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(Jezebel)   Science proves being a drunk won't hurt your marriage, as long as your significant other is one too   ( divider line
    More: Unlikely, divorce rates  
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4478 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2013 at 2:26 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-11-25 01:21:19 PM  
6 votes:
Yeah, drunks aren't nearly as much fun when you're sober.
2013-11-25 02:45:42 PM  
3 votes:

runningesq: CSB: I found out in year 3 of my marriage that my wife is an alcoholic.  4 years later, she is still (bravely) trying to get sober.  I can tell you that alcoholism obviously puts a MAJOR strain on a marriage.  I can't decide if I want to punch the author of this article because the analysis is so painfully shallow and vapid, or because I'm just channelling my frustrations.

I think you should punch everyone at Jezebel. You'll feel better.
2013-11-25 02:03:14 PM  
2 votes:
Well, shared hobbies are the cornerstone of a good relationship.
2013-11-25 01:22:30 PM  
2 votes:
Police who have responded to domestic dispute calls disagree.
2013-11-25 07:42:39 PM  
1 vote:
Hmm.  I'm probably a "heavy" drinker.  But my girlfriend (of several years, whom I'm going to marry) maybe has 1-2 drinks a year.
I just drink at home (occasionally events will come together where I find myself having a beer at a bar with a couple of friends, but not often), don't drive under the influence, go to work everyday, etc.  Also, I'm in my mid-thirties so all my partying is sorta out of my system.  I don't really get "drunk" per se.
And she seems to like my drinking as it makes me more affectionate.  And I like the fact that she doesn't drink.
But, she understands that I like my IPAs, and red wine, and scotch.  But, again, I don't drink to excess, and it always puts me in a better mood.
Seems like the key difference though is that I can just as easily not drink when circumstances lean that way and I'm not "unhappy."
I guess if I just chugged malt liquor until I blacked out and beat her she would probably just shoot me.
2013-11-25 03:59:16 PM  
1 vote:

runningesq: lilplatinum: runningesq: CSB: I found out in year 3 of my marriage that my wife is an alcoholic. 4 years later, she is still (bravely) trying to get sober.

How does one hide that for 3 years (plus however long you were together before marriage)?

Good question.  Basically, she had a sales job where she didn't really have to be any where at any particular time.  We were a very social couple, so we drank socially....I thought it was cute that she was wasted after 1 glass of wine, not realizing she had had 5 bourbons before I got home.  In hindsight a lot makes sense, but now that I have studied the disease of alcoholism as I have, I can tell you that true alcoholics hide it VERY VERY WELL.

not all of us.  My ex-sister in law and my brother were both HEAVY drinkers.  Brother stopped drinking when the time came to get serious and start living in the real world, past college.  SIL decided that because she was the one who was continuing her education on my brother's dime(which would keep them out of massive medical school debt), she would keep up the drinking.  Kept it up and expanded the fun things she would do and say while under the influence.  It was made obvious to me a few years later, after the divorce, when she came by with some mutual friends.  I was over at his house(he got the majority of the assets in the divorce, because, oddly,  the judge seemed to think paying for his now-ex wife's medical school was enough punishment), and the look on his face when she walked through the door...  "You aren't welcome here. Leave."  She turned right around, gave me a hug on the way out, and I've never seen her since.  I found out through the grapevine that she was told never to speak to his family again.  I'd say he has something damaging on her, because he is not a violent person.
  My experience.... I drank with the hardest of the hard at college.  i could and did drink just about everyone else under the table.  I just kept going after college.  Never got to the point in a job where I felt safe from the ax, let alone satisfied.  I drank myself comatose every night just to sleep.  I woke, never feeling rested.  I like how many people in the rooms call it: I was alcohol's biatch for close to 12 years.  I wasted the best years of my life getting passed-out drunk every single night of the week.  I tried to get a different perspective by moving to a different part of the country, several times.  Nothing changed.
   I was forced into rehab at one point, but I got out and kept going on my bingeing.  A short time later, I found myself homeless, friendless, and having been shunned by even my family.  I went into a long term rehab facility.  I got sober for the first time in more than a decade.  I won't get into religion.  I am, however, typing this sober and clean.  Short of a few bouts of recitivism(short relapses), I have just shy of 4 years sober, and counting.  I have a cousin who is in the relocation phase of his alcoholism.  He is about where I was 7-8 years ago.  He recently got out of the first rehab he was all but forced into, and reacted badly to the whole, "We're trying to help you" from his family.  I've been checking up on his progress, as compared to mine, in the disease, and he's about 2 years out from either ending up dead or getting to that point where he realizes if something doesn't change, he won't wake up one morning.  He has to make the change for himself, and until he sees the need for change, he won't put everything into the change.

I knew a guy back in the last state I lived in, who was told by his wife, in no uncertain terms, that if he didn't stop drinking, she'd file for divorce and total custody of the kids.  While he stayed sober for several years, he wasn't doing it for himself.  He got a sponsor and worked the steps, and went to meetings and everything else he could.  His blowup was spectacular.  On the scale of the bombs dropped on Japan.  His problem was that he didn't do it for himself, and while he worked the steps, worked with his sponsor, the need to be real and do it for himself was never there, and never developed.

     I feel for your wife, but she needs to get up the gumption and get to a facility.  For herself.  Not for you, not for the kids, not for anyone else.  The reason she is struggling is that she is doing this for you, or the kids, or something else.  Not herself.  Go to an Alanon meeting.  They are for families of alcoholics.  Buy a big book, leave is around the house.  Leave several around the house.  Read the damn thing yourself.  There's a chapter in there for you, too.  Half the book is made up of stories.  Most are instructional.  Do the reading and get to a meeting or two.  Be supportive, but don't force anything.  The reactions of a drunk are to take the path of least resistance.

Alcohol is easy.  Sobriety is hard

/I give my cousin 50/50 life/death chance
//it sounds cold, but I was using the same playbook, so I know his moves before he does; I've told his parents exactly what he was going to do every step of the way
2013-11-25 03:37:47 PM  
1 vote:
Sure, I mean, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
2013-11-25 03:37:46 PM  
1 vote:

comebackherewithmyoreos: Jezebel should team up with Opposing Views to form "News for Morons".

The NY Post?
2013-11-25 03:20:08 PM  
1 vote:
Jezebel should team up with Opposing Views to form "News for Morons".
2013-11-25 03:12:19 PM  
1 vote:

groppet: My roomate is an alcoholic and I can tell you most of her relationships have ended due to her drinking. I have to hide my own stash from her. A bottle of rum will last me a month, it lasts her a couple days. The only thing I really hate about it is usually I am the one that has to clean up her aftermath when she is drunk and decides to cook and leaves a huge mess and passes out for a day. Or when she takes a piss on the kitchen floor, I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper for that one.

An alcoholic who still has the same unfinished bottle 24 hours later sure is a lame excuse for an alcoholic.
2013-11-25 03:11:53 PM  
1 vote:
"The study also found that marriages where only the woman was a heavy drinker had a slightly higher divorce rate, though the number of couples this was detected in is not statistically significant...
I for one hope that this premise is tackled next. I love it when science proves that sexism exists in all aspects of our lives."

 Just in case you forgot you're reading Jezebel.
2013-11-25 02:45:40 PM  
1 vote:

- What are we going to do about us?
- Well, we are going to drink, I hope.
2013-11-25 02:34:35 PM  
1 vote:
I'm a big believer in "in vino veritas." If you're a selfish sh*thead while drunk, you're probably just a marginally better disguised selfish sh*thead when sober.

/Happy drunks FTW
//I'll drink to that
2013-11-25 02:34:28 PM  
1 vote:
Yeah.  These two are tons of fun at parties.
2013-11-25 02:31:08 PM  
1 vote:
"Our results indicate that it is the difference between the couple's drinking habits, rather than the drinking itself, that leads to marital dissatisfaction, separation and divorce."

I think you have that backwards. Marital dissatisfaction probably leads to the drinking.
2013-11-25 02:27:06 PM  
1 vote:
In some cases it may be a requirement actually
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