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(RealClear)   JPMorgan to pay fine of $13 billion in record settlement, just as soon as it can rummage through Jamie Dimon's couch cushions   (realclear.com) divider line 69
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2726 clicks; posted to Business » on 19 Nov 2013 at 9:10 PM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-19 05:34:00 PM
actually, that's a pretty serious fine, even for them. and about farking time.

now, if only we'd see dimon and his ilk doing hard time.
 
2013-11-19 05:40:11 PM
that's less than half of what they were given to buy Bear Stearns.
 
2013-11-19 06:27:04 PM
Jamie Dimon?  Not likely.  The shareholders will foot the bill for this.  Just be thankful it's not the American taxpayer backing them up.  Again.
 
2013-11-19 06:43:04 PM
13 billion isn't a joke to anyone ones bottom line.
 
2013-11-19 07:03:59 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: 13 billion isn't a joke to anyone ones bottom line.


It is to theirs. That's 1 quarter of profits. Maybe 2.

Notice I said profits.

If it was a full year of profits plus them being forced to dip into their reserves, I'd be more impressed.
 
2013-11-19 07:18:38 PM

mainstreet62: The Stealth Hippopotamus: 13 billion isn't a joke to anyone ones bottom line.

It is to theirs. That's 1 quarter of profits. Maybe 2.

Notice I said profits.

If it was a full year of profits plus them being forced to dip into their reserves, I'd be more impressed.


It gives you a sense of how much f*cking money the 1%ers really have.
 
2013-11-19 07:22:31 PM

FlashHarry: actually, that's a pretty serious fine, even for them. and about farking time.

now, if only we'd see dimon and his ilk doing hard time.


I read the headline as million at first and was about to call bullshiat.  Yeah, that's a serious fine, and hopefully a deterrent to anyone who might think about doing that shiat again.
 
2013-11-19 07:24:17 PM
Also, best part of the article:  The person said the tentative agreement does not resolve a criminal investigation of the bank's conduct.

So not only do they settle, but there could still be jail time for these farks.  There won't be, but I can still dream.
 
2013-11-19 08:30:10 PM

encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

 
2013-11-19 09:12:16 PM

RedPhoenix122: Also, best part of the article:  The person said the tentative agreement does not resolve a criminal investigation of the bank's conduct.

So not only do they settle, but there could still be jail time for these farks.  There won't be, but I can still dream.


The statute of limitations will run out before anybody gets prosecuted.
 
2013-11-19 09:16:18 PM
There have been a lot of large fines lately.  Where's all that money going?  Also, has it just taken 5 years for all this to get through the courts?
 
2013-11-19 09:19:11 PM
Is it sufficient to make continuing to do what they were fined for unprofitable?

/Tired of token fines
 
2013-11-19 09:19:27 PM
trickle down
 
2013-11-19 09:20:47 PM

fusillade762: The statute of limitations will run out before anybody gets prosecuted.


Rope stretches.
Why not the law?
 
2013-11-19 09:29:19 PM
I'll take cash.
 
2013-11-19 09:29:57 PM
The way to punish the poor is take what dew sheckels they've managed to keep.

For the wealthy, I defer to Monopoly: so not pass go, do not collect $200. Get your ass to jail.
 
2013-11-19 09:30:41 PM

DubtodaIll: There have been a lot of large fines lately.  Where's all that money going?  Also, has it just taken 5 years for all this to get through the courts?


the question of the ages. where does it go. i suspect that $9 billion will vanish in short time, spent on airfare and misc expenses of providing a steady stream of supple young boys from foreign countries to 'entertain' senate and congress.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-11-19 09:30:54 PM

Marcus Aurelius: Jamie Dimon?  Not likely.  The shareholders will foot the bill for this.  Just be thankful it's not the American taxpayer backing them up.  Again.


Ugh, I can almost hear the checking and transaction fees going up on my account.
Time to switch banks before the fun begins.
 
2013-11-19 09:31:40 PM
 
2013-11-19 09:34:36 PM

ManateeGag: that's less than half of what they were given to buy Bear Stearns.


From which many of the transgressions causing this fine come from.
 
2013-11-19 09:34:37 PM
Maybe they should have another Twitter Q&A.  Paying this fine will totally prevent it from being another outpouring of rage against the slimy farkweasels.
 
2013-11-19 09:35:39 PM
About farking time, Dept of "Justice". Will it take 5 years to penalize JPM for rigging LIBOR?
 
2013-11-19 09:37:42 PM

KrispyKritter: DubtodaIll: There have been a lot of large fines lately.  Where's all that money going?  Also, has it just taken 5 years for all this to get through the courts?

the question of the ages. where does it go. i suspect that $9 billion will vanish in short time, spent on airfare and misc expenses of providing a steady stream of supple young boys from foreign countries to 'entertain' senate and congress.


$4b is going to homeowner aid for those in foreclosure.. In other words, helping those who overleveraged themselves and aren't fulfilling their contractual obligations.

The other $9b goes to the government to reduce the deficit by like a percent and a half for the year.
 
2013-11-19 09:38:39 PM

fusillade762: RedPhoenix122: Also, best part of the article:  The person said the tentative agreement does not resolve a criminal investigation of the bank's conduct.

So not only do they settle, but there could still be jail time for these farks.  There won't be, but I can still dream.

The statute of limitations will run out before anybody gets prosecuted.


Plus, you know, an actual crime has to be committed. Funny thing about justice.
 
2013-11-19 09:40:21 PM

Debeo Summa Credo: Plus, you know, an actual crime has to be committed. Funny thing about justice.


Trading in bogus securities is a crime.
 
2013-11-19 09:41:02 PM

FlashHarry: actually, that's a pretty serious fine, even for them. and about farking time.

now, if only we'd see dimon and his ilk doing hard time.


No it's not. They're paying back money we've basically given them. Do you see their stock slamming? Even dipping a tad? Do you see anyone panicking? No? Investigate why.
 
2013-11-19 09:41:25 PM
I'd have them take the money from their own accounts. Like every investment bank JP Morgan not only has customer accounts but also trades on its own accounts, which is where it makes a lot of money. Have the $13 billion come from their own accounts. Make it really sting.
 
2013-11-19 09:41:44 PM
DNRTFA, but I know she'll probably pay off the fine from all that money she made doing The Gong Show.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-11-19 09:44:36 PM
<ctrl-f>
jail

In the aftermath, public outrage boiled over that no high-level Wall Street executives had been sent to jail.

Clearly didn't boil over enough

How come the US rewards this behavior instead of punishing people for it?
 
2013-11-19 09:45:31 PM
Jamie Dimon is so despondent he's going to have some of his minions jump out the window for him.
 
2013-11-19 09:48:31 PM

Danger Avoid Death: DNRTFA, but I know she'll probably pay off the fine from all that money she made doing The Gong Show.


Would gladly do hard time for insider trading with her.
 
2013-11-19 09:49:54 PM

WhyteRaven74: Debeo Summa Credo: Plus, you know, an actual crime has to be committed. Funny thing about justice.

Trading in bogus securities is a crime.


For which you might get fined up to 5% of your profits.
 
2013-11-19 09:53:29 PM

bdub77: It gives you a sense of how much f*cking money the 0.01%ers really have.


FTFY. The 1% have their own 1%, and the wealth keeps concentrating until you reach people like the 6 WalMart heirs. But the good news is we're only a few tax-cuts away from having it all start to trickle down.
 
2013-11-19 09:56:18 PM
How much do I get?  My 401k took a freakin' beating that year.
 
2013-11-19 10:01:06 PM
What a joke. You just have to laugh. Such transparent bull to anyone with half a brain.
 
2013-11-19 10:03:12 PM

WhyteRaven74: I'd have them take the money from their own accounts. Like every investment bank JP Morgan not only has customer accounts but also trades on its own accounts, which is where it makes a lot of money. Have the $13 billion come from their own accounts. Make it really sting.


Do you really think they are paying this fine from client accounts?
 
2013-11-19 10:08:34 PM
That would buy like 26 obamacare websites

Ha ha, just kidding. But for reals, I can't wait to get my share. That should be like a hundred bucks considering my family of 3.
 
2013-11-19 10:15:55 PM

StainedGlassRuby: How much do I get?  My 401k took a freakin' beating that year.


I want to see prosecutions. I absolutely hate the "Without admitting doing any wrong ________ [the criminals] agree to pay ______ [some amount of a fine]. And then they go right back to stealing.
Criminals like this need to go to jail. A lot of people took a pounding and they will nothing while these thieves don't even get a pay cut.
 
2013-11-19 10:16:28 PM

Danger Avoid Death: DNRTFA, but I know she'll probably pay off the fine from all that money she made doing The Gong Show.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 441x438]


she could just show her tits again and we could call it even.  well, maybe not now.
 
2013-11-19 10:16:29 PM

Marcus Aurelius: Jamie Dimon?  Not likely.  The shareholders will foot the bill for this.  Just be thankful it's not the American taxpayer backing them up.  Again.


If you're referring to TARP, they didn't need the money and they paid it back as soon as the government would let them... They were forced to take it like every other bank to keep the playing field level...

As for this, JPMC sat aside $23 billion in reserves cause they knew this was coming, that's where the money will come from.

I also read BOA could possibly be hit with an even worse fine.
 
2013-11-19 10:25:33 PM

DreamSnipers: StainedGlassRuby: How much do I get?  My 401k took a freakin' beating that year.

I want to see prosecutions. I absolutely hate the "Without admitting doing any wrong ________ [the criminals] agree to pay ______ [some amount of a fine]. And then they go right back to stealing.
Criminals like this need to go to jail. A lot of people took a pounding and they will nothing while these thieves don't even get a pay cut.


Problem is there isn't a strong enough case for criminal prosecutions. The majority of the stuff JPM is being fined for was done by bear Stearns or Washington mutual before JPM bought them.

The reason the govt is able to extract such big fines is because they can threaten the banks licenses, which would put them out of business. So they can extort these huge sums, because from the banks perspective it is better to fork over ransom than be killed.
 
2013-11-19 10:27:05 PM
that $13 billion dollar fine is really going to hurt.  I mean, by the time they pay that $1.3 billion dollar fine, I can't imagine what will happen.  And can you imagine being in the room when that $130 million dollar check is written?  I bet the president of the company will really catch some heat for that $13 million dollar fine.  Hell, his wife might even leave him over that $1.3 million dollar fine.  And think of all the Vice Presidents, how will their families react to that $130,000 fine.  I can't even imagine.  I bet they'll really catch hell for that $13,000 fine.  Next time, they won't make the same mistakes, cause that $1,300 fine will really change the system.  Hell, I bet someone will lose their job over that $130 fine.  probably just a few thousand people will lose their jobs over that $13 fine.  I hope their investors don't revolt when they hear about that $1.30 fine.....
 
2013-11-19 10:27:36 PM
 
2013-11-19 10:29:49 PM

Tyrone Slothrop: And they may be able to deduct it from their taxes: http://www.marketplace.org/topics/business/what-did-13-billion-just-b u y-jp-morgan


Per the cnn article, all but 2 billion of it.
 
2013-11-19 10:32:20 PM

nyseattitude: <ctrl-f>
jail

In the aftermath, public outrage boiled over that no high-level Wall Street executives had been sent to jail.

Clearly didn't boil over enough

How come the US rewards this behavior instead of punishing people for it?


Because, very shrewdly, the criminals in question grease both sides of the aisle. We almost has Larry Farking Summers as Fed chair. When it comes to the financial industry, they might as well be proactively pardoned as soon as they hit a certain pay scale.
 
2013-11-19 10:41:57 PM

Debeo Summa Credo: KrispyKritter: DubtodaIll: There have been a lot of large fines lately.  Where's all that money going?  Also, has it just taken 5 years for all this to get through the courts?

the question of the ages. where does it go. i suspect that $9 billion will vanish in short time, spent on airfare and misc expenses of providing a steady stream of supple young boys from foreign countries to 'entertain' senate and congress.

$4b is going to homeowner aid for those in foreclosure.. In other words, helping those who overleveraged themselves and aren't fulfilling their contractual obligations.


Irving Maimway: nyseattitude: <ctrl-f>
jail

In the aftermath, public outrage boiled over that no high-level Wall Street executives had been sent to jail.

Clearly didn't boil over enough

How come the US rewards this behavior instead of punishing people for it?


How come they reward this behavior also? Granted the banks shouldn't be handing out loans to people who can't afford them, I guess other people aren't responsible for their own actions either...
 
2013-11-19 11:03:18 PM

mjones73: Granted the banks shouldn't be handing out loans to people who can't afford them


You know this isn't true.
 
2013-11-19 11:05:54 PM
Good. They got me for a $40 overdraft today. Bad, when I do it next month it's gonna cost me $50 now.
 
2013-11-19 11:09:48 PM
Boy, wouldn't it piss a lot of people off if they funneled that fine directly into the affordable health care act!?

But, really it's almost like so what?  So they're getting fined.  That money isn't going to see the light of day, it's going to go from one dark bank vault into another black hole (AGAIN), and will never benefit anyone or anything deserving of it.  And while I'm sure it's going to sting (GOOD), it really isn't going to cause JPM any HARM either.
 
2013-11-19 11:15:53 PM
Brilliant move on Daimon's part.  When all this was gearing up he had 28 Billion dollars set aside.  paying only 13bn of that 28?  Profit.  Or at least it looks like he limited the loss to less than half of the worst case scenario.
 
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