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(Boston Herald)   The 2013 bad Santa news cycle has begun   (bostonherald.com) divider line 18
    More: Scary, Santa Claus, Hanover  
•       •       •

4681 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2013 at 1:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



18 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-25 01:43:18 PM  
Well, I guess his fark stick works okay.
 
2013-11-25 01:43:35 PM  
I'm going to just recycle this from today's earlier Bad Santa thread:


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Santa was heaving, even on Mrs. Clause's blouse.
The bottles were stacked on the chimney with care,
Where St. Nicholas would later say the drunk's prayer.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While sounds of vomit splashing put horror in their heads.
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Listened as the throw-up hit the ground with a slap.

Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see the vomit splatter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
To see Santa trip and tear his head with a gash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Made me laugh because I said the word "breast."
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a fat man doing a keg-stand with beer.

That fat, old bastard, so drunk and so sick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his upchuck came up,
He tried to contain it in a red Dixie cup.

"Now bourbon! now, whiskey! now, vodka and rum!
Oh, beer! Oh, Jaeger! Oh, wine made of plum!
To the bathroom inside! To the toilet right now!
I must dash away like a huge drunken cow!"

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The regurgitated mess of 151 proof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning about,
Down the chimney came Santa puking his guts out.

His eyes were all watery, his cheeks very red.
He looked like a mess and would be better off dead.
His droll little mouth was dripping some spit
And he crossed his legs cuz he had to shiat.

Then he went to the door, while I called the cops,
And he protested, "Wait, I just had a few pops."
I heard him exclaim, as more vomit came out
"This happens every year and will next, too, no doubt!"
 
2013-11-25 01:50:23 PM  
You promised no arcades! You said you'd only hustle Big & Tall!
 
2013-11-25 01:57:03 PM  
What's the age of Elfen consent? I mean, their kids work in hollow tree factories.

Pix of 18 year old hawt elves? Oh unlikely.
 
2013-11-25 02:00:41 PM  
Under terms set this morning by Hingham District Court Judge Francis Marini, Jones cannot work as a Santa while he is out on $1,000 bail, according to Russ Eonas, spokesman for the Plymouth DA. He is due back in court on Christmas Eve.

I see a Christmas miracle in the making.

Lawyer: You're honor, the victim says she groped herself. She's groping herself right now! Now, let's let this jolly old Santa return the the mall and greet the children.

Judge: Dismissed! He is free to go but there's no way he can get there in time.

Fireman who got called to the courthouse on a false alarm, why not: He can if we use the fire truck. Let's go Santa!
 
2013-11-25 02:13:34 PM  
Pope to issue a statement denouncing the fact that Santa kept to legal.

"Saint Nicholas was originally a Catholic priest you twit.  That's why he's called Saint Nicholas"
 
2013-11-25 02:17:30 PM  
Nothing wrong with a little elf service.
 
2013-11-25 02:23:21 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: What's the age of Elfen consent? I mean, their kids work in hollow tree factories.

Pix of 18 year old hawt elves? Oh unlikely.


thumbs2.ebaystatic.com

Not the elf in question but a reasonable example of what on may look like
 
2013-11-25 02:25:56 PM  

monoski: Harry Freakstorm: What's the age of Elfen consent? I mean, their kids work in hollow tree factories.

Pix of 18 year old hawt elves? Oh unlikely.

[thumbs2.ebaystatic.com image 225x225]

Not the elf in question but a reasonable example of what on may look like



I'll check back later.
 
2013-11-25 02:30:23 PM  
She aint gonna shiat right for a week.
 
2013-11-25 02:36:44 PM  
She should've known something wasn't right by the way he said "ho, ho, ho" with a twinkle in his eye.
 
2013-11-25 02:42:37 PM  
Meh, she just misheard him when he said Assonet.  But he wasn't complaining
 
2013-11-25 02:53:04 PM  
I'm trying desperately to forget that dumb movie...
 
2013-11-25 04:01:25 PM  
Well, at least it wasn't a kid, so he's got that going for him!
 
2013-11-25 04:25:31 PM  
I take it that presents might be a little late this year.
 
2013-11-25 07:15:38 PM  

Sybarite: Well, I guess his fark stick works okay.


What about his fraggle stick car?
 
2013-11-25 08:40:28 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: What's the age of Elfen consent? I mean, their kids work in hollow tree factories.

Pix of 18 year old hawt elves? Oh unlikely.


The age isn't the question, it's that she didn't give consent.
 
2013-11-26 01:24:30 PM  

AngryDragon: She aint gonna shiat right for a week.


You think he fornicated her?
 
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