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(Salon)   "Only one man in 100 reaches beyond the 5-to-7-inch average. Why are men lying, and why do women expect more?" Well, have you tried dating lately? That kind of lie works   (salon.com) divider line 57
    More: Obvious, Kinsey Institute, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Samuel Pepys, gays  
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15704 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2013 at 11:39 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-11-23 09:53:30 PM
13 votes:
Heterosexual men think of other men's penis a little too much.
2013-11-23 11:02:45 PM
10 votes:
If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.
2013-11-23 11:40:16 PM
7 votes:
Can you make me come? Can you do it again?

Then I don't care how long it is, sweetie.
2013-11-23 09:16:17 PM
7 votes:
It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.
2013-11-24 12:45:38 AM
5 votes:
Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.
2013-11-23 11:40:14 PM
5 votes:
Well, I don't know.  I'm around 7 inches if the Cialis really kicks in, but we've got this big pink 9 inch latex monstrosity that vibrates, and when you put my wife together with THAT thing PLUS her Hitachi Magic Wand in the other hand, really all I need to do is wait until her breathing comes back under control, divest her of her electrical accoutrements, put her feet up on my shoulders and give her twenty minutes or so of varied speed and depth.  All she can do is gasp  "oh shiat" and "God yes fark me with your cock".  So I figure that a combination of natural enhancement, plus allowing her the mechanical aids that I simply cannot DREAM to match, and I can pretty regularly take care of her needs.

There's another way, but it involves an hour or more of neck and tongue ache, and even then there's only about a one in three chance that Dinah-Moe will hum, so I've somewhat less eager to go that route.  Guess it's just the way they're designed...
2013-11-23 11:47:57 PM
4 votes:
One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.
2013-11-23 11:41:44 PM
4 votes:
Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time
2013-11-23 10:00:09 PM
4 votes:
We are the 99%! Occupy Vagina!
2013-11-24 01:55:42 AM
3 votes:

sleeper2995: Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.


Pretty much works that way for everything. You can say more or less anything about a man, but women are perfect angels who can never be criticized.
2013-11-24 02:14:52 AM
2 votes:
Men's penises are kind of like women's boobs: You can make them seem larger/smaller depending on how you present them. If you're obese and hunched forward even an above average erection isn't going to look too impressive. Lay back and push down to the pelvic bone and you've got an entirely different situation.
2013-11-24 12:52:57 AM
2 votes:
We'll stop lying about our penis size when women stop using pictures that are from 10 years and 50 lbs ago.

/I've never lied about my penis size
//I'm average
2013-11-24 12:35:18 AM
2 votes:
Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask
2013-11-24 12:07:43 AM
2 votes:
Guys who are concerned about their penis size are either

1. adolescent virgins,
2. either sexually incompetent or always going out with sexually incompetent partners, or
3. have a micropenis.

Number 3 is the only valid excuse for caring.
2013-11-24 12:03:01 AM
2 votes:

Prevailing Wind: wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.

You realize that is about the most imminently quotable queerism ever right?

/notagay
//butthatthereisdamnfunny
///3's


That is, seriously, the funniest gay quote I've ever read. As for the article, my schwanz is big enough for my wife and for proper bathroom etiquette. It can hide when I need to protect it. It can dangle when I need to show it off. In short, my genitals work for me, one of the few things on my worthless body that does work for me.

/stupid eyes
//and lungs
2013-11-23 11:55:27 PM
2 votes:

vudukungfu: If you gals weren't stuffing your galdang koonts with pooltoys an' huge dildos, us average guys with nominally sized whales peni wouldn't be all shunned by you hallway ramming stampeding the exit showcase inflatable pool toy gash stashers.


That has to be the most farked up thing I've seen in my 10 years on Fark.  Well played snarkmeister
2013-11-23 11:49:39 PM
2 votes:
I don't really get how you lie about this. Is this a topic that often comes up before sex? Once you're doing the deed I'm sure many other things take priority over dick size. If you're putting this in an online profile you really need to get off the internet.
2013-11-23 11:44:29 PM
2 votes:
Are penises, then, like people, getting bigger?

Why would getting fat make your penis bigger?
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-11-23 07:23:29 PM
2 votes:
If I ran a dating web site I would put in an entry for penis length in men's profiles and let women search on it. Then I would secretly let women leave feedback on their dates' penises. Then I would show men what each woman was really looking for in penis size, and show women what past dates had said about each man. Then I would publish the results, die in a mysterious fire, or both.
2013-11-24 09:59:42 PM
1 votes:
Size doesn't matter that much, most women don't have the spatial skills to tell the difference between 5 inches and 7 inches.

What matters is you don't have some dried up mutilated circumsized dick.  Ain't no woman got time for that.
2013-11-24 05:04:58 PM
1 votes:
I've got that "girthy" thing going on with an average length, which seems to be a more popular interest among more women I encounter.

/my penis keeps me happy
2013-11-24 12:09:08 PM
1 votes:

GRCooper: Spaced Lion: rogue_L_chick: shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?

It's been my experience that they don't. The only loose girls I was ever with were 5'1" and 4'11". Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, is 5'9" and can barely take me. Keep doing those kegels, though; they can make a good thing even better.

The last two ladies I've been with are a 46 year old, 5 foot 9 mother of 2 and a 23 year old, 5 foot 2 redhead nurse.

The 46 year old was probably the tightest I've ever had, the 23 year old was the loosest.

/her being a redhead had nothing to do with the story - but the "amazing in bed" stereotype was confirmed with her.
//in addition to being the tightest, the 46 gave me the most incredible beej I've ever had



Kegels + experience = great sexy time fun
2013-11-24 11:53:05 AM
1 votes:

blacksho89: FTA: "for every thirty-five pounds of weight gain the prepubic panniculus - the pad of fat - encroaches another inch on the penile shaft) "

And Mrs 89 was very happy when I lost 50 lbs...


AKA "the big reveal".

/Never received any complaints, and occasionally saw a gratifying widening of the eyes when the, ahem, curtains parted.
2013-11-24 09:47:33 AM
1 votes:
Not trying to be all CSB here.. but I've had 'slut-level' number of women in my bed over the last 15 years.  While I've settled down for the time being, I've learned enough to be able to say without a doubt that CURVATURE is the gold standard.  I'm only 6ish", but I've got this pleasant 30degree upward curve 2/3 of the way up the shaft.  I've gotten many a compliment over the years about how I'm able to hit the G-spot.  Especially if she's playing cowgirl and indians.  Then there's the fun of laying her down, and turning her 90 degrees every 5 min or so, which will provide a COMPLETELY different sensation.  Average guy - but I eff like a pro because of my gift.

/Put that in your mouth and smoke it.
//that was way TMI. I know.
2013-11-24 07:26:33 AM
1 votes:

Animatronik: As an older guy, I'm pretty sure of the following: most women don't care that much about penis size as long as its big enough and the guy can use it well.

the wallet size is OK.

fixed
2013-11-24 07:13:35 AM
1 votes:
Men are lying because a big dick is considered desirable.
Women are lying because a big dick is considered desirable.

Lots of girls will imply or say the guy they are with is hung.  And lots of girls will make fun of an ex for having a tiny dick.  Funny, how breaking up with a girl can remove inches from a man's dick.

Men and Women also lie about their careers, their relationships, their salaries, their living situation, their appearance, their income, their talents, their history, their weight, their desires, etc, etc....
2013-11-24 05:43:38 AM
1 votes:
After the first dozen foreplay orgasms, you wouldn't care if I had a penis at all.
2013-11-24 05:38:40 AM
1 votes:

Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.


Any longer than "long enough to painfully bump the ol' cervix if he's not careful in the heat of passion" is wasted, yes?
2013-11-24 02:50:08 AM
1 votes:

tuna fingers: New Word Alert!
aromantic
a-ro-man-tic,
~~/ehrōˈmantik/
 adjective
Does it mean:
A.) to not be romantic
B.) to be in love with the smell of sex
C.) to be in love with the smell of butt sex


Human sexuality lesson time.

Heterosexual: Likes the opposite sex
Homosexual: Likes the same sex
Bisexual: Likes both sexes
Pansexual: Either. both. Whatever. YAY SEX.
Asexual: Opts out of the whole sex thing. Not feeling it bro/sis.
Aromantic: Down for sex, not down for 'romance' and has little 'drive' to be in a relationship

Basically my stance is like yeeaaah sex is cool but I'm perfectly happy to be single and I'm just not feeling the whole added complication thing of a relationship right now. Don't really want. Might want someday. If do want, there will be no candlelight dinners or forced screenings of The Notebook.

I am this cat:

i.chzbgr.com

/meh
//if my coworkers would quit trying to set me up life would be peachy
2013-11-24 02:43:11 AM
1 votes:
Low end of the average. At least one girl told me that made her more willing to do anal.
2013-11-24 02:11:17 AM
1 votes:
TBH, if it's too big, it can get into a "Blessed with Suck" situation.  My boyfriend is like that.  He's larger ( certainly thicker) than the average porn star, and a good foot taller than me, so it can make things awkward.  I'm thinking about getting one of those dildos from the bad dragon website,if only because they're the closest I've found in terms of girth. If I get used to that, it might make things easier on us.  That + a hitachi for long enough, I might be able to get things to work better.

\The Green Intern said he felt bad about bragging so I'll do it for him
\\ It really is that impressive, I just need to get better at taking it
\\\ Good thing I like trying ^_^
2013-11-24 02:10:47 AM
1 votes:
Barely 6" on a good day. Out of 50 or so women in my life had only one make a comment that she thought I was a bit on the small size. I actually didn't feel bad about that at all, because while we were doing it I was thinking to myself that she was quite cavernous down there. I took the high road and didn't say anything.
2013-11-24 01:52:47 AM
1 votes:

Kyoki: Richard Pryor:
Biatch, I'm gonna find me some new pn55y.
N!663r, you had two more inches of dick, you'd find some new pn55y right here.

Classic.


What is this pn55y Richard Pryor was talking about?

The joke would have been much funnier if Pryor had been discussing pussy. Well, I guess even the legends don't always hit a home run.
2013-11-24 01:52:26 AM
1 votes:

rogue_L_chick: Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask

Oh, shiat. I'm 5'10"...thanks to you, now I have to worry that I have a parking garage betwixt my thighs.

/thank goodness for all the kegels
//shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?


I am a man, 5'3" and am average (in penis size), I have met short women who were very loose and tall women very tight. Emotional attachment and honesty will almost always get you better orgasms than anything else.

/In an honorable mans response
//At least that what the women told me
///I am short and lucky to get any :(
2013-11-24 01:46:02 AM
1 votes:

Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask




Oh, shiat. I'm 5'10"...thanks to you, now I have to worry that I have a parking garage betwixt my thighs.

/thank goodness for all the kegels
//shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?
2013-11-24 01:45:45 AM
1 votes:

Notabunny: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.

years of practice set me head and shoulders above the rest


Roses are red
Violets are flowers
I can keep going
for hours and hours
2013-11-24 01:19:17 AM
1 votes:

velvetrevolution00: Women have inside-out penises; the equivalent to a big penis is a big vagina.


Actually, it'd be a small vagina. Guys tend to like them small so they feel bigger -- and because it's tighter.
2013-11-24 12:57:12 AM
1 votes:

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


Yep. Or go with one of the other guys you brought home that night.
2013-11-24 12:49:35 AM
1 votes:

slidillon: I'm gonna measure mine and see where I stand. Pretty sure I'm VERY average.

Wife seems to enjoy it, o maybe I don't care...?


The person you married is happy? Dude, nothing else matters.
2013-11-24 12:32:59 AM
1 votes:

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Guys who are concerned about their penis size are either

1. adolescent virgins,
2. either sexually incompetent or always going out with sexually incompetent partners, or
3. have a micropenis.

Number 3 is the only valid excuse for caring.


See, I was worried as hell for the longest time because I was a virgin. Once I got some and found that not only was it okay but that I could also do sex really well in other ways that wouldn't send me to the asthma-cloud in the sky, I was fine. It doesn't have to big. It just has to be big enough.
2013-11-24 12:29:13 AM
1 votes:

bearded clamorer: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

I'm still trying to remember who originally wrote that joke...
Pryor did a similar bit...
I'm thinking Richard Jeni...


I have no idea. Lost in the mists of time...

/at least I did the math! :)
2013-11-24 12:27:53 AM
1 votes:

fusillade762: Are penises, then, like people, getting bigger?

Why would getting fat make your penis bigger?


Opposite, dizzbrain. 35 pounds overweight equals one inch of penis lost to fat. 70 equals two inches lost.
2013-11-24 12:16:57 AM
1 votes:
Short and thick does the trick,
Long and thin just gets in,
But thick and meaty makes me greedy.
2013-11-24 12:13:26 AM
1 votes:
I'm happy with my size and have only ever gotten complaints about being a little bigger than she's used to.

That kind of comment is really good for the old self esteem. Even if you don't mean it, ladies, it's worth it to tell your guy that every now and then.
2013-11-24 12:10:09 AM
1 votes:

dahmers love zombie: Well, I don't know.  I'm around 7 inches if the Cialis really kicks in, but we've got this big pink 9 inch latex monstrosity that vibrates, and when you put my wife together with THAT thing PLUS her Hitachi Magic Wand in the other hand, really all I need to do is wait until her breathing comes back under control, divest her of her electrical accoutrements, put her feet up on my shoulders and give her twenty minutes or so of varied speed and depth.  All she can do is gasp  "oh shiat" and "God yes fark me with your cock".  So I figure that a combination of natural enhancement, plus allowing her the mechanical aids that I simply cannot DREAM to match, and I can pretty regularly take care of her needs.

There's another way, but it involves an hour or more of neck and tongue ache, and even then there's only about a one in three chance that Dinah-Moe will hum, so I've somewhat less eager to go that route.  Guess it's just the way they're designed...


You know, at first I was going to funny this, but it is much more a smart. Bravo to you, good sir!
2013-11-24 12:05:17 AM
1 votes:
When things start heating up at the bar, and I feel like it's time to make a move, I just whisper into her ear: "I can lick your bellybutton..... from the inside."

Phil Clinton: It may look like a needle, but it works like a sewing machine *wink* *wink*...


I've seen a few Jap porn videos that seam to follow that thread.
2013-11-24 12:01:06 AM
1 votes:

BECAUSE MARKETING


Most women look like pear shaped bags of cottage cheese in America yet Victoria's Secret keep posting profits. Can't explain that.
2013-11-23 11:55:41 PM
1 votes:

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


You realize that is about the most imminently quotable queerism ever right?

/notagay
//butthatthereisdamnfunny
///3's
2013-11-23 11:55:10 PM
1 votes:

Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time


3) Technique
2013-11-23 11:52:42 PM
1 votes:
If you gals weren't stuffing your galdang koonts with pooltoys an' huge dildos, us average guys with nominally sized whales peni wouldn't be all shunned by you hallway ramming stampeding the exit showcase inflatable pool toy gash stashers.
2013-11-23 10:51:02 PM
1 votes:
2013-11-23 10:11:04 PM
1 votes:
Her: "Who ya gonna please with that little thing?"

Me: "ME!"
2013-11-23 10:02:48 PM
1 votes:
Just putting this out there, I've never whipped out a ruler at go-time. I assume many guys know, because bored dork, but I just don't think that many women care about the actual number.

Math is hard, after all.
2013-11-23 09:52:33 PM
1 votes:
i236.photobucket.com
2013-11-23 09:51:22 PM
1 votes:
Who's lying?  5-7 is the "average" size.  So for every Ken Jeong a motherfarker like me comes along swinging a Paul Bunyan wood to average it all out.

If you get any lip about your cock just turn it back on her.  "You know, you're the first woman I've slept with where it's really difficult to feel anything.  I've never experienced that before.  It's like your vagina is extra big, you know?  Like a Kardashian's.  Maybe you should see a doctor about it."
2013-11-23 09:24:33 PM
1 votes:

Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.


Twenty four seconds? Thanks for setting the bar impossibly high.
2013-11-23 07:45:13 PM
1 votes:
It's OK because I can lick my eyebrows because my eyebrows come off for some reason.

*waggles eyebrows*

*puts eyebrows in eyebrow carrying case*

*catches cab*

*goes home*

*makes grilled cheese sandwich*

*checks email*

*goes to bed*
 
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