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(Jezebel)   Science proves being a drunk won't hurt your marriage, as long as your significant other is one too   (jezebel.com ) divider line
    More: Unlikely, divorce rates  
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4474 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2013 at 2:26 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



95 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-25 01:21:19 PM  
Yeah, drunks aren't nearly as much fun when you're sober.
 
2013-11-25 01:22:30 PM  
Police who have responded to domestic dispute calls disagree.
 
2013-11-25 02:03:14 PM  
Well, shared hobbies are the cornerstone of a good relationship.
 
2013-11-25 02:21:05 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Well, shared hobbies are the cornerstone of a good relationship.


You're damn right!

*hic*
 
2013-11-25 02:27:06 PM  
In some cases it may be a requirement actually
 
2013-11-25 02:31:08 PM  
"Our results indicate that it is the difference between the couple's drinking habits, rather than the drinking itself, that leads to marital dissatisfaction, separation and divorce."

I think you have that backwards. Marital dissatisfaction probably leads to the drinking.
 
2013-11-25 02:31:11 PM  
What if she's a drunken slut, and abusive? Does that count?
 
2013-11-25 02:31:35 PM  
Which pretty much explains why I'm single.
 
2013-11-25 02:33:35 PM  

vudukungfu: What if she's a drunken slut, and abusive? Does that count?


It counts as some nice warm-up pillow talk, for sure!
 
2013-11-25 02:34:28 PM  
www.standbyformindcontrol.com
Yeah.  These two are tons of fun at parties.
 
2013-11-25 02:34:35 PM  
I'm a big believer in "in vino veritas." If you're a selfish sh*thead while drunk, you're probably just a marginally better disguised selfish sh*thead when sober.

/Happy drunks FTW
//I'll drink to that
 
2013-11-25 02:35:15 PM  

Diogenes: Police who have responded to domestic dispute calls disagree.


The couple that lived below me years ago would get drunk about once a month and get in fights, cops would come, break it up but it never seemed like charges were filed.
//not my problem and did not care outside of the noise
 
2013-11-25 02:37:20 PM  
a5.mzstatic.com

Actually an excellent movie.
 
2013-11-25 02:37:52 PM  

fireclown: [www.standbyformindcontrol.com image 495x350]
Yeah.  These two are tons of fun at parties.


That was meth, not alcohol.

In any event, I fail to see how violent drunks don't hurt a marriage, regardless of whether both are or not.
 
2013-11-25 02:38:43 PM  
I drink alone with nobody else.
 
2013-11-25 02:39:31 PM  
 
2013-11-25 02:39:52 PM  

UrukHaiGuyz: I'm a big believer in "in vino veritas." If you're a selfish sh*thead while drunk, you're probably just a marginally better disguised selfish sh*thead when sober.

/Happy drunks FTW
//I'll drink to that


Probably some of that. Also that as people become dissatisfied with their relationship, they begin to resent the shortcomings of their partner. A non/light drinker is going to key on her partner's heavy drinking and resent it versus someone who shares the same lifestyle.
 
2013-11-25 02:41:01 PM  
See how well they get along?
 
2013-11-25 02:41:05 PM  
CSB: I found out in year 3 of my marriage that my wife is an alcoholic.  4 years later, she is still (bravely) trying to get sober.  I can tell you that alcoholism obviously puts a MAJOR strain on a marriage.  I can't decide if I want to punch the author of this article because the analysis is so painfully shallow and vapid, or because I'm just channelling my frustrations.
 
2013-11-25 02:43:05 PM  
(Thanks for "throwing away" the image, Fark)

>ahem<


img.fark.net
See how well they get along?
 
2013-11-25 02:43:20 PM  

runningesq: CSB: I found out in year 3 of my marriage that my wife is an alcoholic. 4 years later, she is still (bravely) trying to get sober.


How does one hide that for 3 years (plus however long you were together before marriage)?
 
2013-11-25 02:45:34 PM  
...so you're saying there's a chance?

\o/
 
2013-11-25 02:45:40 PM  
lh3.googleusercontent.com

- What are we going to do about us?
- Well, we are going to drink, I hope.
 
2013-11-25 02:45:42 PM  

runningesq: CSB: I found out in year 3 of my marriage that my wife is an alcoholic.  4 years later, she is still (bravely) trying to get sober.  I can tell you that alcoholism obviously puts a MAJOR strain on a marriage.  I can't decide if I want to punch the author of this article because the analysis is so painfully shallow and vapid, or because I'm just channelling my frustrations.


I think you should punch everyone at Jezebel. You'll feel better.
 
2013-11-25 02:45:50 PM  

dv-ous: Actually an excellent movie.


Also, days of wine and roses*

*offer may be void for the female
 
2013-11-25 02:46:01 PM  
If they can both handle their hooch and things never get out of hand, sure.

But, I've known couples where both partners drank heavily and neither one had any self control. Not a good combo.
 
2013-11-25 02:47:14 PM  
a.abcnews.com
 
2013-11-25 02:50:54 PM  
Meh, as long as the couple are the happy drunk kind, and not the argumentative violet drunk type. Ms Buzzcut v2.0 and I do like our beer, and we're both happy drunk people that never argue anyway, so it's all good.

Ms Buzzcut v 1.0 was an ultraconservative southern baptist, so yeah, my liking to have a six pack in the fridge was a problem. After all, her mother may come by and -gasp- see that a grown man of legal age might possess beer in his own home. Not surprisingly, that marriage didn't last long, though whether or not beer was allowed in the house was just one of many reasons that marrying an ultra conservative southern baptist turned out to be a really bad idea.
 
2013-11-25 02:54:05 PM  

lilplatinum: runningesq: CSB: I found out in year 3 of my marriage that my wife is an alcoholic. 4 years later, she is still (bravely) trying to get sober.

How does one hide that for 3 years (plus however long you were together before marriage)?


Good question.  Basically, she had a sales job where she didn't really have to be any where at any particular time.  We were a very social couple, so we drank socially....I thought it was cute that she was wasted after 1 glass of wine, not realizing she had had 5 bourbons before I got home.  In hindsight a lot makes sense, but now that I have studied the disease of alcoholism as I have, I can tell you that true alcoholics hide it VERY VERY WELL.
 
2013-11-25 02:55:57 PM  

buzzcut73: my liking to have a six pack in the fridge was a problem. After all, her mother may come by and -gasp- see that a grown man of legal age might possess beer in his own home. Not surprisingly, that marriage didn't last long, though whether or not beer was allowed in the house was just one of many reasons that marrying an ultra conservative southern baptist turned out to be a really bad idea.


Replace Southern Baptist with Morman, and you have the story of Mrs. vudukungfu the first.

That, and running off to Vegas with my neighbor, car, and credit cards.
 
2013-11-25 02:56:28 PM  

ladyfortuna: "Our results indicate that it is the difference between the couple's drinking habits, rather than the drinking itself, that leads to marital dissatisfaction, separation and divorce."

I think you have that backwards. Marital dissatisfaction probably leads to the drinking.



Ya, blame the non-drinker.
 
2013-11-25 02:57:45 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
"Who cares what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"
"Unless evil is carrying the martini tray, darling."

/clink
 
2013-11-25 02:57:45 PM  

uncleacid: I drink alone with nobody else.


Are you bad to the bone?
 
2013-11-25 02:59:01 PM  
I thought that was the cause of the Florida tag.
 
2013-11-25 03:00:01 PM  

The water was cold: uncleacid: I drink alone with nobody else.

Are you bad to the bone?


One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.
 
2013-11-25 03:03:31 PM  

Son of Thunder: The water was cold: uncleacid: I drink alone with nobody else.

Are you bad to the bone?

One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.


That don't confront me. Long as I get my money next Friday.
 
2013-11-25 03:03:40 PM  
My roomate is an alcoholic and I can tell you most of her relationships have ended due to her drinking. I have to hide my own stash from her. A bottle of rum will last me a month, it lasts her a couple days. The only thing I really hate about it is usually I am the one that has to clean up her aftermath when she is drunk and decides to cook and leaves a huge mess and passes out for a day. Or when she takes a piss on the kitchen floor, I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper for that one.
 
2013-11-25 03:06:06 PM  
And whoever sobers up first, gets to claim the moral high ground. Not that it's worth a lot.
 
2013-11-25 03:06:48 PM  
I know my marriage started going south when I backed off the drinking

/and my ex took it upon herself to take up the slack
 
2013-11-25 03:06:53 PM  
There are plenty of alcoholics who aren't violent angry bastards.

I don't think the alcohol has a net positive effect on their quality of life (is the pleasure of drinking worth the odd dui and generally lower income - both in terms of a lower salary and less money to spend on things after the booze is purchased?), ime with those folks. However, I do know couples who are both heavy drinkers who are doing just fine, and I don't see why

Besides, let's remember who does most of these studies: people who define binge drinking as three or more drinks in a single night once a week.  I'm probably an alcoholic for drinking a six pack every saturday.
 
2013-11-25 03:07:57 PM  
The other half and I are basically lovers of alcohol. Perhaps we like to drink WAY too much but neither one of us seems to need it. 20+ years of mutually assured destruction
 
2013-11-25 03:09:07 PM  

groppet: My roomate is an alcoholic and I can tell you most of her relationships have ended due to her drinking. I have to hide my own stash from her. A bottle of rum will last me a month, it lasts her a couple days. The only thing I really hate about it is usually I am the one that has to clean up her aftermath when she is drunk and decides to cook and leaves a huge mess and passes out for a day. Or when she takes a piss on the kitchen floor, I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper for that one.


"Why is the rum gone?!"
 
2013-11-25 03:10:32 PM  
I drink alone with nobody else.

Are you bad to the bone?


After a rough day and a six pack alone, I can be VERY bad to the bone.
 
2013-11-25 03:11:04 PM  

Smackledorfer: There are plenty of alcoholics who aren't violent angry bastards.

I don't think the alcohol has a net positive effect on their quality of life (is the pleasure of drinking worth the odd dui and generally lower income - both in terms of a lower salary and less money to spend on things after the booze is purchased?), ime with those folks. However, I do know couples who are both heavy drinkers who are doing just fine, and I don't see why

Besides, let's remember who does most of these studies: people who define binge drinking as three or more drinks in a single night once a week.  I'm probably an alcoholic for drinking a six pack every saturday.


This, BTW.
 
2013-11-25 03:11:53 PM  
"The study also found that marriages where only the woman was a heavy drinker had a slightly higher divorce rate, though the number of couples this was detected in is not statistically significant...
I for one hope that this premise is tackled next. I love it when science proves that sexism exists in all aspects of our lives."



 Just in case you forgot you're reading Jezebel.
 
2013-11-25 03:12:19 PM  

groppet: My roomate is an alcoholic and I can tell you most of her relationships have ended due to her drinking. I have to hide my own stash from her. A bottle of rum will last me a month, it lasts her a couple days. The only thing I really hate about it is usually I am the one that has to clean up her aftermath when she is drunk and decides to cook and leaves a huge mess and passes out for a day. Or when she takes a piss on the kitchen floor, I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper for that one.



An alcoholic who still has the same unfinished bottle 24 hours later sure is a lame excuse for an alcoholic.
 
2013-11-25 03:12:56 PM  

buzzcut73: Ms Buzzcut v 1.0 was an ultraconservative southern baptist, so yeah, my liking to have a six pack in the fridge was a problem. After all, her mother may come by and -gasp- see that a grown man of legal age might possess beer in his own home. Not surprisingly, that marriage didn't last long, though whether or not beer was allowed in the house was just one of many reasons that marrying an ultra conservative southern baptist turned out to be a really bad idea.


Not to judge, but how on earth did you not foresee that as a major sticking point?

My parents don't get on well anymore for similar reasons, but my dad swears she wasn't a teetotaling prude when he married her. They won't be getting a divorce or anything, but my mother has to make a snide comment every time he and I have a beer or a cigar, like they are the vices of satan.  I used to make it a point to ensure that she would get less benefit out of the comments than gain, but at this point I don't think she is physically or mentally capable of restraining herself.  If a guy on tv shows his six-pack or a girl is in a bikini, she makes a comment about how disgusting all the rampant sex is. And I don't mean like a soft-core porn sex scene, I mean like, the scenario is people are on a beach doing beach stuff.
 
2013-11-25 03:18:46 PM  

mycathatesyou: Ya, blame the non-drinker.


When did I specify which person was at fault? Oh wait, I didn't.
 
2013-11-25 03:20:08 PM  
Jezebel should team up with Opposing Views to form "News for Morons".
 
2013-11-25 03:24:34 PM  
My then-girlfriend and I got busted for underage consumption together.  You bet your ass I threw a ring on that!
 
2013-11-25 03:29:09 PM  
Long time ago, many moons back, there was a girl I was dating, who I thought had potential to be offered the position of Mrs. Gonz. One day, seemingly out of the blue, she hit me with the whole "you need to quit smoking and drinking" tirade. After listening for a bit, I finally asked her "Darlin', do you remember the first time we met?"
"Yes, of course."
"What was I doing?"
"Drinking a longneck and smoking a cigarette."
"Why did you get the idea that I wanted to change?"

Needless to say, I dodged a bullet there. My eventual bride did, after we'd been together for a few years, ask me to quit cigarettes, and I did. She also bought me a humidor, and loves the smell of a good cigar. And she likes it when I make her martinis. 'Course, she also likes to sip tequila.
 
2013-11-25 03:29:39 PM  
My name is biyaaatci and I am an alcoholic.  My marriage is sometimes strained by my wife's occasional binge drinking.  The truth is that it's actually a very complicated situation where I feel like I am the one being an uptight dick about the whole thing and I hate myself for being like that.  The only times she gets really hammered are when she's out with my extended family (with whom I used to love tying one on) or with our long-time friends.  In these instances I feel like I've become a background player and look like a fuddy-duddy who quit drinking and doesn't like anyone else having any fun.  What they don't see is me cleaning up vomit or trying to convince her that sleeping on outside on the lounge chair is not a good idea because even though it's so nice outside, it's 10:00 PM in October in Illinois and it's about to get cold as balls.
 
2013-11-25 03:30:27 PM  
Kind of explains why I end up on the couch downstairs, alone and sometimes wounded.
 
2013-11-25 03:33:05 PM  
Well, honey, your "marriage" is going to get hurt if you don't get me another beer.
 
2013-11-25 03:33:52 PM  

076dd0a50e0c1255009e-bd4b8aabaca29897bc751dfaf75b290c.r40.cf1.rackcdn.com



Two crackheads can stay together forever. But if one of you is a crackhead and the other is a born again Christian? Shiat ain't gonna work out.

 
2013-11-25 03:36:54 PM  

vudukungfu: What if she's a drunken slut, and abusive? Does that count?


One time, in Mexico...
My drunken ex slut of a gf came home hours late one night, we yelled, it got ugly.
I left our place, went downstairs to the local bar, she followed.
Argument kept up, so as not to disrupt the bar, I took it into the street.
Someone decided to call the cops, thinking my poor girl was in danger.
Cops show up and are all ready to haul me off to jail, so I do the only thing I can do.
I drop my pants, in front of 4 cops and about 30 spectators.
They were treated to the sight of my blood soaked balls, which said ex had tried to literally rip off when she got home.
They let me go, telling me I should dump her and go to the hospital.
The scars are now a conversation piece.

/csb ?
 
2013-11-25 03:36:55 PM  
Look.  Many of the best writers were drunks.  Hey, a writer had to write this article!  But she only refers to "heavy drinkers" and defines heavy drinkers as people who drink 6 drinks at a time or drink to intoxication, making no mention of frequency.  Therefore I conclude that the author of this article is neither a drunk nor is she a good writer.
 
2013-11-25 03:37:40 PM  

buzzcut73: Meh, as long as the couple are the happy drunk kind, and not the argumentative violet drunk type.


This. My mother has spent most of her adult life with a glass of red wine in her hand, but she is the affectionate drunk kind, which my father likely greatly appreciated in their youth. My father is the greagarious kind, and has a natural 18 charisma score.

No loud arguing or even a hint of violence between them.

Since the grandkids were born, they have both cut down on their drinking dramatically. I assume they want to remember these years, or at least not make the kids pass out when they breathe on them.
 
2013-11-25 03:37:46 PM  

comebackherewithmyoreos: Jezebel should team up with Opposing Views to form "News for Morons".


i44.tinypic.com

The NY Post?
 
2013-11-25 03:37:47 PM  
Sure, I mean, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
 
2013-11-25 03:38:05 PM  
Me and my wife drink, and would be considered binge alcoholics, however we still go to work, pay our bills, take care of our children and pets. There are two kinds of people in the world, those that can handle booze and those that can not (and by handle I mean doesn't allow it to destroy their lives (health maybe of course it will). The only time drinking is ever a problem is if one of has become way more inebriated faster than the other; then its all i'm not at your level yet... hold on while I catch up.
 
2013-11-25 03:38:43 PM  
The saying the opposites attract is not really true.  What's true is that two people with complementary skill sets will work together better than two people with lots of overlap.  But the two peoples' TASTES have to be similar.  Jack Spratt and his wife get along fine so long as it's just steak they're talking about, they can each have their piece.  But when it's what to watch on TV, where to go on vacation, what friends to hang out with, all that stuff had better sync up fairly closely or you're in trouble.  Not on every point, of course, but if you're wired completely differently then just give it up.
 
2013-11-25 03:39:44 PM  
I'm an alcoholic. My wife hates that about me.
 
2013-11-25 03:39:56 PM  

biyaaatci: My name is biyaaatci and I am an alcoholic.  My marriage is sometimes strained by my wife's occasional binge drinking.  The truth is that it's actually a very complicated situation where I feel like I am the one being an uptight dick about the whole thing and I hate myself for being like that.  The only times she gets really hammered are when she's out with my extended family (with whom I used to love tying one on) or with our long-time friends.  In these instances I feel like I've become a background player and look like a fuddy-duddy who quit drinking and doesn't like anyone else having any fun.  What they don't see is me cleaning up vomit or trying to convince her that sleeping on outside on the lounge chair is not a good idea because even though it's so nice outside, it's 10:00 PM in October in Illinois and it's about to get cold as balls.


Your wife's occasional binge drinking sounds like alcoholism to me, from what you describe....or at the very least she is extremely unsupportive.  I stopped drinking altogether once it became clear my wife was an alcoholic.  It just seemed...tacky...to drink in front of her.  Al Anon helped me quite a bit....especially to give me the strength to leave her vomit for her to clean up herself.  Good on you for your recovery...hang in there, brother.
 
2013-11-25 03:40:48 PM  
Together, Mrs_Fab and I consume about a bottle of wine per day on most days. And about double that on weekends.

Most people in my peer group would consider that "a lot". Most people here on Fark would consider that "just warming up".
 
2013-11-25 03:44:08 PM  
Sincerely yours,

Mrs. Drew Curtis
 
2013-11-25 03:45:02 PM  
The summer I started dating my wife, I was in a house with a bunch of other twentysomething animals drinking, drugging and smoking every weekend from Friday after work to Sunday morning. She knew that, and even would drink with us now and then.

Now, every time I drink, which is rare, by the way because I've grown up quite a bit, her attitude changes, basically treats me like shiat. And she doesn't drink at all any more.

I has a sad. And a beautiful daughter...so I'm not going anywhere.
 
2013-11-25 03:46:41 PM  

runningesq: biyaaatci: My name is biyaaatci and I am an alcoholic.  My marriage is sometimes strained by my wife's occasional binge drinking.  The truth is that it's actually a very complicated situation where I feel like I am the one being an uptight dick about the whole thing and I hate myself for being like that.  The only times she gets really hammered are when she's out with my extended family (with whom I used to love tying one on) or with our long-time friends.  In these instances I feel like I've become a background player and look like a fuddy-duddy who quit drinking and doesn't like anyone else having any fun.  What they don't see is me cleaning up vomit or trying to convince her that sleeping on outside on the lounge chair is not a good idea because even though it's so nice outside, it's 10:00 PM in October in Illinois and it's about to get cold as balls.

Your wife's occasional binge drinking sounds like alcoholism to me, from what you describe....or at the very least she is extremely unsupportive.  I stopped drinking altogether once it became clear my wife was an alcoholic.  It just seemed...tacky...to drink in front of her.  Al Anon helped me quite a bit....especially to give me the strength to leave her vomit for her to clean up herself.  Good on you for your recovery...hang in there, brother.


I appreciate it, but I won't take her inventory for her.  I've had a discussion with her twice about it, and I told her after the last one that was the last time I'd deal with something like that.  I'll let her do whatever she's going to do if it comes up again.  She's been good since.
 
2013-11-25 03:46:48 PM  
sober people aren't much fun when you're drunk.
 
2013-11-25 03:47:32 PM  

MorteDiem: vudukungfu: What if she's a drunken slut, and abusive? Does that count?

One time, in Mexico...
My drunken ex slut of a gf came home hours late one night, we yelled, it got ugly.
I left our place, went downstairs to the local bar, she followed.
Argument kept up, so as not to disrupt the bar, I took it into the street.
Someone decided to call the cops, thinking my poor girl was in danger.
Cops show up and are all ready to haul me off to jail, so I do the only thing I can do.
I drop my pants, in front of 4 cops and about 30 spectators.
They were treated to the sight of my blood soaked balls, which said ex had tried to literally rip off when she got home.
They let me go, telling me I should dump her and go to the hospital.
The scars are now a conversation piece.

/csb ?


Here's the part I don't get: after she ripped your balls partly off, why did you go to a bar instead of a hospital?
 
2013-11-25 03:47:41 PM  

mycathatesyou: ladyfortuna: "Our results indicate that it is the difference between the couple's drinking habits, rather than the drinking itself, that leads to marital dissatisfaction, separation and divorce."

I think you have that backwards. Marital dissatisfaction probably leads to the drinking.


Ya, blame the non-drinker.



Takes two to be an alcoholic. The man to drink and the biatch to call him one.
 
2013-11-25 03:49:26 PM  
Ah, yes.  Jezebel, America's finest and best-researched news source.  I love their scholarly longitudinal study that proved 106% of American women have been the victim of employment discrimination.
 
2013-11-25 03:50:24 PM  
I used to drink three fifths of bourbon and two cases of beer a week. Now I'm married and sober. Recovered alkie.
 
2013-11-25 03:52:41 PM  

biyaaatci: My name is biyaaatci and I am an alcoholic.  My marriage is sometimes strained by my wife's occasional binge drinking.  The truth is that it's actually a very complicated situation where I feel like I am the one being an uptight dick about the whole thing and I hate myself for being like that.  The only times she gets really hammered are when she's out with my extended family (with whom I used to love tying one on) or with our long-time friends.  In these instances I feel like I've become a background player and look like a fuddy-duddy who quit drinking and doesn't like anyone else having any fun.  What they don't see is me cleaning up vomit or trying to convince her that sleeping on outside on the lounge chair is not a good idea because even though it's so nice outside, it's 10:00 PM in October in Illinois and it's about to get cold as balls.


Don't enable. She can clean up the vomit herself. She can sleep outside if she wants. Seriously, you're enabling her. Don't be co-dependent.
 
2013-11-25 03:55:44 PM  

Jument: MorteDiem: vudukungfu: What if she's a drunken slut, and abusive? Does that count?

One time, in Mexico...
My drunken ex slut of a gf came home hours late one night, we yelled, it got ugly.
I left our place, went downstairs to the local bar, she followed.
Argument kept up, so as not to disrupt the bar, I took it into the street.
Someone decided to call the cops, thinking my poor girl was in danger.
Cops show up and are all ready to haul me off to jail, so I do the only thing I can do.
I drop my pants, in front of 4 cops and about 30 spectators.
They were treated to the sight of my blood soaked balls, which said ex had tried to literally rip off when she got home.
They let me go, telling me I should dump her and go to the hospital.
The scars are now a conversation piece.

/csb ?

Here's the part I don't get: after she ripped your balls partly off, why did you go to a bar instead of a hospital?


Perhaps you should reread the headline.

/as an aside, for weeks afterwards, girls kept asking me to show them.
 
2013-11-25 03:59:16 PM  

runningesq: lilplatinum: runningesq: CSB: I found out in year 3 of my marriage that my wife is an alcoholic. 4 years later, she is still (bravely) trying to get sober.

How does one hide that for 3 years (plus however long you were together before marriage)?

Good question.  Basically, she had a sales job where she didn't really have to be any where at any particular time.  We were a very social couple, so we drank socially....I thought it was cute that she was wasted after 1 glass of wine, not realizing she had had 5 bourbons before I got home.  In hindsight a lot makes sense, but now that I have studied the disease of alcoholism as I have, I can tell you that true alcoholics hide it VERY VERY WELL.


not all of us.  My ex-sister in law and my brother were both HEAVY drinkers.  Brother stopped drinking when the time came to get serious and start living in the real world, past college.  SIL decided that because she was the one who was continuing her education on my brother's dime(which would keep them out of massive medical school debt), she would keep up the drinking.  Kept it up and expanded the fun things she would do and say while under the influence.  It was made obvious to me a few years later, after the divorce, when she came by with some mutual friends.  I was over at his house(he got the majority of the assets in the divorce, because, oddly,  the judge seemed to think paying for his now-ex wife's medical school was enough punishment), and the look on his face when she walked through the door...  "You aren't welcome here. Leave."  She turned right around, gave me a hug on the way out, and I've never seen her since.  I found out through the grapevine that she was told never to speak to his family again.  I'd say he has something damaging on her, because he is not a violent person.
  My experience.... I drank with the hardest of the hard at college.  i could and did drink just about everyone else under the table.  I just kept going after college.  Never got to the point in a job where I felt safe from the ax, let alone satisfied.  I drank myself comatose every night just to sleep.  I woke, never feeling rested.  I like how many people in the rooms call it: I was alcohol's biatch for close to 12 years.  I wasted the best years of my life getting passed-out drunk every single night of the week.  I tried to get a different perspective by moving to a different part of the country, several times.  Nothing changed.
   I was forced into rehab at one point, but I got out and kept going on my bingeing.  A short time later, I found myself homeless, friendless, and having been shunned by even my family.  I went into a long term rehab facility.  I got sober for the first time in more than a decade.  I won't get into religion.  I am, however, typing this sober and clean.  Short of a few bouts of recitivism(short relapses), I have just shy of 4 years sober, and counting.  I have a cousin who is in the relocation phase of his alcoholism.  He is about where I was 7-8 years ago.  He recently got out of the first rehab he was all but forced into, and reacted badly to the whole, "We're trying to help you" from his family.  I've been checking up on his progress, as compared to mine, in the disease, and he's about 2 years out from either ending up dead or getting to that point where he realizes if something doesn't change, he won't wake up one morning.  He has to make the change for himself, and until he sees the need for change, he won't put everything into the change.

I knew a guy back in the last state I lived in, who was told by his wife, in no uncertain terms, that if he didn't stop drinking, she'd file for divorce and total custody of the kids.  While he stayed sober for several years, he wasn't doing it for himself.  He got a sponsor and worked the steps, and went to meetings and everything else he could.  His blowup was spectacular.  On the scale of the bombs dropped on Japan.  His problem was that he didn't do it for himself, and while he worked the steps, worked with his sponsor, the need to be real and do it for himself was never there, and never developed.

     I feel for your wife, but she needs to get up the gumption and get to a facility.  For herself.  Not for you, not for the kids, not for anyone else.  The reason she is struggling is that she is doing this for you, or the kids, or something else.  Not herself.  Go to an Alanon meeting.  They are for families of alcoholics.  Buy a big book, leave is around the house.  Leave several around the house.  Read the damn thing yourself.  There's a chapter in there for you, too.  Half the book is made up of stories.  Most are instructional.  Do the reading and get to a meeting or two.  Be supportive, but don't force anything.  The reactions of a drunk are to take the path of least resistance.

Alcohol is easy.  Sobriety is hard

/I give my cousin 50/50 life/death chance
//it sounds cold, but I was using the same playbook, so I know his moves before he does; I've told his parents exactly what he was going to do every step of the way
 
2013-11-25 03:59:21 PM  

H31N0US: The summer I started dating my wife, I was in a house with a bunch of other twentysomething animals drinking, drugging and smoking every weekend from Friday after work to Sunday morning. She knew that, and even would drink with us now and then.

Now, every time I drink, which is rare, by the way because I've grown up quite a bit, her attitude changes, basically treats me like shiat. And she doesn't drink at all any more.

I has a sad. And a beautiful daughter...so I'm not going anywhere.


She thought you had / have the potential to be "molded" I know a lot of woman who think or thought like that.

Guys are easy we want our wives / GF etc to basically stay similar to the days when we met them. Hot, fun full of life etc. However there is this subset of women who look at guys and say, he seems like he could be a good dad, has a decent job, looks good naked etc but his friends suck and he lacks ambition and he could dress better and I don't really like going out to do XY and Z (the places and things they were doing when they met) I am sure I can get him to do other things and the stuff I don't like I can break him of etc

It makes guys miserable. Some hold out longer than others but almost all of them give in at some point (meaning they hide their behavior from their wives) because it is easier to lie and or not do it anymore than to hear the constant biatching from their wife. The other option is divorce.

I have buddies whose wives would be considered cool by fark standards and even they pull this crap.
 
2013-11-25 04:01:25 PM  

megarian: ...so you're saying there's a chance?

\o/


*checks profile*

Ahem... You aren't, by any chance, interviewing drunks for the position of Mr. Megarian, are you?
 
2013-11-25 04:10:06 PM  
I'm just a beer, wine, Sunday bloody mary kind of guy. My wife doesn't drink or smoke. She doesn't mind if I do, just getting a mellow buzz.
But that one time a year around her birthday when she DOES drink, I gotta watch the hell out.
It's EXTRA super happy bedroom fun time.
/27 years
 
2013-11-25 04:10:26 PM  

phenn: Son of Thunder: The water was cold: uncleacid: I drink alone with nobody else.

Are you bad to the bone?

One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

That don't confront me. Long as I get my money next Friday.


everybody funny, now you funny too
 
2013-11-25 04:11:50 PM  
Anecdotes ain't science, but Mrs. Oso and I both enjoy our booze (perhaps too much), and we've lasted for nearly 13 years now.  So... maybe there's something to this?
 
2013-11-25 04:14:19 PM  

runningesq: biyaaatci: My name is biyaaatci and I am an alcoholic.  My marriage is sometimes strained by my wife's occasional binge drinking.  The truth is that it's actually a very complicated situation where I feel like I am the one being an uptight dick about the whole thing and I hate myself for being like that.  The only times she gets really hammered are when she's out with my extended family (with whom I used to love tying one on) or with our long-time friends.  In these instances I feel like I've become a background player and look like a fuddy-duddy who quit drinking and doesn't like anyone else having any fun.  What they don't see is me cleaning up vomit or trying to convince her that sleeping on outside on the lounge chair is not a good idea because even though it's so nice outside, it's 10:00 PM in October in Illinois and it's about to get cold as balls.

Your wife's occasional binge drinking sounds like alcoholism to me, from what you describe....or at the very least she is extremely unsupportive.  I stopped drinking altogether once it became clear my wife was an alcoholic.  It just seemed...tacky...to drink in front of her.  Al Anon helped me quite a bit....especially to give me the strength to leave her vomit for her to clean up herself.  Good on you for your recovery...hang in there, brother.


It doesn't sound like alcoholism to me. Although he'd have to clarify what "occasionally" is. Getting drunk once every couple of months isn't alcoholic. Every two weeks yea probably.

I would agree that she's being kind of unsupportive especially since it's her spouse but at the same time I think that a lot of former alcoholics take it too far. I've known several former alcoholics who treat alcohol as the problem rather than their own inability to resist. Because they had a problem with alcohol everyone who drinks does too. They're the person who stops having fun as soon as someone orders a beer, as though someone else's consumption was their own personal problem. On the other hand I have several friends you would never know were former alcoholics unless you asked. Bars will be just as happy to sell you a coke.
 
2013-11-25 04:23:56 PM  

2KanZam: it lasts her a couple days


Lightweight? I've seen women drink harder than that... sadly.

I've got my drinking down to two days of the week: I have two local beers, and two shots per time. Shiat starts getting hectic when I am dating. Twice a week becomes nearly every night of the week, and drinking enough to where she finds me attractive, or me her - until the point where it becomes the reason I stop answering the booty calls and go back to my sane boozing schedule - get healthy again. I'm tellin ya, if I didn't like drinking so much, I'd cruise the AA meetings and find a nice crazy but sober woman to annoy me.
 
2013-11-25 04:24:06 PM  

To The Escape Zeppelin!: runningesq: biyaaatci: My name is biyaaatci and I am an alcoholic.  My marriage is sometimes strained by my wife's occasional binge drinking.  The truth is that it's actually a very complicated situation where I feel like I am the one being an uptight dick about the whole thing and I hate myself for being like that.  The only times she gets really hammered are when she's out with my extended family (with whom I used to love tying one on) or with our long-time friends.  In these instances I feel like I've become a background player and look like a fuddy-duddy who quit drinking and doesn't like anyone else having any fun.  What they don't see is me cleaning up vomit or trying to convince her that sleeping on outside on the lounge chair is not a good idea because even though it's so nice outside, it's 10:00 PM in October in Illinois and it's about to get cold as balls.

Your wife's occasional binge drinking sounds like alcoholism to me, from what you describe....or at the very least she is extremely unsupportive.  I stopped drinking altogether once it became clear my wife was an alcoholic.  It just seemed...tacky...to drink in front of her.  Al Anon helped me quite a bit....especially to give me the strength to leave her vomit for her to clean up herself.  Good on you for your recovery...hang in there, brother.

It doesn't sound like alcoholism to me. Although he'd have to clarify what "occasionally" is. Getting drunk once every couple of months isn't alcoholic. Every two weeks yea probably.

I would agree that she's being kind of unsupportive especially since it's her spouse but at the same time I think that a lot of former alcoholics take it too far. I've known several former alcoholics who treat alcohol as the problem rather than their own inability to resist. Because they had a problem with alcohol everyone who drinks does too. They're the person who stops having fun as soon as someone orders a beer, as though someone else's consumption was their own personal probl ...


a normal person can leave the beer at the bar when it is time to go
a drunk can leave the last of a beer at the bar when it is time to go
an alcoholic has already left the bar to hit the liquor store before it closes, and is on the way home with a case of beer or a bottle or two of the hard stuff.  The second bottle being for when he wakes up at 3 am, and keeps drinking.

/the stories....
 
2013-11-25 04:30:09 PM  
Science proves being a drunk won't hurt your marriage, as long as your spouse doesn't find out about your significant other is one too
 
2013-11-25 04:40:45 PM  

mrs.parker: biyaaatci: My name is biyaaatci and I am an alcoholic.  My marriage is sometimes strained by my wife's occasional binge drinking.  The truth is that it's actually a very complicated situation where I feel like I am the one being an uptight dick about the whole thing and I hate myself for being like that.  The only times she gets really hammered are when she's out with my extended family (with whom I used to love tying one on) or with our long-time friends.  In these instances I feel like I've become a background player and look like a fuddy-duddy who quit drinking and doesn't like anyone else having any fun.  What they don't see is me cleaning up vomit or trying to convince her that sleeping on outside on the lounge chair is not a good idea because even though it's so nice outside, it's 10:00 PM in October in Illinois and it's about to get cold as balls.

Don't enable. She can clean up the vomit herself. She can sleep outside if she wants. Seriously, you're enabling her. Don't be co-dependent.


Mrs. Parker, those words... I don't think you know what they mean.
 
2013-11-25 04:46:37 PM  

H31N0US: The summer I started dating my wife, I was in a house with a bunch of other twentysomething animals drinking, drugging and smoking every weekend from Friday after work to Sunday morning. She knew that, and even would drink with us now and then.

Now, every time I drink, which is rare, by the way because I've grown up quite a bit, her attitude changes, basically treats me like shiat. And she doesn't drink at all any more.

I has a sad. And a beautiful daughter...so I'm not going anywhere.


Wife rarely drinks and I rarely do not. The night we met she became aware of my vices. I asked her if she wanted to join me and my friend in the parking lot for a smoke, she said she didn't, I said "well, I do". Will you be here when I get back? Answer was yes. 20 years later we're still doing good. Philosophy is that we took each other when we got married warts and all, and no fair trying to change a person after you've already accepted them and their faults.

I don't get shiatfaced, and keep my vices hidden from the kids, and we are good.
 
2013-11-25 04:51:31 PM  

danknerd: The only time drinking is ever a problem is if one of has become way more inebriated faster than the other; then its all i'm not at your level yet... hold on while I catch up.


bwahaha! I didn't see that coming.

/these threads are great if you ignore the the AA members
 
2013-11-25 04:55:25 PM  

MorteDiem: vudukungfu: What if she's a drunken slut, and abusive? Does that count?

One time, in Mexico...
My drunken ex slut of a gf came home hours late one night, we yelled, it got ugly.
I left our place, went downstairs to the local bar, she followed.
Argument kept up, so as not to disrupt the bar, I took it into the street.
Someone decided to call the cops, thinking my poor girl was in danger.
Cops show up and are all ready to haul me off to jail, so I do the only thing I can do.
I drop my pants, in front of 4 cops and about 30 spectators.
They were treated to the sight of my blood soaked balls, which said ex had tried to literally rip off when she got home.
They let me go, telling me I should dump her and go to the hospital.
The scars are now a conversation piece.

/csb ?


Uh, no.

/condolences on the balls
 
2013-11-25 05:21:35 PM  
I have a sister and a brother in law who are serious drunks, they've been together nearly 30 years.  Fought a bit when they were young, I suspect they'll last until their livers give out.  Not my deal, but it works for them.
 
2013-11-25 05:28:20 PM  
When there is only one, women are much more likely to put up with a drunk than a man is.
 
2013-11-25 06:41:21 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Together, Mrs_Fab and I consume about a bottle of wine per day on most days. And about double that on weekends.

Most people in my peer group would consider that "a lot". Most people here on Fark would consider that "just warming up".


Which do you prefer?

*hic* pass another round.
 
2013-11-25 07:15:40 PM  
These kind of threads really makes me think about my 8-12 beer a day habit, sometimes.
 
2013-11-25 07:25:23 PM  

Diogenes: Police who have responded to domestic dispute calls disagree.


That was my first thought but it said nothing of the happiness really, just longevity.  Co-dependence is a helluva thing.  Just cause billy ends up in jail after a drunken fight don't mean he is getting divorced.
 
2013-11-25 07:42:39 PM  
Hmm.  I'm probably a "heavy" drinker.  But my girlfriend (of several years, whom I'm going to marry) maybe has 1-2 drinks a year.
I just drink at home (occasionally events will come together where I find myself having a beer at a bar with a couple of friends, but not often), don't drive under the influence, go to work everyday, etc.  Also, I'm in my mid-thirties so all my partying is sorta out of my system.  I don't really get "drunk" per se.
And she seems to like my drinking as it makes me more affectionate.  And I like the fact that she doesn't drink.
But, she understands that I like my IPAs, and red wine, and scotch.  But, again, I don't drink to excess, and it always puts me in a better mood.
Seems like the key difference though is that I can just as easily not drink when circumstances lean that way and I'm not "unhappy."
I guess if I just chugged malt liquor until I blacked out and beat her she would probably just shoot me.
 
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