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(AskMen)   "Women simply don't care about size. There will be the odd ones who say it is very important, but they are usually the ones who love aggressive sex. For women, penises are marvelous toys, and no matter what they look like, they will excite women"   (askmen.com) divider line 41
    More: Spiffy, Mens' Love, penis size  
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7637 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2013 at 2:18 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-11-26 10:05:20 AM  
25 votes:

SundaesChild: My "smallest" lover was also the most "experimental" so it all evened out in the end.


That's weird.  My girlfriend totally freaked out when I brought in the control group.
2013-11-26 01:20:52 PM  
15 votes:
My sister-in-law was complaining about her two previous lovers. One had a tiny microween, the other was John Holmes' long-lost brother. (According to her.)

She then said, "How hard is it to find a cock that's just right?"

...And that's how she became known as Goldicocks in our family.
2013-11-26 02:29:54 PM  
6 votes:
THANK GOD!!!
2013-11-26 09:42:27 AM  
6 votes:
For women, penises are marvelous toys, and no matter what they look like, they will excite women


Infant penis.

Your move, Vanessa.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-11-26 11:01:57 AM  
5 votes:
James!: It's 12 inches long, thin as a pencil and bent at a 45 degree angle then a 90 degree angle further along.
Ladies?


You sound like an arthropod. Insects and spiders have weird shaped sex organs. You know you found a mate of your species when your penis fits, or in the case of a spider when your fist fits. (Spiders grab a wad of sperm and insert manually.)  If your 90 degree angle encounters a 45 degree bend you apologize and move on.
2013-11-26 02:25:45 PM  
4 votes:
Your wife doesn't want a huge penis.  She just wants one a little bigger than yours.

/can be concluded from reading female-written naughty stories
2013-11-26 10:07:39 AM  
4 votes:
It's 12 inches long, thin as a pencil and bent at a 45 degree angle then a 90 degree angle further along.

Ladies?
2013-11-26 03:18:48 PM  
3 votes:

vudukungfu: If size doesn't matter, then why have I heard, "You're not putting that huge thing in me!" all my life?


Because no woman wants you to store your 1980's cell phone in her vagina no matter how cool retro is right now.
2013-11-26 02:50:37 PM  
3 votes:
A little girth helps too.

www.passiveincomechannel.com
2013-11-26 02:26:52 PM  
3 votes:
Yeah, well like these chicks say all kinds of stuff that's total BS.  So I've been talking to this waitress at Hooters and I thought things were going really great.  I felt like we were really hitting it off.  So I offered to do things for her like follow her home at night to make she got there safe, you know.   Just trying to be a nice guy.  Well, she just kept blowing me off and blowing me off, so just to show her how committed I am (because women like commitment), I've been staying up in her attic and watching her through a ceiling vent.  I want her to know that I'm committed to protecting her from creeps, you know.
2013-11-26 02:08:27 PM  
3 votes:

GRCooper: cryinoutloud: Oh let's green this so we can have another dick thread. They just never get old.

Has the last one even aged off yet?


Hey, it's just nice to see something other than a politics thread get this many posts before it hits main.  If that has to be a dick thread then so be it!!

s15.postimg.org
2013-11-26 12:23:36 PM  
3 votes:

cryinoutloud: Oh let's green this so we can have another dick thread. They just never get old.


DAMMIT
2013-11-26 04:28:24 PM  
2 votes:
Don't ask her if she thinks it's too small.  Just own it and be confident with it, like that Henery Hawk from Looney Tunes.  If she looks like she doesn't think it's big enough, you knock her down and drag her around.  Make your penis talk to her in a high pitched New York accent with a perpetually angry temperament, "Are you comin' quietly, or do I have to muss ya up?"

/biatches love that shiat
2013-11-26 04:03:19 PM  
2 votes:

tblax: I refuse to buy into the media's perception of penis size. ALL PENISES ARE BEAUTIFUL.


They are farking not beautiful. Penises are wonderful things but they look like grub worms with turtleneck sweaters.
2013-11-26 02:33:49 PM  
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-11-26 02:23:35 PM  
2 votes:
It's like a women's weight: we say it doesn't matter.

But, it really matters.  Just sayin'.
2013-11-26 02:21:06 PM  
2 votes:
If my penis was a toy, I wish it came with sharp edges so my partner could at least share in my pain when they step on it.
2013-11-26 12:36:23 PM  
2 votes:

Relatively Obscure: SundaesChild: My "smallest" lover was also the most "experimental" so it all evened out in the end.

That's weird.  My girlfriend totally freaked out when I brought in the control group.


img.fark.net
2013-11-27 01:51:38 AM  
1 votes:
My dick is like supersize
Your dick look like two fries
2013-11-26 08:39:31 PM  
1 votes:

SundaesChild: kim jong-un: SundaesChild: "Women don't care about penis size" is what women say to men to make them feel better about having a small penis. That being said, if you are so afflicted, you can still be gifted at oral and whatnot. My "smallest" lover was also the most "experimental" so it all evened out in the end.

So, backseat of a Volkswagen then.

Actually a Volvo.


My car doesn't have a backseat, you insensitive bastards.
2013-11-26 05:32:01 PM  
1 votes:

ZeroCorpse: HAHAHA!

Yeah, right. That headline is what women tell men with small penises to make them feel okay about their little guy.

I know, because I have never heard that speech. The one I hear usually starts with a wide-eyed gasp, followed by "Oh my God."



Which is typically followed by closing the blinds and calling the police.
2013-11-26 05:24:02 PM  
1 votes:
Hello.
2013-11-26 04:19:27 PM  
1 votes:
You know you've achieved great WIE-collector status when there's a penis size thread and eight different people email to tell you about it...
2013-11-26 04:11:38 PM  
1 votes:
Small penis typing detected.
2013-11-26 03:58:46 PM  
1 votes:
Since I'm hung like a Tic-Tac, I have endeavored to improve my manual and lingual skills.
They usually do the trick.
2013-11-26 03:55:03 PM  
1 votes:
I refuse to buy into the media's perception of penis size. ALL PENISES ARE BEAUTIFUL.
2013-11-26 03:48:48 PM  
1 votes:
This is what a big dick really looks like...

ronwade.freeservers.com
2013-11-26 03:18:27 PM  
1 votes:

edmo: Why are there no 3-inch dildos?


Maybe you should try taking a dildo into the pool.
2013-11-26 03:17:06 PM  
1 votes:
If size doesn't matter, then why have I heard, "You're not putting that huge thing in me!" all my life?
2013-11-26 03:13:25 PM  
1 votes:
knuckledraggin.com
2013-11-26 03:04:25 PM  
1 votes:

edmo: Donnchadha: edmo: If size doesn't matter, why are there no 4-inch dildos?

NSFW:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIykM/TI3A136LggI/AAAAAAAAM6c/nMzVUR Fv bpE/s1600/size+hellocuriosity.jpg

NSFW Either, but disproves your point.

Ah, I see. Well, right, there it is then. So.

Why are there no 3-inch dildos?


you havent agreed to model for them yet?
2013-11-26 02:56:51 PM  
1 votes:
Uisce Beatha: Those do happen on occasion.  However, I can understand why they aren't as frequent as BIE begging - the flood of wang to their inbox is probably overwhelming.

Harry Potter and...
2013-11-26 02:40:40 PM  
1 votes:
I've never gotten any complaints, but then again I do own a gun, making my disco stick invariably small. So my penis compensator probably just frightened my one night stands into acting satisfied.

/Only girl who ever felt the need to go and talk about my wang handed out glowing recommendations
//She was the girl you didn't want anyone to know you hooked up with
///Bittersweet
2013-11-26 02:40:14 PM  
1 votes:

Donnchadha: edmo: If size doesn't matter, why are there no 4-inch dildos?

NSFW:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIykM/TI3A136LggI/AAAAAAAAM6c/nMzVUR Fv bpE/s1600/size+hellocuriosity.jpg

NSFW Either, but disproves your point.


Ah, I see. Well, right, there it is then. So.

Why are there no 3-inch dildos?
2013-11-26 02:35:09 PM  
1 votes:
paygun:  I got more bad news: if you're a janitor and you don't own a car, your personality doesn't make up for it.

You just need a personal ad on the internet.  Get yourself out there.

24.media.tumblr.com
2013-11-26 02:32:03 PM  
1 votes:

Via Infinito: tl;dr - Don't hide your micropenis. The sooner your partner knows, the easier it will be for him/her to accept it.


But they're so very easy to hide...
2013-11-26 02:28:34 PM  
1 votes:

Honest Bender: Why do we shame men about having large penises, but rarely shame women for having large shame caves?


images2.makefive.com
2013-11-26 01:02:02 PM  
1 votes:
Like you ladies don't want my gape inducing cervix bruiser.
2013-11-26 10:08:00 AM  
1 votes:

Relatively Obscure: SundaesChild: My "smallest" lover was also the most "experimental" so it all evened out in the end.

That's weird.  My girlfriend totally freaked out when I brought in the control group.


Ha ha. I meant he was kinky as fark. But you knew that.
2013-11-26 10:03:58 AM  
1 votes:
Why do we shame men about having large penises, but rarely shame women for having large shame caves?
2013-11-26 09:42:14 AM  
1 votes:
Well, I guess my only positive attribute is now useless.
 
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