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(NBC News)   Just in time for the holidays, tips and tricks for dealing with those motherless sons of whoremongering turdeaters who abuse overhead carry-on space on airplanes   (nbcnews.com) divider line 144
    More: Interesting, tips and tricks, airplanes, Bureau of Transportation Statistics, holidays, U.S. airlines, sons  
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8045 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Nov 2013 at 1:27 PM (21 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



144 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-11-18 12:04:18 PM
Not to defend the douche nozzles who do this, but once upon a time we could do crazy things like check a bag into luggage as a part of the ticket price.  In these days of it being simpler and cheaper to mail your clothes to your destination, the airlines have some responsibility in this behavior.
 
2013-11-18 12:10:48 PM

Ennuipoet: Not to defend the douche nozzles who do this, but once upon a time we could do crazy things like check a bag into luggage as a part of the ticket price.  In these days of it being simpler and cheaper to mail your clothes to your destination, the airlines have some responsibility in this behavior.


Agreed. The airlines created this problem. Better just to raise prices and put the fee back in the price but no...they have to try to cater to the lowest cheap arse people instead.
 
2013-11-18 12:19:13 PM
....and let's not forget about bratty/noisy kids and people who biatch when the person in from of them reclines their seat.
 
2013-11-18 12:37:38 PM
HOW ABOUT - dont let them on the plane if they have 5 bags? TADA
"Sorry farktard, go back to the counter."

TADA
People in line would CHEER!!!!
 
2013-11-18 12:52:30 PM

namatad: HOW ABOUT - dont let them on the plane if they have 5 bags? TADA
"Sorry farktard, go back to the counter."

TADA
People in line would CHEER!!!!


The passengers are the problem, but the airlines, being the actual professionals that hold all the cards, could just enforce their own policies.  I fly regularly and yet I never see any gate crew size-check someone's bag in the "your bag must fit in this" frame.  Honestly, I think we'd see a shift in flyer culture with 6-12 months of a coordinated effort to:
1. Verify the size and number of carry-ons as well as mandating passengers check the non-compliant bags (with fee) and
2. Give out "overhead bin" tags, one per passenger.  If the bins fill up and the attendant sees an un-tagged bag in the overhead, it comes down to either go under that person's seat or get checked (with fee).
 
2013-11-18 01:14:21 PM

The_Sponge: ....and let's not forget about bratty/noisy kids and people who biatch when the person in from of them reclines their seat.



I have to agree with you there; if they can't be checked at the gate and stored in the hold, the bratty, noisy kids should be locked into the overhead bins.
 
2013-11-18 01:19:08 PM
If your seat is 28F and you toss your giant roller bag (sorry, only fits sideways!) above 5A then you and your entire family should be deplaned and rebooked on Somali Airlines and strapped in a single seat between the World Curry and Onion Eating Champions for a round-the-world flight that returns you to your original departure point to be placed in stocks where you will be pelted with TSA-confiscated expired food and grooming products until such time that your hair is shiny and bouncy or the line for the stocks is longer than the line to check a bag.

Add me to the list of people who'd break out in terror shiats if a gate agent actually said "Hey, Clovis...how about taking that 'carry-on' you made by duct-taping a handle to the carton your Chevy Silverado came in and seeing if it fits in the template for carry-ons?"
 
2013-11-18 01:19:15 PM

The_Sponge: ....and let's not forget about bratty/noisy kids and people who biatch when the person in from of them reclines their seat.


I don't even understand the point of the reclining seat to begin with. The seating in the coach section on most flights is so cramped to begin with, that reclining your seat typically isn't even an option without you landing right on top of the person behind you.
 
2013-11-18 01:29:29 PM
Agreed... airlines should just enforce the existing bag policy.  On to the next order of business.
 
2013-11-18 01:30:01 PM

spman: The_Sponge: ....and let's not forget about bratty/noisy kids and people who biatch when the person in from of them reclines their seat.

I don't even understand the point of the reclining seat to begin with. The seating in the coach section on most flights is so cramped to begin with, that reclining your seat typically isn't even an option without you landing right on top of the person behind you.


I like to be spooned after getting raped by TSA
 
2013-11-18 01:30:42 PM

KawaiiNot: Ennuipoet: Not to defend the douche nozzles who do this, but once upon a time we could do crazy things like check a bag into luggage as a part of the ticket price.  In these days of it being simpler and cheaper to mail your clothes to your destination, the airlines have some responsibility in this behavior.

Agreed. The airlines created this problem. Better just to raise prices and put the fee back in the price but no...they have to try to cater to the lowest cheap arse people instead.


I don't want to have to pay for your baggage check.
 
2013-11-18 01:30:57 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: If your seat is 28F and you toss your giant roller bag (sorry, only fits sideways!) above 5A then you and your entire family should be deplaned and rebooked on Somali Airlines and strapped in a single seat between the World Curry and Onion Eating Champions for a round-the-world flight that returns you to your original departure point to be placed in stocks where you will be pelted with TSA-confiscated expired food and grooming products until such time that your hair is shiny and bouncy or the line for the stocks is longer than the line to check a bag.

Add me to the list of people who'd break out in terror shiats if a gate agent actually said "Hey, Clovis...how about taking that 'carry-on' you made by duct-taping a handle to the carton your Chevy Silverado came in and seeing if it fits in the template for carry-ons?"


ALL of this.  But I especially agree with the 5A vs 28F biatches.  PUT IT OVER YOUR OWN SEAT DOUCHEBAG.
 
2013-11-18 01:31:20 PM
I'm generally in the "flying is cheap and fast and wonderful and we should stop whining about it" camp.  The one thing that bugs me is reclining seats.  I can't use my laptop on a flight because it's a slightly bigger one, and if the person in front of me cranks their seat back as I am laptopping, the laptop is done.
 
2013-11-18 01:32:12 PM
1. Never, ever give money to airlines.
 
2013-11-18 01:34:25 PM
Carry on luggage should be small enough to where you have your own overhead compartment assigned to your seat. Laptop case/briefcase sized.
 
2013-11-18 01:35:24 PM

macadamnut: 1. Never, ever give money to airlines.


Yeah, I'll get right on driving coast-to-coast, round trip, so that I can give two-day training courses.  Very practical.
 
2013-11-18 01:36:03 PM
I flew some budget airline to Portland & back recently.  They used a new boarding sequence, letting all of us who had a single carry-on that we'd keep under our seat (vs. in an overhead) board first, then everyone else in the usual zone process.

In theory, that's not a bad idea.

In practice, most of the dipshiats who got on early took the opportunity to stuff their purses & messenger bags into the overheads, since hey, free overhead space! Now the overheads are even more filled than usual, meaning more u-turns, bag-shuffling, and having to pass baby-grands back up the aisle for gate-check.Added another 10 minutes at least.

Yay.
 
2013-11-18 01:36:23 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Mr. Coffee Nerves: If your seat is 28F and you toss your giant roller bag (sorry, only fits sideways!) above 5A then you and your entire family should be deplaned and rebooked on Somali Airlines and strapped in a single seat between the World Curry and Onion Eating Champions for a round-the-world flight that returns you to your original departure point to be placed in stocks where you will be pelted with TSA-confiscated expired food and grooming products until such time that your hair is shiny and bouncy or the line for the stocks is longer than the line to check a bag.

Add me to the list of people who'd break out in terror shiats if a gate agent actually said "Hey, Clovis...how about taking that 'carry-on' you made by duct-taping a handle to the carton your Chevy Silverado came in and seeing if it fits in the template for carry-ons?"

ALL of this.  But I especially agree with the 5A vs 28F biatches.  PUT IT OVER YOUR OWN SEAT DOUCHEBAG.


Came to vent this but I see it was covered more eloquently than I could have managed. Put your bag over your seat, d-bags, not over the most convenient.
 
2013-11-18 01:36:27 PM
I'm sure some of the airlines would equate additional scrutiny of bags (be it prior to boarding or after the overheads have been jammed full) to additional time.

And we all know what time is equal to.

(not in the Einsteinian (?) sense)
 
2013-11-18 01:38:26 PM
Checking rollerbags at the gate is awesome.  No baggage fee, I don't have to lug it on and off the plane, I don't have to go down to the baggage check to retrieve it, and I can laugh at all of you pushing to get in the front of the line and trying to find an overhead bin.  Anything I might want on the flight (pillow, book, snacks, headphones, etc) fits in a backpack which, believe it or not, does fit under the seat in front of me.
 
2013-11-18 01:39:03 PM
Saw a bunch of tips on dealing with your own carry on, nothing on dealing with the farktards.

I know, welcome to Fark.
 
2013-11-18 01:39:13 PM
I'm generally in the "flying is cheap and fast and wonderful and we should stop whining about it" camp.  The one thing that bugs me is reclining seats.  I can't use my laptop on a flight because it's a slightly bigger one, and if the person in front of me cranks their seat back as I am laptopping, the laptop is done.


You mean reclines it back 2 inches? Like on every plane for the past 50 years? Ooooh, so sorry about your oversized laptop. Poor baby
 
2013-11-18 01:39:52 PM
Seriously, just deal with it.

It is a max 6 hour plane ride if you're flying in the continental US. And even if the trip is longer, chances are high you're not traveling frequently.

Flying is crappy enough without having dickheads who refuse to be reasonable about space.
 
2013-11-18 01:39:58 PM
It's very simple. Take a roll of tape and mark out segments in the overhead bin, one for each seat number. If you get to your assigned seat and someone else's bag is already there, toss it on the floor and step on it a few times. If necessary, designate some of the seats as 'no overhead space' and offer a small discount or a free checked bag to anyone who wants to sit there.
 
2013-11-18 01:40:06 PM
I stopped reading at $3.5 billion in baggage fee revenue. Why are we bailing these assholes out on a regular basis?
 
2013-11-18 01:40:12 PM
Gah, I'm about to take an infant on a flight with my wife and together we're going to come in at two carry on duffle bags (which can be squished) and one checked piece of luggage for crazy baby gear.

I can see if you're traveling to ski having a lot of luggage, but holiday travel is generally going back home to see family, who probably still has that last stick of deodorant you left there along with your hair dryer from 1988 and some clothes.

Seriously, save the frustration, leave crap at home, life is much better, shoulders will thank you, you're not packing for the zombie apocalypse although some family time may seem like it.
 
2013-11-18 01:41:41 PM

factoryconnection: namatad: HOW ABOUT - dont let them on the plane if they have 5 bags? TADA
"Sorry farktard, go back to the counter."

TADA
People in line would CHEER!!!!

The passengers are the problem, but the airlines, being the actual professionals that hold all the cards, could just enforce their own policies.  I fly regularly and yet I never see any gate crew size-check someone's bag in the "your bag must fit in this" frame.  Honestly, I think we'd see a shift in flyer culture with 6-12 months of a coordinated effort to:
1. Verify the size and number of carry-ons as well as mandating passengers check the non-compliant bags (with fee) and
2. Give out "overhead bin" tags, one per passenger.  If the bins fill up and the attendant sees an un-tagged bag in the overhead, it comes down to either go under that person's seat or get checked (with fee).


I've seen flight attendants kick bags off of planes before. They have a special area where bags are placed if they don't fit, and I assume they are placed with the rest of the luggage.

Overall, though, the airlines created this problem with the bag checking fee. I could see a fee if someone has more than 2 bags checked, but making me pay because I want to change clothes where I'm going is bullshiat.
 
2013-11-18 01:41:44 PM
"I have asked people if I could move their bag (within the bin) and they have said no. So not only do people get frustrated, people have said, 'Don't touch my bag,' 'That isn't yours,' 'Go somewhere else.' People are downright rude."

You...you...ask? Why would you do that?

The one I like is the guy who wears his sport coat on the airplane, and then when he gets to his row, stops in the aisle and verrrrrrry slowwwwly and carefully takes it off, and then gently folds it in half lengthwise, and then in half again, and then with tender care puts it in the overhead bin, as though his two-for-one Men Swearhouse special is Armani or something. I always take great pleasure in slamming my bag into the bin so hard atop his sportcoat that no amount of pressing will ever remove those creases.

If you can't get your shiat in the overhead bin and plop your ass into your seat in under ten seconds, you have failed at life.
 
2013-11-18 01:43:33 PM

doubled99: I'm generally in the "flying is cheap and fast and wonderful and we should stop whining about it" camp.  The one thing that bugs me is reclining seats.  I can't use my laptop on a flight because it's a slightly bigger one, and if the person in front of me cranks their seat back as I am laptopping, the laptop is done.


You mean reclines it back 2 inches? Like on every plane for the past 50 years? Ooooh, so sorry about your oversized laptop. Poor baby


Two inches compared to what? A mile? A yard? Two feet?

I think chairs should just be locked upright.
 
2013-11-18 01:43:46 PM
"Sara Keagle" has GOT to be a porn name.
 
2013-11-18 01:43:59 PM
I don't know if I've been living in a bubble, but in my experience people not putting their bags in the bin over their seats has mostly been due to trying to find any space up there at all. I'd chalk this up more to bag fees than douchebaggery. There have been times I've had to stow my overnight bag 10 rows from my seat because I wasn't in the first or second boarding group.
 
2013-11-18 01:44:38 PM

doubled99: I'm generally in the "flying is cheap and fast and wonderful and we should stop whining about it" camp.  The one thing that bugs me is reclining seats.  I can't use my laptop on a flight because it's a slightly bigger one, and if the person in front of me cranks their seat back as I am laptopping, the laptop is done.


You mean reclines it back 2 inches? Like on every plane for the past 50 years? Ooooh, so sorry about your oversized laptop. Poor baby


Really dude?

Distance between seats has shrank a whole bunch over the past 50 years.  And two inches?  Please.

But keep on being a dick.  I'm sure it's going great for you.
 
2013-11-18 01:45:53 PM

ThatDarkFellow: I stopped reading at $3.5 billion in baggage fee revenue. Why are we bailing these assholes out on a regular basis?


Because we need to get around and if they all went out of business it would cost a hell of a lot more to get where we need to go? It's not like we're buying doilies from the airline companies.
 
2013-11-18 01:47:02 PM

nuqneh: Checking rollerbags at the gate is awesome.  No baggage fee, I don't have to lug it on and off the plane, I don't have to go down to the baggage check to retrieve it, and I can laugh at all of you pushing to get in the front of the line and trying to find an overhead bin.  Anything I might want on the flight (pillow, book, snacks, headphones, etc) fits in a backpack which, believe it or not, does fit under the seat in front of me.


Yeah, since we have to gate check a stroller, anyway, I just check everything at the gate that won't fit into the underseat diaper bag.  Space isn't a problem because we typically get to board first, but why do I want to carry all of that crap through the plane?

Of course, that's for a short trip.  Anything longer than a weekend requires my wife to bring a suitcase just for shoes.
 
2013-11-18 01:48:23 PM
I only fly Southwest where I check not one but 2 bags for free and only carry on the items that airlines are not responsible for i.e. electronics.  That's right they can steal it out of your bag or take it out play the Anvil Chorus on it with a ballpeen hammer then put it back and by FAA regs have no responsibility for it whatsoever.  My laptop and soft case fit not only under the seat but in the puke bag pocket very nicely and most of the time the stews don't call me on it.  I'm voting with my dollars and the rest of the airlines can go take a flying leap.  Delta is the lowest rated brand name in America and for very good reason, they suck donkey dick.
 
2013-11-18 01:49:04 PM
Also, I really hate babies in First Class. That's just the worst. I can't take their smug little smiles as I walk past them on my way to steerage class.
 
2013-11-18 01:49:19 PM
I've always thought the airlines should flip the policy:

- Checking a bag?  Free
- Carrying on a bag?  $20  Carry on a second bag?  $40*

  * - Now, before you shiat yourself over your purse or laptop or diaper bag, some exceptions would apply.

Why the flip? It's more convenient for the traveler to carry on than to check, so why not charge extra for it?  Right now they charge for something that's more inconvenient.  That's stupid.

Also, the baggage handlers are better suited to loading and unloading luggage (as opposed to the travelers in the cabin, who aren't), so the bulk of the luggage should be directed to the handlers.  The process would be streamlined.

Of course, if they're making tons of money with the current policy, fat chance of seeing any changes, no matter how stupid the current system is.
 
2013-11-18 01:51:50 PM

factoryconnection: namatad: HOW ABOUT - dont let them on the plane if they have 5 bags? TADA
"Sorry farktard, go back to the counter."

TADA
People in line would CHEER!!!!

The passengers are the problem, but the airlines, being the actual professionals that hold all the cards, could just enforce their own policies.  I fly regularly and yet I never see any gate crew size-check someone's bag in the "your bag must fit in this" frame.  Honestly, I think we'd see a shift in flyer culture with 6-12 months of a coordinated effort to:
1. Verify the size and number of carry-ons as well as mandating passengers check the non-compliant bags (with fee) and
2. Give out "overhead bin" tags, one per passenger.  If the bins fill up and the attendant sees an un-tagged bag in the overhead, it comes down to either go under that person's seat or get checked (with fee).


Yep, this is all it would take.  It's so annoying to be the last guy on and all I have is my small backpack or duffel and I have to put it under my seat.  Although a lot of times now I'll open the compartments up and move shiat around.  The biggest dickbags put their luggage in sideways not lengthwise, and most of the time these days they actually will fit the correct way.  Flip one bag and viola, 2-3 more small bags fit up there.
 
2013-11-18 01:52:46 PM
Go the C-130 Eastern European Whisper Jet route. Every gets a seat along the wall and the cargo goes in the middle of the floor. After landing, everyone exits the rear of the plane and the Flight Engineer and Crew Chief start throwing stuff off the ramp.
 
2013-11-18 01:53:06 PM

Feel_the_velvet: I've always thought the airlines should flip the policy:

- Checking a bag?  Free
- Carrying on a bag?  $20  Carry on a second bag?  $40*


Careful. The airlines might decide:

Charge for carrying? Or charge for checking?
cdn.niketalk.com
 
2013-11-18 01:55:08 PM

nuqneh: Checking rollerbags at the gate is awesome.  No baggage fee, I don't have to lug it on and off the plane, I don't have to go down to the baggage check to retrieve it, and I can laugh at all of you pushing to get in the front of the line and trying to find an overhead bin.  Anything I might want on the flight (pillow, book, snacks, headphones, etc) fits in a backpack which, believe it or not, does fit under the seat in front of me.


Yep. My strategy is always the same.

Bring slightly large carry-on bag.
Be the  last person to board the plane.
Get bag gate-checked for free.
Profit.
 
2013-11-18 01:55:26 PM
Prank Call of Cthulhu: The one I like is the guy who wears his sport coat on the airplane, and then when he gets to his row, stops in the aisle and verrrrrrry slowwwwly and carefully takes it off, and then gently folds it in half lengthwise, and then in half again, and then with tender care puts it in the overhead bin, as though his two-for-one Men Swearhouse special is Armani or something. I always take great pleasure in slamming my bag into the bin so hard atop his sportcoat that no amount of pressing will ever remove those creases.

If you can't get your shiat in the overhead bin and plop your ass into your seat in under ten seconds, you have failed at life.


Ha ha!  I have one better - I watched a guy who boarded fairly early remove his sport coat (or suit jacket - whatever) and gently lay it out in the empty overhead bin.  Not folded - laid out flat in about 3 feet of overhead space.  I sat back and enjoyed the show as someone else got on, was unable to see the jacket that had been carefully laid across half of the bin, and jammed his full size suitcase in on top of it.  The jacket guy gets all pissed off and removes his jacket and cradles it in his lap for the flight.  I still cannot fathom what his thought process was when he boarded.
 
2013-11-18 01:55:49 PM
Why, you shiat-faced cockmasters?!

/fark off, you donkey-raping shiat-eaters.
 
2013-11-18 01:57:14 PM

Feel_the_velvet: Why the flip? It's more convenient for the traveler to carry on than to check, so why not charge extra for it?  Right now they charge for something that's more inconvenient.  That's stupid.


The problem for the airlines is that there is nothing good that comes from checking a bag for them.  They have to pay someone to load/unload it.  If something gets damaged, it's their fault. If it gets lost, they have to track it down and find it.  They have to pay to have a car service bring it to your hotel, etc.

Instead they created a system where they encourage people to bring on their own bags and manage that themselves.  If you lose your bag its your own fault, etc. It also encourages people to keep things in carry-on sized bags, which means less weight and less gasoline.

The only exception is Southwest, whose business model relies on their ability to unload/load a plane quickly and get back in the air.  They'd much rather pay for someone to throw your bag in carriage than wait around while some clown insists that his oversized bag will fit if you slam the overhead door a little harder.

\\ CSB: I was on a Delta flight earlier this year where some idiot actually broke the overhead door because he was trying to wedge his bag where it didn't fit.  We ended up delayed 25 minutes while maintenance came and took an incident report and then all the other bags in that overhead had to be moved.  Luckily our flight attendant was awesome and made fun of that passenger in every announcement during the flight.
 
2013-11-18 01:57:46 PM
this all got of of control when airlines started to charge for checked luggage.

I wish it was just the opposite: No fee for checked luggage and if you want to use the overhead for carry on's  that will be a $15 fee - and the overhead slot is sectioned off so that you are out of luck if your "carry on" isn't the correct size. (yup there will be biggers sections in the back for an addiiotnal fee).

Come fly the freindly skies of Danger Mouse Airlines!
We don't jam up the ailse by performing a shiat crazy beverage service for 45 mintues.  You want a drink? buzz the stewadess; they are happy to help you. Thier motto is "Yes, we are just like waiters/waitresses and not some self rightous douche nozzle!
 
2013-11-18 01:58:03 PM

Ennuipoet: Not to defend the douche nozzles who do this, but once upon a time we could do crazy things like check a bag into luggage as a part of the ticket price.  In these days of it being simpler and cheaper to mail your clothes to your destination, the airlines have some responsibility in this behavior.


Amen. That and the fact that the airline says you can only bring one overhead item, but then they let everyone board with a month's worth of luggage.
 
2013-11-18 02:00:09 PM
FTA:"he always has priority boarding. Rappaport can't imagine traveling otherwise, observing that the tension starts right at the gate with "gate lice" - passengers who line up even before the boarding process starts - ready "to pounce" as soon as their zone is called, he said. "

Considering that he always gets to board first, it seems rather disingenuous to call other people "lice" just for following the rules and trying to save some time for everyone, including themselves.
 
2013-11-18 02:00:21 PM

mildlydisturbed: Gah, I'm about to take an infant on a flight with my wife and together we're going to come in at two carry on duffle bags (which can be squished) and one checked piece of luggage for crazy baby gear.

I can see if you're traveling to ski having a lot of luggage, but holiday travel is generally going back home to see family, who probably still has that last stick of deodorant you left there along with your hair dryer from 1988 and some clothes.

Seriously, save the frustration, leave crap at home, life is much better, shoulders will thank you, you're not packing for the zombie apocalypse although some family time may seem like it.


That infant is on your lap? You got two overhead spaces buco... not three.

/makes fingers to eye point motion at you.
 
2013-11-18 02:00:59 PM
Gate check that shiat: takes <5mins to get the bag (usually), no bin stuffing, no waiting on carousels. This strategy is less reliable with short-timed connections (like 30 mins in Atlanta, ORD, etc.), but for non-stops or long connections, a gate check is the easiest way to go.
 
2013-11-18 02:02:43 PM

Feel_the_velvet: I've always thought the airlines should flip the policy:

- Checking a bag?  Free
- Carrying on a bag?  $20  Carry on a second bag?  $40*

  * - Now, before you shiat yourself over your purse or laptop or diaper bag, some exceptions would apply.

Why the flip? It's more convenient for the traveler to carry on than to check, so why not charge extra for it?  Right now they charge for something that's more inconvenient.  That's stupid.

Also, the baggage handlers are better suited to loading and unloading luggage (as opposed to the travelers in the cabin, who aren't), so the bulk of the luggage should be directed to the handlers.  The process would be streamlined.

Of course, if they're making tons of money with the current policy, fat chance of seeing any changes, no matter how stupid the current system is.


My theory is that the new policy causes people to check less, and carry less overall by weight.  This gives the airline more room to carry cargo & thus make more profit on each flight.
 
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