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(Westword)   Burglar breaks into house, forgets about that pesky GPS ankle monitor he's wearing   (blogs.westword.com) divider line 18
    More: Dumbass, ankle monitor, GPS, GPS ankle, burglary, Greenwood Village  
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3427 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Nov 2013 at 2:54 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



18 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-18 02:46:49 PM  
Ya know, if I had one of those things on me, and I was gonna commit a crime, I might be tempted to wrap a couple layers of tin foil around the thing first.

/ or maybe he did
// can't imaging GPS going through 1 layer of foil, 2-3 for good measure
/// whoops, am I like the guy telling how to beat lie detector tests now?
 
2013-11-18 03:00:02 PM  
Look for his lawyer to claim that ankle monitor is an unreasonable search without warrant since he didn't consent to be tracked on future crimes.
 
2013-11-18 03:06:04 PM  
FTFA: "I don't think that there's any doubt at all that this guy is the last guy picked on the prison Brain Bowl team."

Awesome.
 
2013-11-18 03:10:14 PM  

Snotnose: Ya know, if I had one of those things on me, and I was gonna commit a crime, I might be tempted to wrap a couple layers of tin foil around the thing first.

/ or maybe he did
// can't imaging GPS going through 1 layer of foil, 2-3 for good measure
/// whoops, am I like the guy telling how to beat lie detector tests now?


A guy I know wears a monitor.  There are some buildings he can not go into because the GPS monitor loses contact.  When it loses contact it begins to vibrate.  When it vibrates he has only a couple of minutes to phone the monitoring agency or risk re-arrest.
 
2013-11-18 03:21:19 PM  

netringer: Look for his lawyer to claim that ankle monitor is an unreasonable search without warrant since he didn't consent to be tracked on future crimes.


Hang on, writing this down for the monsters....
 
2013-11-18 03:27:30 PM  
He's too stupid to rehab,.
just shoot him.
 
2013-11-18 03:31:08 PM  
Yeah, you can't shield it, but it is possible to spoof it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctw9ECgJ8L0">http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=ctw9ECgJ8L0
 
2013-11-18 04:05:25 PM  
img.fark.net

Amateur
 
2013-11-18 04:08:48 PM  

AugieDoggyDaddy: Snotnose: Ya know, if I had one of those things on me, and I was gonna commit a crime, I might be tempted to wrap a couple layers of tin foil around the thing first.

/ or maybe he did
// can't imaging GPS going through 1 layer of foil, 2-3 for good measure
/// whoops, am I like the guy telling how to beat lie detector tests now?

A guy I know wears a monitor.  There are some buildings he can not go into because the GPS monitor loses contact.  When it loses contact it begins to vibrate.  When it vibrates he has only a couple of minutes to phone the monitoring agency or risk re-arrest.


That...and his ankle will explode!!
 
2013-11-18 04:18:47 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-11-18 04:32:17 PM  
Stupid story...

There is this guy, who's real close to my family.  He was on probation.  He missed a court date, or something.  Since his particular probation was for check fraud, the Secret Service (a division of Homeland Security), came looking for him.  At my house.  It freaked my wife out, of course.  These enormous dudes in sunglasses and earpieces show up at the house!

So, I call this guy to ask where the hell he is.  He was in NC (about 1000 miles away), helping a friend move.  He didn't think he'd be missed since he didn't have to report to probation for a little while.

My wife is still pissed at him for that.

The point of the story...  Perhaps an ankle monitor would have been in good order for this one.
 
2013-11-18 05:10:42 PM  
If they were smart, they wouldn't be criminals.
 
2013-11-18 05:21:16 PM  

Gyrfalcon: If they were smart, they wouldn't be criminals.


Det. J.J. Bettenbinder: "I never once found that the guy I had up against the wall was a Rhodes Scholar."
 
2013-11-18 05:27:10 PM  
We're only days away from GPS monitoring bracelets being considered cool because it proves you're a badass.

/bring on the posers.
 
2013-11-18 07:31:52 PM  
"I don't think that there's any doubt at all that this guy is the last guy picked on the prison Brain Bowl team."

i1.ytimg.com

...would like a word.
 
2013-11-19 12:18:29 AM  
Maybe he was interested in grabbing some of these?
 
2013-11-19 12:41:08 AM  

Gyrfalcon: If they were smart, they wouldn't be criminals.


If they were smart, they wouldn't be criminals and not fallen from sinless perfection.
 
2013-11-19 11:00:07 AM  

Gyrfalcon: If they were smart, they wouldn't be criminals.


Um, no, if they were smart they would either 1) not be criminals or 2) not get caught. It also helps to have some sort of immunity, like being very rich or very well-connected. Prison is for stupid people, but lots of otherwise eligible candidates don't make it there.

Then there are people like me: I clearly might not be smart enough to get away with the kinds of crimes that sound like fun, and anyway I'm too damn lazy to try them unless strong economic or emotional needs drive me into action. (E.g., if you rape my niece I might very well hurt you very badly.) This doesn't mean I'm not a "useless eater," only that I'm not a very dangerous one, and that at least I've never reproduced. In this my case is pretty typical, if my half-century of life experience is anything to go by: so long as most people are no worse than me society can manage to squeak by okay.

Be that as it may, I propose a drastic overhaul of our criminal justice system: lots of "victimless crimes" should no longer be crimes, and most violent felonies should be rewarded with a quick cheap death instead of years of costly incarceration. E.g., if you get in an unnecessary and stupid bar fight it might benefit you and society to be locked up for a couple months while you take "anger management" classes, but if you calmly rape and torture a bed-ridden old woman just once we'll have no further use for you even if she's too senile and comatose to notice you've harmed her.

And then there's this winner here: what worthwhile benefit can he render society? It's not that he's so villainous, indeed the victims might have such wonderful insurance that they'd be tempted to "forget" to lock the door the next time they need ready cash, only that he's obviously too damn stupid to be worth any trouble at all. Use him for dog food.
 
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