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(The Atlantic)   It's Thanksgiving, that magical time of year when college freshmen return home to dump their high school sweethearts   (theatlantic.com ) divider line
    More: Sappy, college freshmen, Thanksgiving, high school sweethearts, Van Wilder, Animal House, James Thurber, freshman, high schools  
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7195 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2013 at 8:52 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-27 07:01:47 PM  
I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.
 
2013-11-27 08:07:40 PM  
If you dump them now, you don't have to pony up $$$ for a Christmas present. HINT: don't make up until after Valentine's Day so you can save more $$$.
 
2013-11-27 08:28:50 PM  

LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.


If true, that is so sad. Most advanced species on the planet with unparalleled capacity for reason and intellect, and yet in some ways we're no better than bonobo monkeys.

Ooo Ooo Ooo.
 
2013-11-27 08:29:11 PM  
Thanksgiving week and opening weekend of hunting season....

Split tail everywhere, as far as the eye could see
 
2013-11-27 08:42:23 PM  
Like shootin' fish in a barrel. Town is the fish. Single freshmen girls are the barrel. Fish in a barrel.
 
2013-11-27 08:51:47 PM  
Hell, I dumped mine the week before I left for college.
 
2013-11-27 08:54:40 PM  
Welcome to Dumpsville.  Population: you.
 
2013-11-27 08:56:09 PM  
Bet it's a lot more the other way around.
 
2013-11-27 08:56:57 PM  
Idiots, this is why you follow your girlfriend around like she's a leaky cow and you're a cat. She can't get board with you if you're always around. She can, however, stab you because you denyied her love.
 
2013-11-27 08:58:20 PM  

LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.


Don't forget the serving splittails goingbareback to try to get out of deploying.
 
2013-11-27 08:59:33 PM  

oldwolf49: Bet it's a lot more the other way around.


This.  My friend's university aged daughter called it 'Turkey Drop' day.   The day when girls go back to their hometowns to drop the turkey they had been dating in high school.
 
2013-11-27 09:02:38 PM  

ObscureNameHere: oldwolf49: Bet it's a lot more the other way around.

This.  My friend's university aged daughter called it 'Turkey Drop' day.   The day when girls go back to their hometowns to drop the turkey they had been dating in high school.


Incoming CSB!
My grandma called me a turkey when I was a a small child.

/ Perhaps this turkey drop thingy explains this bump on the back of my head
 
2013-11-27 09:03:19 PM  
Dear Johns and laundry. It's important to remember that stinky pile has been fermenting since August.
 
2013-11-27 09:07:49 PM  
And now that it's cold, we get to watch them put on their HS Letter Jackets, realize how stupid they look, and replace it with something nondescript and "not high school" by the end of their first semester.
 
2013-11-27 09:09:12 PM  
...and that's where I come in.
 
2013-11-27 09:10:08 PM  

SauronWasFramed: If you dump them now, you don't have to pony up $$$ for a Christmas present. HINT: don't make up until after Valentine's Day so you can save more $$$.


First off, who really cares?

Next, why get back with them at all, fark college chicks for 4 years. I am pretty sure that is part of what college is for
 
2013-11-27 09:11:26 PM  
Ha suckers! My college girlfriend waited until I finished paying her tuition before she dumped me.
 
2013-11-27 09:13:22 PM  

LordZorch: And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment...


What?

"Current law bans abortions at military facilities, except in instances of rape or incest, or when a pregnancy threatens a woman's life. "
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/05/opinion/a-barrier-drops-for-milita ry -women.html?_r=0

"~Abortions are generally not performed at military medical facilities in the continental United
States. In addition, few have been performed at these facilities abroad for a number of reasons.
First, the U.S. military follows the prevailing laws and rules of foreign countries regarding
abortion. Second, the military has had a difficult time finding health care professionals in uniform
willing to perform the procedure. "
http://www.fas.org/sgp/crs/misc/95-387.pdf
 
2013-11-27 09:13:53 PM  
Hell, my first girlfriend didn't even let me get out of my driveway to move to college my freshman year before dumping me.  Mostly because she wanted me to have someone better.

To date, I've yet to find the person she was talking about.
 
2013-11-27 09:13:58 PM  

LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.


That might be a good story if military hospitals actually did abortions.
 
2013-11-27 09:15:59 PM  

ObscureNameHere: oldwolf49: Bet it's a lot more the other way around.

This.  My friend's university aged daughter called it 'Turkey Drop' day.   The day when girls go back to their hometowns to drop the turkey they had been dating in high school.


Yeah, a lot of people go to college with full intention to fark around, but don't break up with their current SO. Then, after they've cheated on them several times, they go home to break it up and act like no one has done anything wrong.
 
2013-11-27 09:16:11 PM  

FishyFred: Like shootin' fish in a barrel. Town is the fish. Single freshmen girls are the barrel. Fish in a barrel.


I.. uh.. wat?
 
2013-11-27 09:18:28 PM  
Hm, my girlfriend waited until Spring Break. I'm not sure what that extra time earned us, except an exceptionally awkward breakup.
 
2013-11-27 09:21:08 PM  

ReapTheChaos: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

That might be a good story if military hospitals actually did abortions.


Exactly. Sounds like LordZorch is talking about something he has no idea about. And while I posted two sources earlier, I'll post a definitive one straight from US Code:

http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/10/1093
 
2013-11-27 09:23:43 PM  
AngryTeacher: Ha suckers! My college girlfriend waited until I finished paying her tuition before she dumped me.

hmmmmm
 
2013-11-27 09:24:32 PM  

Ambivalence: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

If true, that is so sad. Most advanced species on the planet with unparalleled capacity for reason and intellect, and yet in some ways we're no better than bonobo monkeys.

Ooo Ooo Ooo.


Don't get me started on the flawed and non-science that went into the production of that stupid farking book that couldn't hack it in a peer-reviewed journal. Ugh.

But yes, women have powerful sex drives too. That cannot be denied.
 
2013-11-27 09:26:49 PM  

LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.


My brother's ex-wife resembles that remark, begging him to marry her the minute he got out of basic and then cheating on him and divorcing him within 4 years. The worst part is that he didn't even deploy, he was assigned to Elmendorf so they had nice on-base married housing so being lonely wasn't an excuse. She was just an immature little idiot. On the bright side my brother just gave her half of what was in their bank account that month and then didn't have to pay her a dime afterwards.
 
2013-11-27 09:39:47 PM  
Hard to get turkey dropped when you dont even have someone to dump you in the first place. Damn, I win at life again.
 
2013-11-27 09:43:22 PM  
The Atlantic. Because where else will ivy mediocrity find employment?
 
2013-11-27 09:46:03 PM  

Fallout Boy: Hard to get turkey dropped when you dont even have someone to dump you in the first place. Damn, I win at life again.


It's holiday time again at Fark.com!  Let the misery flow through this thread...

www.courtneykirchoff.com
 
2013-11-27 09:49:35 PM  
The funny thing is that a HS couple may have had their first sex to seal their relationship so it would survive college (at least that was the reasoning the guy gave)
 
2013-11-27 09:57:32 PM  
Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?
 
2013-11-27 10:01:20 PM  
o/~ Hey, there Delilah, you didn't tell me you've got a girlfriend now,
      I'm sitting right here in a stolen van
      outside your dorm,
      my Glock is warm...
      Oh, what-cha do to me! Oh, what-cha do to me... o/~
 
2013-11-27 10:01:44 PM  

MFAWG: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

Don't forget the serving splittails goingbareback to try to get out of deploying.


Way back when I had stripes on my sleeves, it was documented that the number of pregnancies by enlisted women went up about 300% immediately after orders were issued for deployment anyplace where guns were being fired.
 
2013-11-27 10:05:28 PM  

Pincy: Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?


Yes, sometimes. Kids are dumb like that
 
2013-11-27 10:05:42 PM  

LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.


"But you don't understand.... it's so hard being here alone without you.  He was so understanding."  Home alone, that is.  While the husband is deployed somewhere alone, too.

Chicks, man.  You know?
 
2013-11-27 10:06:05 PM  

ReapTheChaos: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

That might be a good story if military hospitals actually did abortions.


Which they did at one time - it's been nearly 30 since I actually had to use the 3rd or 10th rate medical services of a base hospital.  Still, the fact that military wives get boyfriends, and then knocked up, while their husbands are on deployment for extended times isn't disputed by anyone.  There is always a marked increase in abortions when units come home.
 
2013-11-27 10:07:22 PM  

Pincy: Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?


Kids are stupid.  That's why now they are allowed to be on mommy's and daddy's health insurance until they are 25.
 
2013-11-27 10:07:33 PM  

Pincy: Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?


Only the losers.
 
2013-11-27 10:10:57 PM  

LordZorch: Pincy: Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?

Only the losers.


Even the looooooosers... Get lucky sometimes.
 
2013-11-27 10:13:49 PM  

Kriggerel: LordZorch: Pincy: Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?

Only the losers.

Even the looooooosers... Get lucky sometimes.


Bless them all.
 
2013-11-27 10:14:10 PM  

Pincy: Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?


Meh. It happens. Especially for the people who don't get to go away to college.
 
2013-11-27 10:16:48 PM  

Pincy: Do people really think they have found the love of their life in high school?


I did. Worked out great for me. Been together 12 years, married for 5 (we waited until we both got through graduate school to get married as an excuse to throw a big party for our friends)
 
2013-11-27 10:18:32 PM  

LordZorch: ReapTheChaos: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

That might be a good story if military hospitals actually did abortions.

Which they did at one time - it's been nearly 30 since I actually had to use the 3rd or 10th rate medical services of a base hospital.  Still, the fact that military wives get boyfriends, and then knocked up, while their husbands are on deployment for extended times isn't disputed by anyone.  There is always a marked increase in abortions when units come home.


As far as I know they have never done them, I was in the military from 1984-2004 and I know for sure they didn't perform them during that time nor have they since.

And sure, some military wives cheat, just like the rest of the married population of the world. However statistics show military get divorced less than their civilian counterparts, largely because of the support systems they have in place to help them when their spouse is deployed. Basically your whole story amounts to nothing more than some old wives tale with no basis in truth.
 
2013-11-27 10:35:09 PM  

ReapTheChaos: LordZorch: ReapTheChaos: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

That might be a good story if military hospitals actually did abortions.

Which they did at one time - it's been nearly 30 since I actually had to use the 3rd or 10th rate medical services of a base hospital.  Still, the fact that military wives get boyfriends, and then knocked up, while their husbands are on deployment for extended times isn't disputed by anyone.  There is always a marked increase in abortions when units come home.

As far as I know they have never done them, I was in the military from 1984-2004 and I know for sure they didn't perform them during that time nor have they since.

And sure, some military wives cheat, just like the rest of the married population of the world. However statistics show military get divorced less than their civilian counterparts, largely because of the support systems they have in place to help them when their spouse is deployed. Basically your whole story amounts to nothing more than some old wives tale with no basis in truth.


I am surprised by this development as we are on Fark.
 
2013-11-27 10:42:09 PM  
Well, the time to do the dumping is before the holidays, to save the cost of presents.
Also, you really don't want to be wasting your time dragging the turkey boy/girl friend over to meet relatives and etc.

Also, when college women leave their dorm rooms to go back home for the summer, some of them leave behind their sexy underthings.
/Did repairs in dorms over the summer and discovered this personally and had a collection of sexy underthings left behind.
 
2013-11-27 10:49:00 PM  

Ambivalence: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

If true, that is so sad. Most advanced species on the planet with unparalleled capacity for reason and intellect, and yet in some ways we're no better than bonobo monkeys.

Ooo Ooo Ooo.


Biology. You can't really fight it and win. Birth control allows us to bypass part of biology. Truth be told, we're programmed to bang away (or get banged) like rabbits for survival of the species. My wife and I don't try to ignore it, and our solution is simple. When we're apart, we have an open marriage. However we married each other, and we always are top of the list.
 
2013-11-27 10:49:10 PM  
My freshman year I got to see a drama like this unfold with my roommate.

My roommate wasn't exactly the studious sort.  He came to college to party, and he did a lot of that.  He quickly picked up a college girlfriend from the sorority that was allied with the fraternity he pledged.  He'd frequently go to off-campus parties and get smashing drunk.  He'd come back, staggering.

His girlfriend would accompany him back to our dorm room sometimes.

Every other weekend he would go back to his hometown, he never talked about what happened back home.  One evening, I was in the dorm room when I get a call from downstairs in the lobby.

A woman who says she's my roommate's girlfriend wanted to come up to the room and surprise him.  He was out, partying.  I went down and escorted the young lady up.  The thing was, it wasn't the girlfriend I had known, it was somebody who seemed a little younger.

At first, I didn't think anything of it, I just figured he'd got a new girlfriend.

Well, as I was keeping her company in the dorm room, it became very obvious very quickly that she was his High School sweetheart, one year younger than him and now a Senior.  She looked forward to every other weekend when he would come home and they'd spend time together, and how he'd call her a few times a week.  She wanted to be sweet and surprise him by driving all the way to campus and being there in the dorm for him when he showed up.

Well, you can guess where this is going.  About an hour later, my roommate comes in, messily drunk, clinging to his sorority-girl girlfriend.

I got to have ringside seats for the drama storm/battle royale that erupted.  By the end of the night he had 0 girlfriends.  He dropped out of college after that semester too (something about straight F's since he never went to class and spent all his time drinking and partying), went back to working at his dad's car dealership.
 
2013-11-27 10:52:00 PM  
Three months of experiementing with a gender has an impact
 
2013-11-27 10:53:41 PM  

LordZorch: MFAWG: LordZorch: I can't be much different that getting your "Dear John" letter six weeks after enlisting.  So many rings are returned to GIs by xmas that its stupid - all because the empty vagina of a teen can't go a week without finding someone to pound away on it for a couple of hours.

And then there is the massive number of abortions done at base hospitals in the two weeks before a unit ends their deployment, and the boyfriends being shown the door and told to take all their shiat with them.  Military wives; keeping the local guys knee-deep in poontang since forever.

Don't forget the serving splittails goingbareback to try to get out of deploying.

Way back when I had stripes on my sleeves, it was documented that the number of pregnancies by enlisted women went up about 300% immediately after orders were issued for deployment anyplace where guns were being fired.


My friend was the pregnancy coordinator on a carrier. That sounds like a great job, but it's really just paperwork. How much sex happens on board? Well, there was an awful lot of tail being sent back every float.
 
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