the person, which is unheard of for an English person to do, causing a fuss? On a plane? Gosh no... Only to see that it was a pregnant woman... so I made like I was getting up to go to the toilet... that's the English way.

I couldn't have a go at a pregnant woman :(
 
2013-12-02 08:14:47 AM
Yeah, that is BS, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Kids are going to be dicks sometimes. It is unavoidable. As long as the parent is trying to stop them from doing this shiat it doesn't really bug me. When they tune their kids shiat out it is infuriating.
 
2013-12-02 08:14:59 AM
A classic on the subject from the author Saki: The Story-Teller.
 
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