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(The Raw Story)   God continues to prank call Ted Cruz's father   (rawstory.com) divider line 51
    More: Asinine, Rafael Cruz, god, God told  
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5365 clicks; posted to Politics » on 29 Nov 2013 at 3:53 PM (37 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-11-29 03:55:48 PM
9 votes:

Skeezix: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

So it's OK if we go back to calling Sarah Palin's youngest spawn "retarded?"

2013-11-29 04:01:05 PM
7 votes:
"is your refrigerator running? because your blasphemy has earned you an eternity in the lake of fire!"

- God
2013-11-29 03:54:33 PM
6 votes:
"Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

So it's OK if we go back to calling Sarah Palin's youngest spawn "retarded?"
2013-11-29 08:05:33 PM
5 votes:
homegrownmedia.com

What God may look like.
2013-11-29 04:51:21 PM
5 votes:
img.fark.net
Giving Jehovah an Invisible Blowjob (and a friendly ball-jiggle too)
2013-11-29 04:19:51 PM
5 votes:
God spoke to me and told me to ignore Rafael Cruz.
2013-11-29 08:04:12 PM
4 votes:
Are you there,God? It's me, Rafael.
x23
2013-11-29 11:22:28 PM
3 votes:

rjakobi: Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.

Have you tried traveling outside of your state to confirm this? Just curious.




in 2013 it is possible to hear the opinions of various people across state lines using a variety of fantastical technologies.

true story.
2013-11-29 06:45:50 PM
3 votes:
God apparently only talks to dimwits.
2013-11-29 06:01:17 PM
3 votes:

Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.


Translation: "Why can't I openly use the N-word?? It's what those people call themselves!"
2013-11-29 05:40:56 PM
3 votes:
Shame on you all here! This holy man and his servant of the people son are trying to do the work of the lord! Are county was founded in Christian antity and you may burn in the fires off HELL FOr suggesting otherwise!!! Jorge Washington was a patriot pastor who preached the word of God before sending his men into battle of Lexington, Gettysburg, and Hapsburg. Cruz will be the holy arm of Jesus of his son giving instruction and advice to our next pwesident CRUZ!!! CRUZ/\PALIN amen16
2013-11-29 04:43:38 PM
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-11-29 03:50:30 PM
3 votes:
The important thing to remember is that Jeremiah Wright TOTALLY spoke for Obama, but you can't think Ted Cruz shares anything with his father.
2013-11-30 12:47:55 PM
2 votes:
imgs.xkcd.com
2013-11-29 11:26:54 PM
2 votes:
"Political correctness" is Fundenglish for "Evil freedom-hating liberals have robbed me of my AmeriJesus-given right to publically precede every reference to President Obama with the N-word."
2013-11-29 09:27:56 PM
2 votes:

winterbraid: "is your refrigerator running? because your blasphemy has earned you an eternity in the lake of fire!"

- God


"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?  Because I do."
2013-11-29 09:22:03 PM
2 votes:
He should challenge Pope Francis to a debate. Lets see what happens
2013-11-29 06:36:01 PM
2 votes:
That God fellow, why doesn't he just speak to every one?

He does but we're not listening?

Then why doesn't he appear as a burning bush to everyone, that would get our attention, wouldn't it?

What? We cannot start to hope to comprehend why he does the things he does the way he do them?

That's mighty convenient for you if you ask me.

I'm talking to myself?

Aren't you?
2013-11-29 04:20:44 PM
2 votes:

"I call you as Watchmen upon the wall"


static.comicvine.com

2013-11-29 04:12:34 PM
2 votes:
Cruz said that Christians needed to "take this country back for righteousness."

Take it back from who, specifically?  How did "they" get get control of the entire US?  What is "righteousness?"  Is it possible these are all empty terms with fluid, changing meanings that just allow Rafael Cruz to attention-whore and fund-raise in front of the gullible and ignorant?  God himself is paying attention to Rafael Cruz and giving him personal messages, and you can believe Rafael Cruz because he never lies, and he always tells the truth.

Religious Fundamentalism - not bat-shiat insanity, but #1 with the bat-shiat insane.
2013-11-29 04:10:39 PM
2 votes:
Can anyone explain to me why this coffin-dodging nutjob gets a public platform? Did Sarah Palin's father get invited to GOP wingdings? Did anyone invite John Boehner's dad to speak to large gatherings of the vicious and stupid? Why is Daddy Cruz getting a spot in the limelight just because he has a well-known son?
2013-11-29 04:05:27 PM
2 votes:
The EXACT reason iPhone needs a block feature on certain numbers.
2013-11-29 03:42:29 PM
2 votes:

grumpfuff: I like how he quotes Ezekiel, a book of the Old Testament.

Someone should ask if his suit is a blend of fabrics, or when the last time he had a cheeseburger was.

Old Testament: Doesn't count, except when we want it to


I notice he's not covering his head, and I'd bet dollars to donuts that he's given one of these screeds over an electronic PA system at least once after sundown on a Friday.
2013-11-29 03:36:05 PM
2 votes:
I like how he quotes Ezekiel, a book of the Old Testament.

Someone should ask if his suit is a blend of fabrics, or when the last time he had a cheeseburger was.

Old Testament: Doesn't count, except when we want it to
2013-11-30 03:19:22 PM
1 votes:

grumpfuff: If you presented modern Christians with what most of the figures in the Bible were actually like, they'd be horrified. Well, at least the Christians that like Republican Jesus/Supply Side Jesus/Paul.


I refuse to call that individual Jesus. Jesus was a dark-skinned, middle-eastern Jew who taught charity and humility. He told wealthy individuals that heaven was out of their reach, while at the same time encouraging curiosity and discovery and reminding everyone to pay their due taxes to their standing government.

img.fark.net

US "Christians" instead worship Jeebus. Jeebus is a pretty blue-eyed white dude who crucified homosexuals and free-thinking women, openly spoke against public education and taxation, encouraged the acquisition of earthly wealth above all other things.

img.fark.net
2013-11-30 11:56:39 AM
1 votes:

grumpfuff: I like how he quotes Ezekiel, a book of the Old Testament.

Someone should ask if his suit is a blend of fabrics, or when the last time he had a cheeseburger was.

Old Testament: Doesn't count, except when we want it to


Ezekiel was one of those guys between drug trips who would go on and on about the mistreatment of the poor. Ezekiel would be called a hippy in modern society.
2013-11-30 01:26:27 AM
1 votes:

Pick13: TV's Vinnie: [img.fark.net image 615x345]
Giving Jehovah an Invisible Blowjob (and a friendly ball-jiggle too)

Double blowjob...

He's cupping the second pair of balls


Excuse me, but I believe that would be a Triple Blowjob.

Ever hear of The Holy Trinity? Sheesh, don't none of yew read The Bible?!
2013-11-30 01:00:06 AM
1 votes:
 The data is in and punchable faces appear to be genetic.
2013-11-30 12:38:03 AM
1 votes:
Somebody post the link to "jesus, he knows me" by phil collins please.
2013-11-30 12:27:32 AM
1 votes:

DigitalCoffee: /and you can't 'take back' something you never had in the first place


Conservatism makes a very nice living selling what never existed for the promise of happy that never was.
2013-11-29 11:30:23 PM
1 votes:

Pick13: TV's Vinnie: [img.fark.net image 615x345]
Giving Jehovah an Invisible Blowjob (and a friendly ball-jiggle too)

Double blowjob...

He's cupping the second pair of balls


Blowing the Father, cupping the Son and getting a handy from the Holy Ghost, if I'm any judge

/and I've seen One Night in Mary
//aisle seat, long legs
2013-11-29 10:12:12 PM
1 votes:

Third Day Mark: mediablitz: The important thing to remember is that Jeremiah Wright TOTALLY spoke for Obama, but you can't think Ted Cruz shares anything with his father.

God Damn This.   

/This farkwad sounds like a false prophet to me.


If we killed all the people who made false prophecy like the bible suggests, we would run out of televangelists and other nutjobs very quickly.
2013-11-29 09:18:32 PM
1 votes:
So why is Rafael Cruz  not a pastor?   Don't tell them what to do, become one and lead by example, otherwise mind your own business.  Sermons are hard to write and deliver.
2013-11-29 09:10:10 PM
1 votes:
We need to clone Ted Cruz.
2013-11-29 08:41:38 PM
1 votes:

djkutch: I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.


When my little brother was *really deep* into all his personal shiat, he was an excellent liar.   I still say he should be the preacher of one of these f*cking Mega-Churches with a TV show.   He'd rake in the money.
2013-11-29 08:32:10 PM
1 votes:

djkutch: I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.


Didn't God tell Pat Robertson he was going to win in 1988?
2013-11-29 08:26:27 PM
1 votes:
I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.
2013-11-29 08:17:55 PM
1 votes:

Confabulat: God apparently only talks to dimwits.


This.

/for the win
2013-11-29 07:51:38 PM
1 votes:

Fart_Machine: This guy is the gift that keeps on giving.


the Grift that keeps on Grifting.

"Ted" Cruz was raised by this man. How much would one wager that the younger Mr. Cruz was raised to believe he's the Second Coming (of Ayn Rand)? Imagine having that preached at you every night at the dinner table. Imagine a United States Senator who actually believes he's the penultimate philosopher whose father told him from the day he was born, that his destiny was set in stone and absolute. That such a destiny is to fight (and win of course) that battle at Armageddon that brings back the Lord to punish the wicked.

I knew people in high school who thought like this. Who would rant themselves into a apoplectic purple froth over ideas like this. I wonder how many of them are pushing shopping carts full of dead kittens and dolls heads?
2013-11-29 06:45:19 PM
1 votes:
This guy is the gift that keeps on giving.
2013-11-29 05:51:28 PM
1 votes:

Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.


Anytime I hear someone biatch about political correctness, I know they're about to show what an asshole they are.  It's another version of, "I'm not racist but. .  ."
2013-11-29 05:26:37 PM
1 votes:

Millennium: demaL-demaL-yeH: TV's Vinnie: [img.fark.net image 615x345]
Giving Jehovah an Invisible Blowjob (and a friendly ball-jiggle too)

That looks like a rather nice Puerto Rican flag next to him.

I think that's supposed to be Texas.


Looks an awful lot like the flag of Chile. I'm just saying what is he trying to hide, exactly?

www.enchantedlearning.com
2013-11-29 04:40:30 PM
1 votes:
Why do so many so-called 'Christians' always go running to the Old Testament or to Paul for confirmation of their batshiat crazy ideas and never to the words/deeds of Christ himself? Can't be much of a Christian if you're always quoting/following SOMEONE ELSE.

/and you can't 'take back' something you never had in the first place
2013-11-29 04:35:15 PM
1 votes:

BorgiaGinz: Can anyone explain to me why this coffin-dodging nutjob gets a public platform? Did Sarah Palin's father get invited to GOP wingdings? Did anyone invite John Boehner's dad to speak to large gatherings of the vicious and stupid? Why is Daddy Cruz getting a spot in the limelight just because he has a well-known son?


They spent a lot of time talking about Obama's dad and very little mention of his mother. Why do you think that is?
That's right, Because the right hates women! I knew you would get it.
2013-11-29 04:24:24 PM
1 votes:
He doesn't think pastors are standing up for Christian values? This is why you must never let religion into government - you will never be holy enough by some shrill right-wing douchebag standard.
2013-11-29 04:22:55 PM
1 votes:
It's like the modern version of here there be monsters with people like this douche.
2013-11-29 04:19:44 PM
1 votes:
And the reason I know without a doubt that I heard from God is that - supernaturally -  without my moving a finger pastors' conferences began materializing week after week after week. I'm doing pastors conferences now all over the country. I have not organized one of them. It is God.

So does that make God a community organizer or his secretary.
2013-11-29 04:08:26 PM
1 votes:

Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.


Have you tried traveling outside of your state to confirm this? Just curious.
2013-11-29 04:04:07 PM
1 votes:
"Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.
2013-11-29 04:02:53 PM
1 votes:

Albino Squid: Skeezix: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

So it's OK if we go back to calling Sarah Palin's youngest spawn "retarded?" a coonty trailer trash whore who belongs barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and not opening her mouth without the permission of her master?


Fundamentalist women should know the fundamentals.
2013-11-29 03:59:34 PM
1 votes:

mediablitz: The important thing to remember is that Jeremiah Wright TOTALLY spoke for Obama, but you can't think Ted Cruz shares anything with his father.


I didn't think that Ted had distanced himself from his dad's comments
 
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