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(News.com.au)   American and Russian astronaut survival kits compared. American: freeze dried ice-cream. Russian: Markov pistol, machete   (news.com.au) divider line 74
    More: Interesting, survival kit, NASA, Russians, Soviet, Americans, astronauts, crash landing, Mir  
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3997 clicks; posted to Geek » on 20 Nov 2013 at 4:01 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-19 11:53:18 PM  
A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff;
 
2013-11-19 11:56:08 PM  
IOW, on the ISS the American survival kit is empty, and the Russian kit has freeze dried ice-cream, a machete and a cocked Makarov
 
2013-11-19 11:59:18 PM  
A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.
 
2013-11-20 12:03:51 AM  

RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.


Yeah - I can't think of too many things more dangerous than a gun in a space station, on may levels.
 
2013-11-20 12:08:03 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org

The Americans spent millions of dollars developing a pen that will write in space.

The Russians used a pencil.
 
2013-11-20 12:10:03 AM  

Donnchadha: [upload.wikimedia.org image 425x287]

The Americans spent millions of dollars developing a pen that will write in space.

The Russians used a pencil.


Wiki:

A common urban legend states that NASA spent a large amount of money to develop a pen that would write in space (the result purportedly being the Fisher Space Pen), while the Soviets just used pencils.[2][3] Like most urban legends, there is a grain of truth: NASA began to develop a space pen, but when development costs skyrocketed the project was abandoned and astronauts went back to using pencils, along with the Soviets.[2][3] However, the claim that NASA spent millions on the Space Pen is incorrect, as the Fisher pen was developed using private capital, not government funding. NASA - and the Soviets[3][4][5] - eventually began purchasing such pens.

NASA programs previously used pencils[6] (for example a 1965 order of mechanical pencils[7]) but because of the substantial dangers that broken pencil tips and graphite dust pose to electronics in zero gravity, the flammable nature of wood present in pencils,[7] and the inadequate quality documentation produced by non-permanent or smeared recordkeeping, a better solution was needed. Russian cosmonauts used pencils, and grease pencils on plastic slates until also adopting a space pen in 1969 with a purchase of 100 units for use on all future missions.[8] NASA never approached Paul Fisher to develop a pen, nor did Fisher receive any government funding for the pen's development.[7] Fisher invented it independently and then, in 1965, asked NASA to try it. After extensive testing, NASA decided to use the pens in future Apollo missions.[6][9][8] Subsequently, in 1967 it was reported that NASA purchased approximately 400 pens for $2.95[10] a piece.[8]
In 2008, Gene Cernan's Apollo 17-flown space pen sold in a Heritage auction for US$23,900.[11]
 
2013-11-20 12:10:08 AM  

RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.


Funny thing though- if you crash land way off course on re-entry, it won't do you any good if it wasn't already with you when you were, you know- in space.

/Space. Space. Gotta got to space.
/Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey lady. You know what? SPACE.
 
2013-11-20 12:12:10 AM  

RexTalionis: Wiki:


I like my story better. Just because yours has "facts" and "citations" doesn't make it more truthy than mine.
 
2013-11-20 12:14:07 AM  

Ashyukun: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

Funny thing though- if you crash land way off course on re-entry, it won't do you any good if it wasn't already with you when you were, you know- in space.

/Space. Space. Gotta got to space.
/Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey lady. You know what? SPACE.


Also, since the Russians tended to go for a land based landing (rather than splash down), I believe you also want a cocked gun sitting next to you at the moment of impact. I mean, what could go wrong?
 
2013-11-20 12:37:21 AM  

RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.


It's not for "in space". It's for a landing that's gone bad, and they land in a remote location.
 
2013-11-20 12:43:05 AM  
Now THAT'S how you survive in space, dammit!

Trouble is, there ain't no monsters in space. At least, the parts of space that we have seen. Which sucks. Because I'm 'bout frickin' ready for space monsters.
 
2013-11-20 12:50:47 AM  

Donnchadha: Ashyukun: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

Funny thing though- if you crash land way off course on re-entry, it won't do you any good if it wasn't already with you when you were, you know- in space.

/Space. Space. Gotta got to space.
/Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey lady. You know what? SPACE.

Also, since the Russians tended to go for a land based landing (rather than splash down), I believe you also want a cocked gun sitting next to you at the moment of impact. I mean, what could go wrong?


Nothing, if the thumb safety is engaged.
 
2013-11-20 01:56:46 AM  

RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.


The only thing that can stop an alien with a gun, is a human with a gun.
 
2013-11-20 01:58:06 AM  

Donnchadha: [upload.wikimedia.org image 425x287]

The Americans spent made millions of dollars developing marketing a pen that will write in space.

The Russians used a pencil.


FTFY.
 
2013-11-20 02:16:01 AM  
i22.photobucket.com

i22.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-20 02:24:18 AM  

Donnchadha: Ashyukun: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

Funny thing though- if you crash land way off course on re-entry, it won't do you any good if it wasn't already with you when you were, you know- in space.

/Space. Space. Gotta got to space.
/Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey lady. You know what? SPACE.

Also, since the Russians tended to go for a land based landing (rather than splash down), I believe you also want a cocked gun sitting next to you at the moment of impact. I mean, what could go wrong?


Personally, I'd be rather eating my space ice cream and calling up NASA on my cell phone to get me the hell out of wherever the hell I was.

Jesus... what did the Russians do, start launching space missions in the 1800's?

Ahhhhhh! Farkin' Cossacks! Get the Makarov and the machete!
 
2013-11-20 04:16:12 AM  

Ashyukun: Funny thing though- if you crash land way off course on re-entry, it won't do you any good if it wasn't already with you when you were because you'll be dead long before you reach the ground, you know- in space.


FTFY
 
2013-11-20 04:23:25 AM  

log_jammin: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

It's not for "in space". It's for a landing that's gone bad, and they land in a remote location.


Oh I imagine it's good for space too:  Hey Americans, I want your ice cream...
 
2013-11-20 04:41:53 AM  
Makarov nothing. They used one of the most awesome guns ever created.
 
2013-11-20 04:45:28 AM  

BumpInTheNight: log_jammin: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

It's not for "in space". It's for a landing that's gone bad, and they land in a remote location.

Oh I imagine it's good for space too:  Hey Americans, I want your ice cream...


and your delicious Tang...
 
Poe
2013-11-20 04:46:36 AM  
Guns carried on the Soyuz spacecraft were given to crew members as post-flight souvenirs.

As a gun collector, I can't think of many things that would be as cool as a space flown Makarov.  I mean, yeah, owning the M1 Garand with serial number 1 or something of that nature beats it, but there have been enough Soyuz flights that these things might actually be attainable.
 
2013-11-20 04:52:52 AM  
Trouble is, no matter how many times you test a Markov pistol, there are no guarantees it will work when you need it. They're quite unpredictable.
 
2013-11-20 05:15:26 AM  

www.thatsonyourteam.com


WHATCH'ALL MEAN IT AIN'T 1985!?  MR. INNERNET PAID ME $50


TA WRITE DIS. I'S CRANKY WHEN I WAKES UP.


F*CK Y'ALL!

 
2013-11-20 05:19:58 AM  

log_jammin: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

It's not for "in space". It's for a landing that's gone bad, and they land in a remote location.


IIRC, there was one capsule that got blown off course, and a hungry wolf pack surrounded it.  They were trapped inside until the Red Army showed up.
 
2013-11-20 05:27:55 AM  

Sgt Otter: log_jammin: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

It's not for "in space". It's for a landing that's gone bad, and they land in a remote location.

IIRC, there was one capsule that got blown off course, and a hungry wolf pack surrounded it.  They were trapped inside until the Red Army showed up.


That sounds about right.

I know they did(still do?) land their capsules in remote parts of Siberia due to the deep snow, in the same way we used to land in the ocean.
 
2013-11-20 05:47:24 AM  

Donnchadha: RexTalionis: Wiki:

I like my story better. Just because yours has "facts" and "citations" doesn't make it more truthy than mine.


which is the case with most "the russians are better than americans" stories written by americans.
 
2013-11-20 05:50:55 AM  

zamboni: Donnchadha: Ashyukun: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

Funny thing though- if you crash land way off course on re-entry, it won't do you any good if it wasn't already with you when you were, you know- in space.

/Space. Space. Gotta got to space.
/Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey lady. You know what? SPACE.

Also, since the Russians tended to go for a land based landing (rather than splash down), I believe you also want a cocked gun sitting next to you at the moment of impact. I mean, what could go wrong?

Personally, I'd be rather eating my space ice cream and calling up NASA on my cell phone to get me the hell out of wherever the hell I was.

Jesus... what did the Russians do, start launching space missions in the 1800's?

Ahhhhhh! Farkin' Cossacks! Get the Makarov and the machete!


No, but they don't land a glider on a runway in the middle of Florida or California either.  They land in the middle of the Russian equivalent of Alaska.  Go 10 miles outside of Fairbanks and you get no cell signal.  And there are animals that can kill you without a second thought.  I doubt the middle of the Russian wilderness is any different.
 
2013-11-20 06:02:48 AM  

Donnchadha: RexTalionis: Wiki:

I like my story better. Just because yours has "facts" and "citations" doesn't make it more truthy than mine.


--
Rand Paul
 
2013-11-20 06:04:27 AM  

impaler: Donnchadha: [upload.wikimedia.org image 425x287]

The Americans spent made millions of dollars developing marketing a pen that will write in space.

The Russians used a pencil.

FTFY.


And each Russian was given pencils according to his need.
 
2013-11-20 06:23:19 AM  
wtf is a 'Markov' pistol? Do they mean a Makarov?
 
2013-11-20 06:41:00 AM  
Freeze dried ice cream for the astronauts so they have something to subsist on until they're rescued.

A pistol for the cosmonauts for the sweet release of death, and to spare the Motherland the cost of recovering them.
 
2013-11-20 07:13:01 AM  
Russian (then Soviet) capsules landed. In remote areas. Survival might mean hunting and keeping warm. And possibly fend off hungry/territorially-aggressive predators, though stories of these are mostly apocryphal.

American capsules splashed down. And mostly kept floating until they were picked up by the Navy. Survival might mean not starving or dehydrating.
 
2013-11-20 07:21:48 AM  
Meanwhile, the US spent 20 years trying to work out how to make ice cream that could be eaten by its namby-pamby astronauts in space.

So Australians have the maturity lever of a 12 year-old?
 
2013-11-20 07:22:29 AM  

Donnchadha: [upload.wikimedia.org image 425x287]

The Americans spent millions of dollars developing a pen that will write in space.

The Russians used a pencil.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Pen#Uses_in_the_U.S._and_Russian_ sp ace_programs
 
2013-11-20 07:34:20 AM  

impaler: Donnchadha: [upload.wikimedia.org image 425x287]

The Americans spent made millions of dollars developing marketing a pen that will write in space to people who will never go into space.

The Russians used a pencil.

FTFY.


FTFY.
 
2013-11-20 08:11:28 AM  
H31N0US
2013-11-20 04:52:52 AM


Trouble is, no matter how many times you test a Markov pistol, there are no guarantees it will work when you need it. They're quite unpredictable.

Let me guess, you also believe the AR15 also cant' fire 4 rounds without jamming and that being shot knocks the person back 30 yards.

.. and as long as we're busting myths (the pen story), freeze dried icecream only flew on Apollo 7. It was (is) so disgusting nobody wanted it.
 
2013-11-20 08:13:55 AM  
Donnchadha [TotalFark]

Also, since the Russians tended to go for a land based landing (rather than splash down), I believe you also want a cocked gun sitting next to you at the moment of impact. I mean, what could go wrong?
Proof your sniveling is accurate is the large number of astronauts killed by these guns going off upon landing.
 
2013-11-20 08:23:41 AM  

RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.


Pretty much that.
 
2013-11-20 08:24:28 AM  

OnlyM3: Proof your sniveling is accurate is the large number of astronauts killed by these guns going off upon landing.


[inigomontoya.gif]
 
2013-11-20 08:25:49 AM  

Fark It: Nothing, if the thumb safety is engaged.


I used to believe this. Then I defended a criminal case and learned about how some guns are poorly designed. Turns out my client's sig had been known to fail the "drop test" and I got an acquittal claiming the gun discharged when it fell during a struggle.
 
2013-11-20 09:00:20 AM  
Author fail.

It's Makarov.
 
2013-11-20 09:04:02 AM  

OnlyM3: H31N0US
2013-11-20 04:52:52 AM


Trouble is, no matter how many times you test a Markov pistol, there are no guarantees it will work when you need it. They're quite unpredictable.
Let me guess, you also believe the AR15 also cant' fire 4 rounds without jamming and that being shot knocks the person back 30 yards.

.. and as long as we're busting myths (the pen story), freeze dried icecream only flew on Apollo 7. It was (is) so disgusting nobody wanted it.


Let me guess, you don't know what a Markov process is.
 
2013-11-20 09:43:59 AM  
media.agonybooth.com

Man, what are you doing with a gun in space?

Oh... it's for after space...
 
2013-11-20 09:53:00 AM  

RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.


Survival kits to be used in space are generally useless: it's space. The kits are meant to be used on Earth, in the event that you are forced to land in a place markedly different from the one originally schedule.
 
2013-11-20 10:13:24 AM  

dragonchild: Freeze dried ice cream for the astronauts so they have something to subsist on until they're rescued.

A pistol for the cosmonauts for the sweet release of death, and to spare the Motherland the cost of recovering them.


The US missions aimed to land in the ocean, so you just sit around to be rescued.  Russians landed in Siberia, where you could "live off the land" until being rescued.  So the kits were naturally different.

/surprised there wasn't vodka supplied in both kits.  One to party, the other as food group.
 
2013-11-20 10:29:10 AM  

GodComplex: Makarov nothing. They used one of the most awesome guns ever created.


And even that's not the largest gun the Soviets sent into space:
2.bp.blogspot.com
Rikhter R-23, 23mm autocannon @ 2,000 RPM
Also had a version with rockets which may or may not have been flown...
http://www.russianspaceweb.com/almaz.html
 
2013-11-20 10:43:07 AM  

OnlyM3: Donnchadha [TotalFark]

Also, since the Russians tended to go for a land based landing (rather than splash down), I believe you also want a cocked gun sitting next to you at the moment of impact. I mean, what could go wrong? Proof your sniveling is accurate is the large number of astronauts killed by these guns going off upon landing.


Why are you such an asshole? I dare you to post nothing but positive comments for a week.
 
2013-11-20 11:20:06 AM  

Donnchadha: [upload.wikimedia.org image 425x287]

The Americans spent millions of dollars developing a pen that will write in space.



RexTalionis: long boring words


2.bp.blogspot.com
i go with the classics
 
2013-11-20 11:24:33 AM  

FuzedBox: RexTalionis: A Markov pistol is a retarded thing to give to somebody in space. Not only can you put a hole in your spacecraft, you also will get propelled in the other direction when you fire the thing.

Pretty much that.


I remember hearing that NASA was considering supplying astronauts with 1911 pistols on the ISS. The theory was, if you were doing a spacewalk and became untethered and started drifting away, you could point the pistol in the opposite direction of the space station and fire it a couple of times and it would propel you back to the station. Not sure how true that was, and too lazy to look it up.
 
2013-11-20 11:39:35 AM  
You know what was weird? I watched a video of Call of Duty Ghosts where astronauts on an orbital space station were killing other people in space with assault rifles.

1) How the hell can you shoot the space station with assault rifles and not rupture something and
2) How the hell can rounds go off when there's no air for the gunpowder to combust with?
 
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