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(Salon)   "Only one man in 100 reaches beyond the 5-to-7-inch average. Why are men lying, and why do women expect more?" Well, have you tried dating lately? That kind of lie works   (salon.com) divider line 281
    More: Obvious, Kinsey Institute, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Samuel Pepys, gays  
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15703 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2013 at 11:39 PM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



281 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-24 12:07:47 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


Well that's one of the most succinct brilliant comments I have ever read...

/straight girl
//jealous
 
2013-11-24 12:08:02 AM
I lost 60 lbs last year.

god!!  my dick looks huge!
 
2013-11-24 12:08:45 AM
======D


not a bong
 
2013-11-24 12:09:07 AM

craigdamage: I lost 60 lbs last year.

god!!  my dick looks huge!


*knucks*

Only about 40, but I know the feeling.
 
2013-11-24 12:10:09 AM

dahmers love zombie: Well, I don't know.  I'm around 7 inches if the Cialis really kicks in, but we've got this big pink 9 inch latex monstrosity that vibrates, and when you put my wife together with THAT thing PLUS her Hitachi Magic Wand in the other hand, really all I need to do is wait until her breathing comes back under control, divest her of her electrical accoutrements, put her feet up on my shoulders and give her twenty minutes or so of varied speed and depth.  All she can do is gasp  "oh shiat" and "God yes fark me with your cock".  So I figure that a combination of natural enhancement, plus allowing her the mechanical aids that I simply cannot DREAM to match, and I can pretty regularly take care of her needs.

There's another way, but it involves an hour or more of neck and tongue ache, and even then there's only about a one in three chance that Dinah-Moe will hum, so I've somewhat less eager to go that route.  Guess it's just the way they're designed...


You know, at first I was going to funny this, but it is much more a smart. Bravo to you, good sir!
 
2013-11-24 12:10:13 AM

Kyoki: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9JqbCH4aVw


http://youtu.be/s9JqbCH4aVw?t=1m10s

FTFY
 
2013-11-24 12:13:01 AM

gunsmack: craigdamage: I lost 60 lbs last year.

god!!  my dick looks huge!

*knucks*

Only about 40, but I know the feeling.


I need to lose hundreds, hundreds of pounds I tell ya.
 
2013-11-24 12:13:26 AM
I'm happy with my size and have only ever gotten complaints about being a little bigger than she's used to.

That kind of comment is really good for the old self esteem. Even if you don't mean it, ladies, it's worth it to tell your guy that every now and then.
 
2013-11-24 12:13:42 AM
So, this in a EIP thread? Time to get my yardstick.
 
2013-11-24 12:15:31 AM
You want to pump up your man's self esteem, ladies, with just one word? Try "ouch".

I heard that once. Turns out I was leaning on her hair.
 
2013-11-24 12:16:57 AM
Short and thick does the trick,
Long and thin just gets in,
But thick and meaty makes me greedy.
 
2013-11-24 12:19:40 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.


I'm still trying to remember who originally wrote that joke...
Pryor did a similar bit...
I'm thinking Richard Jeni...
 
2013-11-24 12:20:36 AM

ZAZ: If I ran a dating web site I would put in an entry for penis length in men's profiles and let women search on it. Then I would secretly let women leave feedback on their dates' penises. Then I would show men what each woman was really looking for in penis size, and show women what past dates had said about each man. Then I would publish the results, die in a mysterious fire, or both.


This is fine. Make sure you charge women 25 to join so that you can charge guys 25 bux a crack to leave comments and generate a score. Only increase it 1/10 inch each unique woman account commenting.

What other dating site collects 500 from men to join?
 
2013-11-24 12:20:47 AM
 
2013-11-24 12:20:50 AM

gunsmack: wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.

That one there is worth a month of TF.


Thanks. Glad someone appreciated it, my old man sure didn't. Probably just realized all that
"It's not the size of the wand, it's the fairy swinging it that counts" bullshiat I've been feeding him over the years was just that.
 
2013-11-24 12:21:06 AM

LikeALeafOnTheWind: Phil Clinton: It may look like a needle, but it works like a sewing machine *wink* *wink*...

it leaves them in stiches?


You keep your damned fingers away it.
 
2013-11-24 12:24:14 AM
Is my dick made of solid gold?
 
2013-11-24 12:27:20 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's not how big it is, it's how sincere your tearful apology is twenty-four seconds later.


years of practice set me head and shoulders above the rest
 
2013-11-24 12:27:53 AM

fusillade762: Are penises, then, like people, getting bigger?

Why would getting fat make your penis bigger?


Opposite, dizzbrain. 35 pounds overweight equals one inch of penis lost to fat. 70 equals two inches lost.
 
2013-11-24 12:29:13 AM

bearded clamorer: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.

I'm still trying to remember who originally wrote that joke...
Pryor did a similar bit...
I'm thinking Richard Jeni...


I have no idea. Lost in the mists of time...

/at least I did the math! :)
 
2013-11-24 12:31:21 AM
I blame my dad.

(Hangs head)
 
2013-11-24 12:32:40 AM

solitary: More men have tiny penises than big ones.  Some asian men only have an inch.  The biggest man I ever had was hung like my forearm.  Took many tries to get a condom on it rock solid, it hurt to fark him.  Most of the pleasure was in the pure freak value.  He was pretty proud of it.  I suspect he liked showing it off.


Bad fiction detected. Very bad.
 
2013-11-24 12:32:55 AM

Mister Buttons: Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time

You forgot big SUVs and trucks.  Maybe that falls under the money category though.


And guns.  We must not forget guns.  If everyone were made to feel comfortable about their penis size then guns would go away.
 
2013-11-24 12:32:57 AM
BUT I WAS SWIMMING ALL DAY!
 
2013-11-24 12:32:59 AM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Guys who are concerned about their penis size are either

1. adolescent virgins,
2. either sexually incompetent or always going out with sexually incompetent partners, or
3. have a micropenis.

Number 3 is the only valid excuse for caring.


See, I was worried as hell for the longest time because I was a virgin. Once I got some and found that not only was it okay but that I could also do sex really well in other ways that wouldn't send me to the asthma-cloud in the sky, I was fine. It doesn't have to big. It just has to be big enough.
 
2013-11-24 12:33:27 AM

FarkinHostile: I blame my dad.

(Hangs head)


Why? Us ladies thank him!
 
2013-11-24 12:33:40 AM

Sock Ruh Tease: Guys can make up for a small penis in one of two ways:

1) Money
2) Cunnilingus

Works every time


okay like about how much money are we talking here? Not the "oh god oh god oh god" amount just the "oh god" amount...how much is that?
 
2013-11-24 12:35:18 AM
Solution: date shorter women. I'm 5'2" and you cannot fit a semi truck in a single car garage.

/have a big tonker? you are not welcome here
//my vagina is not taking resumes at the moment so don't ask
 
2013-11-24 12:40:25 AM
So this id the part where I'm subtle about offering WIE and being over 7" right?
 
2013-11-24 12:40:48 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


That is funniest thing I have ever read
 
2013-11-24 12:41:34 AM

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: So this id the part where I'm subtle about offering WIE and being over 7" right?


WIE = Wang In Ear?
 
2013-11-24 12:42:30 AM
Long and thin will get it in, but short and fat is where it's at.
 
2013-11-24 12:43:02 AM
There is a lot of difference between 7 well made inches on a fit person and 6 skinny inches on an unfit person. The former will be perceived as more than it is, and the latter as a lot less.
 
2013-11-24 12:44:02 AM
Money and Power trump size
 
2013-11-24 12:45:38 AM
Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.
 
2013-11-24 12:46:49 AM

foo monkey: Long and thin will get it in, but short and fat is where it's at.


Lumpy and bent is heaven sent

Red and crusty is always trusty

Small and hairy makes her merry

Pustulent and diseased makes her pleased

Green and spikey she sure likey
 
2013-11-24 12:47:08 AM
I'm gonna measure mine and see where I stand. Pretty sure I'm VERY average.

Wife seems to enjoy it, o maybe I don't care...?
 
2013-11-24 12:49:35 AM

slidillon: I'm gonna measure mine and see where I stand. Pretty sure I'm VERY average.

Wife seems to enjoy it, o maybe I don't care...?


The person you married is happy? Dude, nothing else matters.
 
2013-11-24 12:50:30 AM
Mr. Average turned out 3 great kids so I guess he worked pretty good.
 
2013-11-24 12:52:11 AM
Got me the strangest woman... believe me, this chick's no cinch... but I really get her going... when I take out my big ten-inch

...record of the band that plays the blues...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rws_7mLTqj8
 
2013-11-24 12:52:57 AM
We'll stop lying about our penis size when women stop using pictures that are from 10 years and 50 lbs ago.

/I've never lied about my penis size
//I'm average
 
2013-11-24 12:52:59 AM

fusillade762: Are penises, then, like people, getting bigger?

Why would getting fat make your penis bigger?


Leon's getting llllllarger
 
2013-11-24 12:57:12 AM

wellreadneck: One of the best things about being gay is that if I'm disappointed, I can just flip him over.


Yep. Or go with one of the other guys you brought home that night.
 
2013-11-24 12:59:07 AM
That was a loooooooooooooooong article.

**amiright?**
 
2013-11-24 01:04:17 AM
MIckey Avalon

My dick cost a late-night fee
Your dick got the HIV
My dick plays on the double feature screen
Your dick went straight to DVD
My dick: bigger than a bridge
Your dick look like a little kid's
My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team
Your shiat look like you're 14
My dick: locked in a cage, right
Your dick suffers from stage fright
My dick: so hot its stolen
Your shiat look like Gary Coleman
My dick: pink and big
Your dick stinks like shiat
My dick got a Caesar do
Your dick needs a tweezer dude
My dick is like super size
Your dick look like 2 fries
My dick: more mass than the Earth
Your dick half-staff; it needs work
My dick: been there, done that
Your dick sits there with dunce cap
My dick: VIP
Your shiat needs ID
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
My dick need no introduction
Your dick don't even function
My dick serve the whole luncheon
Your dick looks like a munchkin
My dick: size of a pumpkin
Your dick looks like Macaulay Culkin
My dick: good good lovin
Your dick: good for nothin
My dick benchpress 350
Your dick couldn't shoplift at thrifty
My dick: pretty damn skippy
Your dick: hungry as a hippy
My dick don't fit down the chimney
Your dick is like a kid from the Phillippines
My dick is like an M16
Your dick: broken vending machine
My dick parts the seas
Your dick farts and queefs
My dick: rumble in the jungle
Your dick got touched by your uncle
My dick goes to yoga
Your dick: fruit roll-up
My dick: Grade A beef
Your dick: Made a geek
My dick: sick and dangerous
Your dick: quick and painless
My dick...'nuff said
Your dick: loves Fred
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
Its time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
DS is the best in the business
PS- we got dicks like Jesus
Dicks like Jesus
 
2013-11-24 01:05:03 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: If the average penis is just under six inches, and the average vagina is approximately 8-inches deep, there is over 4,734 miles of unused pussy in the United States.


Where do you get this shiat?
 
2013-11-24 01:05:47 AM
Zzzzzzziiiiiippppp...*thunk*
 
2013-11-24 01:09:35 AM

Bareefer Obonghit: 3 inches high, 8 inches wide. Looks like a bundt cake with cool whip in the middle for serving.


Dude, stop doing that to the bundt cake, you'll go blind!
 
2013-11-24 01:11:02 AM

sleeper2995: Woman talk about not dating men with a average penis size and no one bats an eye. Say you don't date girls because of their waist size and everyone loses their minds.


Similar pet peeve: Women's ads commonly require a minimum height. A 5'5" woman will want a man at least 6 ft. But if I were to say "no one under a D-cup," I'd be an arsehole.

When I first read the title, I thought it meant 5'7" tall. "Cool," I thought, "I'm taller than that." Then I realized it was about weiners, and now I'm feeling really good: "hell, mine's at least 5'10"."

/gotta hang it over my shoulder
//don't hate me because it's beautiful
 
2013-11-24 01:11:20 AM
I got a 12" dick and a dozen roses, and a pick-up truck, hubba hubba hubba hey!--RODNEY CARRINGTON
 
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