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(The Vine (Australia))   It's a meal designed to offend. Feast your eyes upon the Douche Burger, a burger made of wagyu beef, topped with foie gras and slathered in three different sauces - jalapeno, lime, mayo   (thevine.com.au) divider line 111
    More: Spiffy, Douche Burger, Luke, Super Size Me, Idi Amin, paul, Morgan Spurlock, Collingwood, mission accomplished  
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8682 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Nov 2013 at 11:37 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



111 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-11-17 09:11:14 AM
LUKE: Has any foodstuff undergone so comprehensive a renaissance as the humble burger? For so long the scorned culinary province of teenagers, single dads and the humorously obese, over the last half a decade the burger has witnessed a return to zeitgeist perhaps rivalled only by skinny jeans and the music of Nile Rodgers.

The douche is strong with this one. Is this some sort of hipster douche irony that's he's a douche himself prodding other douches, or did merely eating the douche burger make him a douche? The world may never know.
 
2013-11-17 09:44:34 AM
There's the hole in the wall pub not far from my office that serves a burger where bacon is contained within the patties. Also their beer is cold and barmaids hot... It gets a lot of traffic.
 
2013-11-17 10:14:26 AM
They are no doubt a couple of the largest douches on the planet.  And they probably don't even know their beef is fake.
 
2013-11-17 10:39:51 AM
I think this is tongue in cheek.

And a true doucheburger would have artisinal Miracle Whip, not mayo.
 
2013-11-17 11:40:26 AM
"A status symbol for people who can afford to splash out $20 on a piece of food barely bigger than a human fist. An ethically and nutritionally unsound wad of meat and sauce that screams "I'm so rich I can afford to eat badly - and pay top dollar for it! "

Really?  $20?  I've spent more than that at Applebee's.  I'm King of the World!!
 
2013-11-17 11:40:41 AM
www.fox.com

My dad INSISTS it's the BEST kind of beef!!!
 
2013-11-17 11:41:13 AM
Hipsters probably wouldn't dig the foie gras, don't they tend to operate under the delusion that animals have rights or something silly like that?
 
2013-11-17 11:42:17 AM
Pass the vinegar.
 
2013-11-17 11:42:31 AM
ain't nuthin' w/o truffles and gold leaf
 
2013-11-17 11:44:15 AM
I would like to try this burger but the mayo seems a bit much given the richness of foie gras.  Anywho, Luke and Paul are way to douchey for this burger.
 
2013-11-17 11:44:28 AM
They should have accompanied the burger with poutine au foie gras from Au Pied du Cochon.

img.fark.net
 
2013-11-17 11:44:38 AM
The best bun they could get is a sesame covered white-flour processed generic McDonald's bun?
Not hipster enough.
 
2013-11-17 11:44:58 AM
Ugh... wagyu. Nothing like a big ol' mouthful of steaming hot lard.
 
2013-11-17 11:44:58 AM
The mayonnaise alone is offensive.

/go to hell, mayonnaise
 
2013-11-17 11:45:58 AM
Mayonaise is not food.
 
2013-11-17 11:47:10 AM
You know what goes w/ foie gras?
Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper.  It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.  And especially not lime and jalapeno.

That's like 'enhancing' a Bach fugue by dubstepping it and adding a wah-wah pedal to the organ.


/glass of Sauternes to go with is nice, too
 
2013-11-17 11:49:36 AM

Type random string here: They should have accompanied the burger with poutine au foie gras from Au Pied du Cochon.

[img.fark.net image 800x600]


Ah yes. That reminds me that I need to make a reservation there for sometime over the holidays. My sister and I are planning to eat a pig head.
 
2013-11-17 11:53:37 AM
wouldn't that classify as a steak sandwich?
 
2013-11-17 11:53:41 AM
The mayonnaise redeems it.

/god bless mayonnaise
 
2013-11-17 11:54:50 AM

Type random string here: They should have accompanied the burger with poutine au foie gras from Au Pied du Cochon.

[img.fark.net image 800x600]


Had that as an appetizer last time I was there.  (And every time I go there).  But the winner of the night was a braised veal shoulder that I split with a couple of buddies.
 
2013-11-17 11:56:58 AM
I don't see anything offensive. It's not like they removed the clits from a hundred infant girls and fried them up like popcorn shrimp.
 
2013-11-17 11:57:11 AM
Wondering what happens when a gold leaf hits the amalgam fillings?
 
2013-11-17 11:57:47 AM
It is the Broodwich. The most evil sandwich ever created. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken force-fed to dogs by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood.
 
2013-11-17 11:58:16 AM

Notabunny: Mayonaise is not food.


It's Satan's sperm, and anyone putting it near my food is taking their life in their hands.
 
2013-11-17 11:58:42 AM
Christopher's Crush, where I used to work, does a foie gras pizza.

Mind you, this is a place that has wines that range to the hundreds of dollars a bottle. And the rolls are quite literally thrown into the wood fired oven when you sit down, so they are the freshest bread you can possibly find unless you bake it your own damn self. But, yeah, the pizza with foie gras is probably the most self indulgent use of the stuff you can find. Until this burger, that is.
 
2013-11-17 12:00:53 PM

FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.


That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).
 
2013-11-17 12:02:26 PM
The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

cbsla.files.wordpress.com

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.
 
2013-11-17 12:02:42 PM
If that get's anywhere near me, it'll also be slathered in puke.
 
2013-11-17 12:03:08 PM

r1niceboy: Notabunny: Mayonaise is not food.

It's Satan's sperm, and anyone putting it near my food is taking their life in their hands.





Maybe you're buying your "mayo" in the wrong place. NTTAWWT.
 
2013-11-17 12:05:51 PM
Of all the recent food fads gourmet burgers are easily the least annoying. I had a 'Korean burger' from a food truck last week and it was delicious.  This same truck also had a gourmet hotdog which my wife informs me was delicious as well. Maybe that's the next step.
 
2013-11-17 12:05:58 PM

dragonchild: FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.

That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).


Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil--Yes, Virginia, the US raises Wagyu, right here. Kobe beef is an entirely different story, and there are very few licensed folks to carry Kobe here. Wagyu on the other hand, is much more readily available.
 
2013-11-17 12:10:28 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.


Skin 'em and make BBQ Hipster Rinds?
 
2013-11-17 12:18:32 PM
Mayo sucks, but aioli is awesome!!1!1!1!
 
2013-11-17 12:23:32 PM

AngryDragon: DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.

Skin 'em and make Organic Locally Sourced Free Ranged BBQ Hipster Rinds?


Fixed for ya. ;-)
 
2013-11-17 12:25:35 PM

hubiestubert: Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil--Yes, Virginia, the US raises Wagyu, right here. Kobe beef is an entirely different story, and there are very few licensed folks to carry Kobe here. Wagyu on the other hand, is much more readily available.


You don't wanna Wagyu beef in public.  You'll get arrested.
 
2013-11-17 12:26:03 PM
The hipster douchebag label is being thrown around so often, I think those who keep using it ARE hipster douchebags.
 
2013-11-17 12:29:18 PM

DarkAmish Tech Support: It is the Broodwich. The most evil sandwich ever created. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken force-fed to dogs by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood.


What, no bacon?
 
2013-11-17 12:31:13 PM

FDR Jones: Mayo sucks, but aioli is awesome!!1!1!1!


Zip's tartar sauce is the god of all mayo like sauces.  It's a bummer that many of their stores don't do the deep fried mushrooms anymore.  Deep fried mushrooms in tarter is one of the best guilty pleasures on earth.

http://everythingisfood-allison.blogspot.com/2007/07/tartar-lord-of- sa uces.html
 
2013-11-17 12:34:09 PM
It may be a doucheburger, but I would still attack that thing like a feral child on a fresh kill.
 
2013-11-17 12:34:12 PM
My first point is, to each his own.  So if you want to flame me, that's ok, because to each his own again.

Having said that, the whole "gourmet burger" thing is Americans being American because they just can't help being American. We can't help being crass, even (especially) when we don't want to be crass.  A hamburger is crass, so just accept that.  It's ground beef, because that's the cheap stuff, stuck in between a pretty cheap bun, with cheap condiments.

Personally, I like a burger made with fairly decent beef (but it doesn't have to be made from aristocratic cows lovingly fed organicallhy-grown grass while listening to Mozart, butchered in a karmic yoga ceremony, ground with cutting-edge specially-engineered blades, air-shipped, and sold for $199 a pound at a boutique butcher shop that also serves lattes), and a fairly reasonable amount of it.  No more than a third of a pound.  A piece of good but ordinary cheddar.  Some lettuce, tomato and onion, and a little lettuce.  A nice fresh bun.  That's it.  I don't need it to be a foot and a half tall, I don't need artisanal hand-craft sauces, I don't need a detailed history of how the recipe evolved from humble beginnings in some far-off exotic land, I don't need it to look like an alien abortion.

Just some ground beef, some cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, mustard, on a bun.

If you want to try gourmet food, try actual gourmet food.  That's a good thing too.  But trying to dress up ground beef on bread as gourmet or exotic...that's Americans being American because they can't help themselves.  Aim higher, for chrissake.

Unless you don't want to.
 
2013-11-17 12:34:36 PM
"Yes, the burger truly is the pizza of foods.".

farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-11-17 12:35:23 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.


It's a strange cycle.

Lobster is a great example.

It was poor people food, then rich people food, now rumor has it a rich person wouldn't be caught dead eating lobster these days, that's food for the poor now(again).
 
2013-11-17 12:38:02 PM
... and ketchup
 
2013-11-17 12:40:11 PM
We take the world's most expensive and delicate flavours and then we cancel them out with jalepeno, mayo and lime so you don't have to taste them, Schmuck!

Would you like some ketchup on the side?
 
2013-11-17 12:41:14 PM

lilplatinum: DarkAmish Tech Support: It is the Broodwich. The most evil sandwich ever created. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken force-fed to dogs by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood.

What, no bacon?


Take off the sun-dried tomatoes.
 
2013-11-17 12:42:04 PM

wildcardjack: I don't see anything offensive. It's not like they removed the clits from a hundred infant girls and fried them up like popcorn shrimp.


...and wrapped a hundred foreskins around them like that tasty wedding party hor'deourves (screw you autocorrect for the one time you'd be useful you fail)
 
2013-11-17 12:45:58 PM

Kibbler: My first point is, to each his own.
Personally, I like a burger made with fairly decent beef ...

I like lettuce, tomato, and Muenster on rye.
All this cheese gonna make me cry.
Gorgonzola, Provolone,
Don't even get me started on this microphone.
 
2013-11-17 12:46:24 PM
Had Wagu Beef once - it was much less than satisfying to me than a regular Filet.

I'm a burger fan myself, but I like to keep 'em fairly simple at home - cheese, pickle, onion, mustard and horseradish.  I used to mess around with mixing in stuff with the meat but it was hard to please the family that way.

I find as I get older, I like simpler preparations as much as complex ones, and cooking dinner in a half hour can be a nice change from a 3 hour meal prep like my wife often like to do.

In my house, if it's Gourmet, it must be Coffee
 
2013-11-17 12:50:37 PM

Watubi: The hipster douchebag label is being thrown around so often, I think those who keep using it ARE hipster douchebags.


Hipster has come to mean "anybody who should get off of my lawn" and "douchebag", "anybody who is annoying who should get off of my lawn". The words are useless. I blame VICE magazine.
 
2013-11-17 12:54:27 PM
I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz 57 and french fried potato
A big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer ...
 
2013-11-17 12:56:58 PM

hubiestubert: dragonchild: FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.

That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).

Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil--Yes, Virginia, the US raises Wagyu, right here. Kobe beef is an entirely different story, and there are very few licensed folks to carry Kobe here. Wagyu on the other hand, is much more readily available.


Check this article and the follow-up it links to for the real story about "Wagyu" in the US.
 
2013-11-17 12:57:20 PM

dragonchild: FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.

That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).


Your thinking kobe. Wagyu is basically the same breed raised else where(but likley not under the same conditions). You are correct they do not ship kobe beef, but the breed can be found else where in the world.
 
2013-11-17 01:04:50 PM
The wagyu beef burger is utterly pointless and makes it extra douchey. The entire reason why you would eat wagyu is because of the marbleization of the meat makes for some truly amazing steaks. They are super tender and more or less melt in your mouth. Once you grind up the meat it basically neutralizes the entire point of wagyu. You basically have burgers with an extra high amount of fat, which when cooked will mostly leave the burger.
 
2013-11-17 01:07:20 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.


I used to eat the opposite of the burger in college.  Cook the noodle block al dente (so that it stays together as a firm mass), sprinkle the spice pack over the top, and place between two slices of bread.  I called it the Ramen sandwich.
 
2013-11-17 01:09:51 PM

RogermcAllen: I used to eat the opposite of the burger in college.  Cook the noodle block al dente (so that it stays together as a firm mass), sprinkle the spice pack over the top, and place between two slices of bread.  I called it the Ramen sandwich.


There was a funny episode of Mind of a Chef where david chang takes ramen bricks and turns them into an italian pasta dish with one brick and makes a gnocchi with the other.  Pissing off the degos and the frogs..
 
2013-11-17 01:11:26 PM

meat0918: Lobster is a great example.

It was poor people food, then rich people food, now rumor has it a rich person wouldn't be caught dead eating lobster these days, that's food for the poor now(again).


That'll suck for Eastern Canada and Maine.

Oh well.. I can't stand the things anyway... bottom feeding sea spiders.
 
2013-11-17 01:15:40 PM

BATMANATEE: "Yes, the burger truly is the pizza of foods.".

[farm4.staticflickr.com image 250x272]


I read a few sentences past.  I doesn't  get better  so  I just came to the thread for food porn.  I suspect I made a wise choice
 
2013-11-17 01:23:42 PM

brantgoose: We take the world's most expensive and delicate flavours and then we cancel them out with jalepeno, mayo and lime so you don't have to taste them, Schmuck!

Would you like some ketchup on the side?


i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-11-17 01:24:04 PM

lilplatinum: RogermcAllen: I used to eat the opposite of the burger in college.  Cook the noodle block al dente (so that it stays together as a firm mass), sprinkle the spice pack over the top, and place between two slices of bread.  I called it the Ramen sandwich.

There was a funny episode of Mind of a Chef where david chang takes ramen bricks and turns them into an italian pasta dish with one brick and makes a gnocchi with the other.  Pissing off the degos and the frogs..


Why would that piss off the French?  Gnocchi are Italian.
 
2013-11-17 01:25:13 PM
I had a burger with bacon and peanut butter. I was skeptical but wow, it was great.
 
2013-11-17 01:32:42 PM

hubiestubert: dragonchild: FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.

That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).

Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil--Yes, Virginia, the US raises Wagyu, right here. Kobe beef is an entirely different story, and there are very few licensed folks to carry Kobe here. Wagyu on the other hand, is much more readily available.


The direct translation of Wagyu is "japanese cow". The American Wagyu Assosiation has been called out many times for their deceptive practices and outright lies. What has allowed them to keep these practices in place is the fact that the US doesn't recognize Japanese Trademark rights. Therefor they can call the product anything they want to. It wasn't until 2012 that the USDA eased the rules of imports from Japan. Prior to that it was illegal and the AWA is well aware of that. What they had, at best, was a Wagyu like product.
 
2013-11-17 01:44:34 PM

wildcardjack: I don't see anything offensive. It's not like they removed the clits from a hundred infant girls and fried them up like popcorn shrimp.


Okay, that's offensive.

However, I'll take the aisle seat for laughing anyway.
 
2013-11-17 01:45:18 PM
Sammy's Woodfired Pizza out West makes slamming kobe sliders.
 
2013-11-17 01:51:03 PM
www.vegaschatter.com

This is a true doucheburger, but you probably never have heard of it before
 
2013-11-17 01:51:59 PM
foie gras with jalapeno & lime? why bother with foie gras in the first place? you aren't going to taste it much.
 
2013-11-17 01:59:24 PM
Attention Fark Mayo Hipsters: I will hunt you down and force feed you store-brand mayo. I will then force you to admit that it is tasty. You WILL submit to my Mayo Dominance! :P

/don't get me started on what's gonna happen to attention-whore vegans
 
2013-11-17 02:01:28 PM

Gunderson: [www.vegaschatter.com image 399x299]

This is a true doucheburger, but you probably never have heard of it before


"Have you ever eaten Kobe beef? No you haven't! You just paid for "Kobe beef"! In fact you can't even buy Kobe beef in this country, because it's only made in Japan, and it's illegal to import it. So if your local bistro is serving "Kobe sliders", just go across the street to White Castle, because IT'S THE SAME FARKING THING!!"

www.takepart.com

/my favorite part, Lewis' response to a guy in a Dunkin Doughnuts commercial misrepresenting the term Artisan, "Well what a surprise, a Trust Fund Hipster talking out of his ass!"
 
2013-11-17 02:02:26 PM
The beef must be fresh, as must the bun, lettuce and tomato.

You want a little refinement? Butter the bun and put it under the broiler. Anything more and you're not really eating a hamburger anymore.
 
2013-11-17 02:14:47 PM
www.smartambala.com
 
2013-11-17 02:27:35 PM
upload.wikimedia.org

Wagyuu, eh?  Good luck grinding this.

I loved that the relatively lean Australian beef I could actually stand to eat in Japan was the cheap stuff at the grocery store while everybody paid top dollar for crap I'd have tossed straight in the dog's dish.

Had to relearn how to cook anything with beef in it in America because I got used to mentally estimating that half of it would be gone by the time it cooked.  First time I made some tacos back in Tennessee where I both started and ended with a pound of ground chuck I was confused.
 
2013-11-17 02:42:31 PM
Pfft. That's not douchey. Here's the foie gras burger I had at Restaurant Guy Savoy in Las Vegas in 2007:

files.kevineats.com

Approximately quarter of an ounce - about 1" x 1.75" in size. Was the 4th of a 9 course menu that - after tax and tip - was about $500 per person. Hand delivered to our table by Robert James "Bobby" Fisher. Came wrapped in a piece of the Shroud of Turin. Special napkin was made out of recycled Mickey Mantle rookie cards by a Sentinelese albino papermaker.

Now, THAT'S douchey.
 
2013-11-17 02:48:41 PM

r1niceboy: Notabunny: Mayonaise is not food.

It's Satan's sperm, and anyone putting it near my food is taking their life in their hands.


No. I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Miracle Whip. . . .
 
2013-11-17 02:56:02 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: Pfft. That's not douchey. Here's the foie gras burger I had at Restaurant Guy Savoy in Las Vegas in 2007:

[files.kevineats.com image 500x335]

Approximately quarter of an ounce - about 1" x 1.75" in size. Was the 4th of a 9 course menu that - after tax and tip - was about $500 per person. Hand delivered to our table by Robert James "Bobby" Fisher. Came wrapped in a piece of the Shroud of Turin. Special napkin was made out of recycled Mickey Mantle rookie cards by a Sentinelese albino papermaker.

Now, THAT'S douchey.


I ate at the original Guy Savoy near Charles de Gaulle Etoile, and the company paid for it, so I'm getting a kick...
 
2013-11-17 02:59:05 PM

ElLoco: lard


Tallow, actually.
 
2013-11-17 03:05:28 PM

dragonchild: FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.

That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).


Mishima Reserve

You're close, but not 100% on the money. Mishima Reserve's Wagyu beef cattle are born and reared in the U. S. and there is enough for anyone willing to pony up ~$8.00 per pound for hamburger patties.

This past summer a local market (Metropolitan Market in Seattle) offered two-patty, one-pound packages as a "buy-one get one" bargain and I bought two packages . . . four 1/2-pound patties. I had one for dinner last night. Delicious. Salt, pepper, little garlic powder; served on a Kaiser roll. Did I mention it was delicious?

s3images.coroflot.com
 
2013-11-17 03:16:07 PM

brantgoose: We take the world's most expensive and delicate flavours and then we cancel them out with jalepeno, mayo and lime so you don't have to taste them, Schmuck!

Would you like some ketchup on the side?


This is not a hamburger sandwich. Even within the Australian parlance, this would be a steak sandwich with expensively ruined ingredients
 
2013-11-17 03:21:44 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: Gunderson: [www.vegaschatter.com image 399x299]

This is a true doucheburger, but you probably never have heard of it before

"Have you ever eaten Kobe beef? No you haven't! You just paid for "Kobe beef"! In fact you can't even buy Kobe beef in this country, because it's only made in Japan, and it's illegal to import it. So if your local bistro is serving "Kobe sliders", just go across the street to White Castle, because IT'S THE SAME FARKING THING!!"

[www.takepart.com image 464x321]

/my favorite part, Lewis' response to a guy in a Dunkin Doughnuts commercial misrepresenting the term Artisan, "Well what a surprise, a Trust Fund Hipster talking out of his ass!"


Yes, Kobe beef has been allowed back in the country for over a year now.  No, your "edgy" bistro with the $20.00 burger doesn't have it.  It probably isn't even using domestic or Australian Wagyu or Wagyu crossbreeds.  For a sense of pricing:

"Wagyu from Japan is available from DeBragga in Jersey City,...(646) 873-6555. A 12-ounce boneless Japanese rib-eye is $95, strip loin is $110. American wagyu strip loins are $75 for two 12-ounce steaks for regular grade, $95 for more marbling. Australian wagyu strip loins are $99 for two 12-ounce steaks. "

It goes along with that fantastic bigeye tuna roll or grilled snapper with aioli on artisan bread you had last week.
 
2013-11-17 03:43:41 PM
It would have been perfect if not for the mayo.
 
2013-11-17 04:05:11 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: The mayonnaise redeems it.

/god bless mayonnaise


You go to hell.  You go to hell and you die.
 
2013-11-17 04:30:45 PM

MayoSlather: LUKE: Has any foodstuff undergone so comprehensive a renaissance as the humble burger? For so long the scorned culinary province of teenagers, single dads and the humorously obese, over the last half a decade the burger has witnessed a return to zeitgeist perhaps rivalled only by skinny jeans and the music of Nile Rodgers.

The douche is strong with this one. Is this some sort of hipster douche irony that's he's a douche himself prodding other douches, or did merely eating the douche burger make him a douche? The world may never know.


Voted "Funny" both for the content of the post, as well as said poster happening to be named MayoSlather AND getting Boobies on a burger thread.
 
2013-11-17 04:31:43 PM
Huxtaburger??

www.reactiongifs.com
 
2013-11-17 04:42:12 PM
That is NOT a burger it is a 'STEAK' sandwich!
 
2013-11-17 04:45:20 PM

divx88: wouldn't that classify as a steak sandwich?


This. It isn't a burger if the meat (or meat substitute) isn't minced.
 
2013-11-17 04:50:31 PM

hubiestubert: Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil


It's not a breed; it's a word - "Japanese cow", as some one else mentioned upthread.  It's an unenforced marketing sham designed to trick gullible douchebags from coughing up premium prices for the same substandard U.S. beef under the illusion that the quality's better just because Japanese beef is famous.  It's a level of false advertising that should be illegal but the USDA doesn't care about Japanese trademarks -- or consumers, for that matter.

What I don't get is why Australia sells "wagyu" beef.  Their export market isn't exactly a source of international shame.
 
2013-11-17 05:13:59 PM
Not douchey enough: the Wagyu used to make the beef actually reached adulthood. They should have made it out of Wagyu veal.
 
2013-11-17 05:40:08 PM
Needs sriracha for maximum douchebaggery.

/just discovered it
//hot spicy death goodness
 
2013-11-17 05:41:51 PM

dragonchild: hubiestubert: Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil

It's not a breed; it's a word - "Japanese cow", as some one else mentioned upthread.  It's an unenforced marketing sham designed to trick gullible douchebags from coughing up premium prices for the same substandard U.S. beef under the illusion that the quality's better just because Japanese beef is famous.  It's a level of false advertising that should be illegal but the USDA doesn't care about Japanese trademarks -- or consumers, for that matter.

What I don't get is why Australia sells "wagyu" beef.  Their export market isn't exactly a source of international shame.


I think you forget that I work with food, and have for pretty much the last 25 years.

The actual levels of "false advertising" in my industry and with the manipulation of the USDA that goes on in this country is far more shocking than this sort of kerfuffle. There are far more fundamental levels of wrong in agriculture and in our food labeling, and food safety in general in this country, than getting panties in a bunch over cattle lineage. And a lot of of it is food that is produced for the lower end of the market chain. What foods are foisted upon the public at the lower end of the scale as edible is a LOT more shocking, than what is foisted upon folks at upper tiers. And there IS a LOT that is marketed to gullible idiots with too much cash in their hands, than sense.

What is legal and what is ethical have long been two entirely different things in this country. Especially where food is concerned. Worrying that some idiot is buying faux Kobe, and paying out the nose for it, that is a drop in the bucket. Orange juice, olive oil, truffle oil, blueberries--yes, Virginia, what some folks claim on a box is OFTEN not what you're getting--saffron, pomegranate juice, and even coffee are FAR more faked and far more pernicious frauds, and cost folks a LOT more out of pocket for what they think they're getting, than faux Kobe. Let's not even get into fish labeling, which is often so fraudulent that even purveyors and distributors are fooled or at least taken in.

The upshot is: know your sources. Know who is supplying your food, and vet their distro chain. Getting worked up about folks taking advantage of the gullible and ignorant IS something worth doing, and changing, but the high end beef market is just a drop in the bucket, and there are industries that are committing far more pernicious and egregious frauds upon you and yours even as we speak.
 
2013-11-17 05:53:12 PM

hubiestubert: What is legal and what is ethical have long been two entirely different things in this country.


Yet here we are, in a thread about "wagyu" beef in Australia.  Hey, I was just staying on topic.  I wasn't the one who submitted it or greenlighted it.

It's pretty much a given that the only way to be sure that something is edible in the U.S. market is to eat it and not die, but I don't see what that has to do with false advertising in the Southern Hemisphere except to say that marketers suck over there too.
 
2013-11-17 05:56:48 PM

dragonchild: for the same substandard U.S. beef


If you think US beef is substandard, don't ever try to order a farking steak in Europe.
 
2013-11-17 05:59:28 PM

dragonchild: hubiestubert: Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil

It's not a breed; it's a word - "Japanese cow", as some one else mentioned upthread.  It's an unenforced marketing sham designed to trick gullible douchebags from coughing up premium prices for the same substandard U.S. beef under the illusion that the quality's better just because Japanese beef is famous.  It's a level of false advertising that should be illegal but the USDA doesn't care about Japanese trademarks -- or consumers, for that matter.

What I don't get is why Australia sells "wagyu" beef.  Their export market isn't exactly a source of international shame.


Wrong.  There is a bloodline requirement for the "USDA SPECIFICATION FOR CHARACTERISTICS OF CATTLE ELIGIBLE FOR APPROVED BRANDED BEEF PROGRAMS CLAIMING WAGYU INFLUENCE", however there is no particular dietary or environmental restrictions beyond standard humane husbandry requirements.  There is even a carcass grading and certification schedule.  Even requirements on genuine imported Kobe are specified under the heading "Labeling":

"The labeling of Certified Kobe Beef® will only apply to beef imported into the United States from Japan in compliance with FSIS import regulations and policy guidelines, USDA import grading and certification regulations and procedures, and all live and carcass requirements of this schedule (as verified through a USDA Quality System Verification Program)."

 USDA certified beef classifications here for comparison.  The "Kobe style" label is effectively meaningless, similar to the whole "California Champagne" thing, although it may be noted in the later case, most reputable vinters refer to it as "Sparkling Wine", expect a similar branding with "US Wagyu" or something similar.
 
2013-11-17 06:01:36 PM

lilplatinum: If you think US beef is substandard, don't ever try to order a farking steak in Europe.


Don't intend to.  Comparing bad to worse doesn't exonerate the former, though.
 
2013-11-17 06:08:44 PM
What, no chipotle sauce?
Pfft!
 
2013-11-17 06:16:29 PM

HammerHeadSnark: r1niceboy: Notabunny: Mayonaise is not food.

It's Satan's sperm, and anyone putting it near my food is taking their life in their hands.

No. I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Miracle Whip. . . .


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-11-17 06:30:34 PM

FloridaWombat: There is a bloodline requirement for the "USDA SPECIFICATION FOR CHARACTERISTICS OF CATTLE ELIGIBLE FOR APPROVED BRANDED BEEF PROGRAMS CLAIMING WAGYU INFLUENCE", however there is no particular dietary or environmental restrictions beyond standard humane husbandry requirements.


Link doesn't work, but if I was to judge a document by its title, yeah, that's what I'd expect from the USDA.

The lineage of Japanese beef cattle isn't particularly noteworthy.  It's not like they have magic genes that make their muscle tissue particularly delicious.  While introduced early they're not indigenous to the region and most were cross-bred with European breeds so for all intents and purposes it's the same damn cows.  The ONLY meaningful distinction to be made to have the word "wagyu" from a QA standpoint would have to do with raising & handling procedures, so of course that's what the USDA explicitly omitted from the U.S. standard.  Because it'd be easier to ship over a few live cattle and raise them the same goddamn way and expect a different result than adopt the standards of one of the most QC-heavy countries in the world.  I honestly didn't know this document existed but we're right back where we started.  There is no "wagyu" in America in any meaningful sense of the word, and the USDA is the least reliable authority on that.  The USDA putting its cocksucking seal of approval on a marketing sham doesn't make it any less of a sham.  It's the USDA FFS.
 
2013-11-17 06:43:55 PM
I'm pretty ok with $2-3/lb 80-85% ground beef, with a bit of garlic salt and pepper, loosely formed, and a slice of American "cheese" on a toasted cheap white or potato bun. Yes, with ketchup. And a salad.
I'm not fancy, and I like to be able to eat a burger without dislocating my jaw.
 
2013-11-17 06:44:02 PM

dragonchild: FloridaWombat: There is a bloodline requirement for the "USDA SPECIFICATION FOR CHARACTERISTICS OF CATTLE ELIGIBLE FOR APPROVED BRANDED BEEF PROGRAMS CLAIMING WAGYU INFLUENCE", however there is no particular dietary or environmental restrictions beyond standard humane husbandry requirements.

Link doesn't work, but if I was to judge a document by its title, yeah, that's what I'd expect from the USDA.

The lineage of Japanese beef cattle isn't particularly noteworthy.  It's not like they have magic genes that make their muscle tissue particularly delicious.  While introduced early they're not indigenous to the region and most were cross-bred with European breeds so for all intents and purposes it's the same damn cows.  The ONLY meaningful distinction to be made to have the word "wagyu" from a QA standpoint would have to do with raising & handling procedures, so of course that's what the USDA explicitly omitted from the U.S. standard.  Because it'd be easier to ship over a few live cattle and raise them the same goddamn way and expect a different result than adopt the standards of one of the most QC-heavy countries in the world.  I honestly didn't know this document existed but we're right back where we started.  There is no "wagyu" in America in any meaningful sense of the word, and the USDA is the least reliable authority on that.  The USDA putting its cocksucking seal of approval on a marketing sham doesn't make it any less of a sham.  It's the USDA FFS.


Link works fine.  I should have put a pdf warning however.  You have a problem with the USDA, that's your issue, not mine.  The standards are present, including import certifications.  Did you bother to check the other links, that include baselines like marbling percentage?
 
2013-11-17 06:50:18 PM
FTA: The patty is a pure, unminced fillet of wagyu beef

How is that in any way a "burger"?
 
2013-11-17 06:55:03 PM

ciberido: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: The mayonnaise redeems it.

/god bless mayonnaise

You go to hell.  You go to hell and you die.


If there is no mayo in Heaven, then I'll gladly go to Hell. :)
 
2013-11-17 07:14:46 PM
I like mayo on chicken, or turkey, or even ham.  But you do NOT put mayo on my burger!!
 
2013-11-17 07:18:44 PM

Notabunny: HammerHeadSnark: r1niceboy: Notabunny: Mayonaise is not food.

It's Satan's sperm, and anyone putting it near my food is taking their life in their hands.

No. I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Miracle Whip. . . .

[img.photobucket.com image 480x360]


cdn.fashionablygeek.com
Better than Miracle Whip, but not by much. Also: "Lips that touch Cool Whip shall never touch mine!*

hat-tip to WCTU blsciblogs.baruch.cuny.edu
Uh, I'm okay with that. . . .
 
2013-11-17 07:51:15 PM
I remember veal burgers when I was a child. Top that with some froi grois, a bit of urchin roe and some black truffles...

Now that may offend some, but so what.
 
2013-11-17 07:55:55 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: Gunderson: [www.vegaschatter.com image 399x299]

This is a true doucheburger, but you probably never have heard of it before

"Have you ever eaten Kobe beef? No you haven't! You just paid for "Kobe beef"! In fact you can't even buy Kobe beef in this country, because it's only made in Japan, and it's illegal to import it. So if your local bistro is serving "Kobe sliders", just go across the street to White Castle, because IT'S THE SAME FARKING THING!!"

[www.takepart.com image 464x321]

/my favorite part, Lewis' response to a guy in a Dunkin Doughnuts commercial misrepresenting the term Artisan, "Well what a surprise, a Trust Fund Hipster talking out of his ass!"


try to keep up.  it's no longer illegal to import Kobe into the US from Japan.
 
2013-11-17 08:22:49 PM

stonelotus: DarkSoulNoHope: Gunderson: [www.vegaschatter.com image 399x299]

This is a true doucheburger, but you probably never have heard of it before

"Have you ever eaten Kobe beef? No you haven't! You just paid for "Kobe beef"! In fact you can't even buy Kobe beef in this country, because it's only made in Japan, and it's illegal to import it. So if your local bistro is serving "Kobe sliders", just go across the street to White Castle, because IT'S THE SAME FARKING THING!!"

[www.takepart.com image 464x321]

/my favorite part, Lewis' response to a guy in a Dunkin Doughnuts commercial misrepresenting the term Artisan, "Well what a surprise, a Trust Fund Hipster talking out of his ass!"

try to keep up.  it's no longer illegal to import Kobe into the US from Japan.


Still doesn't mean it wasn't true at the time (and a hilarious sketch by Lewis Black), and still is true in most restaurants that will try to sell you "Kobe beef" because they don't care about actually being truthful to their customers and only want your money. The Dunkin Donuts sketch still rings true, as well as other places that make bullshait "artisan" claims for their products, not to mention the Trust Fund Hipsters talking out of their ass when they try to sell you on paying $20 or more for a cheeseburger.
 
2013-11-17 08:31:07 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...



Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.


Waaaaaah, someone wanted to use ramen as a bun, and some people eat ramen for its cheapness rather than its deliciousness. Waaaah
 
2013-11-17 08:39:00 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.


I think the ones that buy that burger deserve to...

/saw some hipsters on a quiz show answering questions about the exact era they claimed to be interested in and it was really apparent that their knowledge of the world was very superficial and they were not as smart as they thought or pretended they were.

They could sneer and diss quite well though but that was it.
 
2013-11-17 08:42:31 PM

Koodz: [upload.wikimedia.org image 850x637]

Wagyuu, eh?  Good luck grinding this.

I loved that the relatively lean Australian beef I could actually stand to eat in Japan was the cheap stuff at the grocery store while everybody paid top dollar for crap I'd have tossed straight in the dog's dish.

Had to relearn how to cook anything with beef in it in America because I got used to mentally estimating that half of it would be gone by the time it cooked.  First time I made some tacos back in Tennessee where I both started and ended with a pound of ground chuck I was confused.


That looks disgusting. Is that what they make lard from?
 
2013-11-17 10:08:17 PM

dready zim: Koodz: [upload.wikimedia.org image 850x637]

Wagyuu, eh?  Good luck grinding this.

I loved that the relatively lean Australian beef I could actually stand to eat in Japan was the cheap stuff at the grocery store while everybody paid top dollar for crap I'd have tossed straight in the dog's dish.

Had to relearn how to cook anything with beef in it in America because I got used to mentally estimating that half of it would be gone by the time it cooked.  First time I made some tacos back in Tennessee where I both started and ended with a pound of ground chuck I was confused.

That looks disgusting. Is that what they make lard from?


TALLOW! We've been over this twice already.
 
2013-11-17 11:21:44 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: ciberido: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: The mayonnaise redeems it.

/god bless mayonnaise

You go to hell.  You go to hell and you die.

If there is no mayo in Heaven, then I'll gladly go to Hell. :)


I think Hell IS mayonnaise.
 
2013-11-18 03:09:53 AM

Hot Lunch: DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.

Waaaaaah, someone wanted to use ramen as a bun, and some people eat ramen for its cheapness rather than its deliciousness. Waaaah


Did you read what I wrote at all? What am I saying? Of course you didn't! Ramen noodle isn't delicious, it's crap, but it's cheap and is affordable. So what did the Hipsters do in response to this inexpensive product? They molded it into bun form, put a burger in between and now you've got cheap noodles, mashed between a cheap burger, with alot of condiments to hide the flavor, and a 500 % price markup on all the ingredients. Plus the people who make and market crap like this call themselves "foodies" and/or "alternative", when they give you a sneered upper lip when you tell them why it's crap and in their mind "You just don't understand, man!"
 
2013-11-18 06:57:20 AM

Marcus Aurelius: And they probably don't even know their beef is fake


Came here to say that.

If you're not in Japan, it's basically 100% guaranteed that your "wagyu" beef isn't the real thing.   They simply don't export it.
 
2013-11-18 02:48:10 PM
Tr0mBoNe: There's the hole in the wall pub not far from my office that serves a burger where bacon is contained within the patties.

I know what I'm making this weekend.

// do I partially cook the bacon before making the patties, or do I just throw raw bacon in there and cook the whole thing through? On one hand, you want the bacon to be fully cooked, but on the other hand, you want some juice in the burger.
 
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