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(Daily Mail)   Is being too cuddly in bed with a new partner more offensive than releasing a malodorous breeze?   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 158
    More: Obvious, pet peeves  
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6743 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2013 at 2:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



158 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-20 12:48:56 PM  
Do pretty people actually sleep like this?

i76.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-20 12:53:53 PM  
*pencils "malodorous breeze" (with three stars) in his book of flatulence euphemisms*
 
2013-11-20 01:02:38 PM  

kid_icarus: Do pretty people actually sleep like this?
[i76.photobucket.com image 634x417]


Look at that guy's face. He's wondering just how long does he have to lie there like that while she breathes cum breath all over him and puts his arm to sleep? Because he'd really like to watch the football game, and he needs to fart, too.

Also he's wondering why she wouldn't take off her stupid nightie. Maybe he'll just get up and leave if she's such a prude. This cuddling shiat is for the birds.
 
2013-11-20 01:11:39 PM  
there seems to be a discrepancy between the do's and don't column. If we ain't at a cuddling stage... we ain't having breakfast in bed... because that will just cut into valuable time that one of us should be using getting our stuff together to GTFO.
 
2013-11-20 01:24:13 PM  
i105.photobucket.com
Laugh at your trivial complaints.
 
2013-11-20 01:27:56 PM  

cryinoutloud: kid_icarus: Do pretty people actually sleep like this?
[i76.photobucket.com image 634x417]

Look at that guy's face. He's wondering just how long does he have to lie there like that while she breathes cum breath all over him and puts his arm to sleep? Because he'd really like to watch the football game, and he needs to fart, too.

Also he's wondering why she wouldn't take off her stupid nightie. Maybe he'll just get up and leave if she's such a prude. This cuddling shiat is for the birds.


I read those expressions completely differently. He's all "Oh shiat. What did my penis just get me into?" and she's all "Muhahahah. He's completely under my power now!"
 
2013-11-20 01:35:23 PM  
I'm definitely an excessive cuddler.  I finally found myself a girl who is an excessive cuddler, too.  It's wonderful.
 
2013-11-20 01:37:32 PM  

MrBallou: I read those expressions completely differently. He's all "Oh shiat. What did my penis just get me into?" and she's all "Muhahahah. He's completely under my power now!"


hmmm, yes, you're right. I have never known how to use my powers that way. Not a cuddler. I'd be offering to get off him so he could go watch football.
 
2013-11-20 01:49:33 PM  
How long do you like to be held after sex? All night, right? See, that's your problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-11-20 01:54:48 PM  
Her left hand is looking for the right spot to perform the Vulcan neck pinch.
 
2013-11-20 01:57:21 PM  
Just because I like to make those comical "chomp chomp" gestures with my hands and call myself the Great White Shark during these matters does not mean that I need a remora.
 
2013-11-20 01:58:57 PM  
This would actually make for a pretty good photoshop contest. She look like she's gonna strangle him and he looks like he just realized he farked a bunny boiler.
 
2013-11-20 02:08:01 PM  
Excessive cuddling leads to emasculation and the friend zone.  If you don't want to end up with your balls on the night stand, or worse, going purse shopping while she tells you her woes of that asshole that's been railing her instead of you, then learn to slap that ass and pull that hair and treat her like the dirty girl that she wants to be.
 
2013-11-20 02:21:51 PM  
There's no hard rules regarding post-sex cuddling.  It's entirely dependent on the personalities of those involved.
 
2013-11-20 02:22:00 PM  
I am not anti-cuddling but it needs a reasonable time limit...and when it is time to go to sleep, get the hell OFF me!  Better yet, separate beds, I cannot sleep with someone draped all over me.  (This applies to pets as well)
 
2013-11-20 02:22:13 PM  
I came, You GTFO.
Don't call me.
I'll call you.

You have one week to prove to me you aren't batshiat crazy, possessive, violent, or a ball crusher.
If I hear from you one farking peep, you fail.

None shall pass
this test.

Keeps me single.
 
2013-11-20 02:24:02 PM  
DUTCH OVEN
 
2013-11-20 02:24:44 PM  

kid_icarus: Do pretty people actually sleep like this?

[i76.photobucket.com image 634x417]


"shiat shiat shiat. What was her name again? Think goddamn you!"
 
2013-11-20 02:25:51 PM  
That kind of cuddling sucks...it's all about the spooning...
 
2013-11-20 02:26:25 PM  
There's something about that feeling or razors dragging on your leg that's her leg hair she won't shave because she's complacent.  Or when her long toe nails draws blood, I draw the line there.
 
2013-11-20 02:26:53 PM  

SDRR: DUTCH OVEN


Beaten to the punch yet again.
 
2013-11-20 02:26:54 PM  

cryinoutloud: hmmm, yes, you're right. I have never known how to use my powers that way. Not a cuddler. I'd be offering to get off him so he could go watch football.


How YOU doin'?
 
2013-11-20 02:27:06 PM  
Just shake her like a rag doll.  You'll get more personal space.
 
2013-11-20 02:27:11 PM  
He looks like he found a vestigal penis on her, and she looks like she couldn't believe he didn't run when he found it.
 
2013-11-20 02:27:17 PM  

reillan: I'm definitely an excessive cuddler.  I finally found myself a girl who is an excessive cuddler, too.  It's wonderful.


I find cuddling to be okay in certain small amounts...when it's time to sleep, though, I need my space. If you need to wrap around something like a gorilla to sleep, buy a body pillow.
 
2013-11-20 02:27:17 PM  

kid_icarus: Do pretty people actually sleep like this?

[i76.photobucket.com image 634x417]


I cant believe I let her touch my pooper.  Am I gay?
 
2013-11-20 02:27:27 PM  
In my experience, the cuddling time should be just long enough to allow the semen and other fluids to encrust the shaft of the penis.
 
2013-11-20 02:27:29 PM  
If a woman still has enough energy to "cuddle" after sex, it's because she was not done hard or long enough.

Guys, if you want to get out of cuddling, don't stop until she tells you to.
 
2013-11-20 02:27:49 PM  
After 15 minutes of cuddling you taser them and then pretend like you don't know what happened when you wake up the next day....
 
2013-11-20 02:28:02 PM  
It also mentioned not having clean sheets as a major mood killer.  This is why I clean my sheets every spring, rather they need them or not.
 
2013-11-20 02:31:14 PM  

cryinoutloud: Because he'd really like to watch the football game, and he needs to fart, too.


One of the reasons why it's good to be married.  Finish, disengage, fart loudly, proclaim "I've been holding  that one in for awhile", we both laugh, fall asleep.
 
2013-11-20 02:31:33 PM  
Crimeny folks. I don't consider myself an excessive cuddler, but after the sexy time is over I need to cuddle a bit and so does my partner. Granted it's more of a catch my breath and maybe a bit of "after care" but not lovey dovey stuff.
Jeansus folks, your human, make a connection with someone after you do the naughty dance. Don't be a robot.
 
2013-11-20 02:32:28 PM  
Hey, baby. I'm full of surprises.

At least it wasn't as bad as when you fell asleep in the car. There you were looking all sweet and pure. I was fondling your boob and looking on the map for the West Frankfort exit when you just blew ass! Fogged up the windows! Had to roll down the window and hang my head out of the window for a couple of miles. This state trooper pulled me over because I was acting suspiciously. I told him, stick yer nose in here and get of wif of what the girlfriend birthed. He did and said "I could charge you for assault for what you made me do but if you drive the next 20 miles with your windows rolled up, I'll let it go." And he followed me for 20 miles, that big cop smile of his stupid face. You popped a few more but nothing like that monster. I told my brother and sister about it. that's why they were laughing when we came over for Thanksgiving. By the time you woke up, it had dissipated. Why do you think we never eat at White Castle anymore?
 
2013-11-20 02:33:22 PM  
Spooning is something you do to your soup.
 
2013-11-20 02:33:50 PM  
It depends.  Does your partner have a farting fetish?
 
2013-11-20 02:34:44 PM  

vudukungfu: I came, You GTFO.
Don't call me.
I'll call you.

You have one week to prove to me you aren't batshiat crazy, possessive, violent, or a ball crusher.
If I hear from you one farking peep, you fail.

None shall pass
this test.

Keeps me single.


Where were you when I was 20?
 
2013-11-20 02:35:27 PM  
Jesus Christ this is complicated stuff. If you need a checklist to perform a natural function, maybe it's time to examine your neuroses. I'm glad I'm pretty much asexual, the last time I remember having sex and I dared to cuddle because it felt good to finally be with someone it's like I was a cihld murderer or something.

Yet the same woman was boasting about how hard her abusive ex would hit her.

Women, you're weird.
 
2013-11-20 02:36:03 PM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: It also mentioned not having clean sheets as a major mood killer.  This is why I clean my sheets every spring, rather they need them or not.


If you still have clean sheets after sex, y'ain't doin' it right.

Hell, if the sheets are still even mostly *on* the bed, you're not. The sheets are there to soak up juices, and to wrap up the corpse if necessary.
 
2013-11-20 02:36:07 PM  

Dangl1ng: Jeansus folks, your human, make a connection with someone after you do the naughty dance.


If I were the kind of person who wanted that, I wouldn't be in the internet equivalent of the Mos Eisley cantina.
 
2013-11-20 02:36:23 PM  

Arkanaut: It depends.  Does your partner have a farting fetish?


Does anyone?
 
2013-11-20 02:36:55 PM  

Dancin_In_Anson: How long do you like to be held after sex? All night, right? See, that's your problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.


Its amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.

(I know...not the right line, but this sounded better)
 
2013-11-20 02:37:33 PM  
img.fark.net

Elizabeth Berkley is content with Stock Photo Guy's performance, but he farted and is worried that it will be detected.
 
2013-11-20 02:37:43 PM  
I dont mind cuddling but I have had girlfriends who insisted on sleeping on top of me, are you using me as a foot and hand warmer.

The worst were the one night stands who wanted to cuddle like we were some old married couple, not to drunk strangers just getting our hump on.

My wife likes to have her hand or a foot touching me, which is comforting, but leaves me space to sleep.
 
2013-11-20 02:38:08 PM  

uncleacid: Spooning is something you do to your soup.


Souping is something you do to your spoon.

//haha the foot is in the other shoe... charade you are!
 
2013-11-20 02:38:30 PM  
Well..dang... there goes wiping off your schlong on the curtains...
 
2013-11-20 02:38:54 PM  

Cagey B: Dangl1ng: Jeansus folks, your human, make a connection with someone after you do the naughty dance.

If I were the kind of person who wanted that, I wouldn't be in the internet equivalent of the Mos Eisley cantina.


We're not wanted in any systems.
 
2013-11-20 02:39:04 PM  
Oxytocin is the hormone that creates feelings of bonding and love in mammals.  Women generally produce more during skin to skin contact, men produce more during climax.
 
2013-11-20 02:39:23 PM  
Yeah I cuddle. I sleep cuddling. I usually sleep better cuddling.

/Just don't tell my girlfriend. She'd get mad
 
2013-11-20 02:39:23 PM  

MrBallou: I read those expressions completely differently. He's all "Oh shiat. What did my penis just get me into?" and she's all "Muhahahah. He's completely under my power now!"


Mwahahah.... I pop a kid out and I get half!  SCORE!!!!
 
2013-11-20 02:40:03 PM  

Girl Sailor: Arkanaut: It depends.  Does your partner have a farting fetish?

Does anyone?


I haven't tried Googling it, but I'm willing to bet there are websites and forums devoted to such a thing.
 
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