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(The Atlantic)   When online dating and the autism spectrum collide   (theatlantic.com) divider line 41
    More: Interesting, Jewish Community Center, developmental disorder, Asperger syndrome, social stigma, dating  
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5187 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2013 at 11:44 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-26 11:45:51 AM  
static.fjcdn.com
 
2013-11-26 11:46:39 AM  
What are you looking for in a girl? being able to recite the Fibonacci sequence up to a thousand.
 
2013-11-26 11:48:03 AM  
wait, so are there non-autistic people doing online dating?

/ i keed, my step-son* is autistic and just the sweetest little guy
// i also admit to having made a bit of use of online dating---to be honest, not a few hotties were using the [free] service, much to my surprise...
 
2013-11-26 11:51:54 AM  
Yeah, but dem titties ain't retarded!!!
 
2013-11-26 11:51:57 AM  
Online dating trifecta complete.
 
2013-11-26 11:52:19 AM  
Ass burgers.  Snicker.
 
2013-11-26 11:53:32 AM  
Online dating trifecta on FARK, today?

/confirms my suspicion about those websites, as well as FARK

//and No, it's not my personal dating site
 
2013-11-26 11:55:25 AM  
Well, that explains all the fedoras
 
2013-11-26 12:04:43 PM  
Hey ladies, I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinnati.

I don't have my own car but  Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. 'Course the seats were originally brown leather now they're a pitiful red.

First date?We're gonna be here the entire morning with no maple syrup and no toothpicks. I'm definitely, definitely not gonna have my pancakes.

And what's my house like? Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise. Fabulous and exciting bonus prizes. Thousands of dollars in cash. Over $150,000 just waiting to be won as we present our big bonanza of cash on Wheel Of Fortune.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. After all, it's ten minutes to Wapner and we're definitely locked in this box with no TV.
 
2013-11-26 12:11:27 PM  
PET ME!
 
2013-11-26 12:12:44 PM  
Thanks subby!  As a mother of a 22 yr old high-functioning autistic, I appreciate this find.
 
2013-11-26 12:12:49 PM  
Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?
 
2013-11-26 12:32:34 PM  
I thought this is what My little Pony fan Sites are for.
 
2013-11-26 12:38:38 PM  

miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?


It's situational and depends on what you learn. For example, I used to stare everyone down because I hadn't learned that part of eye contact was looking away sometimes. Now I know better. But I always knew you didn't do things like comment on someone's personal appearance.

/And a lot of us say 'neurotypical' the way someone else might say 'brunette'. It's not really intended to mean anything negative, just explains why you and I see things in a very different way.
 
2013-11-26 12:44:42 PM  

FarkingReading: Hey ladies, I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinnati.


Kmart sucks.
 
zez
2013-11-26 12:46:11 PM  
I'll have to save this article for when my son reached dating age.
 
2013-11-26 12:52:06 PM  

mayIFark: What are you looking for in a girl? being able to recite the Fibonacci sequence up to a thousand.


That's only 17 numbers. It 16 natural numbers, but 17 whole numbers because you start at 0. So 17 numbers.

*rocks quietly*
 
2013-11-26 12:56:09 PM  
All the cool autistics use Craigslist.

imageshack.com
 
2013-11-26 01:05:52 PM  
Why does everyone keep asking him if he's a bot?
 
2013-11-26 01:14:51 PM  

cryinoutloud: All the cool autistics use Craigslist.

[imageshack.com image 850x314]


The odds of that are pretty slim with Butte sex.

It's also worth noting that "autism spectrum" is a meaningless description since every conscious person fits within the spectrum - from "nearly catatonic" to "not at all". If you drop the word "spectrum" every time you see it, though, whatever you're reading makes sense.
 
2013-11-26 01:26:23 PM  

PsiChick: miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?

It's situational and depends on what you learn. For example, I used to stare everyone down because I hadn't learned that part of eye contact was looking away sometimes. Now I know better. But I always knew you didn't do things like comment on someone's personal appearance.

/And a lot of us say 'neurotypical' the way someone else might say 'brunette'. It's not really intended to mean anything negative, just explains why you and I see things in a very different way.


This possibility did not even enter my mind.  I assumed it was some sort of PC thing to avoid the implication that autistic people are not normal, because even though by the literal definition of the word "normal" they aren't, but somehow saying so is very offensive.
 
2013-11-26 01:31:41 PM  

miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?


Yea, it's right up there with "cisgender." I automatically assume someone using either one is some hypersensitive, hypertolerant PC butthole.
 
2013-11-26 01:33:11 PM  

miniflea: PsiChick: miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?

It's situational and depends on what you learn. For example, I used to stare everyone down because I hadn't learned that part of eye contact was looking away sometimes. Now I know better. But I always knew you didn't do things like comment on someone's personal appearance.

/And a lot of us say 'neurotypical' the way someone else might say 'brunette'. It's not really intended to mean anything negative, just explains why you and I see things in a very different way.

This possibility did not even enter my mind.  I assumed it was some sort of PC thing to avoid the implication that autistic people are not normal, because even though by the literal definition of the word "normal" they aren't, but somehow saying so is very offensive.


Nah, not really. We know we're different from neurotypicals. We have a word to describe it. Most of the time we give no farks.

/unless someone's been an asshole to us recently

Vector R: miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?

Yea, it's right up there with "cisgender." I automatically assume someone using either one is some hypersensitive, hypertolerant PC butthole.


'Cisgender' doesn't carry negative connotations to Aspies\autists either. :p
 
2013-11-26 01:42:00 PM  

suebhoney: Thanks subby!  As a mother of a 22 yr old high-functioning autistic, I appreciate this find.


Just sent the link to my 19 year old high functioning stepson before reading the comments, so getting a kick...

\poor little dude is SO desperate :(
 
2013-11-26 02:06:16 PM  
Online dating worked well for me. After the expected string of duds I found a woman as socially awkward as I am.
 
2013-11-26 02:34:14 PM  
So the Austrian guy couldn't get a visa to visit his girlfriend in the states because he is altruistic?

/what gives?
 
2013-11-26 03:38:46 PM  

Vector R: miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?

Yea, it's right up there with "cisgender." I automatically assume someone using either one is some hypersensitive, hypertolerant PC butthole.


Things have names. Chill.
 
2013-11-26 03:39:48 PM  
Bookmarked for when my 4 year old son reaches dating age.
 
2013-11-26 03:53:57 PM  

Chevello: suebhoney: Thanks subby!  As a mother of a 22 yr old high-functioning autistic, I appreciate this find.

Just sent the link to my 19 year old high functioning stepson before reading the comments, so getting a kick...

\poor little dude is SO desperate :(


As the sister of autistic brother I'm saving this link.

Anyone know of a good socialization therapy group in the Philadelphia area? My brother is in need of socialization help and I'm fighting my Dad over this.

/Anyone want to hire him? He has an accounting degree
//You can give him the most boring inventory work and he'll love it
 
2013-11-26 04:16:05 PM  

jjhinnola: So the Austrian guy couldn't get a visa to visit his girlfriend in the states because he is altruistic?

/what gives?


I've been in an international relationship, immigration issues are extremely tough for normal people, an autistic would be hell.

Hell, my hubby's and I relationship almost didn't survive our immigration process (which was made 100x worse because of the immigration workers went on strike).
 
2013-11-26 04:20:00 PM  

ThighsofGlory: Vector R: miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?

Yea, it's right up there with "cisgender." I automatically assume someone using either one is some hypersensitive, hypertolerant PC butthole.

Things have names. Chill.


Some people don't like being referred to by titles or labels they haven't chosen.
 
2013-11-26 06:24:19 PM  

shortymac: jjhinnola: So the Austrian guy couldn't get a visa to visit his girlfriend in the states because he is altruistic?

/what gives?

I've been in an international relationship, immigration issues are extremely tough for normal people, an autistic would be hell.

Hell, my hubby's and I relationship almost didn't survive our immigration process (which was made 100x worse because of the immigration workers went on strike).


As an American with a foreign wife, oh so much this.  She lived in this country for ten years and it was still an enormous pain.  We've been married for about three years now and only last month did I write my last check to the immigration attorney.  I know this comes as a shock to a lot of people, but you can't just up and move places most of the time.
 
2013-11-26 07:29:10 PM  
As someone with Asperger's, I consider it luck I stumbled into my partnership with The Green Intern and his wife.  My previous luck at dating had left me with a string of exes who saw 'she's weird - must be easy prey' and got kicked to the curb once they tried to put that plan into action, along with a few who were just personality differences issues (lack of time, wildly different priorities, etc), but given how hard of a time I have making friends sometimes, I can only imagine what my success would be like on the dating scene.  I mean, it's not like people are lining up do date an autistic pansexual with OCD and anxiety/depression, even if she does have a great rack.

If online dating helps people with ASD, then awesome!  I just wish it was easier for women with ASD to get help - it's hard even to get a diagnosis because so many of the symptoms are written to fit how men manifest autism, when women often manifest differently and just get told it's anxiety or stress or all in their heads.

\I love my partners
\\ It helps that none of us are particularly neurotypical and communicate well so we actively avoid misunderstandings
\\\ Slashies come in threes ^_^
 
2013-11-26 07:53:03 PM  

miniflea: shortymac: jjhinnola: So the Austrian guy couldn't get a visa to visit his girlfriend in the states because he is altruistic?

/what gives?

I've been in an international relationship, immigration issues are extremely tough for normal people, an autistic would be hell.

Hell, my hubby's and I relationship almost didn't survive our immigration process (which was made 100x worse because of the immigration workers went on strike).

As an American with a foreign wife, oh so much this.  She lived in this country for ten years and it was still an enormous pain.  We've been married for about three years now and only last month did I write my last check to the immigration attorney.  I know this comes as a shock to a lot of people, but you can't just up and move places most of the time.


Oh, it's complicated as hell with immigration. I used to work as a secretary/translator at an immigration law firm and the process, even just for fiancees/spouses, takes forever. We'd get prospective clients who thought the thing was so easy, and then they'd yell at the attorneys when they realized just how long and expensive the process was. It sucks.

\We did get some interesting scams though
\\ Mostly from the Caribbean - local finds a desperate tourist, flatters, rushes into marriage there in the country with the aid of a preacher who's in on it, then the person insists that their family needs expensive gifts, etc etc....it doesn't end well.
\\\ Or you get the shiatbags who go to a third world country, bring back a woman to be their "wife" (more like live-in slave) and never get status for them, threatening to turn them over to ICE if they don't behave.  We saw a lot more of those cases.  It was disturbing.
 
2013-11-26 07:58:24 PM  
People think I'm kidding, but we are already looking into an arranged marriage for my youngest, with moderate brain damage.  Functionally illiterate, but very skilled with anything hands-on.  We're thinking he has a future as a mechanic, plumber, electrician, etc., if we can help him find a good apprenticeship.

He also knows how to do manicures and pedicures.  Some girl is going to be really pampered, as long as she can manage money and issue to-do lists.
 
2013-11-26 09:48:03 PM  

SoupJohnB: Online dating trifecta on FARK, today?

/confirms my suspicion about those websites, as well as FARK

//and No, it's not my personal dating site


I've been trying to get a date from Fark for months.

Last Valentine's Day I actually got a gorgeous mostly-naked photo of a young woman, allegedly a selfie, sent from what looked like a real email address with a real name attached; on a hunch I searched Facebook and found somebody by that name who lives here in Lexington, KY, whose photos of herself posted there could belong to the panty-wearer in the BIE if she had more clothes on and showed her pretty face.

Of course being a chivalrous gent I declined to pursue this person: the name turned out to be unfortunately common -- common names are common, there are five or six Facebook users with my name here in Lexington -- and even if the lovely local lass I found on Facebook is the same one in the photos there's no guarantee that she herself sent the photo. Maybe someone whose heart got broke got the idea that siccing an ugly old psycho on her was appropriate revenge. With that ugly possibility in mind I was too conscience-stricken even to fap to the photo: it would feel too much like rape, one sin I won't commit. I can't even cornhole somebody who insists on calling me Daddy.

I did write back, asking if this was really for real and if so what response (if any) she was looking for, but heard nothing back. So after a few days I wrote it off as another of cruel life's pathetic fallacies, and then somehow in the intervening months the emailed photo got deleted. Gone forever. So most likely I'll never know if somebody by that name really did send me a photo of herself, let alone whether I was supposed to drool in isolation or beg to be teased some more. Which is a damn shame, considering all I know how to consider.

This has very little to do with this thread of course, seeing that my own case falls somewhere on the spectrum of psychoses. Obviously, given that few people if any come to Fark to view some fool's off-topic ravings. But then...
 
2013-11-26 09:49:57 PM  

Vector R: miniflea: Neurotypical? First time I've heard that one. If these aspies genuinely can't know when they are being insulting or rude, are they able to be offended by the word 'normal'?

Yea, it's right up there with "cisgender." I automatically assume someone using either one is some hypersensitive, hypertolerant PC butthole.


Will you marry me?
 
2013-11-26 09:52:27 PM  

Vector R: Some people don't like being referred to by titles or labels they haven't chosen.


I prefer to be referred to as His Excellent Excellency.

And I accept Paypal.
 
2013-11-26 11:31:10 PM  

madanimalscientist: miniflea: shortymac: jjhinnola: So the Austrian guy couldn't get a visa to visit his girlfriend in the states because he is altruistic?

/what gives?

I've been in an international relationship, immigration issues are extremely tough for normal people, an autistic would be hell.

Hell, my hubby's and I relationship almost didn't survive our immigration process (which was made 100x worse because of the immigration workers went on strike).

As an American with a foreign wife, oh so much this.  She lived in this country for ten years and it was still an enormous pain.  We've been married for about three years now and only last month did I write my last check to the immigration attorney.  I know this comes as a shock to a lot of people, but you can't just up and move places most of the time.

Oh, it's complicated as hell with immigration. I used to work as a secretary/translator at an immigration law firm and the process, even just for fiancees/spouses, takes forever. We'd get prospective clients who thought the thing was so easy, and then they'd yell at the attorneys when they realized just how long and expensive the process was. It sucks.

\We did get some interesting scams though
\\ Mostly from the Caribbean - local finds a desperate tourist, flatters, rushes into marriage there in the country with the aid of a preacher who's in on it, then the person insists that their family needs expensive gifts, etc etc....it doesn't end well.
\\\ Or you get the shiatbags who go to a third world country, bring back a woman to be their "wife" (more like live-in slave) and never get status for them, threatening to turn them over to ICE if they don't behave.  We saw a lot more of those cases.  It was disturbing.


We did Canadian immigration, on the spousal form it asks 2 questions:

1) Was your marriage arranged?
2) Are you related?

The secretary at our office told us she got a lot of "yes" answers to both those questions, mainly from the middle east/India. 1st cousin arranged marriages are common.
 
2013-11-26 11:35:54 PM  

cherryl taggart: People think I'm kidding, but we are already looking into an arranged marriage for my youngest, with moderate brain damage.  Functionally illiterate, but very skilled with anything hands-on.  We're thinking he has a future as a mechanic, plumber, electrician, etc., if we can help him find a good apprenticeship.

He also knows how to do manicures and pedicures.  Some girl is going to be really pampered, as long as she can manage money and issue to-do lists.


Quite frankly, it's crossed my mind for my autistic brother.

However, I'm worried that we'd find one that would manipulate my brother's trustworthy unassuming nature and fleece him for everything he has/can get (He isn't on SSI disability now but can qualify, etc).
 
2013-11-27 12:53:25 AM  
Heh, I don't know why, but the first thing I thought of was Pounced.
 
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