If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Onion AV Club)   Americans stop watching porn around Thanksgiving, primarily because their parents either don't have a fast enough internet connection or there isn't enough privacy   (avclub.com) divider line 97
    More: Obvious, watching porn, Thanksgiving, Americans, Americans stop, Felix Baumgartner, Puritanism  
•       •       •

2605 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2013 at 7:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



97 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-11-25 07:59:49 PM  
Guess some of us will have to pick up the slack?
 
2013-11-25 08:00:38 PM  
I am thankful... for all the free porn on the Internet
 
2013-11-25 08:02:01 PM  
I'll help represent. Might as well.
 
2013-11-25 08:03:36 PM  
Nope
 
2013-11-25 08:04:55 PM  
uhhh...just take your ipad in the toilet with you? it's what my wife does.
 
2013-11-25 08:05:05 PM  
True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.
 
2013-11-25 08:09:04 PM  
OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.

Wow.  That was really douchy of you.
 
2013-11-25 08:09:44 PM  

some_beer_drinker: uhhh...just take your ipad in the toilet with you? it's what my wife does.


oh the things that we can now do while doing our business.

I'm usually too stressed being around my folks to want to fly solo in the first place.

OgreMaji: Thats a familiar tale in our family.

Whats worse is walking in on your dad watching skinimax......awkward....and EWWWWW
 
2013-11-25 08:10:02 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
we have our typically-idle hands full
 
2013-11-25 08:11:32 PM  

OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.


I'll cook you up some turkey this week if you come over and fix mine.

Wear gloves.
 
2013-11-25 08:12:37 PM  
Santa Claus only starts watching you closely at Thanksgiving. Most of the rest of the year it is more like the cops randomly stopping motorists.
 
2013-11-25 08:12:38 PM  
FTA:
"...even though the Pilgrims specifically came to this country in order to escape that sort of Puritanical rule over when to spank it.  "

Am I remembering things wrong, or didn't the Pilgrims come over specifically so that they could more strictly enforce rules over when to spank it?
 
2013-11-25 08:16:19 PM  
For me, it's cause of the naked chick on the table.
 
2013-11-25 08:16:48 PM  
Cranberries are loaded with sex drive killing dopamine antagonists.... well that's my pet theory.
 
2013-11-25 08:17:46 PM  

Coastalgrl: hats worse is walking in on your dad watching skinimax......awkward....and EWWWWW


Especially if it's one you like. Then it's just ruined.
 
2013-11-25 08:18:05 PM  

BigGrnEggGriller: OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.

Wow.  That was really douchy of you.


I disagree. Don't EVER ask a question in which you don't want to know the answer.
 
2013-11-25 08:19:48 PM  
For every website you don't fap to, I'm fapping to three.  Because freedom.  Or something.
 
2013-11-25 08:19:48 PM  

OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.


He's
Nick Burns
the company's computer guy
he'll fix your computer
then he's gonna make fun of you
because he's
Nick Burns
the company's computer guy
 
2013-11-25 08:21:03 PM  

BigGrnEggGriller: Wow.  That was really douchy of you.



No, douchey is when the entire family is enjoying a holiday, and you're forced to spend the entire day working on everyone's PC, without pay, because you're the only one literate enough to use Google.

If you're going to force me to spend every waking moment of my visit working on everyone's PC instead of spending time with the family, some of whom may not be around by the next holiday, the least you could do is pay for my plane ticket, douche...
 
2013-11-25 08:21:24 PM  
For a lot of people, it's more awkward when you happen to see your mom being violated in her porntube vids knowing you're going to be eating her casserole in a few days.  So, best to avoid any possibility of that happening.
 
2013-11-25 08:22:06 PM  
Jack-off fulcrum is a beautiful usage of English
 
2013-11-25 08:22:40 PM  

MrHappyRotter: For a lot of people, it's more awkward when you happen to see your mom being violated in her porntube vids knowing you're going to be eating her casserole in a few days.  So, best to avoid any possibility of that happening.


Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
 
2013-11-25 08:23:54 PM  

the ha ha guy: BigGrnEggGriller: Wow.  That was really douchy of you.


No, douchey is when the entire family is enjoying a holiday, and you're forced to spend the entire day working on everyone's PC, without pay, because you're the only one literate enough to use Google.

If you're going to force me to spend every waking moment of my visit working on everyone's PC instead of spending time with the family, some of whom may not be around by the next holiday, the least you could do is pay for my plane ticket, douche...


The problems on his computer were way beyond googling a solution.  It took a bit more skill than that.

The rest of your statement is valid.  I didn't appreciate spending that much time in a back room on my holiday.  Had I known how farked his computer was, I would have told him, no, format and start over.
 
2013-11-25 08:26:21 PM  

MrHappyRotter: For a lot of people, it's more awkward when you happen to see your mom being violated in her porntube vids knowing you're going to be eating her casserole in a few days.  So, best to avoid any possibility of that happening.


Sorry about that, but you still can't call me "dad".
 
2013-11-25 08:32:21 PM  

OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.


At least it was just lesbian porn. That's probably the least embarrassing porn you could have discovered. Co-worker of mine got fired and I was given his responsibilities and his computer.

Some search terms i can recall from his browsing history were:

Pumped cocks
Pumped cocks
Women pumping men's cocks
Men with pumped cocks farking
Woman farking horse
Horse cock
Rocco siffreddi
Rocco siffreddi pumped cock.

Needless to say, I was able to deduce a certain leitmotif.
 
2013-11-25 08:33:57 PM  
graphics8.nytimes.com

I blame Bush
 
2013-11-25 08:34:02 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-25 08:35:48 PM  

OgreMagi: The problems on his computer were way beyond googling a solution.  It took a bit more skill than that.



I mean using google to find an antivirus program in the first place, not just fixing the PC.

My last family visit, I had three computers lined up to fix, all of which had expired AV programs and were filled with viruses, because "I didn't know I need antivirus". Just after the first was fixed, dinner was nearly ready, but everyone insisted that I work on the second as well before eating, with the promise that they would save a plate for me. Once the second was fixed, dinner was completely gone, and someone mentioned that I should go to McDonalds to eat before coming back to work on the third.

So I took their advice, I went to McDonalds to eat, then I went straight back to the hotel, wrote up an invoice for the two fixed PCs (at my standard hourly rate), and dropped it in the mail on my way back to the airport. Suffice to say, I haven't yet been invited to any gatherings with that part of the family.

Treat me like family, and I'll treat you the same. Treat me as "the computer guy", and I'll treat you as just another customer.
 
2013-11-25 08:36:07 PM  
Headline is spot-on.
 
2013-11-25 08:39:37 PM  

the ha ha guy: BigGrnEggGriller: Wow.  That was really douchy of you.


No, douchey is when the entire family is enjoying a holiday, and you're forced to spend the entire day working on everyone's PC, without pay, because you're the only one literate enough to use Google.

If you're going to force me to spend every waking moment of my visit working on everyone's PC instead of spending time with the family, some of whom may not be around by the next holiday, the least you could do is pay for my plane ticket, douche...


Douchy is saying you'll do it even though you're so barely capable it takes you more than two hours, and then outing the guy in front of family because you're so frustrated at your own ineptness and inability to say no.

Dude needs Jack Nicholson to move in with him.

Seriously, 45 minutes tops if you remove things manually.(any more than that and you shouldn't be doing it for other people(did one myself just this weekend, right at one hour, including troubleshooting video card problems and locating spare cables).  If you're taking that long, you're both benefiting, because you're obviously still learning, so no rights to complain.

If you're using programs, download and run, then walk away, 5 minutes here and there between 20 minute scans(give or take).

If you can't do it in under the time it takes to reinstall an OS on a modern computer, you're not an expert doing someone else a solid who's owed some sort of respect who "wasted" his talent for over two hours...

Also:
Discretion is the better part of valor.
 
2013-11-25 08:44:51 PM  

omeganuepsilon: the ha ha guy: BigGrnEggGriller: Wow.  That was really douchy of you.


No, douchey is when the entire family is enjoying a holiday, and you're forced to spend the entire day working on everyone's PC, without pay, because you're the only one literate enough to use Google.

If you're going to force me to spend every waking moment of my visit working on everyone's PC instead of spending time with the family, some of whom may not be around by the next holiday, the least you could do is pay for my plane ticket, douche...

Douchy is saying you'll do it even though you're so barely capable it takes you more than two hours, and then outing the guy in front of family because you're so frustrated at your own ineptness and inability to say no.

Dude needs Jack Nicholson to move in with him.

Seriously, 45 minutes tops if you remove things manually.(any more than that and you shouldn't be doing it for other people(did one myself just this weekend, right at one hour, including troubleshooting video card problems and locating spare cables).  If you're taking that long, you're both benefiting, because you're obviously still learning, so no rights to complain.

If you're using programs, download and run, then walk away, 5 minutes here and there between 20 minute scans(give or take).

If you can't do it in under the time it takes to reinstall an OS on a modern computer, you're not an expert doing someone else a solid who's owed some sort of respect who "wasted" his talent for over two hours...

Also:
Discretion is the better part of valor.


The problem was having another computer available to get the fixes, then a means to transfer them over.  Also, I'd download one removal tool and run it, only to discover it didn't do a very good job.  It took me a few tries to get the right tool.  Now, when I visit family, I always put the latest version of that tool (and a few other things) on a thumb drive -- just in case.  After cleaning out the bad things, I had to reinstall a bunch of Windows components to get his computer working correctly again.
 
2013-11-25 08:45:07 PM  
Plus the sneaking suspicion that you've stuffed so much turkey, stuffing, and other stuff in your maw that you'd actually jizz gravy.
 
2013-11-25 08:46:16 PM  

omeganuepsilon: Seriously, 45 minutes tops if you remove things manually.(any more than that and you shouldn't be doing it for other people(did one myself just this weekend, right at one hour, including troubleshooting video card problems and locating spare cables). If you're taking that long, you're both benefiting, because you're obviously still learning, so no rights to complain.


Sometimes heavily rooted machines will take longer ...
 
2013-11-25 08:46:28 PM  
Turkey dinner makes me sleepy. Need nap, not porn.
 
2013-11-25 08:47:14 PM  

BigGrnEggGriller: OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.

Wow.  That was really douchy of you.



No. Not douchey at all. fark family members who want you to fix their machine because you're the "computer guy". If they catch something and they don't want anyone else to know about it, they can take their machine into a shop like everyone else.
 
2013-11-25 08:48:17 PM  
For you: Ha Ha Guy...been there myself. Parties at friends houses are the worst...

i.imgur.com
 
2013-11-25 08:49:06 PM  
But what if I spank it to NDN (slang for Indian) porn during Thanksgiving?

www.ndngirls.com
 
2013-11-25 08:50:00 PM  

BigGrnEggGriller: OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.

Wow.  That was really douchy of you.


I think he has aspergers or some one of them conditions that make you an absolute pain to be around.
 
2013-11-25 08:52:21 PM  

nucal: omeganuepsilon: Seriously, 45 minutes tops if you remove things manually.(any more than that and you shouldn't be doing it for other people(did one myself just this weekend, right at one hour, including troubleshooting video card problems and locating spare cables). If you're taking that long, you're both benefiting, because you're obviously still learning, so no rights to complain.

Sometimes heavily rooted machines will take longer ...


and sometimes you need to burn several DVDs worth of stash, and that can take awhile.
 
2013-11-25 08:52:57 PM  
I guess it's the kind of upbringing some folks have that makes them inconsiderate, uninterested, bothersome, helpless... technological pains in the ass - who just tell you to go fix their fap-box.
 
2013-11-25 08:57:30 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: BigGrnEggGriller: OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.

Wow.  That was really douchy of you.

I think he has aspergers or some one of them conditions that make you an absolute pain to be around.


I have a serious condition called, "I don't want to farking work when I'm on holiday, biatch!"
 
2013-11-25 08:58:54 PM  

Nuclear Monk: nucal: omeganuepsilon: Seriously, 45 minutes tops if you remove things manually.(any more than that and you shouldn't be doing it for other people(did one myself just this weekend, right at one hour, including troubleshooting video card problems and locating spare cables). If you're taking that long, you're both benefiting, because you're obviously still learning, so no rights to complain.

Sometimes heavily rooted machines will take longer ...

and sometimes you need to burn several DVDs worth of stash, and that can take awhile.


That's the worst, no separate storage when you decide formatting is easier.
 
2013-11-25 08:59:55 PM  

omeganuepsilon: Nuclear Monk: nucal: omeganuepsilon: Seriously, 45 minutes tops if you remove things manually.(any more than that and you shouldn't be doing it for other people(did one myself just this weekend, right at one hour, including troubleshooting video card problems and locating spare cables). If you're taking that long, you're both benefiting, because you're obviously still learning, so no rights to complain.

Sometimes heavily rooted machines will take longer ...

and sometimes you need to burn several DVDs worth of stash, and that can take awhile.

That's the worst, no separate storage when you decide formatting is easier.


And the standard response to the question, "did you back up your important files?" is a blank stare.
 
2013-11-25 09:00:26 PM  

Coastalgrl: some_beer_drinker: uhhh...just take your ipad in the toilet with you? it's what my wife does.

oh the things that we can now do while doing our business.

I'm usually too stressed being around my folks to want to fly solo in the first place.

OgreMaji: Thats a familiar tale in our family.

Whats worse is walking in on your dad watching skinimax......awkward....and EWWWWW


Was actually pro schtick on his part.

BigGrnEggGriller: OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.

Wow.  That was really douchy of you.


Actually...that was pro schtick on his part!
 
2013-11-25 09:01:53 PM  

Woot_Gawd: Coastalgrl: some_beer_drinker: uhhh...just take your ipad in the toilet with you? it's what my wife does.

oh the things that we can now do while doing our business.

I'm usually too stressed being around my folks to want to fly solo in the first place.

OgreMaji: Thats a familiar tale in our family.

Whats worse is walking in on your dad watching skinimax......awkward....and EWWWWW

Was actually pro schtick on his part.BigGrnEggGriller: OgreMagi: True story.

Thanksgiving was at my brother's house for a change a few years ago.  Of course he asked me to to look at his computer because it was not working well.  I spent over two hours cleaning out all the viruses and trojans that had infected his computer.  After I emerged from his "office" to rejoin the family for the holiday festivities, he asked what was wrong with his computer.  I told him "over a hundred unwanted infections."  Then he made the mistake of asking me how they got there.  "From the lesbian porn site you visit regularly."

This was in front of the entire family on Thanksgiving.  No one asks me to fix their computer now.

Wow.  That was really douchy of you.

Actually...that was pro schtick on his part!


I've highlighted the important part that people seem to have missed.
 
2013-11-25 09:03:37 PM  

fblonk: For you: Ha Ha Guy...been there myself. Parties at friends houses are the worst...

[i.imgur.com image 455x437]


Yeah I get that every time I go home.  And they wonder why I only visit once every few months.
 
2013-11-25 09:04:38 PM  

special20: I guess it's the kind of upbringing some folks have that makes them inconsiderate, uninterested, bothersome, helpless... technological pains in the ass - who just tell you to go fix their fap-box.


This is why I don't go to family gatherings.  Last one I went to - a farking funeral for the love o' Mike - my sister and my dad asked me to fix their desktops, and both my brother and other sister brought their laptops "for me to look at".  I politely told them I was there to pay my respects to the grandmother who brought me up, and they could fark off.  I then moved my luggage from my sister's place to a hotel.
 
2013-11-25 09:05:14 PM  

omeganuepsilon: If you can't do it in under the time it takes to reinstall an OS on a modern computer, you're not an expert doing someone else a solid who's owed some sort of respect who "wasted" his talent for over two hours...



So you would wipe out years of work and personal files on a whim just because you're too illiterate to manually restore system files? I guess that's why I have corporate/DOD clients and you're stuck working for your family, on holidays, without pay.
 
2013-11-25 09:07:48 PM  
How did this thread turn into an IT guy epeen contest?
 
2013-11-25 09:08:57 PM  

the ha ha guy: omeganuepsilon: If you can't do it in under the time it takes to reinstall an OS on a modern computer, you're not an expert doing someone else a solid who's owed some sort of respect who "wasted" his talent for over two hours...


So you would wipe out years of work and personal files on a whim just because you're too illiterate to manually restore system files? I guess that's why I have corporate/DOD clients and you're stuck working for your family, on holidays, without pay.


Don't be so hard on him.  Working for the "Geek Squad" was a big move up for him.
 
Displayed 50 of 97 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report