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(The Raw Story)   God continues to prank call Ted Cruz's father   (rawstory.com) divider line 91
    More: Asinine, Rafael Cruz, god, God told  
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5388 clicks; posted to Politics » on 29 Nov 2013 at 3:53 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



91 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-29 08:09:49 PM  

Deathfrogg: Fart_Machine: This guy is the gift that keeps on giving.

the Grift that keeps on Grifting.

"Ted" Cruz was raised by this man. How much would one wager that the younger Mr. Cruz was raised to believe he's the Second Coming (of Ayn Rand)? Imagine having that preached at you every night at the dinner table. Imagine a United States Senator who actually believes he's the penultimate philosopher whose father told him from the day he was born, that his destiny was set in stone and absolute. That such a destiny is to fight (and win of course) that battle at Armageddon that brings back the Lord to punish the wicked.

I knew people in high school who thought like this. Who would rant themselves into a apoplectic purple froth over ideas like this. I wonder how many of them are pushing shopping carts full of dead kittens and dolls heads?


Considering the 50 state legislatures plus the House and Senate in DC, I would say not enough of them. In fact, if we managed to get rid of all the dipshiats, dickwads, assholes, psychos, useful idiots, liars, and the just plain greedy, there wouldn't be too many people left of any party affiliation.
 
2013-11-29 08:17:55 PM  

Confabulat: God apparently only talks to dimwits.


This.

/for the win
 
2013-11-29 08:26:27 PM  
I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.
 
2013-11-29 08:32:10 PM  

djkutch: I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.


Didn't God tell Pat Robertson he was going to win in 1988?
 
2013-11-29 08:32:39 PM  
djkutch:
If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.

nah, I couldn't get over the urge to shoot myself if I did that shiat.  And fark any God who told me to do that in his name.
 
2013-11-29 08:35:40 PM  

propasaurus: Didn't God tell Pat Robertson he was going to win in 1988?


Yes, but who are we to judge divine announcement?

pueblonative: And fark any God who told me to do that in his name.


Pssst...don't tell the rubes, but there is no God.
 
2013-11-29 08:41:38 PM  

djkutch: I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.


When my little brother was *really deep* into all his personal shiat, he was an excellent liar.   I still say he should be the preacher of one of these f*cking Mega-Churches with a TV show.   He'd rake in the money.
 
2013-11-29 09:10:10 PM  
We need to clone Ted Cruz.
 
2013-11-29 09:18:32 PM  
So why is Rafael Cruz  not a pastor?   Don't tell them what to do, become one and lead by example, otherwise mind your own business.  Sermons are hard to write and deliver.
 
2013-11-29 09:22:03 PM  
He should challenge Pope Francis to a debate. Lets see what happens
 
2013-11-29 09:22:50 PM  

Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.


I've never understood this one. Hassling people when they are assholes is somehow the worst thing ever to happen to the country? How does that work?
 
2013-11-29 09:24:59 PM  

rev. dave: So why is Rafael Cruz  not a pastor?   Don't tell them what to do, become one and lead by example, otherwise mind your own business.  Sermons are hard to write and deliver.


Yep.
 
2013-11-29 09:25:47 PM  
"Because the majority of the pastors have been hiding behind the pulpit, and God called me to one verse of scripture, a scripture very dear to my heart"

Was it Romans 13?
 
2013-11-29 09:27:56 PM  

winterbraid: "is your refrigerator running? because your blasphemy has earned you an eternity in the lake of fire!"

- God


"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?  Because I do."
 
2013-11-29 10:00:47 PM  

propasaurus: djkutch: I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.

Didn't God tell Pat Robertson he was going to win in 1988?


God just didn't mention that what he would win would be a small fry in the McDonald's Monopoly Game.  Mysterious ways and all.

/infalliable
 
2013-11-29 10:07:00 PM  

Kibbler: winterbraid: "is your refrigerator running? because your blasphemy has earned you an eternity in the lake of fire!"

- God

"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?  Because I do."


"Do you have ten pound balls? Check again beyyotch!"

- God
 
2013-11-29 10:12:12 PM  

Third Day Mark: mediablitz: The important thing to remember is that Jeremiah Wright TOTALLY spoke for Obama, but you can't think Ted Cruz shares anything with his father.

God Damn This.   

/This farkwad sounds like a false prophet to me.


If we killed all the people who made false prophecy like the bible suggests, we would run out of televangelists and other nutjobs very quickly.
 
2013-11-29 10:25:35 PM  

propasaurus: djkutch: I think him and Pat Robertson should get together. Maybe talk about how God told Pat that Romney was going to win.

If I had it do over?: Televangelism.  Mountains of money, African charity disguising blood diamond mines, and Jessica Hahn.

Didn't God tell Pat Robertson he was going to win in 1988?


He heard him wrong, he ended up winning a Delta 88.
 
2013-11-29 11:05:56 PM  
Why didn't you get that calling, Pastor, when you were throwing Molotov cocktails at Batista's thugs and fighting for Castro's guerrillas? I'd think you'd be loving the loss of god and the rise of secularism and all that, commie.
 
x23
2013-11-29 11:22:28 PM  

rjakobi: Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.

Have you tried traveling outside of your state to confirm this? Just curious.




in 2013 it is possible to hear the opinions of various people across state lines using a variety of fantastical technologies.

true story.
 
2013-11-29 11:26:54 PM  
"Political correctness" is Fundenglish for "Evil freedom-hating liberals have robbed me of my AmeriJesus-given right to publically precede every reference to President Obama with the N-word."
 
2013-11-29 11:30:23 PM  

Pick13: TV's Vinnie: [img.fark.net image 615x345]
Giving Jehovah an Invisible Blowjob (and a friendly ball-jiggle too)

Double blowjob...

He's cupping the second pair of balls


Blowing the Father, cupping the Son and getting a handy from the Holy Ghost, if I'm any judge

/and I've seen One Night in Mary
//aisle seat, long legs
 
2013-11-29 11:32:15 PM  

limeyfellow: Third Day Mark: mediablitz: The important thing to remember is that Jeremiah Wright TOTALLY spoke for Obama, but you can't think Ted Cruz shares anything with his father.

God Damn This.   

/This farkwad sounds like a false prophet to me.

If we killed all the people who made false prophecy like the bible suggests, we would run out of televangelists and other nutjobs very quickly.


imokwiththis.jpg
 
2013-11-30 12:27:32 AM  

DigitalCoffee: /and you can't 'take back' something you never had in the first place


Conservatism makes a very nice living selling what never existed for the promise of happy that never was.
 
2013-11-30 12:38:03 AM  
Somebody post the link to "jesus, he knows me" by phil collins please.
 
2013-11-30 01:00:06 AM  
 The data is in and punchable faces appear to be genetic.
 
2013-11-30 01:26:27 AM  

Pick13: TV's Vinnie: [img.fark.net image 615x345]
Giving Jehovah an Invisible Blowjob (and a friendly ball-jiggle too)

Double blowjob...

He's cupping the second pair of balls


Excuse me, but I believe that would be a Triple Blowjob.

Ever hear of The Holy Trinity? Sheesh, don't none of yew read The Bible?!
 
2013-11-30 01:58:05 AM  
Kookoo father births kookoo son...wow, surprising!
 
2013-11-30 01:59:54 AM  

Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.


you are absolutely correct!
 
2013-11-30 02:09:36 AM  

USCLaw2010: He should challenge Pope Francis to a debate. Lets see what happens


that would be awesome!
 
2013-11-30 10:27:38 AM  

Hollie Maea: Tripp Johnston Private Eye: "Political correctness is killing us," Rafael Cruz said

I have never met anyone who believes this who wasn't an absolute retard with repugnant views.

I've never understood this one. Hassling people when they are assholes is somehow the worst thing ever to happen to the country? How does that work?


What does he mean by political correctness? Does he mean when some idiot protests Movember for being transphobic or does he mean not being allowed to call black people the "n"-word?
 
2013-11-30 11:56:39 AM  

grumpfuff: I like how he quotes Ezekiel, a book of the Old Testament.

Someone should ask if his suit is a blend of fabrics, or when the last time he had a cheeseburger was.

Old Testament: Doesn't count, except when we want it to


Ezekiel was one of those guys between drug trips who would go on and on about the mistreatment of the poor. Ezekiel would be called a hippy in modern society.
 
2013-11-30 12:27:59 PM  
Please, proceed.
 
2013-11-30 12:36:20 PM  

LoneWolf343: grumpfuff: I like how he quotes Ezekiel, a book of the Old Testament.

Someone should ask if his suit is a blend of fabrics, or when the last time he had a cheeseburger was.

Old Testament: Doesn't count, except when we want it to

Ezekiel was one of those guys between drug trips who would go on and on about the mistreatment of the poor. Ezekiel would be called a hippy in modern society.


If you presented modern Christians with what most of the figures in the Bible were actually like, they'd be horrified. Well, at least the Christians that like Republican Jesus/Supply Side Jesus/Paul.
 
2013-11-30 12:47:55 PM  
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-11-30 03:19:22 PM  

grumpfuff: If you presented modern Christians with what most of the figures in the Bible were actually like, they'd be horrified. Well, at least the Christians that like Republican Jesus/Supply Side Jesus/Paul.


I refuse to call that individual Jesus. Jesus was a dark-skinned, middle-eastern Jew who taught charity and humility. He told wealthy individuals that heaven was out of their reach, while at the same time encouraging curiosity and discovery and reminding everyone to pay their due taxes to their standing government.

img.fark.net

US "Christians" instead worship Jeebus. Jeebus is a pretty blue-eyed white dude who crucified homosexuals and free-thinking women, openly spoke against public education and taxation, encouraged the acquisition of earthly wealth above all other things.

img.fark.net
 
2013-11-30 05:38:14 PM  

propasaurus: Didn't God tell Pat Robertson he was going to win in 1988?


God answers all prayers.

Sometimes the answer is "ROFL HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... no"
 
2013-11-30 06:16:20 PM  

clkeagle: grumpfuff: If you presented modern Christians with what most of the figures in the Bible were actually like, they'd be horrified. Well, at least the Christians that like Republican Jesus/Supply Side Jesus/Paul.

I refuse to call that individual Jesus. Jesus was a dark-skinned, middle-eastern Jew who taught charity and humility. He told wealthy individuals that heaven was out of their reach, while at the same time encouraging curiosity and discovery and reminding everyone to pay their due taxes to their standing government.

[img.fark.net image 370x238]

US "Christians" instead worship Jeebus. Jeebus is a pretty blue-eyed white dude who crucified homosexuals and free-thinking women, openly spoke against public education and taxation, encouraged the acquisition of earthly wealth above all other things.

[img.fark.net image 375x223]


The judges find this answer acceptable.
 
2013-11-30 07:02:18 PM  

clkeagle: grumpfuff: If you presented modern Christians with what most of the figures in the Bible were actually like, they'd be horrified. Well, at least the Christians that like Republican Jesus/Supply Side Jesus/Paul.

I refuse to call that individual Jesus. Jesus was a dark-skinned, middle-eastern Jew who taught charity and humility. He told wealthy individuals that heaven was out of their reach, while at the same time encouraging curiosity and discovery and reminding everyone to pay their due taxes to their standing government.

[img.fark.net image 370x238]

US "Christians" instead worship Jeebus. Jeebus is a pretty blue-eyed white dude who crucified homosexuals and free-thinking women, openly spoke against public education and taxation, encouraged the acquisition of earthly wealth above all other things.

[img.fark.net image 375x223]


you've made my day. Insightful post! (Really. I agree with you...!)
 
2013-11-30 09:25:00 PM  
 I'm doing pastors conferences now all over the country. I have not organized one of them. It is God."

Pretty sure that's not God doing that.
 
2013-11-30 10:46:55 PM  
I figure he must really hate pastors.  He calls all of them to 'quit hiding behind their pulpits' when it's not hiding.  They're not supposed to engage in the kind of political speech that he wants.  What he's really saying is "I want you all to chuck your tax exempt statuses in the crapper and come and follow me."  Fishers of...wut?
 
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