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(AskMen)   "Women simply don't care about size. There will be the odd ones who say it is very important, but they are usually the ones who love aggressive sex. For women, penises are marvelous toys, and no matter what they look like, they will excite women"   (askmen.com) divider line 181
    More: Spiffy, Mens' Love, penis size  
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7570 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2013 at 2:18 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



181 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-26 03:43:29 PM

Psycat: if somebody claims 4" to imply they have 7.5"


This has never happened.  Ever.
 
2013-11-26 03:44:24 PM

Psycat: imfallen_angel: Psycat: Here's a formula for figuring out a guy's phallic size.  Suppose a guy claims his tallywhacker is X inches long.  His real penis size is 30 / X in inches.

/aren't you glad you have me to tell you how to think?

So... *checking the logic of your math*... I'd have to claim 4 or smaller according to your math?

My reasoning is that the average guy's dick is 5.5 inches and 5.5 squared is a little over 30.  Guys with tiny dicks tend to exaggerate the size, so I thought an inverse relationship was mathematically sound.  And I'm presuming *snicker* that the well-endowed gents tend to downplay the size of their units due to modesty.

Also, this is a recursive formula; if somebody claims 4" to imply they have 7.5", that really means they have 30/7.5 or 4" for real.  But that's not the end of the world as they can always be deep-throated by a circus midget...


I don't know what this means, but I only have a 3" dick...
 
2013-11-26 03:45:41 PM

Psycat: But that's not the end of the world as they can always be deep-throated by a circus midget...


I wanted to disagree with you, and claim that given the PROPER circus midget ANYONE could still get deep-throated, but my GIS for "sword swallowing midget" came up ... short.
 
2013-11-26 03:46:28 PM
Is this the thread where everybody who comments I get to send them a picture of my Penis?
 
2013-11-26 03:48:48 PM
This is what a big dick really looks like...

ronwade.freeservers.com
 
2013-11-26 03:49:30 PM
"Good news honey. The doctor said he can cut it down to any size you want".
 
2013-11-26 03:49:53 PM

kvinesknows: Is this the thread where everybody who comments I get to send them a picture of my Penis?


Never ask for permission, beg forgiveness.
 
2013-11-26 03:50:32 PM

johnny queso: kvinesknows: Is this the thread where everybody who comments I get to send them a picture of my Penis?

Never ask for permission, beg forgiveness.


nice email you got there...  forgive me?
 
2013-11-26 03:53:01 PM

munko: its all in your peenmanship. some can write in only block letters and then some can write in cursive.


FTFY
 
2013-11-26 03:53:27 PM

Donnchadha: Psycat: imfallen_angel: Psycat: Here's a formula for figuring out a guy's phallic size.  Suppose a guy claims his tallywhacker is X inches long.  His real penis size is 30 / X in inches.

/aren't you glad you have me to tell you how to think?

So... *checking the logic of your math*... I'd have to claim 4 or smaller according to your math?

My reasoning is that the average guy's dick is 5.5 inches and 5.5 squared is a little over 30.  Guys with tiny dicks tend to exaggerate the size, so I thought an inverse relationship was mathematically sound.  And I'm presuming *snicker* that the well-endowed gents tend to downplay the size of their units due to modesty.

Also, this is a recursive formula; if somebody claims 4" to imply they have 7.5", that really means they have 30/7.5 or 4" for real.  But that's not the end of the world as they can always be deep-throated by a circus midget...

I don't know what this means, but I only have a 3" dick...


From the recursively inverse double-whammy rule with the formula, this means you really do have a 3-incher.  But don't worry, Lulu the Bearded Midget Girl is waiting for ya...

/after she's done with my 2-incher
 
2013-11-26 03:55:03 PM
I refuse to buy into the media's perception of penis size. ALL PENISES ARE BEAUTIFUL.
 
2013-11-26 03:55:25 PM

kvinesknows: johnny queso: kvinesknows: Is this the thread where everybody who comments I get to send them a picture of my Penis?

Never ask for permission, beg forgiveness.

nice email you got there...  forgive me?


*clicks & drags to c:desktop/unsolicitedcocks/2013*
 
2013-11-26 03:55:55 PM
That's pretty much how men feel about tits.
 
2013-11-26 03:58:46 PM
Since I'm hung like a Tic-Tac, I have endeavored to improve my manual and lingual skills.
They usually do the trick.
 
2013-11-26 04:00:49 PM
How about a penis extender made with $100 bills?  Ribbed, for her pleasure, of course...
 
2013-11-26 04:03:19 PM

tblax: I refuse to buy into the media's perception of penis size. ALL PENISES ARE BEAUTIFUL.


They are farking not beautiful. Penises are wonderful things but they look like grub worms with turtleneck sweaters.
 
2013-11-26 04:03:40 PM
Let's try something to see if the ladies really do want wie without having to announce it in the thread and get buried in a cockalanche.

If you do, hit up the e in my p.

/expects no emails
//not because the ladies don't want wie
///they probably just don't want mine
 
2013-11-26 04:11:38 PM
Small penis typing detected.
 
2013-11-26 04:11:49 PM

Thingster: For any woman that says "size doesn't matter," watch that rosy glow spread over her face when you slip another finger in. Just saying.

Also, I posit it's like a hand saw. A longer blade is simply more efficient. More contact per stroke makes for a faster "cut", but there comes a point of diminishing returns.

Size may not "matter" as the end result is the same, it just takes less skill and technique by the wielder of the bigger saw to get the job done.

Penis.


thank you Fingster
 
2013-11-26 04:13:11 PM

ShardingGreat: tblax: I refuse to buy into the media's perception of penis size. ALL PENISES ARE BEAUTIFUL.

They are farking not beautiful. Penises are wonderful things but they look like grub worms with turtleneck sweaters.


Only the un-cut versions--they look like the butt end of a worm.  My tadger's been snipped and looks like a cute lil' mushroom-tipped Pink Panatella that hundreds, dozens, well, my retarded next-door neighbor likes to sit on anyways...
 
2013-11-26 04:17:49 PM
Back when I cared about sex, a big dick made all the difference.  Don't kid yourself, it's like another poster said, people say women's weight does not matter, but it does.
I am a woman, I think.  wait a minute, what incarnation is this?
 
2013-11-26 04:19:27 PM
You know you've achieved great WIE-collector status when there's a penis size thread and eight different people email to tell you about it...
 
2013-11-26 04:20:19 PM

dogslobber buttlube: Back when I cared about sex, a big dick made all the difference.  Don't kid yourself, it's like another poster said, people say women's weight does not matter, but it does.
I am a woman, I think.  wait a minute, what incarnation is this?


The problem with having a larger than average penis is you can't really advertise it.  If you brag, then everyone assumes you're lying and if you whip it out, then you're just creepy.
 
2013-11-26 04:20:48 PM
I'm so glad I don't have this problem...

I'm pro-porn sized...not freakish, but closing in on 8 inches.

Wife is happy.

And yes, I hurt her sometimes if too rough...but she gets over it.

Oh, my woes.
 
2013-11-26 04:28:24 PM
Don't ask her if she thinks it's too small.  Just own it and be confident with it, like that Henery Hawk from Looney Tunes.  If she looks like she doesn't think it's big enough, you knock her down and drag her around.  Make your penis talk to her in a high pitched New York accent with a perpetually angry temperament, "Are you comin' quietly, or do I have to muss ya up?"

/biatches love that shiat
 
2013-11-26 04:33:11 PM
It's like degree of difficulty in diving. If you've got a whopper ( it takes two hands to handle a whopper) just being competent gets you a high score, but if you have a micro peen you gotta be near perfect to get the same score.
 
2013-11-26 04:42:42 PM
As a large-penised guy, I'd gladly trade it for a smaller one in exchange for being better-looking. That's the number one trait most women -gold-diggers excepted- look for in a guy: good looks. I was never terribly blessed in that department. Even though I've been physically fit my whole life, I'll always be stuck with this ugly, ugly face.
Tom Brady could be poor with a 4" wiener and women would still flock to him.
 
2013-11-26 04:49:15 PM

poison_amy: You know you've achieved great WIE-collector status when there's a penis size thread and eight different people email to tell you about it...


Pfff...losers.
 
2013-11-26 04:49:44 PM

gaslight: t's not about the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean. That being said, why have a small boat?


One doesn't put to sea in a dinghy.
 
2013-11-26 05:01:13 PM
HAHAHA!

Yeah, right. That headline is what women tell men with small penises to make them feel okay about their little guy.

I know, because I have never heard that speech. The one I hear usually starts with a wide-eyed gasp, followed by "Oh my God."
 
2013-11-26 05:03:59 PM

vudukungfu: If size doesn't matter, then why have I heard, "You're not putting that huge thing in me!" all my life?


Yeah. That's fun, too.

So is "I think you punctured the bottom of my stomach."
 
2013-11-26 05:08:46 PM

ZeroCorpse: The one I hear usually starts with a wide-eyed gasp, followed by "Oh my God."


Sorry to hear about your deformed penis. I'll pray for you.
 
2013-11-26 05:09:29 PM

ZeroCorpse: HAHAHA!

Yeah, right. That headline is what women tell men with small penises to make them feel okay about their little guy.

I know, because I have never heard that speech. The one I hear usually starts with a wide-eyed gasp, followed by "Oh my God."


Truth is, my penis is a mile long and has five thousand ten-inch mini penes protruding from it so I can copulate with five thousand women at a time.  On the very first night I lost my virginity at the age of twelve, I copulated seven hundred times, out-farking Hugh Hefner, Wilt Chamberlain, and the entire elders of the Mormon Church.  Since then, I've farked--and this is a modest estimate--twenty-three trillion women.  I'm also the world's first quadrillionaire and own a mansion with fifteen billion rooms and my yacht is so big that the swimming pool on it is so big I need another mini-yacht to get from one end of the swimming pool to the other--and the swimming pool on the mini-yacht is so big that I need a mini-mini-yacht to cross that.  And the intergalactic edition of People magazine has named me, Psycat, the Sexiest Male in the Entire Milky Way Galaxy.  And, on top of that, I was the fifth runner-up in the 1998 Bettendorf, Iowa Armpit-Farting Contest.  So there!
 
2013-11-26 05:11:54 PM
And not only is my penis so big that I have to put an aircraft-warning beacon on top of it, I won the Nobel Prize in Humility for the last ten years running.  Take that, Gandhi!
 
2013-11-26 05:13:16 PM
sadventurez.files.wordpress.com

/oblig
 
2013-11-26 05:19:13 PM

puddleonfire: [sadventurez.files.wordpress.com image 320x240]

/oblig


I'm waiting for somebody to post a picture of Arsenio Hall being thrown down a large hotdog bun.

*sigh*   Really, "hotdog down a hallway" is a really stupid, tired trope by some fifth-rate comedian like Adam Sandler.  Why not something with a bit of inspiration like "bratwurst down a blunderbuss" or "Wee Willie Winkie down the Love Canal".  Even "toothpick down a moa's cloaca" is more inspired than "hotdog down a hallway"...

/that's why I'm royalty
 
2013-11-26 05:22:27 PM
This thread is fedoras.
 
2013-11-26 05:24:02 PM
Hello.
 
2013-11-26 05:30:48 PM
But, hey, it's a bit after 4:20* PM, I'm sitting in the midst of thousands of colored sticks, recovering from two days of screaming kids in Chi-Town, enjoying a purple-drank buzz, intermittently watching a crummy Clark and McCullough comedy from 1935, contemplating rubbing one out to pictures of women with scuba gear and swim caps, and contemplating Wilde's "Picture of Dorian Grey" and the metaphysical inconsistencies of the Aestheticism Movement of the late 1890s--typical day for me, Psycat, who is really a monarch in seventeen different space-time continua...

*Every cool kid knows what 420 means.  April 20th is Harold Lloyd's birthday.  When hip kids say "420", what they mean is "Gather at yon tree at 4:20 PM, then lets go to one of our houses, preferably one where the parents aren't home, then draw the curtains and within minutes you'll hear gales of laughter coming from said house because you know what's happening inside--we'll be laughing at a classic Harold Lloyd comedy like "Safety Last" or "Why Worry?" and, yes, we'll be eating day-glo orange Cheetos (TM) and taking massive bong rips, but the important thing is that we're laughing at the slapstick antics of  Harold Lloyd, Greatest Slapstick Comedian Ever**".

**Well, Buster and Charlie (Charlie Bowers) may be better, but who's keeping track?
 
2013-11-26 05:32:01 PM

ZeroCorpse: HAHAHA!

Yeah, right. That headline is what women tell men with small penises to make them feel okay about their little guy.

I know, because I have never heard that speech. The one I hear usually starts with a wide-eyed gasp, followed by "Oh my God."



Which is typically followed by closing the blinds and calling the police.
 
2013-11-26 05:34:20 PM

give me doughnuts: Since I'm hung like a Tic-Tac, I have endeavored to improve my manual and lingual skills.
They usually do the trick.


How very cunning...
 
2013-11-26 05:39:33 PM

OooShiny: give me doughnuts: Since I'm hung like a Tic-Tac, I have endeavored to improve my manual and lingual skills.
They usually do the trick.

How very cunning...


If you ply your cunning skills in Ireland, you can fly Aer Lingus*

*ba-dump, tchhhhh
 
2013-11-26 05:56:02 PM
I wanted to try some that .. you know .. woo' hoo ..

ak1.picdn.net

... but what I got was a sledgehammer driving a carpet tack ...

media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com
 
2013-11-26 06:02:22 PM
So the women who like a big cock also like aggressive sex?

Tell me more...
 
2013-11-26 06:07:53 PM

Psycat: And not only is my penis so big that I have to put an aircraft-warning beacon on top of it, I won the Nobel Prize in Humility for the last ten years running.  Take that, Gandhi!


My dick is so big I could fark a Tuba
so big stephen hawking has a theory about it
...there is still snow on it in the summertime
...it has its own gravitational field
...it only plays arenas
...when it rains the tip doesn`t get wet
...it violates 17 zoning laws
...I could be in france and get a blowjob in hungary
...NASA are sending a probe to look for the tip
...it`s in the next room fixing us drinks
...I`m already farking a girl tomorrow

Hell, my dick is so big it has it`s own dick and even my dicks dick is bigger than yours!
 
2013-11-26 06:15:44 PM

Elegy: abhorrent1: diabloninja: It's like a women's weight: we say it doesn't matter.

But, it really matters.  Just sayin'.

I've never said that. Also, I've yet to meet a woman that doesn't think dicks are ugly. Sure they enjoy them but don't really get turned on by the site of them. Why do you think you never see a WIE request?

Lolwut? I don't know what Fark you hang out on, but I've seen wang solicited in at least three threads in the last 6-8 months, and I only post in 2-3 threads a day.


And you know those are women asking how exactly? Because their profile says so?  Lolwut indeed.
 
2013-11-26 06:26:54 PM

gaslight: It's not about the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean. That being said, why have a small boat?

-=-
It's easier to paddle.
-------
spiderpaz:
That's pretty much how men feel about tits.
-=-
That small and firm is excellent?
That any more than a mouth full is a waste?
 
2013-11-26 06:30:40 PM
Truth is size does matter. It's just not always a deal breaker.
 
2013-11-26 06:31:56 PM
I think what I love about my GF the most is she is short with tiny hands. Makes me look huge!
 
2013-11-26 06:35:06 PM

SundaesChild: "Women don't care about penis size" is what women say to men to make them feel better about having a small penis. That being said, if you are so afflicted, you can still be gifted at oral and whatnot. My "smallest" lover was also the most "experimental" so it all evened out in the end.


So, backseat of a Volkswagen then.
 
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