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(ABC Local)   You wreck your hummer breaking your girlfriend's pelvis. Do you: a) wait for emergency services, b) drive her to the hospital, or c) stuff her in a convenient attic?   (abclocal.go.com) divider line 77
    More: Dumbass, Friendswood, girlfriend, roll overs, pelvic fracture  
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10738 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Nov 2013 at 4:31 PM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-29 07:16:50 PM

ArcadianRefugee: How many people have obviously been on Fark too long and read that as "girlfriend's penis"?


Actually, too much time on RedTube. I thought he ran over her penis - first read - while someone was getting a hummer.

(It is a strange, strange world we live in. I bet I can find a video of all of that!)
 
2013-11-29 07:22:47 PM
am I the only one who initially read that as hammer?
 
2013-11-29 07:23:46 PM

Vector R: Exactly. He decided he didn't want to be involved or help any more than that, and likely ran off because he was drunk.


Even if that's the case, why take her away after having them call for help?  Either don't get anyone else involved (if you're going to hide her away in an attic, for instance) or if  you're going to find someone to call 911, then leave her there to get the help.

If he had run off and left her there with them calling 911, he would be a scumbag, but not nearly as big a scumbag as "Okay, we called for help, but I'm not going to let you get it, I'm going to stick you in this attic".
 
2013-11-29 07:41:03 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: bunner: detectives found his Hummer 3 in a ditch

Point, set, match.  I've never met anybody who owned one of those who wasn't a nasty, me first prick.  I'm fine with evidence to the contrary.

The idea of a CUCV-based HMMWV "derivative" makes me *snerk* every farking time I see it.


The H3 isn't even that- it's based on the Chevrolet Colorado, which is a midsize truck, and has a 5- cylinder engine. It's the "baby" hummer.
 
2013-11-29 08:10:12 PM

Greek: demaL-demaL-yeH: bunner: detectives found his Hummer 3 in a ditch

Point, set, match.  I've never met anybody who owned one of those who wasn't a nasty, me first prick.  I'm fine with evidence to the contrary.

The idea of a CUCV-based HMMWV "derivative" makes me *snerk* every farking time I see it.

The H3 isn't even that- it's based on the Chevrolet Colorado, which is a midsize truck, and has a 5- cylinder engine. It's the "baby" hummer.


Not quite, the H3 is a baby H2, based on the tahoe, which is a baby wanna be of the HMMWV.

When the H2's came out, I heard shortly after of a H2 owner being pissed when he found out the hard way that his big bad hummer couldn't drive through deep water.  True story.
 
2013-11-29 08:16:17 PM
Didn't the Nazis find Helen Keller in the attic?
 
2013-11-29 08:46:18 PM

JuggleGeek: phojo1946: If he was truly trying to help her, why didn't he call 911?

FTFA : "Neighbors called police but investigators say Fitzpatrick didn't wait. "

He went knocking on doors until he found someone home.  They called 911.  Then he dumped her in a nearby attic and ran off.  I don't get it, at all, but at that point, he's due for some serious charges.

Also, there was a 20 year old driving a hummer, and a 17 year old girl in the vehicle, and neither had a cell phone?  That seems incredibly unlikely.


Rollover accident. The phones probably went flying out of their hands and got lost in the weeds.

\and if 18 is old enough to get sent to Afghanistan, it should be old enough to buy a beer.
 
2013-11-29 08:49:09 PM
How'd he break her pelvis while getting a beej?

/DNRTFA
 
2013-11-29 08:57:51 PM
She was one tough little broad. Hips on her like a Ankylosaurus. He wrecked her child-bearing hips, but she wrecked his Hummer and that's no euphemism.

Given the subject of the article, this is the standard of wit I have to beat:

Dumb: Found my wife in bed with my best friend.
Dumber: Bitter?
Dumb: Yup. Bit him, too.
 
2013-11-29 09:08:23 PM
I was just thinking about assholes.

Everybody who is richer than you are is an asshole. Now, most of the world's people are quite poor. It takes an income of only $3,000 to $6,000 per capita to be considered "middle income". It follows logically that everybody in the developed world is an asshole to the world's other 7 billion people.

Yup. Everybody in the USA is an asshole, even homeless people (who have a carbon footprint of over 8 tonnes each, more than a well-to-do European from France or Germany--because American beggars are assholes). Everybody in Canada and Australia are assholes. Especially everybody in Australia. New Zealanders are assholes, but so are a billion Chinese people so you'd hardly notice the New Zealanders in an asshole contest. They'd get pushed off the stage, probably by an Australian.

Assholes, assholes, every where I look. It's like being Warwick Davis. We are totally surrounded by Farking Assholes. It's a great world to be a proctologist in. You'll never run out of work.

Ricky Gervais has Warwick Davis surrounded

 
2013-11-29 09:11:02 PM

Captain James T. Smirk: demaL-demaL-yeH: agent00pi: I misread that as hammer, and was confused. Subby should be shot for not capitalising a noun.

Marketroids should be lined up against the wall for naming a civilian product line based on the military Humvee after a blowjob, thereby giving a bad name to blowjobs everywhere.

I think blowjobs are sufficiently popular to overcome the stigma of association. I don't think I've ever been distracted during a blowjob by thinking, "gee, this was so much better before it reminded me of those stupid trucks".


Never been stuck in a Milwaukee dive in the thick of a February blizzard I take it.
 
2013-11-29 09:54:06 PM
Yes! My town got mentioned on Fark for once.

No, seriously, NOTHING happens around here.
 
2013-11-29 10:05:08 PM
The lack of a comma in the headline makes it sound like the wreck was a result of breaking her pelvis, and not the other way around. Nearly broke my brain at first glance.
 
2013-11-29 10:29:43 PM
Look, a Hummer is a very useful tool. How else are you going to get rid of all that gasoline? It's not like you can just burn the stuff, ya know?
 
2013-11-29 10:32:48 PM

Mellotiger: The lack of a comma in the headline makes it sound like the wreck was a result of breaking her pelvis, and not the other way around. Nearly broke my brain at first glance.


We don't know it wasnt.
 
2013-11-29 10:47:39 PM

Zeb Hesselgresser: FTA

"Isn't that weird? I would have never thought that. And it was cold that night, and obviously it could not have been very comfortable in that attic," neighbor Lonnie Moffitt said.

Explain this to Lonnie:

vodka: He had no car and nobody would help him so he carried her inside an empty house/garage where presumably the only "inside" access was the attic which would be warmer than lying on the cold concrete floor of the garage. True, maybe at that point he should have just broken in to the house proper but I'm not sure I see the problem here with these actions.  As for the driving intoxicated or whatever was probably happening, yeah, that is another story.

ThanKnyou.


If that's the intelligence quotient of the neighbors,the girl may have been safer and more comfortable in the attic. It's possible the kid was not as evil and retarded as the neighbors, you know?
 
2013-11-29 10:56:05 PM

Mellotiger: The lack of a comma in the headline makes it sound like the wreck was a result of breaking her pelvis, and not the other way around. Nearly broke my brain at first glance.


I expected some kind of vehicular domestic violence article, so I'm right there with you.
 
2013-11-30 12:13:52 AM

eudemonist: Begoggle: Typical conservatitard whose daddy bought him a Hummer.

Kid's a friend of a girl I see sometimes--he's not Republican.


Of course not. He's not registered with any party.
 
2013-11-30 12:24:02 AM

iheartscotch: I'm sure that there will be someone along to say why it's ok for teenagers to be running around with 20 year-olds. Nothing bad could possibly happen in that circumstance....


20/2+7=17; I'm okay with the age difference.  Not okay with the asshat abanding her.

iheartscotch: Maybe, 17 year olds shouldn't have access to cars OR booze? Can we do that? Is that an equitable situation?


Other countries manage to give teenagers access to booze without serious problem, though they generally make access to cars harder.

iheartscotch: My dad always said to call him if I was too drunk to drive. Part of it is having a safe environment to discover what your limits are. But, limiting access to booze and narcotics is a legitimate part of the equation as well. For instance, I would hope that no one thinks that it is a good idea to allow a 10 year old to drop acid.


Military, I tell my troops, even the under-21 ones the same.  I'd much rather pick them up than risk them getting a DUI.  I can't promist no repercussions to those under 21, but I can guarantee that they'll be a lot less than a DUI.

lack of warmth: Not quite, the H3 is a baby H2, based on the tahoe, which is a baby wanna be of the HMMWV.

When the H2's came out, I heard shortly after of a H2 owner being pissed when he found out the hard way that his big bad hummer couldn't drive through deep water.  True story.


Yeah, I can have some respect for those that drive a H1.  It's actually built much like the military vehicle, and as such it actually has decent abilities, if you fit into that fraction of a percent that those abilities are actually useful for.  It has good ground clearance, an insane ability to handle slopes, etc...  It's not the best offroad vehicle, but it's not the worst either.  Properly kitted you can ford with it.  H2 and H3?  As stated, just rebadged/reshelled common vehicles with successively less off-road ability.
 
2013-11-30 12:43:00 AM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: iheartscotch: I'm sure that there will be someone along to say why it's ok for teenagers to be running around with 20 year-olds. Nothing bad could possibly happen in that circumstance....

Cuz if she had been out with another drunk 17-year-old, there's no way that accident would have happened.


she probably has parents a lot like you
 
2013-11-30 02:29:57 AM

Chevello: \and if 18 is old enough to get sent to Afghanistan, it should be old enough to buy a beer.


I certainly agree on that.  If anything, I think the age should be much,much younger, with a stipulation of having someone 25 or older saying "I'm responsible for that guy".

The idea that "We'll make it illegal, and therefore nobody will do it" ignores every bit of available evidence. Pot has been illegal all my life, yet someone who has no friends, moved to a new town, has no pull or inside information, could still buy pot in an hour or less.

So kids are going to drink, and when they do, I'd rather them do it when there are adults around, instead of having to hide it from adults.

That doesn't change the fact that if you are in a car wreck that injures someone, trying to hide it and getting caught should fark your life up.  This guy at least started out trying to get help - and then changed his mind and tried to hide her in an attic.

He should have made getting her some care a major priority, and changing his mind mid-stream and putting her in an attic while he ran to hide doesn't do a thing to put me on his side.  It's not his age that's a problem.  It's not the fact (technically an assumption) that he was drinking under-age.   I think at 20 he should be legal to drink.

It's the fact that he didn't give a crap about his friend and was more concerned with running away before he got caught than her chances of living/dying.  Sticking her in an attic, telling nobody, running away, that makes him the kind of scumbag that should be locked in jail.
 
2013-11-30 03:52:32 AM
He was going door to door looking for help, this doesn't sound much like a oh god let me hide the body then run away story. He was panicked and he's young and doesn't handle it well.  It could have been ice on the road and he was stone cold sober.  I think some people have jumped to conclusions here, including the news station.  It's easy to assume the worst of people especially when they give a teaser "information about his criminal record."  Most importantly, what does the girlfriend have to say about what happened?
 
2013-11-30 05:58:36 AM

rkiller1: Didn't the Nazis find Helen Keller in the attic?


Nope. Turns out she was in a cupboard.
 
2013-11-30 06:42:14 AM

Apos: Oddly enough, I expected this to be about a penile accident involving a RealDoll before I clicked on the link...


I think the headline would have mentioned if a Farker was involved.
 
2013-11-30 06:54:05 AM

Gyrfalcon: Zeb Hesselgresser: FTA

"Isn't that weird? I would have never thought that. And it was cold that night, and obviously it could not have been very comfortable in that attic," neighbor Lonnie Moffitt said.

Explain this to Lonnie:

vodka: He had no car and nobody would help him so he carried her inside an empty house/garage where presumably the only "inside" access was the attic which would be warmer than lying on the cold concrete floor of the garage. True, maybe at that point he should have just broken in to the house proper but I'm not sure I see the problem here with these actions.  As for the driving intoxicated or whatever was probably happening, yeah, that is another story.

ThanKnyou.

If that's the intelligence quotient of the neighbors,the girl may have been safer and more comfortable in the attic. It's possible the kid was not as evil and retarded as the neighbors, you know?


Yes, I thought Vodak there hit the nail squarely. He farked up, but he was trying help the girl while not getting shot by a trigger happy homeowner. With a little "maybe I can keep myself out of jail" on the side.
 
2013-11-30 08:47:54 AM

lack of warmth: Greek: demaL-demaL-yeH: bunner: detectives found his Hummer 3 in a ditch

Point, set, match.  I've never met anybody who owned one of those who wasn't a nasty, me first prick.  I'm fine with evidence to the contrary.

The idea of a CUCV-based HMMWV "derivative" makes me *snerk* every farking time I see it.

The H3 isn't even that- it's based on the Chevrolet Colorado, which is a midsize truck, and has a 5- cylinder engine. It's the "baby" hummer.

Not quite, the H3 is a baby H2, based on the tahoe, which is a baby wanna be of the HMMWV.

When the H2's came out, I heard shortly after of a H2 owner being pissed when he found out the hard way that his big bad hummer couldn't drive through deep water.  True story.


Sorry- you're wrong. The H1 is basically an HMMWV that has had creature comforts added. The H2 is a Tahoe with a Hummer- like body added, and the H3 is a Colorado with a Hummer- like body added: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hummer_H3   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hummer_H2    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hummer_H1

In other words, the H3 is the "baby" Hummer. It's the smallest of the 3 vehicles sold under that brand by GM. And yes, I realize that the H1 is the only one of the bunch that isn't just pretending to be a badass.
 
2013-11-30 12:51:23 PM

Zeb Hesselgresser: Yes, I thought Vodak there hit the nail squarely. He farked up, but he was trying help the girl while not getting shot by a trigger happy homeowner. With a little "maybe I can keep myself out of jail" on the side.


FTFA : "Neighbors called police but investigators say Fitzpatrick didn't wait. "

There is no evidence of a trigger happy homeowner.  The homeowner was calling 911 as requested.  And then he took her and hid her in an attic and left.
 
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