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(Paste Magazine)   The ten most unwatchable, awful movies ever featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Missing from the list: Hobgoblins   (pastemagazine.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious  
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5033 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 18 Nov 2013 at 9:43 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-18 09:45:29 AM  
Manos down, the worst.
 
2013-11-18 09:47:33 AM  
'The Creeping Terror' is bad enough that it wraps back around into being funny.

And Joel was a better host than Mike.

*runs away*
 
2013-11-18 09:53:25 AM  
'There was an accident at the studio.'
'We made Hobgoblins.'
 
mhd
2013-11-18 09:55:42 AM  
Oh yes, The Starfighters was the epitome of boring, no riffing could save that. But then, it also gave us this, so all this suffering might have been worth it.
 
2013-11-18 09:56:47 AM  
Is it sad I have seen most, if not all of those growing up watching MST3K? Though seeing the movies without the gang ripping on them would of been hell on Earth.
 
2013-11-18 09:57:42 AM  
The Master will not be pleased by this list.
 
2013-11-18 09:58:18 AM  
eh, Hobgoblins isn't that bad in that it wasn't really trying to be much more than an intentionally goofy movie. Though it certainly missed that mark. Good episode, though.

I've found most of the B&W films to be quite a bit of a slog. The Prince of Space Chief episodes were quite good in that they were too silly to not be interesting, but I found movies like Red Zone Cuba and Hamlet to be huge chores.
 
2013-11-18 10:00:02 AM  
Horrors of Spider Island
The Castle of Fu Manchu.

Manos and Red Zone Cuba are Oscar contenders by comparison.
 
2013-11-18 10:00:24 AM  

vudukungfu: Manos down, the worst.


I don't know if that was intentional, but it was funny.
 
2013-11-18 10:04:45 AM  
FTFA:
Single worst moment: Refueling. The movie is absolutely obsessed with mid-air refueling-it's a legitimately major plot point. For the audience, this means multiple long, tedious scenes composed entirely of stock footage, as hoses are inserted into planes. There are only so many dirty jokes one can make before they're all exhausted and there are still 10 more minutes of refueling to go.

In all fairness, the F-104 Starfighter had short legs.  Refueling was important for an aircraft that was pushing the boundary of being a point defense interceptor.
 
2013-11-18 10:06:39 AM  

Flappyhead: I don't know if that was intentional, but it was funny.


Nah. This Hour Has 22 Minutes is funny.
That was just too easy.
 
2013-11-18 10:07:41 AM  
I could never sit through MST3K's treatment of Manos but I thought Rifftrax's live event of the same film last year was an improvement.

Even with their mad riffing skills they couldn't save Yucca Flats, but the other two Coleman Francis episodes are some of their funniest.
Skydivers was partially filmed in my hometown of Hemet, California.
 
2013-11-18 10:13:42 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: 'The Creeping Terror' is bad enough that it wraps back around into being funny.

And Joel was a better host than Mike.

*runs away*


They got the creeping part right, but they forgot the terror.
 
2013-11-18 10:14:38 AM  
Decent list, but its like picking which one of my puppies to kill.   So hard to choose.

For my money, I have to go with Castle of Fu Manchu as THE worst and Red Zone Cuba as a close second.

Manos positively ZIPS compared to those two.


Now if were talking favorite episodes to watch?

1) Space Mutiny
2) Final Justice
3) Manos, The Hands of Fate
4) Time Chasers
5) Boggy Creek II, the Legend Continues
6) Parts, The Clonus Horror
7) The Giant Spider Invasion
8) Pod People
9) Deathstalker
10) Angels Revenge

But then you leave out Overdrawn at the memory bank , Merlins Mystical Shop of Wonder, Double 007, Mitchell, Hercules against the Moon Men, Cavedwellers and so so many more.

God I miss Saturday Mornings as a kid.
 
2013-11-18 10:17:47 AM  
Some guy on Something Awful accidentally bought the Manos original footage, something that most thought had been lost. He's been working on a Hi-def Blu-ray release whee you can finally see the movie as the prints used for MST were really grainy and crap.

Anyway, they forgot the best movies:

Space Mutiny
Riding with Death
Agent from HARM


I've memorized Riding with Death. Two terrible TV episodes squashed together and clumsily made into a terrible movie.
 
2013-11-18 10:25:18 AM  
No love for Puma Man?
 
2013-11-18 10:30:22 AM  
http://www.club-mst3k.com/

Seems like a good place to put this.

I too miss Saturday mornings. Cartoon lineup until about 10 AM, then switch to sci fi for saturday anime, that would then turn into MST3K.

I've pondered recreating those days, commercial free, at home.
 
2013-11-18 10:38:16 AM  

dittybopper: FTFA:
Single worst moment: Refueling. The movie is absolutely obsessed with mid-air refueling-it's a legitimately major plot point. For the audience, this means multiple long, tedious scenes composed entirely of stock footage, as hoses are inserted into planes. There are only so many dirty jokes one can make before they're all exhausted and there are still 10 more minutes of refueling to go.

In all fairness, the F-104 Starfighter had short legs.  Refueling was important for an aircraft that was pushing the boundary of being a point defense interceptor.


Someone I once knew made a list of "worst drinking game ideas ever"
One of them was drink every time someone cusses in Goodfellas.
Starfighters had "drink whenever there's a refueling scene, through the entire scene."

I can't remember the title, but another movie had "drink every time stock footage plays", and that would have ended up with many deaths.
 
2013-11-18 10:41:23 AM  
Really! 'Attack of the Eye Creatures' ?!?

All MiSTies know the name is 'Attack of the the Eye Creatures'.

For Shame!
 
2013-11-18 10:42:10 AM  
I always wonder why they had to dump on "Marooned"; it wasn't that bad.
 
2013-11-18 10:43:24 AM  
FeedTheCollapse:
I've found most of the B&W films to be quite a bit of a slog. The Prince of Space Chief episodes were quite good in that they were too silly to not be interesting, but I found movies like Red Zone Cuba and Hamlet to be huge chores.

Absolutely. Even with the commentary, some episodes are just too boring. Those movies didn't have the budget to do anything so you just get long filler scenes of uninteresting dialogue. Unless the writing and acting is extremely bad throughout it gets old riffing on two people just standing around talking.
 
2013-11-18 10:43:40 AM  

MightyPez: No love for Puma Man?


Well, to be fair, he flies like a moron.
 
2013-11-18 10:44:30 AM  
Question, is any of this TV show any good? I watched a few and I cringed at how bad they were period.
 
2013-11-18 10:45:10 AM  

MightyPez: No love for Puma Man?


I don't know... Puma Man is hilarious even without the riffing... the movies on the list are not "so bad is good", are so bad they are torture...
 
2013-11-18 10:45:21 AM  
Castle of Fu Manchu is way worse than The Starfighters.

Attack of The The Eye Creatures would have made the list if Coleman Francis had only limited his excretions to two movies.
 
2013-11-18 10:46:24 AM  
King Dinosaur
 
2013-11-18 10:48:48 AM  
Excuse me, I have to go drain the super dragon.
 
2013-11-18 10:53:24 AM  

mjohnson71: I always wonder why they had to dump on "Marooned"; it wasn't that bad.


Good point. It has  Gene Hackman in it, and he's great at everything.
 
2013-11-18 11:04:41 AM  
Watch out for snakes.
 
2013-11-18 11:07:03 AM  
I own the Star Wars Christmas Special.
I bet every single person who asks to borrow it that if they make it all the way through without stopping, pausing or fast forwarding, I will buy then lunch.
I've bought one lunch and have had 12 others buy me one.
 
2013-11-18 11:07:46 AM  
I never got to see that show when it was current. However, I recently got hooked on several streaming websites honoring their complete seasons and was immediately hooked. There were so many show references currently running around in the culture that I would not have known what they were referring to if not for this show.
 
2013-11-18 11:10:25 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: 'The Creeping Terror' is bad enough that it wraps back around into being funny.

And Joel was a better host than Mike.

*runs away*


I like both Joel and Mike, but I think the writing got much better in the later years. Of course, it wasn't because of different writers. They just got better at what they did over time.
 
2013-11-18 11:15:14 AM  

mjohnson71: I always wonder why they had to dump on "Marooned"; it wasn't that bad.


This Island Earth was also an odd choice. Yeah, it's pretty dated, but it's not really a bad movie; certainly not bad enough to be the feature of a movie version of MST3k.
 
2013-11-18 11:15:50 AM  
My favorite parts of MST3K was the riffing on educational shorts and serials.

/"Nipple nipple, tweak tweak, YYYAAAHHHH!!!!!"
 
2013-11-18 11:17:41 AM  

Misconduc: Question, is any of this TV show any good? I watched a few and I cringed at how bad they were period.


it depends on which episodes you watch. For as much love as Manos gets, I wouldn't recommend it as a place to start. Even if the riffs are funny, it's notable mostly for the trainwreck that is Manos itself. Movies like Space Mutiny, Time Chasers, etc. are better places to start as they're both funny and the movies are horrible.

the host skits can take a while to get used to though.
 
2013-11-18 11:19:17 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: This Island Earth was also an odd choice. Yeah, it's pretty dated, but it's not really a bad movie; certainly not bad enough to be the feature of a movie version of MST3k.


Nanoo.
 
2013-11-18 11:22:57 AM  
I can't get through Gunslinger. I've tried so many times but always fall asleep. I think I've watched every single episode multiple times but could never finish that one.

Mitchell is the all time greatest of all the episodes.
 
2013-11-18 11:25:01 AM  
Oh god.  Pumaman flashbacks.   Donald Pleasance and...these guys.

www.chaoshour.com
 
2013-11-18 11:26:55 AM  
The list absolutely nails it with number one. I can't even watch it with the MST3K commentary. It's just to painful for the eyes and ears.

It is, however, preceded by two of the funniest shorts they've ever done.
 
2013-11-18 11:28:06 AM  
what would make your guys' lists for Best MST3k movie? I don't mean best episode so much as the movie in question wasn't really that bad. I thought "Parts: The Clonus Horror" wasn't bad so much as the lead was rather unlikable; the idea was interesting even if it wasn't executed that well.
 
2013-11-18 11:28:56 AM  

Zulthar: Really! 'Attack of the Eye Creatures' ?!?

All MiSTies know the name is 'Attack of the the Eye Creatures'.

For Shame!


"They just didn't care."
 
2013-11-18 11:29:15 AM  
Anyone going to Santa Clause vs. the Martians?   Night of the living dead was pretty damn good.
 
2013-11-18 11:31:35 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: what would make your guys' lists for Best MST3k movie? I don't mean best episode so much as the movie in question wasn't really that bad. I thought "Parts: The Clonus Horror" wasn't bad so much as the lead was rather unlikable; the idea was interesting even if it wasn't executed that well.


The Final Sacrifice

ROWSDOWER!
 
2013-11-18 11:32:41 AM  

Pucca


Mitchell is the all time greatest of all the episodes.


HOT! MERGING! ACTION!

Next week on 'Mitchell': the cloverleaf!
 
2013-11-18 11:32:45 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: Best MST3k movie?


I don't know exactly why, but The Screaming Skull makes me laugh so hard I traumatize internal organs. Boggy Creek would be a runner-up.
 
2013-11-18 11:34:05 AM  
Oh and I have to say I love Invasion of the Neptune Men mainly because of Servo freaking out about the stock footage.
 
2013-11-18 11:36:34 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: what would make your guys' lists for Best MST3k movie? I don't mean best episode so much as the movie in question wasn't really that bad. I thought "Parts: The Clonus Horror" wasn't bad so much as the lead was rather unlikable; the idea was interesting even if it wasn't executed that well.


As mentioned upthread, "Marooned" and "This Island Earth" weren't bad. Dated, and maybe a little goofy, but not bad. I'd have to go with those.
 
2013-11-18 11:37:32 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: what would make your guys' lists for Best MST3k movie? I don't mean best episode so much as the movie in question wasn't really that bad. I thought "Parts: The Clonus Horror" wasn't bad so much as the lead was rather unlikable; the idea was interesting even if it wasn't executed that well.


Laserblast...according to Leonard Maltin
 
2013-11-18 11:38:22 AM  

Pucca: Oh and I have to say I love Invasion of the Neptune Men mainly because of Servo freaking out about the stock footage.


"Hey, I know a song about stock footage! Yeah, it goes like this...."

And what follows is, IMO, the funniest line uttered in the history of the show.
 
2013-11-18 11:41:13 AM  

browntimmy: FeedTheCollapse:
I've found most of the B&W films to be quite a bit of a slog. The Prince of Space Chief episodes were quite good in that they were too silly to not be interesting, but I found movies like Red Zone Cuba and Hamlet to be huge chores.

Absolutely. Even with the commentary, some episodes are just too boring. Those movies didn't have the budget to do anything so you just get long filler scenes of uninteresting dialogue. Unless the writing and acting is extremely bad throughout it gets old riffing on two people just standing around talking.


Racket girls was that dull
 
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