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(Jezebel)   Former Weiner text-mistress to sell excess lady parts. Yep, that headline isn't going to get any more asinine than that   (jezebel.com) divider line 98
    More: Asinine, Sydney Leathers  
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10169 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2013 at 2:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-26 03:08:42 PM  

Banned on the Run: Let's get this going people:  A Hunger Games style reality show starring all these attention whores.

Cast:
all Kardashians
all Jenners (including Kris)
Courtney Stodden
this Leathers chick
Farrah Abraham
Heidi Montag

Missing any?


You missed the biggest!  Mr. Flim Flam Zim Zam!!
 
2013-11-26 03:09:14 PM  
 As TMZ so eloquently put it:
Think Hans Solo being frozen in carbonite-smelly, disgusting Hans Solo.

Is there a joke I'm missing here?
  Hans Solo??

I'm imagining a photo shop of a down hill speed skier with Harrison Ford's Face clumsily appended to his neck.

I'm imagining it, because I am too inept to do otherwise.
 
2013-11-26 03:09:42 PM  

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: Banned on the Run: Let's get this going people:  A Hunger Games style reality show starring all these attention whores.

Cast:
all Kardashians
all Jenners (including Kris)
Courtney Stodden
this Leathers chick
Farrah Abraham
Heidi Montag

Missing any?

Geena Davis. No real reason in particular, but you need a good archer in a Hunger Games.


Good point.  You need a ringer to make sure none of the others survive.
Gina Carano?
Rhonda Rousey?
 
2013-11-26 03:10:09 PM  
THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT


"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal!  Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
 
2013-11-26 03:11:31 PM  
Chewing gum for lesbians?
 
2013-11-26 03:13:02 PM  

FrancoFile: Banned on the Run: Let's get this going people:  A Hunger Games style reality show starring all these attention whores.

Cast:
all Kardashians
all Jenners (including Kris)
Courtney Stodden
this Leathers chick
Farrah Abraham
Heidi Montag

Missing any?

Tom Cruise
Donald Trump
Simon Cowell

And by "all the Kardashians", I assume that includes Kanye, too?


anyone who has ever been in a bigfoot hunting show.
 
2013-11-26 03:14:55 PM  
Heh...I'm reminded of the head writer's quote, back when Mad Magazine folded..."how do you parody a culture that has pet psychiatrists?"

I figure the Onion should just quit, start writing straight news or something...

A thousand years from now, when they did up our ruins, they'll find these labia, encased in lucite, along with a Honey Boo Boo CD.  That, my friends, will be our legacy.
 
2013-11-26 03:15:57 PM  

fireclown: FrancoFile: Banned on the Run: Let's get this going people:  A Hunger Games style reality show starring all these attention whores.

Cast:
all Kardashians
all Jenners (including Kris)
Courtney Stodden
this Leathers chick
Farrah Abraham
Heidi Montag

Missing any?

Tom Cruise
Donald Trump
Simon Cowell

And by "all the Kardashians", I assume that includes Kanye, too?

anyone who has ever been in a bigfoot hunting show.


The entire cast and crew of Honey Boo Boo, including (or especially) the Executive Producer.
 
2013-11-26 03:15:59 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-11-26 03:23:16 PM  
I remember a pornstar, Houston I think, brought her extra lady parts sealed in lucite on Howard Stern and was selling them or something.
 
2013-11-26 03:26:46 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-11-26 03:29:01 PM  

fireclown: anyone who has ever been in a bigfoot hunting show.


Hell, anybody who's ever been in a show with a title that can be answered easily with "No."

"Did the Loch Ness Monster Cause the Mayan 2012 Apocalpyse?"

"Ancient Alien Top Chefs: Real or Imagined?"
 
2013-11-26 03:33:27 PM  
I want the names of the fools that decided there was such a thing as "excess labia".

I guess engorged lips make your doodle look even smaller, eh?
 
2013-11-26 03:34:29 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: fireclown: FrancoFile: Banned on the Run: Let's get this going people:  A Hunger Games style reality show starring all these attention whores.

Cast:
all Kardashians
all Jenners (including Kris)
Courtney Stodden
this Leathers chick
Farrah Abraham
Heidi Montag

Missing any?

Tom Cruise
Donald Trump
Simon Cowell

And by "all the Kardashians", I assume that includes Kanye, too?

anyone who has ever been in a bigfoot hunting show.

The entire cast and crew of Honey Boo Boo, including (or especially) the Executive Producer.


Tanning Mom would be the perfect leather rival...
 
2013-11-26 03:36:23 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-11-26 03:38:48 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-26 03:43:46 PM  

GonzoNihilist: Triumph:
"Keep looking at it, see if you can figure it out. I'm giving $100 to the first person who guesses correctly."

A chewed up piece of bubble gum?


Soylent Chewing Gum
 
2013-11-26 03:49:09 PM  
Encased in Lucite, like Tuco Salamanco's grill
 
2013-11-26 03:49:38 PM  
Nope.

Nope
Nope nope nope nope nope

NOPENOPE
 
2013-11-26 03:52:01 PM  
But if you tickle them, will they still drip?
 
2013-11-26 03:53:05 PM  

Canton: PC LOAD LETTER: fireclown: FrancoFile: Banned on the Run: Let's get this going people:  A Hunger Games style reality show starring all these attention whores.

Cast:
all Kardashians
all Jenners (including Kris)
Courtney Stodden
this Leathers chick
Farrah Abraham
Heidi Montag

Missing any?

Tom Cruise
Donald Trump
Simon Cowell

And by "all the Kardashians", I assume that includes Kanye, too?

anyone who has ever been in a bigfoot hunting show.

The entire cast and crew of Honey Boo Boo, including (or especially) the Executive Producer.

Tanning Mom would be the perfect leather rival...


You could actually add anyone that's been on a reality show or tried some hair-brained stunt in an attempt to get a reality show (balloon family).

This is a genius idea. You would finally get those of us who hate reality shows to watch a reality show.
 
2013-11-26 03:53:53 PM  

cowsspinach: Wow. First, she had relations with a married man, then made an XXX-rated film and now this? Oh honey, get some morals.


Got any link to said footage? For research, you know. To see whether that operation is really necessary. We wouldn't want an unnecessary operation.
 
2013-11-26 04:07:06 PM  
Yep. My van needs seat covers. Anybody want the left-overs?

/probably enough for a Barco lounger.
//huh, this part's gotta hoodie.
 
2013-11-26 04:10:24 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-11-26 04:10:46 PM  
Damn, Wiener.  And here I thought Tiger Woods had awful taste when it came to mistresses.
 
2013-11-26 04:18:31 PM  

Coming on a Bicycle: cowsspinach: Wow. First, she had relations with a married man, then made an XXX-rated film and now this? Oh honey, get some morals.

Got any link to said footage? For research, you know. To see whether that operation is really necessary. We wouldn't want an unnecessary operation.


Youre not missing anything. I felt dirty for washing and had to take a shower in bleach with steel wool. I read a month ago she was scared because she may have been exposed to HIV from one of the guys she was with in a movie.
 
2013-11-26 04:24:02 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-26 04:31:47 PM  
I'd hit that, but in a met her at a bar late night gone the next day hit it again when drunk kinda way. Wouldn't end my job in higher public office over it.

/I have a list that I would end my job for
//doesn't really work as an elected official.
 
2013-11-26 04:31:56 PM  
I don't often get a little sick when I click on article links...kudos subby.

Her name is Leathers...man...WHO WOULD BID?? RESERVE NOT MET'd
 
2013-11-26 04:33:19 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-26 04:47:45 PM  
Judging by the photo in the article, is it possible she's confused labiaplasty with liposuction?
 
2013-11-26 05:02:29 PM  
This is a tragedy.

Luscious lady lips are a gift from god.
 
2013-11-26 05:08:55 PM  
i609.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-26 05:10:03 PM  

AngryDragon: This is a tragedy.

Luscious lady lips are a gift from god.


Unless her labia are getting caught in her zipper when she puts on her pants or her cells are at a cancerous or pre-cancerous stage, she's undergoing medically unnecessary surgery for what's obviously a psychiatric issue.
 
2013-11-26 05:34:01 PM  
Amazing how all the news channels were putting her on as kind of an innocent victim
 
2013-11-26 05:35:03 PM  
This is why I come to Fark, every day
 
2013-11-26 05:40:11 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Time to pound some meat puppets!
 
2013-11-26 05:42:30 PM  
Also - that chick's fat.
 
2013-11-26 05:45:41 PM  

Jack's Smirking Revenge: [upload.wikimedia.org image 340x432]

Time to pound some meat puppets!


That and sequel best co op game i have found to play with my girlfriend
 
2013-11-26 06:01:58 PM  
s16.postimg.org
 
2013-11-26 07:03:32 PM  
This post is worthless without pictures.
 
2013-11-26 07:36:28 PM  

BlackMtnMan: This post is worthless without pictures.


May I refer you to basemetal's post.
 
2013-11-26 08:10:42 PM  
www.douchearchives.com

Pink popped collar; heh!
 
2013-11-26 09:29:26 PM  
After today, I discovered the perfect girl for me would be dangerously anorexic with "lady bits" dangling down around her knees. Thanks a lot, Fark.

PS do not go to Bing and search images for "labia stretching" unless you're weird like me and find this arousing.
 
2013-11-27 12:05:15 AM  
Not that it excuses his behavior, but I'm pretty sure she hooked up with Weiner in the hopes of getting her fifteen minutes of fame. Because she's in the dreaded Shelly Gillespie zone.

static3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-11-27 12:18:33 AM  
dorothynelson.com
 
2013-11-27 09:38:06 AM  

Weatherkiss: AngryDragon: This is a tragedy.

Luscious lady lips are a gift from god.

Unless her labia are getting caught in her zipper when she puts on her pants or her cells are at a cancerous or pre-cancerous stage, she's undergoing medically unnecessary surgery for what's obviously a psychiatric issue.


This.

Her family defended her when the whole sexting thing came out as a chick with issues.
 
2013-11-27 11:23:38 PM  
I have been a close friend of hers for about ten years now. I am not surprised by any of her actions since all this shenanigans happened.
 
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