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(Salon)   "Only one man in 100 reaches beyond the 5-to-7-inch average. Why are men lying, and why do women expect more?" Well, have you tried dating lately? That kind of lie works   (salon.com) divider line 281
    More: Obvious, Kinsey Institute, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Samuel Pepys, gays  
•       •       •

15687 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2013 at 11:39 PM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



281 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-23 07:08:29 PM
Yay for being a one percenter
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-11-23 07:23:29 PM
If I ran a dating web site I would put in an entry for penis length in men's profiles and let women search on it. Then I would secretly let women leave feedback on their dates' penises. Then I would show men what each woman was really looking for in penis size, and show women what past dates had said about each man. Then I would publish the results, die in a mysterious fire, or both.
 
2013-11-23 07:45:13 PM
It's OK because I can lick my eyebrows because my eyebrows come off for some reason.

*waggles eyebrows*

*puts eyebrows in eyebrow carrying case*

*catches cab*

*goes home*

*makes grilled cheese sandwich*

*checks email*

*goes to bed*
 
2013-11-23 09:08:41 PM
5 to 7?   HA!  LOSERS!

Oh wait.  That's not metric.

Never mind.
 
2013-11-23 09:16:17 PM
It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.
 
2013-11-23 09:24:33 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.


Twenty four seconds? Thanks for setting the bar impossibly high.
 
2013-11-23 09:51:22 PM
Who's lying?  5-7 is the "average" size.  So for every Ken Jeong a motherfarker like me comes along swinging a Paul Bunyan wood to average it all out.

If you get any lip about your cock just turn it back on her.  "You know, you're the first woman I've slept with where it's really difficult to feel anything.  I've never experienced that before.  It's like your vagina is extra big, you know?  Like a Kardashian's.  Maybe you should see a doctor about it."
 
2013-11-23 09:52:33 PM
i236.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-23 09:53:30 PM
Heterosexual men think of other men's penis a little too much.
 
2013-11-23 09:56:47 PM

Lsherm: If you get any lip about your cock just turn it back on her.


So, jam it in her pooper without lube?
 
2013-11-23 10:00:09 PM
We are the 99%! Occupy Vagina!
 
2013-11-23 10:02:48 PM
Just putting this out there, I've never whipped out a ruler at go-time. I assume many guys know, because bored dork, but I just don't think that many women care about the actual number.

Math is hard, after all.
 
2013-11-23 10:11:04 PM
Her: "Who ya gonna please with that little thing?"

Me: "ME!"
 
2013-11-23 10:28:25 PM
5? I wish!
 
2013-11-23 10:38:21 PM
3 inches high, 8 inches wide. Looks like a bundt cake with cool whip in the middle for serving.
 
2013-11-23 10:51:02 PM
 
2013-11-23 11:02:45 PM
If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.
 
2013-11-23 11:40:14 PM
Well, I don't know.  I'm around 7 inches if the Cialis really kicks in, but we've got this big pink 9 inch latex monstrosity that vibrates, and when you put my wife together with THAT thing PLUS her Hitachi Magic Wand in the other hand, really all I need to do is wait until her breathing comes back under control, divest her of her electrical accoutrements, put her feet up on my shoulders and give her twenty minutes or so of varied speed and depth.  All she can do is gasp  "oh shiat" and "God yes fark me with your cock".  So I figure that a combination of natural enhancement, plus allowing her the mechanical aids that I simply cannot DREAM to match, and I can pretty regularly take care of her needs.

There's another way, but it involves an hour or more of neck and tongue ache, and even then there's only about a one in three chance that Dinah-Moe will hum, so I've somewhat less eager to go that route.  Guess it's just the way they're designed...
 
2013-11-23 11:40:16 PM
Can you make me come? Can you do it again?

Then I don't care how long it is, sweetie.
 
2013-11-23 11:41:44 PM
Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time
 
2013-11-23 11:42:04 PM

hervatski: Heterosexual men think of other men's penis a little too much.


That pretty much sums up the entire argument.
 
2013-11-23 11:42:31 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.


and that's just your mom.
 
2013-11-23 11:44:29 PM
Are penises, then, like people, getting bigger?

Why would getting fat make your penis bigger?
 
2013-11-23 11:46:23 PM

Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time


You forgot big SUVs and trucks.  Maybe that falls under the money category though.
 
2013-11-23 11:46:52 PM
Yay for us big tongued guys!
 
2013-11-23 11:47:41 PM
dahmers love zombie: ...

The three of us should hang out
 
2013-11-23 11:47:57 PM
One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.
 
2013-11-23 11:49:39 PM
I don't really get how you lie about this. Is this a topic that often comes up before sex? Once you're doing the deed I'm sure many other things take priority over dick size. If you're putting this in an online profile you really need to get off the internet.
 
2013-11-23 11:51:03 PM

Mister Buttons: Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time

You forgot big SUVs and trucks.  Maybe that falls under the money category though.


I could see it falling under the cunnilingus category.
 
2013-11-23 11:52:42 PM
If you gals weren't stuffing your galdang koonts with pooltoys an' huge dildos, us average guys with nominally sized whales peni wouldn't be all shunned by you hallway ramming stampeding the exit showcase inflatable pool toy gash stashers.
 
2013-11-23 11:53:05 PM
More men have tiny penises than big ones.  Some asian men only have an inch.  The biggest man I ever had was hung like my forearm.  Took many tries to get a condom on it rock solid, it hurt to fark him.  Most of the pleasure was in the pure freak value.  He was pretty proud of it.  I suspect he liked showing it off.
 
2013-11-23 11:55:10 PM

Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time


3) Technique
 
2013-11-23 11:55:27 PM

vudukungfu: If you gals weren't stuffing your galdang koonts with pooltoys an' huge dildos, us average guys with nominally sized whales peni wouldn't be all shunned by you hallway ramming stampeding the exit showcase inflatable pool toy gash stashers.


That has to be the most farked up thing I've seen in my 10 years on Fark.  Well played snarkmeister
 
2013-11-23 11:55:41 PM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


You realize that is about the most imminently quotable queerism ever right?

/notagay
//butthatthereisdamnfunny
///3's
 
2013-11-23 11:55:59 PM
Oh... The headline was about length...

*Come on, Stumpy. We're outta here*
 
2013-11-23 11:56:00 PM
It may look like a needle, but it works like a sewing machine *wink* *wink*...
 
2013-11-24 12:00:31 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


That one there is worth a month of TF.
 
2013-11-24 12:00:40 AM
This one girl I know.     She is nice and shiat. But she's all clangy when she walks. You know. The locks she has implanted through her labias.  I'm no locksmith. and I hate to bring it up in polite company, but the metallic taste of her oxidation from  the locks. Well, it is is a bit of a put off, during oral sex.
Great Blow jobs and all but the though of the master locks is a bit much.
 
2013-11-24 12:01:06 AM

BECAUSE MARKETING


Most women look like pear shaped bags of cottage cheese in America yet Victoria's Secret keep posting profits. Can't explain that.
 
2013-11-24 12:01:47 AM
Funny. I feel bad for you *ahem* shorter guys.

/Why yes I do have farkettes to back me up.
 
2013-11-24 12:01:53 AM

Lsherm: Who's lying?  5-7 is the "average" size.  So for every Ken Jeong a motherfarker like me comes along swinging a Paul Bunyan wood to average it all out.

If you get any lip about your cock just turn it back on her.  "You know, you're the first woman I've slept with where it's really difficult to feel anything.  I've never experienced that before.  It's like your vagina is extra big, you know?  Like a Kardashian's.  Maybe you should see a doctor about it."


But I thought guys like blow jobs, why would you be so mean? OH, my mistake; you said lips about your cock, not around.
 
2013-11-24 12:02:30 AM

Phil Clinton: It may look like a needle, but it works like a sewing machine *wink* *wink*...


it leaves them in stiches?
 
2013-11-24 12:03:01 AM

Prevailing Wind: wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.

You realize that is about the most imminently quotable queerism ever right?

/notagay
//butthatthereisdamnfunny
///3's


That is, seriously, the funniest gay quote I've ever read. As for the article, my schwanz is big enough for my wife and for proper bathroom etiquette. It can hide when I need to protect it. It can dangle when I need to show it off. In short, my genitals work for me, one of the few things on my worthless body that does work for me.

/stupid eyes
//and lungs
 
2013-11-24 12:03:19 AM

Smeggy Smurf: That has to be the most farked up thing I've seen in my 10 years on Fark.  Well played snarkmeister


You are welcome come coming commminng cooominnning. aaaaaahhhhhhh gggrrrasghhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhh
 
2013-11-24 12:04:15 AM
 
2013-11-24 12:05:17 AM
When things start heating up at the bar, and I feel like it's time to make a move, I just whisper into her ear: "I can lick your bellybutton..... from the inside."

Phil Clinton: It may look like a needle, but it works like a sewing machine *wink* *wink*...


I've seen a few Jap porn videos that seam to follow that thread.
 
2013-11-24 12:05:54 AM

whatshisname: Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time

3) Technique


Not much technique when you're trying to ride a rowboat on the Pacific Ocean.
 
2013-11-24 12:06:26 AM
{}
| |
| |
| |
| |
( )

I can't draw a bong to save my life
 
2013-11-24 12:06:41 AM

dahmers love zombie: Well, I don't know.  I'm around 7 inches if the Cialis really kicks in, but we've got this big pink 9 inch latex monstrosity that vibrates, and when you put my wife together with THAT thing PLUS her Hitachi Magic Wand in the other hand, really all I need to do is fetch her a drink when she's done.


FTFY
 
2013-11-24 12:07:43 AM
Guys who are concerned about their penis size are either

1. adolescent virgins,
2. either sexually incompetent or always going out with sexually incompetent partners, or
3. have a micropenis.

Number 3 is the only valid excuse for caring.
 
2013-11-24 12:07:47 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


Well that's one of the most succinct brilliant comments I have ever read...

/straight girl
//jealous
 
2013-11-24 12:08:02 AM
I lost 60 lbs last year.

god!!  my dick looks huge!
 
2013-11-24 12:08:45 AM
======D


not a bong
 
2013-11-24 12:09:07 AM

craigdamage: I lost 60 lbs last year.

god!!  my dick looks huge!


*knucks*

Only about 40, but I know the feeling.
 
2013-11-24 12:10:09 AM

dahmers love zombie: Well, I don't know.  I'm around 7 inches if the Cialis really kicks in, but we've got this big pink 9 inch latex monstrosity that vibrates, and when you put my wife together with THAT thing PLUS her Hitachi Magic Wand in the other hand, really all I need to do is wait until her breathing comes back under control, divest her of her electrical accoutrements, put her feet up on my shoulders and give her twenty minutes or so of varied speed and depth.  All she can do is gasp  "oh shiat" and "God yes fark me with your cock".  So I figure that a combination of natural enhancement, plus allowing her the mechanical aids that I simply cannot DREAM to match, and I can pretty regularly take care of her needs.

There's another way, but it involves an hour or more of neck and tongue ache, and even then there's only about a one in three chance that Dinah-Moe will hum, so I've somewhat less eager to go that route.  Guess it's just the way they're designed...


You know, at first I was going to funny this, but it is much more a smart. Bravo to you, good sir!
 
2013-11-24 12:10:13 AM

Kyoki: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9JqbCH4aVw


http://youtu.be/s9JqbCH4aVw?t=1m10s

FTFY
 
2013-11-24 12:13:01 AM

gunsmack: craigdamage: I lost 60 lbs last year.

god!!  my dick looks huge!

*knucks*

Only about 40, but I know the feeling.


I need to lose hundreds, hundreds of pounds I tell ya.
 
2013-11-24 12:13:26 AM
I'm happy with my size and have only ever gotten complaints about being a little bigger than she's used to.

That kind of comment is really good for the old self esteem. Even if you don't mean it, ladies, it's worth it to tell your guy that every now and then.
 
2013-11-24 12:13:42 AM
So, this in a EIP thread? Time to get my yardstick.
 
2013-11-24 12:15:31 AM
You want to pump up your man's self esteem, ladies, with just one word? Try "ouch".

I heard that once. Turns out I was leaning on her hair.
 
2013-11-24 12:16:57 AM
Short and thick does the trick,
Long and thin just gets in,
But thick and meaty makes me greedy.
 
2013-11-24 12:19:40 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.


I'm still trying to remember who originally wrote that joke...
Pryor did a similar bit...
I'm thinking Richard Jeni...
 
2013-11-24 12:20:36 AM

ZAZ: If I ran a dating web site I would put in an entry for penis length in men's profiles and let women search on it. Then I would secretly let women leave feedback on their dates' penises. Then I would show men what each woman was really looking for in penis size, and show women what past dates had said about each man. Then I would publish the results, die in a mysterious fire, or both.


This is fine. Make sure you charge women 25 to join so that you can charge guys 25 bux a crack to leave comments and generate a score. Only increase it 1/10 inch each unique woman account commenting.

What other dating site collects 500 from men to join?
 
2013-11-24 12:20:47 AM
 
2013-11-24 12:20:50 AM

gunsmack: wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.

That one there is worth a month of TF.


Thanks. Glad someone appreciated it, my old man sure didn't. Probably just realized all that
"It's not the size of the wand, it's the fairy swinging it that counts" bullshiat I've been feeding him over the years was just that.
 
2013-11-24 12:21:06 AM

LikeALeafOnTheWind: Phil Clinton: It may look like a needle, but it works like a sewing machine *wink* *wink*...

it leaves them in stiches?


You keep your damned fingers away it.
 
2013-11-24 12:24:14 AM
Is my dick made of solid gold?
 
2013-11-24 12:27:20 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.


years of practice set me head and shoulders above the rest
 
2013-11-24 12:27:53 AM

fusillade762: Are penises, then, like people, getting bigger?

Why would getting fat make your penis bigger?


Opposite, dizzbrain. 35 pounds overweight equals one inch of penis lost to fat. 70 equals two inches lost.
 
2013-11-24 12:29:13 AM

bearded clamorer: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

I'm still trying to remember who originally wrote that joke...
Pryor did a similar bit...
I'm thinking Richard Jeni...


I have no idea. Lost in the mists of time...

/at least I did the math! :)
 
2013-11-24 12:31:21 AM
I blame my dad.

(Hangs head)
 
2013-11-24 12:32:40 AM

solitary: More men have tiny penises than big ones.  Some asian men only have an inch.  The biggest man I ever had was hung like my forearm.  Took many tries to get a condom on it rock solid, it hurt to fark him.  Most of the pleasure was in the pure freak value.  He was pretty proud of it.  I suspect he liked showing it off.


Bad fiction detected. Very bad.
 
2013-11-24 12:32:55 AM

Mister Buttons: Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time

You forgot big SUVs and trucks.  Maybe that falls under the money category though.


And guns.  We must not forget guns.  If everyone were made to feel comfortable about their penis size then guns would go away.
 
2013-11-24 12:32:57 AM
BUT I WAS SWIMMING ALL DAY!
 
2013-11-24 12:32:59 AM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Guys who are concerned about their penis size are either

1. adolescent virgins,
2. either sexually incompetent or always going out with sexually incompetent partners, or
3. have a micropenis.

Number 3 is the only valid excuse for caring.


See, I was worried as hell for the longest time because I was a virgin. Once I got some and found that not only was it okay but that I could also do sex really well in other ways that wouldn't send me to the asthma-cloud in the sky, I was fine. It doesn't have to big. It just has to be big enough.
 
2013-11-24 12:33:27 AM

FarkinHostile: I blame my dad.

(Hangs head)


Why? Us ladies thank him!
 
2013-11-24 12:33:40 AM

Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time


okay like about how much money are we talking here? Not the "oh god oh god oh god" amount just the "oh god" amount...how much is that?
 
2013-11-24 12:35:18 AM
Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask
 
2013-11-24 12:40:25 AM
So this id the part where I'm subtle about offering WIE and being over 7" right?
 
2013-11-24 12:40:48 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


That is funniest thing I have ever read
 
2013-11-24 12:41:34 AM

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: So this id the part where I'm subtle about offering WIE and being over 7" right?


WIE = Wang In Ear?
 
2013-11-24 12:42:30 AM
Long and thin will get it in, but short and fat is where it's at.
 
2013-11-24 12:43:02 AM
There is a lot of difference between 7 well made inches on a fit person and 6 skinny inches on an unfit person. The former will be perceived as more than it is, and the latter as a lot less.
 
2013-11-24 12:44:02 AM
Money and Power trump size
 
2013-11-24 12:45:38 AM
Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.
 
2013-11-24 12:46:49 AM

foo monkey: Long and thin will get it in, but short and fat is where it's at.


Lumpy and bent is heaven sent

Red and crusty is always trusty

Small and hairy makes her merry

Pustulent and diseased makes her pleased

Green and spikey she sure likey
 
2013-11-24 12:47:08 AM
I'm gonna measure mine and see where I stand. Pretty sure I'm VERY average.

Wife seems to enjoy it, o maybe I don't care...?
 
2013-11-24 12:49:35 AM

slidillon: I'm gonna measure mine and see where I stand. Pretty sure I'm VERY average.

Wife seems to enjoy it, o maybe I don't care...?


The person you married is happy? Dude, nothing else matters.
 
2013-11-24 12:50:30 AM
Mr. Average turned out 3 great kids so I guess he worked pretty good.
 
2013-11-24 12:52:11 AM
Got me the strangest woman... believe me, this chick's no cinch... but I really get her going... when I take out my big ten-inch

...record of the band that plays the blues...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rws_7mLTqj8
 
2013-11-24 12:52:57 AM
We'll stop lying about our penis size when women stop using pictures that are from 10 years and 50 lbs ago.

/I've never lied about my penis size
//I'm average
 
2013-11-24 12:52:59 AM

fusillade762: Are penises, then, like people, getting bigger?

Why would getting fat make your penis bigger?


Leon's getting llllllarger
 
2013-11-24 12:57:12 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


Yep. Or go with one of the other guys you brought home that night.
 
2013-11-24 12:59:07 AM
That was a loooooooooooooooong article.

**amiright?**
 
2013-11-24 01:04:17 AM
MIckey Avalon

My dick cost a late-night fee
Your dick got the HIV
My dick plays on the double feature screen
Your dick went straight to DVD
My dick: bigger than a bridge
Your dick look like a little kid's
My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team
Your shiat look like you're 14
My dick: locked in a cage, right
Your dick suffers from stage fright
My dick: so hot its stolen
Your shiat look like Gary Coleman
My dick: pink and big
Your dick stinks like shiat
My dick got a Caesar do
Your dick needs a tweezer dude
My dick is like super size
Your dick look like 2 fries
My dick: more mass than the Earth
Your dick half-staff; it needs work
My dick: been there, done that
Your dick sits there with dunce cap
My dick: VIP
Your shiat needs ID
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
My dick need no introduction
Your dick don't even function
My dick serve the whole luncheon
Your dick looks like a munchkin
My dick: size of a pumpkin
Your dick looks like Macaulay Culkin
My dick: good good lovin
Your dick: good for nothin
My dick benchpress 350
Your dick couldn't shoplift at thrifty
My dick: pretty damn skippy
Your dick: hungry as a hippy
My dick don't fit down the chimney
Your dick is like a kid from the Phillippines
My dick is like an M16
Your dick: broken vending machine
My dick parts the seas
Your dick farts and queefs
My dick: rumble in the jungle
Your dick got touched by your uncle
My dick goes to yoga
Your dick: fruit roll-up
My dick: Grade A beef
Your dick: Made a geek
My dick: sick and dangerous
Your dick: quick and painless
My dick...'nuff said
Your dick: loves Fred
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
Dicks like Jesus
 
2013-11-24 01:05:03 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.


Where do you get this shiat?
 
2013-11-24 01:05:47 AM
Zzzzzzziiiiiippppp...*thunk*
 
2013-11-24 01:09:35 AM

Bareefer Obonghit: 3 inches high, 8 inches wide. Looks like a bundt cake with cool whip in the middle for serving.


Dude, stop doing that to the bundt cake, you'll go blind!
 
2013-11-24 01:11:02 AM

sleeper2995: Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.


Similar pet peeve: Women's ads commonly require a minimum height. A 5'5" woman will want a man at least 6 ft. But if I were to say "no one under a D-cup," I'd be an arsehole.

When I first read the title, I thought it meant 5'7" tall. "Cool," I thought, "I'm taller than that." Then I realized it was about weiners, and now I'm feeling really good: "hell, mine's at least 5'10"."

/gotta hang it over my shoulder
//don't hate me because it's beautiful
 
2013-11-24 01:11:20 AM
I got a 12" dick and a dozen roses, and a pick-up truck, hubba hubba hubba hey!--RODNEY CARRINGTON
 
2013-11-24 01:11:22 AM
Richard Pryor:
Biatch, I'm gonna find me some new pn55y.
N!663r, you had two more inches of dick, you'd find some new pn55y right here.

Classic.
 
2013-11-24 01:13:27 AM

cyberspacedout: Got me the strangest woman... believe me, this chick's no cinch... but I really get her going... when I take out my big ten-inch

...record of the band that plays the blues...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rws_7mLTqj8



Approves!
 
2013-11-24 01:14:01 AM
Yeoman: Dude, stop doing that to the bundt cake, you'll go blind!

Is a bundt....

/bigfatgreekwedding
//bigfatgreekstyleweiner
 
2013-11-24 01:16:17 AM
Women have inside-out penises; the equivalent to a big penis is a big vagina.
 
2013-11-24 01:18:45 AM

Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask


This makes me feel suddenly insecure about how many women 5'4" and below I've dated. And it's not like I intentionally date women a full foot shorter than me.
 
2013-11-24 01:19:17 AM

velvetrevolution00: Women have inside-out penises; the equivalent to a big penis is a big vagina.


Actually, it'd be a small vagina. Guys tend to like them small so they feel bigger -- and because it's tighter.
 
2013-11-24 01:20:32 AM
I had penis reduction to 5". Most women still have difficulty accommodating that width.
 
2013-11-24 01:26:04 AM

Kanemano: My dick: pink and big
Your dick stinks like shiat


Rhyme fail.

DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus


[Maybe NSFW]
 
2013-11-24 01:27:08 AM
HotWingAgenda:

This makes me feel suddenly insecure about how many women 5'4" and below I've dated. And it's not like I intentionally date women a full foot shorter than me.

Well it's just my personal logic, it probably doesn't apply to all women let alone you.
 
2013-11-24 01:27:45 AM

Kyoki: Yeoman: Dude, stop doing that to the bundt cake, you'll go blind!

Is a bundt....

/bigfatgreekwedding
//bigfatgreekstyleweiner


Well, carry on, then.
 
2013-11-24 01:28:25 AM

keithgabryelski: [img.fark.net image 694x1000]http://www.mraverage.com/results.htm


Very interesting how girth did not follow a simple bell curve.
 
2013-11-24 01:28:37 AM
 
2013-11-24 01:28:47 AM
Man, you guys stepped it up a notch in this thread. Its the most wit I've seen here since the sights. Compensating?
 
2013-11-24 01:30:13 AM
Excuse me while I whip this out...
 
2013-11-24 01:37:02 AM
From browsing 4chan, I have learned that it wasn't my above-average length or girth that made me popular.  It was because what I have isn't buried in fat or hair, and isn't shaped like a letter from the Russian alphabet, and lasts more than 14 seconds.  Ladies, you have my sympathy - I've never met a single vajayjay as weird as a 4chan poster's dick.
 
2013-11-24 01:37:59 AM
Sinatra's gone but 7 years into her relationship with Woody Allen Mia Farrow had Ronan Farrow with Frank Sinatra so it makes you wonder if there was something to that. Or maybe she was getting him back for banging teenagers. Since he just got his own TV show but hasn't made the tabloids I have to assume he's gay so no girlfriend tellalls about Little Ronan.
 
2013-11-24 01:45:45 AM

Notabunny: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.

years of practice set me head and shoulders above the rest


Roses are red
Violets are flowers
I can keep going
for hours and hours
 
2013-11-24 01:46:02 AM

Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask




Oh, shiat. I'm 5'10"...thanks to you, now I have to worry that I have a parking garage betwixt my thighs.

/thank goodness for all the kegels
//shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?
 
2013-11-24 01:52:26 AM

rogue_L_chick: Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask

Oh, shiat. I'm 5'10"...thanks to you, now I have to worry that I have a parking garage betwixt my thighs.

/thank goodness for all the kegels
//shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?


I am a man, 5'3" and am average (in penis size), I have met short women who were very loose and tall women very tight. Emotional attachment and honesty will almost always get you better orgasms than anything else.

/In an honorable mans response
//At least that what the women told me
///I am short and lucky to get any :(
 
2013-11-24 01:52:47 AM

Kyoki: Richard Pryor:
Biatch, I'm gonna find me some new pn55y.
N!663r, you had two more inches of dick, you'd find some new pn55y right here.

Classic.


What is this pn55y Richard Pryor was talking about?

The joke would have been much funnier if Pryor had been discussing pussy. Well, I guess even the legends don't always hit a home run.
 
2013-11-24 01:55:42 AM

sleeper2995: Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.


Pretty much works that way for everything. You can say more or less anything about a man, but women are perfect angels who can never be criticized.
 
2013-11-24 01:58:05 AM
It's not my fault if my penis is larger than most people I see in the locker room.

They should have an erection like I always do.
 
2013-11-24 02:04:12 AM

Slartibreakfast: I am a man, 5'3" and am average (in penis size), I have met short women who were very loose and tall women very tight. Emotional attachment and honesty will almost always get you better orgasms than anything else.

/In an honorable mans response
//At least that what the women told me
///I am short and lucky to get any :(


I'd rather have your problems. People look at me and think I'm travelsized :\ It's like uh, no.

Again this is just my logic. Then again whoever designed humans seems to have assigned our anatomy at random, so other peoples' mileage my vary.

/aromantic, 30, no kids
//I did not mean to cast aspersions, rogue_L_chick, I apologize
 
2013-11-24 02:04:40 AM

GungFu: It's not my fault if my penis is larger than most people I see in the locker room.

They should have an erection like I always do.


My one brief foray onto a nude beach in Europe ended unceremoniously after an hour when my wife realized my erection was never going to go away.  I don't know what the hell she was thinking when she suggested we go to one.  I almost got rid of it but then other people started staring and there was absolutely no cooperation from the nether region at all.
 
2013-11-24 02:05:16 AM
I'm one in a hundred woohoo!
 
2013-11-24 02:10:47 AM
Barely 6" on a good day. Out of 50 or so women in my life had only one make a comment that she thought I was a bit on the small size. I actually didn't feel bad about that at all, because while we were doing it I was thinking to myself that she was quite cavernous down there. I took the high road and didn't say anything.
 
2013-11-24 02:11:17 AM
TBH, if it's too big, it can get into a "Blessed with Suck" situation.  My boyfriend is like that.  He's larger ( certainly thicker) than the average porn star, and a good foot taller than me, so it can make things awkward.  I'm thinking about getting one of those dildos from the bad dragon website,if only because they're the closest I've found in terms of girth. If I get used to that, it might make things easier on us.  That + a hitachi for long enough, I might be able to get things to work better.

\The Green Intern said he felt bad about bragging so I'll do it for him
\\ It really is that impressive, I just need to get better at taking it
\\\ Good thing I like trying ^_^
 
2013-11-24 02:11:18 AM
YAY for prehensile tails!
 
2013-11-24 02:14:52 AM
Men's penises are kind of like women's boobs: You can make them seem larger/smaller depending on how you present them. If you're obese and hunched forward even an above average erection isn't going to look too impressive. Lay back and push down to the pelvic bone and you've got an entirely different situation.
 
2013-11-24 02:15:55 AM
Guys= Who has the biggest cock? Wins the ladies.
Gals= Who has the most money? Wins the ladies.
 
2013-11-24 02:16:03 AM

GungFu: It's not my fault if my penis is larger than most people I see in the locker room.

They should have an erection like I always do.


Your penis is larger than people?  Yikes!
 
2013-11-24 02:17:10 AM
I'm curious how people can even measure the length of their johnson in the first place. I can't be alone, but I would bet that my wood can vary by at least an inch in length and as much in girth depending on any number of factors. it also varies greatly in length at parade rest. I'm just not sure how they can come up with an "average" if every guy has variations like this.

As for me, I feel no need to lie, my wife has never complained, so it doesn't really matter to me how I "measure up"...
 
2013-11-24 02:19:53 AM
I was in the pool!  There was shrinkage!
 
2013-11-24 02:29:36 AM

Mikey1969: I'm curious how people can even measure the length of their johnson in the first place. I can't be alone, but I would bet that my wood can vary by at least an inch in length and as much in girth depending on any number of factors. it also varies greatly in length at parade rest. I'm just not sure how they can come up with an "average" if every guy has variations like this.

As for me, I feel no need to lie, my wife has never complained, so it doesn't really matter to me how I "measure up"...


You're overthinking it.
 
2013-11-24 02:29:47 AM

Dreamless: GungFu: It's not my fault if my penis is larger than most people I see in the locker room.

They should have an erection like I always do.

Your penis is larger than people?  Yikes!



I knew that was coming.

Damn Fark for no edit function and my no Preview.
 
/penis goes limp
 
2013-11-24 02:29:57 AM

OgreMagi: I was in the pool!  There was shrinkage!


I don't know how you walk around with those thing?
 
2013-11-24 02:31:43 AM
Shape>size, unless it's a micro.
 
2013-11-24 02:34:38 AM
Ringshadow:
I'd rather have your problems. People look at me and think I'm travelsized :\ It's like uh, no.

Again this is just my logic. Then again whoever designed humans seems to have assigned our anatomy at random, so other peoples' mileage my vary.

/aromantic, 30, no kids
//I did not mean to cast aspersions, rogue_L_chick, I apologize


New Word Alert!
aromantic
a-ro-man-tic,
~~/ehrōˈmantik/
 adjective
Does it mean:
A.) to not be romantic
B.) to be in love with the smell of sex
C.) to be in love with the smell of butt sex
 
2013-11-24 02:35:23 AM

Bucky Katt: Mikey1969: I'm curious how people can even measure the length of their johnson in the first place. I can't be alone, but I would bet that my wood can vary by at least an inch in length and as much in girth depending on any number of factors. it also varies greatly in length at parade rest. I'm just not sure how they can come up with an "average" if every guy has variations like this.

As for me, I feel no need to lie, my wife has never complained, so it doesn't really matter to me how I "measure up"...

You're overthinking it.


How? It's never quite the same size twice in a row, so I have seriously wondered how they could have established an "average" in the first place. I don't know how that's overthinking anything.
 
2013-11-24 02:39:43 AM
Hello.
 
2013-11-24 02:43:11 AM
Low end of the average. At least one girl told me that made her more willing to do anal.
 
2013-11-24 02:44:06 AM

rogue_L_chick: Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask

Oh, shiat. I'm 5'10"...thanks to you, now I have to worry that I have a parking garage betwixt my thighs.

/thank goodness for all the kegels
//shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?


Don't worry about it. There are plenty of us guys that like tall women. Seriously, I don't mind short women but tall girls do it for me.
 
2013-11-24 02:50:08 AM

tuna fingers: New Word Alert!
aromantic
a-ro-man-tic,
~~/ehrōˈmantik/
 adjective
Does it mean:
A.) to not be romantic
B.) to be in love with the smell of sex
C.) to be in love with the smell of butt sex


Human sexuality lesson time.

Heterosexual: Likes the opposite sex
Homosexual: Likes the same sex
Bisexual: Likes both sexes
Pansexual: Either. both. Whatever. YAY SEX.
Asexual: Opts out of the whole sex thing. Not feeling it bro/sis.
Aromantic: Down for sex, not down for 'romance' and has little 'drive' to be in a relationship

Basically my stance is like yeeaaah sex is cool but I'm perfectly happy to be single and I'm just not feeling the whole added complication thing of a relationship right now. Don't really want. Might want someday. If do want, there will be no candlelight dinners or forced screenings of The Notebook.

I am this cat:

i.chzbgr.com

/meh
//if my coworkers would quit trying to set me up life would be peachy
 
2013-11-24 02:50:12 AM

sycraft: rogue_L_chick: Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask

Oh, shiat. I'm 5'10"...thanks to you, now I have to worry that I have a parking garage betwixt my thighs.

/thank goodness for all the kegels
//shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?

Don't worry about it. There are plenty of us guys that like tall women. Seriously, I don't mind short women but tall girls do it for me.


Yup, this. There's just something about those amazon girls . . . unf,
 
2013-11-24 02:54:51 AM

Ringshadow: Basically my stance is like yeeaaah sex is cool but I'm perfectly happy to be single and I'm just not feeling the whole added complication thing of a relationship right now. Don't really want. Might want someday. If do want, there will be no candlelight dinners or forced screenings of The Notebook.



Understandable. Relationships are a lot of work and more often than not end up bad. Plus many people get real, real, needy with them. My last one ended badly and I haven't gone looking in some time.

Which is not to say I wouldn't like one though.
 
2013-11-24 03:09:40 AM

hervatski: Heterosexual men think of other men's penis a little too much.


Hey now, there's nothing we love more than a nice big penis.

The way I think about it is there are women (and men I guess) for whom size matters and then there are those for whom it does not matter. If your partner does not like your body, you don't need a new body, you need a new partner.

Strictly speaking in terms of size preference, though, women certainly have the advantage. A woman unsatisfied by the size of her partner's penis can most likely find a new partner with a better penis. The dude who gets left behind is rather attached to his own penis.
 
2013-11-24 03:11:38 AM

casual disregard: hervatski: Heterosexual men think of other men's penis a little too much.

Hey now, there's nothing we love more than a nice big penis.

The way I think about it is there are women (and men I guess) for whom size matters and then there are those for whom it does not matter. If your partner does not like your body, you don't need a new body, you need a new partner.

Strictly speaking in terms of size preference, though, women certainly have the advantage. A woman unsatisfied by the size of her partner's penis can most likely find a new partner with a better penis. The dude who gets left behind is rather attached to his own penis.


Unless his last partner studied under Lorena Bobbitt.
 
2013-11-24 03:11:57 AM

padraig: Low end of the average. At least one girl told me that made her more willing to do anal.


Been mentioned a few times on Fark, and this is inline with my experiences although being on the other side. Anal sex is the realm of smaller sized men.

"I like anal sex, but you are too big" is something I've heard a lot.
 
2013-11-24 03:23:47 AM
Let me get this straight.  5-7 inch average. Only 1 in 100 can make that average.  I must be missing something or this is a Salon article
 
2013-11-24 03:32:41 AM

Gdalescrboz: Let me get this straight.  5-7 inch average. Only 1 in 100 can make that average.  I must be missing something or this is a Salon article


Extreme outliers betray and skew the average. It's like when Universities post data on the "average" salaries of their graduates and neglect to include the fact that folks like Michael Jordan graduated from there.

Frankly any mean without a standard deviation is a totally useless statistic. It's the standard deviation that really tells the story. And that's assuming you even have a normal distribution in the first place. Anatomy sometimes tends to be normal, but sometimes not.

Let's say Amy has had ten sexual partners, all men. It's possible that she has about a 10% chance to have experienced at least one sexual encounter in which the penis was extremely large. It's also possible that all of her partners had micropenis. Which is more likely?

/really really liked statistics
//considered changing major to statistics
///now heavily regret not making that change
 
2013-11-24 03:37:01 AM

ZAZ: If I ran a dating web site I would put in an entry for penis length in men's profiles and let women search on it. Then I would secretly let women leave feedback on their dates' penises. Then I would show men what each woman was really looking for in penis size, and show women what past dates had said about each man. Then I would publish the results, die in a mysterious fire, or both.


You must include girth as well.
 
2013-11-24 03:40:14 AM
One man in 100? So gay orgy participants only?
 
2013-11-24 03:41:03 AM

rogue_L_chick: shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?


It's been my experience that they don't. The only loose girls I was ever with were 5'1" and 4'11". Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, is 5'9" and can barely take me. Keep doing those kegels, though; they can make a good thing even better.
 
2013-11-24 03:43:31 AM

JustinCase: ZAZ: If I ran a dating web site I would put in an entry for penis length in men's profiles and let women search on it. Then I would secretly let women leave feedback on their dates' penises. Then I would show men what each woman was really looking for in penis size, and show women what past dates had said about each man. Then I would publish the results, die in a mysterious fire, or both.

You must include girth as well.


So needledicks need not apply is what you are saying? :)
 
2013-11-24 03:46:44 AM
It's the thought that counts...as in "I thought you wouldn't mind me having a micro-penis"
 
2013-11-24 03:47:02 AM

casual disregard: Let's say Amy has had ten sexual partners, all men. It's possible that she has about a 10% chance to have experienced at least one sexual encounter in which the penis was extremely large. It's also possible that all of her partners had micropenis. Which is more likely?


Don't forget to include qualitative data along with your quantitative data. In determining the probability that every man Amy sleeps with is hung like a hamster, you must generate an assessment of whether she is likely to attract below average, average, or above average men. As well as an assessment of the available pool of men in her region.
 
2013-11-24 03:55:05 AM

casual disregard


Gdalescrboz: Let me get this straight. 5-7 inch average. Only 1 in 100 can make that average. I must be missing something or this is a Salon article

Extreme outliers betray and skew the average. It's like when Universities post data on the "average" salaries of their graduates and neglect to include the fact that folks like Michael Jordan graduated from there.

Frankly any mean without a standard deviation is a totally useless statistic. It's the standard deviation that really tells the story. And that's assuming you even have a normal distribution in the first place. Anatomy sometimes tends to be normal, but sometimes not.

Let's say Amy has had ten sexual partners, all men. It's possible that she has about a 10% chance to have experienced at least one sexual encounter in which the penis was extremely large. It's also possible that all of her partners had micropenis. Which is more likely?

/really really liked statistics
//considered changing major to statistics
///now heavily regret not making that change


If 99 out of 100 aren't meeting the average, that means the only way that 1 outlier can throw off the average is to be like 60 inches long; and I know 1 out of 100 men don't have 60 inch dicks
 
2013-11-24 04:01:24 AM

Gdalescrboz: If 99 out of 100 aren't meeting the average, that means the only way that 1 outlier can throw off the average is to be like 60 inches long; and I know 1 out of 100 men don't have 60 inch dicks


Except you're leaving out the unfortunate dudes who are classified as micropenis. If memory serves, a micropenis is at least 2.5 standard deviations below the mean. Like I said, extreme outliers betray the average and the story is incomplete without mention of the standard deviation.
 
2013-11-24 04:08:37 AM

Gdalescrboz: If 99 out of 100 aren't meeting the average, that means the only way that 1 outlier can throw off the average is to be like 60 inches long; and I know 1 out of 100 men don't have 60 inch dicks


Dude, you understand that the headline says 1 in 100 reaches BEYOND the 5 to 7 inch average. Right?
 
2013-11-24 04:11:50 AM
i18.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-24 04:13:21 AM
Protip: For you guys who are looking for a girl with a tight cha-cha, check out the size of her feet.  It's not 100%, but there's a strong correlation between the size of a woman's feet and the size of her box.

/inb4 replies from women with boat sized feet who claim they don't have a cavernous vaginas.
 
2013-11-24 04:24:01 AM
static.giantbomb.com
 
2013-11-24 04:28:15 AM

positronica: Protip: For you guys who are looking for a girl with a tight cha-cha, check out the size of her feet.  It's not 100%, but there's a strong correlation between the size of a woman's feet and the size of her box.

/inb4 replies from women with boat sized feet who claim they don't have a cavernous vaginas.



Not sure on that one. I've been with girls of similar size and one could be nice and snug, whilst the other could be loose and spacious.
 
2013-11-24 04:31:33 AM

positronica: Protip: For you guys who are looking for a girl with a tight cha-cha, check out the size of her feet.  It's not 100%, but there's a strong correlation between the size of a woman's feet and the size of her box.

/inb4 replies from women with boat sized feet who claim they don't have a cavernous vaginas.


A gynecologist told me mouth size is a good indicator.  When it comes two women parts, I would say he is an expert.
 
2013-11-24 04:32:35 AM

ArkAngel: Yay for being a one percenter


So under 5" then?
 
2013-11-24 04:37:48 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.


LOL good one.

As an ugly man with a large cawk Id gladly trade an inch or two of length for a point of two of looks because having a big one dont help you till you get the woman to fark you in the first place. Ill garantee you a 7 with a 5" cawk gets more pussy than a 5 with a 7" cawk.
 
2013-11-24 04:40:26 AM
Survey bias.  Heavy hitters say, "GTFO" when someone they have no hope or desire to fark asks about their junk.
 
2013-11-24 04:43:08 AM
FTFA: When the Kinsey Institute reviewed its founder's data thirty years after it was published, in the light of subsequent findings, it showed that ... only one in a thousand touches 9. But Durex and the Definitive Penis Internet surveys, while stressing that their core findings are consistent with Kinsey, have cautiously proposed that ... ten and thirty in a thousand reaching beyond [9]. ... both surveys have suggested that one man in a hundred posts double figures.

Eh? If only 1 - 30 per thousand gets to 9 inches, how can 1 in a hundred get to 10?
 
2013-11-24 04:50:07 AM
Small penis humiliation is so profitable though!
 
2013-11-24 04:50:42 AM

Oldiron_79: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.

LOL good one.

As an ugly man with a large cawk Id gladly trade an inch or two of length for a point of two of looks because having a big one dont help you till you get the woman to fark you in the first place. Ill garantee you a 7 with a 5" cawk gets more pussy than a 5 with a 7" cawk.


Have you tried being rich?
 
2013-11-24 04:55:19 AM

El Pachuco: From browsing 4chan, I have learned that it wasn't my above-average length or girth that made me popular.  It was because what I have isn't buried in fat or hair, and isn't shaped like a letter from the Russian alphabet, and lasts more than 14 seconds.  Ladies, you have my sympathy - I've never met a single vajayjay as weird as a 4chan poster's dick.


I think I just woke up half the neighborhood.
 
2013-11-24 04:56:03 AM

lewismarktwo: Oldiron_79: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.

LOL good one.

As an ugly man with a large cawk Id gladly trade an inch or two of length for a point of two of looks because having a big one dont help you till you get the woman to fark you in the first place. Ill garantee you a 7 with a 5" cawk gets more pussy than a 5 with a 7" cawk.

Have you tried being rich?


Im sure it would help.
 
2013-11-24 04:59:59 AM
I'm black, so I'm getting a kick...
 
2013-11-24 05:00:25 AM

GungFu: positronica: Protip: For you guys who are looking for a girl with a tight cha-cha, check out the size of her feet.  It's not 100%, but there's a strong correlation between the size of a woman's feet and the size of her box.

/inb4 replies from women with boat sized feet who claim they don't have a cavernous vaginas.


Not sure on that one. I've been with girls of similar size and one could be nice and snug, whilst the other could be loose and spacious.


I dunno, man, my "friend" assures me there is no lack of ugly, fat, old, big penised men banging attractive young women on various amateur webs dedicated to preserving such videography.

/notably, there are also apparently plenty of ugly, fat, old women receiving big ol' boners, too
//apparently. according to my "friend"
 
2013-11-24 05:09:51 AM

Lady Indica: Small penis humiliation is so profitable though!


Hey dont be hatin' on my hummer dealership across the street from the penis enlargement clinic.
 
2013-11-24 05:11:20 AM
Wait, if those numbers are true, then that means that certain groups of people do not have bigger ones, as reported...Damn Amish have been lying to the ladies.
 
2013-11-24 05:22:00 AM

HotWingAgenda


Gdalescrboz: If 99 out of 100 aren't meeting the average, that means the only way that 1 outlier can throw off the average is to be like 60 inches long; and I know 1 out of 100 men don't have 60 inch dicks

Dude, you understand that the headline says 1 in 100 reaches BEYOND the 5 to 7 inch average. Right?


Notice it I did not. Thank you
 
2013-11-24 05:38:40 AM

Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.


Any longer than "long enough to painfully bump the ol' cervix if he's not careful in the heat of passion" is wasted, yes?
 
2013-11-24 05:40:12 AM

Mikey1969: Bucky Katt: Mikey1969: I'm curious how people can even measure the length of their johnson in the first place. I can't be alone, but I would bet that my wood can vary by at least an inch in length and as much in girth depending on any number of factors. it also varies greatly in length at parade rest. I'm just not sure how they can come up with an "average" if every guy has variations like this.

As for me, I feel no need to lie, my wife has never complained, so it doesn't really matter to me how I "measure up"...

You're overthinking it.

How? It's never quite the same size twice in a row, so I have seriously wondered how they could have established an "average" in the first place. I don't know how that's overthinking anything.


Its all in how you measure. I hook the tape measure in my asshole.
 
2013-11-24 05:43:38 AM
After the first dozen foreplay orgasms, you wouldn't care if I had a penis at all.
 
2013-11-24 05:43:51 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


*blink*

LOLOLOL!

Dayum, that's just funny right there. Well played, sir!
 
2013-11-24 05:49:30 AM

positronica: Protip: For you guys who are looking for a girl with a tight cha-cha, check out the size of her feet.  It's not 100%, but there's a strong correlation between the size of a woman's feet and the size of her box.

/inb4 replies from women with boat sized feet who claim they don't have a cavernous vaginas.


Mrs. Delaware and her ski feet would like a word with you.
 
2013-11-24 05:57:02 AM
There's only one .gif for this shiat:

... seriously, no one gives a shiat.  If your girlfriend/boyfriend is pulling out a farkin' ruler during ex, you've clearly done something so irreparably wrong that you should just retire your penis and join a damned Franciscan monastery or some shiat, you're well beyond the point where even the internet can help you if you suck that badly at intercourse.
 
2013-11-24 05:58:27 AM
aw, fark the graphics and their linkin' fail:
mrwgifs.com
 
2013-11-24 06:01:01 AM

Jim_Callahan: There's only one .gif for this shiat:

... seriously, no one gives a shiat.  If your girlfriend/boyfriend is pulling out a farkin' ruler during ex, you've clearly done something so irreparably wrong that you should just retire your penis and join a damned Franciscan monastery or some shiat, you're well beyond the point where even the internet can help you if you suck that badly at intercourse.


.....no, that's not the case at all. There are truly men woefully under-equipped by nature that even the most egalitarian woman would turn up her nose and head for the door. There are also those women for, whatever reason, require a certain size for maximal stimulation. Just being bad at sex is not even remotely part of the issue here.
 
2013-11-24 06:12:32 AM

hervatski: Heterosexual men think of other men's penis a little too much.


I don't

/but other women's breasts, that's another story
 
2013-11-24 06:20:27 AM
The thing that always throws me about the whole sex thing is why you able-bodies have to do standard plug-in-socket sex. I mean sure it's different for the gay folks but I'm speaking heterosexually here. I'm disabled. Blah blah blah (see my profile.) Before the wife four years ago, I was a lame 26 year old virgin. I thought I'd ponce the whole thing because I'm simply not able to do standard sex. Come to find out my skills lay elsewhere sexually. I'm not gloating when I say I'm not allowed to give my wife orgasms because the headaches she gets are damn hardcore.

That being said, why can't you able-bodies adapt and overcome. Statistically, it's not very likely you and her (or you and him) are going to be 100% compatible in terms of organ symmetry. If you love each other, why not find new ways?

Not to belabor the point but I am kind of chuffed I'm not allowed to find the wife's inherent high score. I love pinball (especially Gorgar) and I want to go for the high score... See if I can flip her numbers, dig? Bumpers, plungers, etc.

Pinball, as it turns out, is rife with sexual innuendo. *grin*
 
2013-11-24 06:28:54 AM
Delusions? About sex? From men? No way. The penis gets longer, stronger and stiffer as you age. Pay no attention to the bald heads, hairy backs, paunches, snoring and afternoon naps! It's all a trap designed to lull you into a false sense of security! Just when you think it's safe, that middle-aged dinosaur cock comes out!!!
 
2013-11-24 06:31:17 AM

RKade: Not to belabor the point but I am kind of chuffed I'm not allowed to find the wife's inherent high score. I love pinball (especially Gorgar) and I want to go for the high score... See if I can flip her numbers, dig? Bumpers, plungers, etc.


Okay, that's weirder than the Frank Zappa analogy upthread.
 
2013-11-24 06:41:57 AM
Huh, I must be more rarely endowed than I though.

Course, the only person who sees mine is me, so I have no witnesses to call.
 
2013-11-24 06:42:09 AM
Who do you think you're gonna please with That little thing?

Me!
 
2013-11-24 06:48:09 AM

RKade: That being said, why can't you able-bodies adapt and overcome.


Sometimes that is definitely possible. In other cases, the receiving partner insists on a certain size limit. Nothing too small or nothing too large.
 
2013-11-24 07:00:08 AM
l l
l l
l l
/ \
----

That almost looks like a bong.
 
2013-11-24 07:01:57 AM

Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask


i184.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-24 07:07:16 AM
Also I should have realized this thread would be tiny guys claiming they're bigger than they are. No, it's still tiny. Your wife just did you a favor and settled.
 
2013-11-24 07:08:54 AM
ptl;dr
 
2013-11-24 07:13:35 AM
Men are lying because a big dick is considered desirable.
Women are lying because a big dick is considered desirable.

Lots of girls will imply or say the guy they are with is hung.  And lots of girls will make fun of an ex for having a tiny dick.  Funny, how breaking up with a girl can remove inches from a man's dick.

Men and Women also lie about their careers, their relationships, their salaries, their living situation, their appearance, their income, their talents, their history, their weight, their desires, etc, etc....
 
2013-11-24 07:15:43 AM
As an older guy, I'm pretty sure of the following: most women don't care that much about penis size as long as its big enough and the guy can use it well. Enough could be 5 inches long or even less. A small number of women need big to have an orgasm, they may not realize that until that moment of revelation...or the purchase of the right toy...

Those women would probably wish that guys all wore signs to tell them how big it is. Because sleeping with a lot of guys to find out is not the best method.
 
2013-11-24 07:26:33 AM

Animatronik: As an older guy, I'm pretty sure of the following: most women don't care that much about penis size as long as its big enough and the guy can use it well.

the wallet size is OK.

fixed
 
2013-11-24 07:30:18 AM

Animatronik: As an older guy, I'm pretty sure of the following: most women don't care that much about penis size as long as its big enough and the guy can use it well. Enough could be 5 inches long or even less. A small number of women need big to have an orgasm, they may not realize that until that moment of revelation...or the purchase of the right toy...

Those women would probably wish that guys all wore signs to tell them how big it is. Because sleeping with a lot of guys to find out is not the best method.


Thanks to various webs, they no longer need signs.
 
2013-11-24 07:36:33 AM

skantea: I'm black, so I'm getting a kick...


And did you see the part where the average for black men is the same as the average gay man's penis?  You might want to pay attention to a different group of Farkers posting on here.
 
2013-11-24 08:05:20 AM
Hej Raring!   Jag har en tolv tums penis!
 
2013-11-24 08:12:52 AM

dbirchall: Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

Any longer than "long enough to painfully bump the ol' cervix if he's not careful in the heat of passion" is wasted, yes?


That isn't super pleasant for the fellow either. Ego wise sure, but its a bit painful.
 
2013-11-24 08:15:53 AM

keithgabryelski: [img.fark.net image 694x1000]http://www.mraverage.com/results.htm


Mmmm - I am a 0.3%'er als my girth isn't so great :( but there was a time when I could suck my own cock :O My girlfriend thought it was inpressive.
 
2013-11-24 08:17:26 AM
No idea the measurement, but sex improved greatly after Mrs. Brainsick had me switch to Magnums...then I developed a latex allergy. :(


/but now we have a daughter! :)
 
2013-11-24 08:29:35 AM
I also would like to claim I'm in the one per cent. Hello ladies.
 
2013-11-24 08:30:31 AM
Average penis here.

But no worries, it's Hungarian average.
 
2013-11-24 08:35:41 AM

orbister: FTFA: When the Kinsey Institute reviewed its founder's data thirty years after it was published, in the light of subsequent findings, it showed that ... only one in a thousand touches 9. But Durex and the Definitive Penis Internet surveys, while stressing that their core findings are consistent with Kinsey, have cautiously proposed that ... ten and thirty in a thousand reaching beyond [9]. ... both surveys have suggested that one man in a hundred posts double figures.

Eh? If only 1 - 30 per thousand gets to 9 inches, how can 1 in a hundred get to 10?


30/1000 is 3/100 which are above nine. Of those three, one will be above ten. The two latter studies contradict the earlier kinsey study.
 
2013-11-24 08:46:46 AM

Lsherm: Who's lying?  5-7 is the "average" size.  So for every Ken Jeong a motherfarker like me comes along swinging a Paul Bunyan wood to average it all out.

If you get any lip about your cock just turn it back on her.  "You know, you're the first woman I've slept with where it's really difficult to feel anything.  I've never experienced that before.  It's like your vagina is extra big, you know?  Like a Kardashian's.  Maybe you should see a doctor about it."


images2.makefive.com
 
2013-11-24 08:49:22 AM
Big Vagina was the funniest Curb episode.

Big Vagina
 
2013-11-24 08:49:41 AM
I always cracked up about height. I had a couple of friends and family that claim to be 6 ft. I am 5'11 and they are all shorter than me. So funny.
 
2013-11-24 08:51:24 AM
At any rate. Yeah, I fit in the good ole 99 %
 
2013-11-24 09:01:22 AM
 FTA: "for every thirty-five pounds of weight gain the prepubic panniculus - the pad of fat - encroaches another inch on the penile shaft) "

And Mrs 89 was very happy when I lost 50 lbs...
 
2013-11-24 09:08:05 AM

hovsm: I always cracked up about height. I had a couple of friends and family that claim to be 6 ft. I am 5'11 and they are all shorter than me. So funny.


My mother experienced that recently with my grandmother. My grandmother has always claimed to be 5'6" but the last time my mother's height was checked by a doctor, she was found to be 5'3".

My grandmother still claims to be 5'6". Stubborn kinda runs in the family.
 
2013-11-24 09:09:51 AM

casual disregard: hovsm: I always cracked up about height. I had a couple of friends and family that claim to be 6 ft. I am 5'11 and they are all shorter than me. So funny.

My mother experienced that recently with my grandmother. My grandmother has always claimed to be 5'6" but the last time my mother's height was checked by a doctor, she was found to be 5'3".

My grandmother still claims to be 5'6". Stubborn kinda runs in the family.


I farked up! I should have mentioned that my grandmother is shorter than my mother.
 
2013-11-24 09:14:03 AM
Finally I can consider myself a 1 Percenter in both Categories.

I knew I was born with something special, especially in my late 20's when women started referring their friends to me based on size.  (I am not kidding, and these were not wa-hores either, they were professional women.)  But I had no idea that 8" by 6" was that rare.

No wonder my ex-wife and her GF told me I should be a porn star.  lol.

I am going to take my newly found ego-trip to the max now!
 
2013-11-24 09:30:09 AM

casual disregard: Jim_Callahan: There's only one .gif for this shiat:
... seriously, no one gives a shiat.  If your girlfriend/boyfriend is pulling out a farkin' ruler during ex, you've clearly done something so irreparably wrong that you should just retire your penis and join a damned Franciscan monastery or some shiat, you're well beyond the point where even the internet can help you if you suck that badly at intercourse.
.....no, that's not the case at all. There are truly men woefully under-equipped by nature that even the most egalitarian woman would turn up her nose and head for the door. There are also those women for, whatever reason, require a certain size for maximal stimulation. Just being bad at sex is not even remotely part of the issue here.


Naw. Any woman worth a fark doesn't care. If you like each other, it can all be worked around. After all, hideous hosebeasts hooks up with each other all the time and they seem to be lacking in a few areas, too. Of all the guys I've been with, dick size is way down the list of why I approved of them or didn't. One of the nicest guys I've ever known was tiny, actually........he was small. There was no way around it. But he's the one I should have hung on to. It would have worked out just fine.

He's dead now and I always wondered if he took my rejection of him as a rejection of his little dick. And it had nothing to do with it, it was just me being dumb. But I never got to tell him.
 
2013-11-24 09:36:17 AM

rogue_L_chick: Ringshadow: Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask

Oh, shiat. I'm 5'10"...thanks to you, now I have to worry that I have a parking garage betwixt my thighs.


........ aaaaaaand if there are any Farkettes thinking about starring in their very own xhamster video, just remember: some guys like watching 'moped showroom' vids.
 
2013-11-24 09:38:19 AM

Langdon_777: keithgabryelski: [img.fark.net image 694x1000]http://www.mraverage.com/results.htm

Mmmm - I am a 0.3%'er als my girth isn't so great :( but there was a time when I could suck my own cock :O My girlfriend thought it was inpressive.


What, that you overclocked a Craftmatic adjustable bed?
 
2013-11-24 09:40:42 AM
everybody knows it's not ony about lenght...
So, to allow you to give accurate informations on your profile, this enlightened gay dating-site invented the
"dick-O-meter"
-you first mesure the lenght, then the perimeter may make you jump to the next higher or ower rating!

www.gayromeo.com
 
2013-11-24 09:47:33 AM
Not trying to be all CSB here.. but I've had 'slut-level' number of women in my bed over the last 15 years.  While I've settled down for the time being, I've learned enough to be able to say without a doubt that CURVATURE is the gold standard.  I'm only 6ish", but I've got this pleasant 30degree upward curve 2/3 of the way up the shaft.  I've gotten many a compliment over the years about how I'm able to hit the G-spot.  Especially if she's playing cowgirl and indians.  Then there's the fun of laying her down, and turning her 90 degrees every 5 min or so, which will provide a COMPLETELY different sensation.  Average guy - but I eff like a pro because of my gift.

/Put that in your mouth and smoke it.
//that was way TMI. I know.
 
2013-11-24 09:52:43 AM

keithgabryelski: [img.fark.net image 694x1000]http://www.mraverage.com/results.htm


I don't know about the girth, but I come in between 6 and 6.25. Nice to know I'm bigger than more than half the population.
 
2013-11-24 09:56:46 AM
Based on my 'extensive' list of conquests (couple of girls in high school, and my wife of 20+ years) girth > length, though expertise/mutual satisfaction is the best medicine of course.

Getting a dent banged into your cervix can't be pleasant.

Only guy I knew for sure that was hung like Mr. Ed (in the military...group showers/changing/etc, he was our unit's version of the 'Painless Polish' dentist from the MASH movie) admitted that he could never get a girl in the sack with him more than once or twice; what with all the bruising, tearing, and occasional bleeding if they were really small...
 
2013-11-24 09:59:42 AM
Unintentional Abstinence solves all problems.
 
2013-11-24 10:04:13 AM
Lean and mean is mighty keen.  But short and thick does the trick.
 
2013-11-24 10:11:46 AM

OgreMagi: positronica: Protip: For you guys who are looking for a girl with a tight cha-cha, check out the size of her feet.  It's not 100%, but there's a strong correlation between the size of a woman's feet and the size of her box.

/inb4 replies from women with boat sized feet who claim they don't have a cavernous vaginas.

A gynecologist told me mouth size is a good indicator.  When it comes two women parts, I would say he is an expert.


What's a gynecologist doing looking at her teeth???
 
2013-11-24 10:27:33 AM

traylor: Average penis here.

But no worries, it's Hungarian average.



Hung like an Arian???
 
2013-11-24 10:38:26 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


...Baaaaaarf
 
2013-11-24 10:45:48 AM
Wow I guess I'm one in a million,
 
2013-11-24 10:47:18 AM
I hate it when I miss the penis threads.
 
2013-11-24 10:51:40 AM
"Only one man in 100 reaches beyond the 5-to-7-inch average"

5-7 inch average??  That's kind of a big range to be lumping into a single category of a thing measured in inches.
 
2013-11-24 10:54:12 AM

Abox: "Only one man in 100 reaches beyond the 5-to-7-inch average"
5-7 inch average??  That's kind of a big range to be lumping into a single category of a thing measured in inches.


Why, you noticed. So did I. This whole article is pretty much nothing except click bait for people who want to think about their penises.
 
2013-11-24 10:58:32 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.


And that's where I come in.

/see?  double entendres for everyone.
 
2013-11-24 11:02:06 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


Ha!  +1

Reminds of a lesbian I used to know, who, whenever a straight guy would tease her about "no cock in the bedroom", would point out she and her gal had lots of cocks, all different sizes and colors.

And when they got dirty, she'd just toss them in a pot on the stove and boil them  :)
 
2013-11-24 11:04:59 AM

poison_amy: I hate it when I miss the penis threads.


Checks profile. You are as rare as the article says an 8 inch dick is.

All the talk about penis size and what women want. Most women don't look at penises. Note the lack of farkettes advertizing that they want WIE and their EIP.
 
2013-11-24 11:14:07 AM

PunGent: she and her gal had lots of cocks, all different sizes and colors.


So, kinda like vegetarians and this stuff?

cdn.frugalcouponliving.com
 /NTTAWWT
 
2013-11-24 11:17:06 AM

ZAZ: If I ran a dating web site I would put in an entry for penis length in men's profiles and let women search on it.


Girth is more important than length to a woman.
 
2013-11-24 11:20:24 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.


The average unaroused vagina is 3-4 inches long, and gets longer upon arousal.
 
2013-11-24 11:32:22 AM

Spaced Lion: rogue_L_chick: shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?

It's been my experience that they don't. The only loose girls I was ever with were 5'1" and 4'11". Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, is 5'9" and can barely take me. Keep doing those kegels, though; they can make a good thing even better.


The last two ladies I've been with are a 46 year old, 5 foot 9 mother of 2 and a 23 year old, 5 foot 2 redhead nurse.

The 46 year old was probably the tightest I've ever had, the 23 year old was the loosest.

/her being a redhead had nothing to do with the story - but the "amazing in bed" stereotype was confirmed with her.
//in addition to being the tightest, the 46 gave me the most incredible beej I've ever had
 
2013-11-24 11:49:45 AM

cryinoutloud: casual disregard: Jim_Callahan: There's only one .gif for this shiat:
... seriously, no one gives a shiat.  If your girlfriend/boyfriend is pulling out a farkin' ruler during ex, you've clearly done something so irreparably wrong that you should just retire your penis and join a damned Franciscan monastery or some shiat, you're well beyond the point where even the internet can help you if you suck that badly at intercourse.
.....no, that's not the case at all. There are truly men woefully under-equipped by nature that even the most egalitarian woman would turn up her nose and head for the door. There are also those women for, whatever reason, require a certain size for maximal stimulation. Just being bad at sex is not even remotely part of the issue here.

Naw. Any woman worth a fark doesn't care. If you like each other, it can all be worked around. After all, hideous hosebeasts hooks up with each other all the time and they seem to be lacking in a few areas, too. Of all the guys I've been with, dick size is way down the list of why I approved of them or didn't. One of the nicest guys I've ever known was tiny, actually........he was small. There was no way around it. But he's the one I should have hung on to. It would have worked out just fine.

He's dead now and I always wondered if he took my rejection of him as a rejection of his little dick. And it had nothing to do with it, it was just me being dumb. But I never got to tell him.


I don't see how that negates what I typed at all. There are people who care and there are people who don't.
 
2013-11-24 11:53:05 AM

blacksho89: FTA: "for every thirty-five pounds of weight gain the prepubic panniculus - the pad of fat - encroaches another inch on the penile shaft) "

And Mrs 89 was very happy when I lost 50 lbs...


AKA "the big reveal".

/Never received any complaints, and occasionally saw a gratifying widening of the eyes when the, ahem, curtains parted.
 
2013-11-24 12:00:22 PM

GRCooper: Spaced Lion: rogue_L_chick: shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?

It's been my experience that they don't. The only loose girls I was ever with were 5'1" and 4'11". Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, is 5'9" and can barely take me. Keep doing those kegels, though; they can make a good thing even better.

The last two ladies I've been with are a 46 year old, 5 foot 9 mother of 2 and a 23 year old, 5 foot 2 redhead nurse.

The 46 year old was probably the tightest I've ever had, the 23 year old was the loosest.

/her being a redhead had nothing to do with the story - but the "amazing in bed" stereotype was confirmed with her.
//in addition to being the tightest, the 46 gave me the most incredible beej I've ever had


This. There's no "clown shoe" equation I can see for women. Had a girlfriend who was a stunning 6' 2.5" tall...great for Klingon/Viking antics in the sack as she was built like a Brazilian volleyballer. But she had an anatomy more snug (initially) than I'd ever come across. Or in, for that matter. Luckily, when you're 22 you just keep hitting repeat until the sessions stretch out a bit. Accommodations were made.

My wife is just five feet tall, but is right on the median of "fit". What I might call "the Goldilocks zone of vaginal tailoring", if that didn't sound creepy as fark.

I have noticed that some women can "bottom out" (not what you're thinking) and can complain that tapping on the cervix with the head of a happy penis in terms similar to a description of getting a glancing blow to the nutsack. The solution is doggie-style or reverse-cowboy. Harmony is restored.
 
2013-11-24 12:02:18 PM
Something to do with a lack of Vienna sausage porn?
 
2013-11-24 12:02:53 PM

rnatalie: Hej Raring!   Jag har en tolv tums penis!


Close enough to Danish that I understood...
 
2013-11-24 12:04:44 PM

Hondaman4ever: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

Where do you get this shiat?


McKinsey.
 
2013-11-24 12:09:08 PM

GRCooper: Spaced Lion: rogue_L_chick: shorter chicks are already cuter, why do you get tighter clams, too?

It's been my experience that they don't. The only loose girls I was ever with were 5'1" and 4'11". Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, is 5'9" and can barely take me. Keep doing those kegels, though; they can make a good thing even better.

The last two ladies I've been with are a 46 year old, 5 foot 9 mother of 2 and a 23 year old, 5 foot 2 redhead nurse.

The 46 year old was probably the tightest I've ever had, the 23 year old was the loosest.

/her being a redhead had nothing to do with the story - but the "amazing in bed" stereotype was confirmed with her.
//in addition to being the tightest, the 46 gave me the most incredible beej I've ever had



Kegels + experience = great sexy time fun
 
2013-11-24 12:19:34 PM

BolshyGreatYarblocks: Hondaman4ever: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

Where do you get this shiat?

McKinsey.

[citation needed]
I've only seen 6 inches being the average from Kinsey, Masters and Johnson etc.
 
2013-11-24 12:22:58 PM

casual disregard:
I don't see how that negates what I typed at all. There are people who care and there are people who don't.


Excuse me? You said ".....no, that's not the case at all. There are truly men woefully under-equipped by nature that even the most egalitarian woman would turn up her nose and head for the door. "

If you farking LIKE someone, they are equipped enough. Sex is more than just a dick. If you don't like them and it's just a quickie, then whip out the tape measure. Have fun and BTW, you're shallow.

If you own a dick that belongs in medical books, then maybe you have a point. But if you're banging women who might look at your dick and walk out the door, I suggest that you find yourself a better type of woman. Or quit having one-night stands. Christ, I'm trying to defend you guys here. We already know that you judge women on physical attributes. Women don't do it as much.
 
2013-11-24 12:34:25 PM

cryinoutloud: casual disregard:
I don't see how that negates what I typed at all. There are people who care and there are people who don't.

Excuse me? You said ".....no, that's not the case at all. There are truly men woefully under-equipped by nature that even the most egalitarian woman would turn up her nose and head for the door. "

If you farking LIKE someone, they are equipped enough. Sex is more than just a dick. If you don't like them and it's just a quickie, then whip out the tape measure. Have fun and BTW, you're shallow.

If you own a dick that belongs in medical books, then maybe you have a point. But if you're banging women who might look at your dick and walk out the door, I suggest that you find yourself a better type of woman. Or quit having one-night stands. Christ, I'm trying to defend you guys here. We already know that you judge women on physical attributes. Women don't do it as much.


I'm not entirely sure what your point of contention with me is. We guys don't need "defending." I'd even argue that attempts to "defend" us are merely attempts to reduce us.

I agree that men should find a better woman if the prior is unsatisfied in the size department. Like I said, if your partner does not like your body, you should seek a new partner, not a new body.
 
2013-11-24 01:03:57 PM

casual disregard: cryinoutloud: casual disregard:
I don't see how that negates what I typed at all. There are people who care and there are people who don't.

Excuse me? You said ".....no, that's not the case at all. There are truly men woefully under-equipped by nature that even the most egalitarian woman would turn up her nose and head for the door. "

If you farking LIKE someone, they are equipped enough. Sex is more than just a dick. If you don't like them and it's just a quickie, then whip out the tape measure. Have fun and BTW, you're shallow.

If you own a dick that belongs in medical books, then maybe you have a point. But if you're banging women who might look at your dick and walk out the door, I suggest that you find yourself a better type of woman. Or quit having one-night stands. Christ, I'm trying to defend you guys here. We already know that you judge women on physical attributes. Women don't do it as much.

I'm not entirely sure what your point of contention with me is. We guys don't need "defending." I'd even argue that attempts to "defend" us are merely attempts to reduce us.

I agree that men should find a better woman if the prior is unsatisfied in the size department. Like I said, if your partner does not like your body, you should seek a new partner, not a new body.


Get a room, you two!
 
2013-11-24 01:13:28 PM

Brainsick: Get a room, you two!


Meh, she wouldn't like me (already doesn't?).

/it's not her, it's me
//srsly
 
2013-11-24 01:15:05 PM

hervatski: Heterosexual men think of other men's penis a little too much.


No, we really don't.  More than 30 years ago, after a high school gym class, I noticed that the flaccid length a particularly religious classmate's penis was more than six inches in length.  It struck me as ironic (the overall situation, not the penis).

When watching porn, any penis I see is usually a proxy for my own; I don't think that counts.
 
2013-11-24 01:24:41 PM

orbister: FTFA: When the Kinsey Institute reviewed its founder's data thirty years after it was published, in the light of subsequent findings, it showed that ... only one in a thousand touches 9. But Durex and the Definitive Penis Internet surveys, while stressing that their core findings are consistent with Kinsey, have cautiously proposed that ... ten and thirty in a thousand reaching beyond [9]. ... both surveys have suggested that one man in a hundred posts double figures.

Eh? If only 1 - 30 per thousand gets to 9 inches, how can 1 in a hundred get to 10?


The slope gets really steep.
 
2013-11-24 01:24:46 PM

cryinoutloud: casual disregard:
I don't see how that negates what I typed at all. There are people who care and there are people who don't.

Excuse me? You said ".....no, that's not the case at all. There are truly men woefully under-equipped by nature that even the most egalitarian woman would turn up her nose and head for the door. "

If you farking LIKE someone, they are equipped enough. Sex is more than just a dick. If you don't like them and it's just a quickie, then whip out the tape measure. Have fun and BTW, you're shallow.

If you own a dick that belongs in medical books, then maybe you have a point. But if you're banging women who might look at your dick and walk out the door, I suggest that you find yourself a better type of woman. Or quit having one-night stands. Christ, I'm trying to defend you guys here. We already know that you judge women on physical attributes. Women don't do it as much.


Yeah. Ok.
 
2013-11-24 01:29:11 PM

MarkEC: BolshyGreatYarblocks: Hondaman4ever: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

Where do you get this shiat?

McKinsey.
[citation needed]
I've only seen 6 inches being the average from Kinsey, Masters and Johnson etc.


Look, don't pay $50K+ to see McKinsey's penis survey.  They probably make a one-year minimum retainer a condition of service.  Next thing you know, your distribution plant's been relocated to Myanmar.  If you're in a small town, then you'll have a lot of laid-off, pissed-off people giving you dirty looks when you pop in to the local diner for eggs and bacon.
 
2013-11-24 01:37:46 PM

El Pachuco: and isn't shaped like a letter from the Russian alphabet


"Cyrilldick"?
 
2013-11-24 02:13:44 PM

cgremlin: El Pachuco: and isn't shaped like a letter from the Russian alphabet


Pretty sure mine is shaped like a letter from the Ukranian one, which is almost the same, but still has  yi.

Ї
 
2013-11-24 02:17:25 PM

casual disregard: RKade: That being said, why can't you able-bodies adapt and overcome.

Sometimes that is definitely possible. In other cases, the receiving partner insists on a certain size limit. Nothing too small or nothing too large.


That just goes back to people are crazy. Smaller than a pinkie finger? Bigger than a fist? :P
 
2013-11-24 02:24:36 PM
I like how the article criticizes surveys that use self-reported numbers, and then cites the kayfabe measurements of guys like Holmes and Jeremy as if they were fact.
 
2013-11-24 02:49:36 PM

Likwit: sleeper2995: Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.

Pretty much works that way for everything. You can say more or less anything about a man, but women are perfect angels who can never be criticized.


We live in a 'Social Gynocracy'
 
2013-11-24 03:18:39 PM
I have never discussed my penis size with any woman before sleeping with her.

I'm reminded of the mystery of why some men send photographs of their penis to women on dating sites. I've posed the question "does this ever work?" more than once. I've never gotten an affirmative response from a woman or a man.
 
2013-11-24 03:38:10 PM

BolshyGreatYarblocks: Hondaman4ever: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

Where do you get this shiat?

McKinsey.


I thought it was a John Leguizamo bit.
 
2013-11-24 03:46:37 PM

jimmythrust: So, this in a EIP thread? Time to get my yardstick.


DIE ?
 
2013-11-24 04:11:26 PM

Tri 26.2: Finally I can consider myself a 1 Percenter in both Categories.

I knew I was born with something special, especially in my late 20's when women started referring their friends to me based on size.  (I am not kidding, and these were not wa-hores either, they were professional women.)  But I had no idea that 8" by 6" was that rare.

No wonder my ex-wife and her GF told me I should be a porn star.  lol.

I am going to take my newly found ego-trip to the max now!


OK, between that and your username, I'm officially interested...
 
2013-11-24 04:21:16 PM

OlderGuy: jimmythrust: So, this in a EIP thread? Time to get my yardstick.

DIE ?


No, WIE, but notice how there are no women asking for it?
 
2013-11-24 04:23:33 PM
5-7" is a pretty big margin of error. I heard that 6.25" was the actual average point. Another report I heard was 6.5". Still doesn't matter, I'm beyond both. Not that it's getting used at the moment thanks to the wifes lack of interest.
 
2013-11-24 04:27:24 PM

Nogale: Tri 26.2: Finally I can consider myself a 1 Percenter in both Categories.

I knew I was born with something special, especially in my late 20's when women started referring their friends to me based on size.  (I am not kidding, and these were not wa-hores either, they were professional women.)  But I had no idea that 8" by 6" was that rare.

No wonder my ex-wife and her GF told me I should be a porn star.  lol.

I am going to take my newly found ego-trip to the max now!

OK, between that and your username, I'm officially interested...


Interested in? Triathlons? Ultra-marathons?  Escapades of the erotic nature?  I got stories, that's for sure.
 
2013-11-24 04:32:37 PM
I'm glad I have a large penis, so I don't have to do anything worthwhile with my life to prove myself as a man.
 
2013-11-24 04:49:18 PM

The First Four Black Sabbath Albums: I'm glad I have a large penis, so I don't have to do anything worthwhile with my life to prove myself as a man.


By those standards I'd have to cure cancer, solve world hunger and take the Cubs to the World Series just to get a hand-job.

/it may be small, but it gets hard as a pencil!
 
2013-11-24 04:59:12 PM
I believe micro dudes don't sleep around as much as mega dudes, skewing women's samplings. Even if the avg is closer to five, the avg of men getting laid is closer to seven. And enough with averages- median is more meaningful.
 
2013-11-24 05:04:58 PM
I've got that "girthy" thing going on with an average length, which seems to be a more popular interest among more women I encounter.

/my penis keeps me happy
 
2013-11-24 06:00:47 PM

cryinoutloud: One of the nicest guys I've ever known was tiny, actually........he was small. There was no way around it. But he's the one I should have hung on to. It would have worked out just fine.

He's dead now and I always wondered if he took my rejection of him as a rejection of his little dick. And it had nothing to do with it, it was just me being dumb. But I never got to tell him.


Why do you dumb broads always wake up when it's too late? Seriously, I'm not interested in middle-aged women at all but NOW you're ready to be rational?????
 
2013-11-24 07:09:00 PM

traylor: Average penis here.

But no worries, it's Hungarian average.


Yet a Hungarian insult would be considered a compliment here.  Lófasz.
 
2013-11-24 09:20:08 PM
Out of all the things I am self conscience of about myself, my penis size has never been one of them.  And at my size, i keep wondering if it is the world trying to make me feel better about myself somehow.  My last girlfriend couldn't get it all the way inside her.
 
2013-11-24 09:54:08 PM

o_blah: BolshyGreatYarblocks: Hondaman4ever: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

Where do you get this shiat?

McKinsey.

I thought it was a John Leguizamo bit.


hookedin.jpg
 
2013-11-24 09:59:42 PM
Size doesn't matter that much, most women don't have the spatial skills to tell the difference between 5 inches and 7 inches.

What matters is you don't have some dried up mutilated circumsized dick.  Ain't no woman got time for that.
 
2013-11-24 10:45:52 PM
Two brothers are walking across a bridge one day, and they feel nature's call. They unzip and hang it over the side.

"Hooo-eeey, water sure is cold today!" says one.
"Deep, too." says the other.

/the saucer eyes and jaw agape when she sees it the first time don't lie
//unfortunately there's a tendency for them to try to keep me around a few years after they don't like me anymore for other reasons
///have no game anyway, so smaller guys use theirs more than me
 
2013-11-25 12:03:43 AM
If nature tells us anything, the male with the smaller stature usually ends up far more clever and successful at intercourse in most species anyways.
 
2013-11-25 12:33:38 AM
Personally I reckon its to do with easier availability of porn - and what guys see and think is normal. No matter how many times you tell a guy that what they are packing is normal they don't believe you.

Its not the size its what you do with it.

/I'm lying
//It's totally the size.
 
2013-11-25 01:06:36 AM

festygrrl: /I'm lying
//It's totally the size.


Well today is your lucky day because I have a very large ...... wallet.
 
2013-11-25 02:01:30 AM

GungFu: Dreamless: GungFu: It's not my fault if my penis is larger than most people I see in the locker room.

They should have an erection like I always do.

Your penis is larger than people?  Yikes!


I knew that was coming.

Damn Fark for no edit function and my no Preview.
 
/penis goes limp


Your post came prematurely?
 
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