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(io9)   10 most unintentionally funny lines in all of Star Trek   (io9.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Star Trek  
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14324 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 26 Nov 2013 at 9:34 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-26 11:09:18 PM  

Seequinn: "Captain's Log"


"Supplemental."
 
2013-11-26 11:11:35 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

"Warrior's drink"

Also,
"The universe is a spheroid region, 705 meters in diameter." from Remember Me
 
2013-11-26 11:13:29 PM  
On a side note people gave Jerri Ryan alot of flak for just being blatant eye candy on that show but she really is also a good actress. She did that part perfectly. Her and the doctor were the best two characters and actors on the show and were what made it watchable IMO. And her portrayal of the doctor inhabiting her body in that clip was a straight 10.0 out of 10.
 
2013-11-26 11:13:35 PM  
This isn't unintentional, but it is funny.

McCoy comes up with a cure for something that is affecting the crew.

MCCOY: It merely deadens certain nerve inputs to the brain.
SCOTT: Oh, well, any decent brand of Scotch will do that.
 
2013-11-26 11:21:08 PM  
On a somewhat related note, I was watching the Gilligan's Island episode "How to be a Hero" a few days ago and saw a scene that probably wouldn't be allowed today. Ginger is trying to teach The Skipper how to moan like he is injured, so they keep cutting between them moaning over and over again. They only show their upper bodies, so you can get an idea what it looked like. I wish I could find the video clip...
 
2013-11-26 11:24:45 PM  

rhiannon: Ed Grubermann: [fc05.deviantart.net image 525x700]

What's the pedo bear seal for? It can't be for the actress or her character...


Actress Kim Darby was 19 during filming, and her character is over 300 years old, but according to the script anyone on that planet who isn't covered in scabs or dead hasn't hit puberty.
 
2013-11-26 11:34:15 PM  

puckrock2000: "Do not hug me."
"Sir, I protest; I am not a merry man!"
"You are an insulting pompous fool, and if you were not an ambassador I would disembowel you right here!"
"Nice hat."

servlet: "Warrior's drink"


Those are meant to be funny. When Data and Worf weren't the focus of an episode, they were invariably related to either comic relief or the Worf Effect  (which is a shame because they were always the most compelling characters to me)
 
2013-11-26 11:34:25 PM  

Strongbeerrules: Mugato: t3knomanser: "Sub Rosa" is the best worst episode of any incarnation of Star Trek. It's just... awful.

I don't know, what about the Voyager episode where Paris discovers a way to reach warp 10 and it turns him and Jayneway into salamanders and they mate?

You've forgotten the 1937 Ford half-ton that starts on the first try after floating in space for 200 years.

The pussification of the Hirogin were no bargain, either.


I'm not a scientician, but wouldn't the vacuum of space preserve it? There would be no air or moisture to rust or rot it.
 
2013-11-26 11:37:33 PM  

BATMANATEE: Strongbeerrules: Mugato: t3knomanser: "Sub Rosa" is the best worst episode of any incarnation of Star Trek. It's just... awful.

I don't know, what about the Voyager episode where Paris discovers a way to reach warp 10 and it turns him and Jayneway into salamanders and they mate?

You've forgotten the 1937 Ford half-ton that starts on the first try after floating in space for 200 years.

The pussification of the Hirogin were no bargain, either.

I'm not a scientician, but wouldn't the vacuum of space preserve it? There would be no air or moisture to rust or rot it.


I ain't a scientician either, but they tell me that's why (speaking of Voyager) the Voyager 1 is still going after 36 years.
 
2013-11-26 11:39:28 PM  
"I know, get JJ to do one! What's the worst that could happen?"
 
2013-11-26 11:41:25 PM  

BATMANATEE: You've forgotten the 1937 Ford half-ton that starts on the first try after floating in space for 200 years.

The pussification of the Hirogin were no bargain, either.

I'm not a scientician, but wouldn't the vacuum of space preserve it? There would be no air or moisture to rust or rot it.


Wouldn't the gasoline be frozen?
 
2013-11-26 11:47:14 PM  

Snapper Carr: puckrock2000: "Do not hug me."
"Sir, I protest; I am not a merry man!"
"You are an insulting pompous fool, and if you were not an ambassador I would disembowel you right here!"
"Nice hat."
servlet: "Warrior's drink"

Those are meant to be funny. When Data and Worf weren't the focus of an episode, they were invariably related to either comic relief or the Worf Effect  (which is a shame because they were always the most compelling characters to me)


And O'Brian was the punching bag, the poor bastard. I think Colm Meany was being punished for having a career outside of Trek, but they enjoyed torturing him so much they kept making his character more important just to fark with him some more.
 
2013-11-26 11:53:35 PM  

Mugato: BATMANATEE: You've forgotten the 1937 Ford half-ton that starts on the first try after floating in space for 200 years.

The pussification of the Hirogin were no bargain, either.

I'm not a scientician, but wouldn't the vacuum of space preserve it? There would be no air or moisture to rust or rot it.

Wouldn't the gasoline be frozen?


I suppose, but it would thaw when they brought it onboard, which I think they did. I only have a vague recollection of the episode and am talking out of my ass here. I would think that if they didn't let too much condensation taint the gas as it thawed, it should be preserved like the rest of the truck.
 
2013-11-27 12:01:18 AM  

t3knomanser: "I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter in my grandmother's journal."

"Sub Rosa" is the best worst episode of any incarnation of Star Trek. It's just... awful. I'm glad they got sued. Even without copyright infringement, they definitely deserved to get sued for that abomination.


You have to give them props for having Crusher masturbate on screen and it getting on the air because the censors had no clue what was going on.
 
2013-11-27 12:01:33 AM  
Tasha Yar: What I want now is gentleness, and joy...and love, from you Data.  You are fully functional aren't you?
Data: Of course, but...
Tasha Yar: How fuly?
Data: In every way of course.  I am programmed in multiple techniques.   A broad variety of pleasuring.

Tasha Yar then ruins the hotness of this scene by saying: Oh! You jewel, that's exactly what I hoped.
 
2013-11-27 12:07:44 AM  

Slam Bradley: Tasha Yar: What I want now is gentleness, and joy...and love, from you Data.  You are fully functional aren't you?
Data: Of course, but...
Tasha Yar: How fuly?
Data: In every way of course.  I am programmed in multiple techniques.   A broad variety of pleasuring.

Tasha Yar then ruins the hotness of this scene by saying: Oh! You jewel, that's exactly what I hoped.


i7.glitter-graphics.org
 
2013-11-27 12:13:08 AM  
"Mr. Spock, double power to the censor array."
"It is 'sensor', Captain."
"You heard the order, Mr. Spock."
"Yes sir, on screen."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pp_q1M1WxXs
 
2013-11-27 12:24:44 AM  

common sense is an oxymoron: At least they got #1 right.


I use #1 all the time. People think that I am insane.
 
2013-11-27 12:31:55 AM  
tale-of-tales.com

"More ambience.  Less substance."
 
2013-11-27 12:36:28 AM  
"I don't say 'sabotage.' You say 'sabotage' I say 'saboTAGE.'" - Shatner, behind the scenes of Star Trek the Animated Series

http://www.celebrityrants.com/premium/celeb_shatner2.html
 
2013-11-27 12:44:37 AM  
Riker - "If anyone needs me I'll be on the holodeck", after meeting the perfect mate
 
2013-11-27 12:51:53 AM  
How about the episode of Deep Space Nine where Worf arrives for the first time and meets the crew/cast. When he's introduced to Jadzia Dax (formerly Kurzon).

Worf: "Kurzon's name is an honored one among my people."

Jadzia: (speaking it in Klingon): ""Yeah, but I'm a lot better looking than he was"
 
2013-11-27 01:00:43 AM  
I don't think Senator Vreenak's 'It's a faaaake!!' was funny originally.  It just became one after the fact as an Internet meme.
 
2013-11-27 01:02:32 AM  

TV's Vinnie: How about the episode of Deep Space Nine where Worf arrives for the first time and meets the crew/cast. When he's introduced to Jadzia Dax (formerly Kurzon).

Worf: "Kurzon's name is an honored one among my people."

Jadzia: (speaking it in Klingon): ""Yeah, but I'm a lot better looking than he was"


Worf: 'Yes, I suppose so.  Excuse me.' - leaves

Kira: 'What did you say to him?'

Jadzia: 'It loses something in translation.'

/going from memory
 
2013-11-27 01:20:15 AM  

BATMANATEE: Mugato: BATMANATEE: You've forgotten the 1937 Ford half-ton that starts on the first try after floating in space for 200 years.

The pussification of the Hirogin were no bargain, either.

I'm not a scientician, but wouldn't the vacuum of space preserve it? There would be no air or moisture to rust or rot it.

Wouldn't the gasoline be frozen?

I suppose, but it would thaw when they brought it onboard, which I think they did. I only have a vague recollection of the episode and am talking out of my ass here. I would think that if they didn't let too much condensation taint the gas as it thawed, it should be preserved like the rest of the truck.


Been a while since I re-watched Voyager on Netflix, but IIRC they had to replicate "hydrocarbon based fuel" for the truck...
 
2013-11-27 01:22:22 AM  

Gleeman: Been a while since I re-watched Voyager on Netflix, but IIRC they had to replicate "hydrocarbon based fuel" for the truck...


Been even longer since I've seen it, but I have no idea why they'd WANT to put fuel in the truck.
 
2013-11-27 01:38:50 AM  
 
2013-11-27 02:06:20 AM  

Zombalupagus: On a side note people gave Jerri Ryan alot of flak for just being blatant eye candy on that show but she really is also a good actress. She did that part perfectly. Her and the doctor were the best two characters and actors on the show and were what made it watchable IMO. And her portrayal of the doctor inhabiting her body in that clip was a straight 10.0 out of 10.


Striking that last part, I'm with you here. 7 of 9 was the most interesting character on the show, but most people just saw knockers. (And that's certainly understandable, to a degree.)
 
2013-11-27 02:12:13 AM  
some were intentional. none were that funny.
 
2013-11-27 02:50:26 AM  

Mugato: t3knomanser: "Sub Rosa" is the best worst episode of any incarnation of Star Trek. It's just... awful.

I don't know, what about the Voyager episode where Paris discovers a way to reach warp 10 and it turns him and Jayneway into salamanders and they mate?


I humbly submit TNG's "Genesis" episode. Picard starts turning into a lemur and Barclay turns into a F*CKING. GIANT. SPIDER.
 
2013-11-27 02:51:24 AM  

fusillade762: Mugato: t3knomanser: "Sub Rosa" is the best worst episode of any incarnation of Star Trek. It's just... awful.

I don't know, what about the Voyager episode where Paris discovers a way to reach warp 10 and it turns him and Jayneway into salamanders and they mate?

I humbly submit TNG's "Genesis" episode. Picard starts turning into a lemur and Barclay turns into a F*CKING. GIANT. SPIDER.


That was still above average for NextGen.
 
2013-11-27 03:10:27 AM  

BATMANATEE: I'm not a scientician, but wouldn't the vacuum of space preserve it? There would be no air or moisture to rust or rot it.


Lotta fluids in a truck to boil away in the vacuum of space, and that's just for starters. The tires would have exploded, and for that matter the windows, too, if a truck with a cabin full of air had been beamed into space. The moving metal parts would have cold-welded themselves together over the centuries. The battery would have died, for about a dozen different reasons. The water in the radiator would have frozen first, and ruined the radiator. Lots of fiddly little parts that rely on an atmosphere and temperature in the triple-digit Kelvin to fit together neatly would have come loose. Hundreds of years of micrometeorite damage. Faded paint from long-term exposure to cosmic rays. The radio wouldn't have gotten any decent AM stations in the Gamma Quadrant. The scent in the pine tree air freshener would have dissipated. And so forth.
 
2013-11-27 03:45:09 AM  

B.L.Z. Bub: BATMANATEE: Strongbeerrules: Mugato: t3knomanser: "Sub Rosa" is the best worst episode of any incarnation of Star Trek. It's just... awful.

I don't know, what about the Voyager episode where Paris discovers a way to reach warp 10 and it turns him and Jayneway into salamanders and they mate?

You've forgotten the 1937 Ford half-ton that starts on the first try after floating in space for 200 years.

The pussification of the Hirogin were no bargain, either.

I'm not a scientician, but wouldn't the vacuum of space preserve it? There would be no air or moisture to rust or rot it.

I ain't a scientician either, but they tell me that's why (speaking of Voyager) the Voyager 1 is still going after 36 years.


cuzsis: Mugato: t3knomanser: "Sub Rosa" is the best worst episode of any incarnation of Star Trek. It's just... awful.

I don't know, what about the Voyager episode where Paris discovers a way to reach warp 10 and it turns him and Jayneway into salamanders and they mate?

I dunno. Janeway's dig on him at the end was pretty funny... in an emasculating sort of way.
 Which with Paris made it even funnier.
/Voyager has grown on me. Probably my favorite next to TNG.


"Threshold" is the worst. By far. Way worse than "Genesis" or "Sub Rosa." Way worse than the space truck. Way worse than "Spock's Brain" or "And the Children Shall Lead."

Why? Not just because of Warp 10 turning Paris and Janeway into giant farking (literally) salamanders. No, it gets worse. Much worse.

You see, the stupidity of those other episodes were pretty much self-contained within the episode itself. Not so with "Threshold." Its stupidity extended beyond, to the undoing of the whole premise of the series itself. The series should've ended with that episode, and there's only one explanation why it didn't.

Okay, so, traveling at Warp 10 is infinite speed, which means traveling through points A and B and all points between simultaneously and instantaneously. Velocity = ∞. Which means that, if it worked, it would get the Voyager home to the Alpha Quadrant instantly. End of series.

But, darn, it has a nasty side-effect. It turns humans into their "ultimate evolutionary form" (really?) of giant farking (literally) salamanders. But, (A) that transformation takes days to even start to become physically noticeable (with only some psychological effects prior to that) and weeks to complete, and (B) it can be completely cured in seconds by using the standard Trek cure-all of using the transporter set to "Restore Previous Molecular Backup" mode!

So, why didn't Voyager go home right then and there!? They could easily have Warp 10ed to Deep Space Nine or some Starbase, then beamed everyone aboard, restoring their molecular backups (making one shortly prior to Warp 10 just to be safe and to have the most recent version) in the process! The transformation would be aborted before it even became psychologically noticeable!

So why didn't they do that? Only one possible in-continuity explanation: everyone on the Voyager, including Captain Janeway, including Engineers, including the pure-blooded Vulcan Tuvok, were all blithering idiots!!

(Of course, it was actually the writer who was a blithering idiot...)
 
2013-11-27 04:12:53 AM  
The only one getting a chuckle from me was: "I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter in my grandmother's journal." Haha.
 
2013-11-27 04:36:22 AM  
Obligatory

i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-11-27 04:54:26 AM  
Can someone explain to me why the "It's a faaaake" line is funny? That was a climactic moment in what was possibly one of the best "Trek" episodes, ever.
 
2013-11-27 05:01:27 AM  

Dadoo: Can someone explain to me why the "It's a faaaake" line is funny? That was a climactic moment in what was possibly one of the best "Trek" episodes, ever.


I think it's only because people used that screenshot when other things in real life turned out to be fake.
 
2013-11-27 05:04:23 AM  
Only one line from TOS?

No wonder this hit the Entertainment Tab instead of the Geek Tab.

And fark you Fark for making me click on an i09 link.
 
2013-11-27 05:06:24 AM  

gfid: Only one line from TOS?

No wonder this hit the Entertainment Tab instead of the Geek Tab.

And fark you Fark for making me click on an i09 link.


Eh, the i09 link from a week or so ago, ranking every Doctor Who episode was pretty good.
 
2013-11-27 06:12:17 AM  

Dadoo: Can someone explain to me why the "It's a faaaake" line is funny? That was a climactic moment in what was possibly one of the best "Trek" episodes, ever.


Are you kidding me? It's just the way he says it, man. Freaking cracks me up. Just for you:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXWQIiFxjbc
 
2013-11-27 06:25:39 AM  

common sense is an oxymoron: At least they got #1 right.


Yeeees. Yes they did.
 
2013-11-27 07:10:35 AM  
Kirk: All right, you mutinous, disloyal, computerized half-breed. We'll see about you deserting my ship.

Spock: The term "half-breed" is somewhat applicable, but "computerized" is inaccurate. A machine can be computerized, not a man.

Kirk: What makes you think you're a man? You're an overgrown jackrabbit. An elf with a hyperactive thyroid!

Spock: Jim, I don't understand...

Kirk: Of course you don't understand. You don't have the brains to understand. All you have is printed circuits.

Spock: Captain, if you will excuse me.

Kirk: [blocks Spock's way and interupts] What can you expect from a simpering, devil-eared freak whose father was a computer and his mother an encyclopedia?

Spock: My mother was a teacher. My father an ambassador.

Kirk: Your father... was... a computer, like his son. An ambassador from a planet of traitors. The Vulcan never lived who had an ounce of integrity...

Spock: Captain, please don't...

Kirk: You're a traitor from a race of traitors. Disloyal to the core. Rotten! Like the rest of your subhuman race. And you've got the GALL... to make love to that girl!

Spock: That's enough.

Kirk: Does she know what she's getting, Spock? A carcass full of memory banks who should be squatting on a mushroom? Instead of passing himself off as a man? You belong in the circus, Spock, not a starship. Right next to the dog faced boy!

[Spock starts to beat the shiat out of Kirk.]
 
2013-11-27 07:18:26 AM  
I would suggest the list fails without "Ahhhh......ahhhhh.... bitter dregs."

TOS Drinking Game

1) When Shatner splits one sentence.... into two phrases, drink.
2) When Scotty insists he can't do his job, drink.
3) When Spock says 'fascinating', 'interesting' or 'most illogical', drink
4) When the scriptwriters pull a deus ex machina involving Vulcan physiology, chug what you have to finish.
5) When Sulu turns around and gives Kirk a nervous look, drink.
6) When Uhura says "Captain, I'm scared" or some other emotion, drink.
7) When McCoy insists that something is beyond his power, drink.
8) When Chekov flubs his Russian accent, drink.
9) When McCoy says, "he's dead, Jim," kill off your drink.
10) If you see the episode where Spock sings or plays the bicycle wheel, finish your drink, chug another one, and then start the next one.

If you're not plowed in 45 minutes, you're not trying.
 
2013-11-27 07:34:00 AM  
COMALite J: dithering idiots

And that's why the whole series is known as "Kathy can't drive".  The show is a mess from start to finish, in the same episode with the floating space truck you have the Helmsman state a speed for the ship... which may or may not be accurate compared to other in universe fluff:

1.  Nobody corrects him, nobody even looks surprised at him over stating the ships capabilities, its implied he is correct.
2. That speed puts Voyager less than 10 years from Sol.

Voyager is a deep space long rage scout, it's top of the line and fully stocked for an extended cruise, the Federation are well aware and make use of stasis systems.  Federation technology is exceptionally reliable.   At no point does Kathy throw everyone in to stasis pods and let the computer drive them home at max speed.   The Borg would of ignored it, the Kazon and others wouldn't of been able to catch it. And anything it couldn't outrun the computer could of nailed to the wall with vastly superior, Federation, weapons of which it had lots..

At a few points they state their location, they are moving AWAY FROM not towards Sol.

Speaking of the Borg, the queen is demonstrated to be exceptionally capricious, easily angered and not very bright.  Janeway simply needed to tell her directly that the Kazon thought they could take the Borg (i.e. lie) and let the fireworks happen whilst she legged it. Hell the queen would of probably had that sphere TOW the ship through the transwarp network in exchange for all those new people to 'help towards perfection'.

If that show had a bible, a big document that writers had to refer to in order to make the show consistent, it had only these words in it "LOL Star Trek".
 
2013-11-27 07:35:54 AM  

DanInKansas: If you're not plowed in 45 minutes, you're not trying.


Plowed? That game could  kill you.
 
2013-11-27 07:45:36 AM  

Vaneshi: COMALite J: dithering idiots

And that's why the whole series is known as "Kathy can't drive".  The show is a mess from start to finish, in the same episode with the floating space truck you have the Helmsman state a speed for the ship... which may or may not be accurate compared to other in universe fluff:

1.  Nobody corrects him, nobody even looks surprised at him over stating the ships capabilities, its implied he is correct.
2. That speed puts Voyager less than 10 years from Sol.

Voyager is a deep space long rage scout, it's top of the line and fully stocked for an extended cruise, the Federation are well aware and make use of stasis systems.  Federation technology is exceptionally reliable.   At no point does Kathy throw everyone in to stasis pods and let the computer drive them home at max speed.   The Borg would of ignored it, the Kazon and others wouldn't of been able to catch it. And anything it couldn't outrun the computer could of nailed to the wall with vastly superior, Federation, weapons of which it had lots..

At a few points they state their location, they are moving AWAY FROM not towards Sol.

Speaking of the Borg, the queen is demonstrated to be exceptionally capricious, easily angered and not very bright.  Janeway simply needed to tell her directly that the Kazon thought they could take the Borg (i.e. lie) and let the fireworks happen whilst she legged it. Hell the queen would of probably had that sphere TOW the ship through the transwarp network in exchange for all those new people to 'help towards perfection'.

If that show had a bible, a big document that writers had to refer to in order to make the show consistent, it had only these words in it "LOL Star Trek".


Quick!  Someone show this guy Jeri Ryan's tits!

/Apparently worked on the rest of the viewers
//Pretty sure Berman's motto was LOL Star Trek
 
2013-11-27 07:46:16 AM  
Tasha's little afternoon special speech to Wesley was pretty funny.
 
2013-11-27 07:48:25 AM  

born_yesterday: Quick!  Someone show this guy Jeri Ryan's tits!


Now I'm stuck on Voyager,
Pounding at the door,
When suddenly it occurs to me,
I've seen this show before.
I must be in a warp-bubble and slightly out of phase,
Because it was way back in the 60s,
And they called it 'Lost in Space'.

We were looking for a way,
To make the ratings soar,
So we orchestrated,
An encounter with the Borg.
Normally you'd think that would get us into shiat,
But this one has a smashing ass,
And a lovely set of tits.

-- "USS Make shiat Up" - Voltaire
 
2013-11-27 07:57:55 AM  

t3knomanser: DanInKansas: If you're not plowed in 45 minutes, you're not trying.

Plowed? That game could  kill you.


I'm going to do it with bong hits, the next time I get some Romulan. I'd do TOS, but my BFF is a TNG/DS9 fan, so it'll probably be a TNG run of Q episodes. I can morph the rules for TNG, or DS9 I'll bet.

Also I'm a TOS fanboi, and didn't watch TNG when it came out (I was pouting about it). My TNG experience was an edited episode run w/ the BFF where we skipped a lot of the dead weight, including almost all the Wesley episodes. Basically it's like having watched TOS without Way to Eden and Spock's Brain.

I still haven't seen Enterprise, other than watching the Just Dance orion girls slash video which has yummy clips of Orion strippers from Enterprise. I did like Voyager although Janeway should've been court martialed and thrown in brig/prison upon return. Quite a few of them would be breaking rocks on some alien moon.
 
2013-11-27 08:00:22 AM  

Lady Indica: Basically it's like having watched TOS without Way to Eden and Spock's Brain.


You sound like a Herbert.
 
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