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(The Vine (Australia))   It's a meal designed to offend. Feast your eyes upon the Douche Burger, a burger made of wagyu beef, topped with foie gras and slathered in three different sauces - jalapeno, lime, mayo   (thevine.com.au) divider line 111
    More: Spiffy, Douche Burger, Luke, Super Size Me, Idi Amin, paul, Morgan Spurlock, Collingwood, mission accomplished  
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8675 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Nov 2013 at 11:37 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-11-17 09:11:14 AM
LUKE: Has any foodstuff undergone so comprehensive a renaissance as the humble burger? For so long the scorned culinary province of teenagers, single dads and the humorously obese, over the last half a decade the burger has witnessed a return to zeitgeist perhaps rivalled only by skinny jeans and the music of Nile Rodgers.

The douche is strong with this one. Is this some sort of hipster douche irony that's he's a douche himself prodding other douches, or did merely eating the douche burger make him a douche? The world may never know.
 
2013-11-17 09:44:34 AM
There's the hole in the wall pub not far from my office that serves a burger where bacon is contained within the patties. Also their beer is cold and barmaids hot... It gets a lot of traffic.
 
2013-11-17 10:14:26 AM
They are no doubt a couple of the largest douches on the planet.  And they probably don't even know their beef is fake.
 
2013-11-17 10:39:51 AM
I think this is tongue in cheek.

And a true doucheburger would have artisinal Miracle Whip, not mayo.
 
2013-11-17 11:40:26 AM
"A status symbol for people who can afford to splash out $20 on a piece of food barely bigger than a human fist. An ethically and nutritionally unsound wad of meat and sauce that screams "I'm so rich I can afford to eat badly - and pay top dollar for it! "

Really?  $20?  I've spent more than that at Applebee's.  I'm King of the World!!
 
2013-11-17 11:40:41 AM
www.fox.com

My dad INSISTS it's the BEST kind of beef!!!
 
2013-11-17 11:41:13 AM
Hipsters probably wouldn't dig the foie gras, don't they tend to operate under the delusion that animals have rights or something silly like that?
 
2013-11-17 11:42:17 AM
Pass the vinegar.
 
2013-11-17 11:42:31 AM
ain't nuthin' w/o truffles and gold leaf
 
2013-11-17 11:44:15 AM
I would like to try this burger but the mayo seems a bit much given the richness of foie gras.  Anywho, Luke and Paul are way to douchey for this burger.
 
2013-11-17 11:44:28 AM
They should have accompanied the burger with poutine au foie gras from Au Pied du Cochon.

img.fark.net
 
2013-11-17 11:44:38 AM
The best bun they could get is a sesame covered white-flour processed generic McDonald's bun?
Not hipster enough.
 
2013-11-17 11:44:58 AM
Ugh... wagyu. Nothing like a big ol' mouthful of steaming hot lard.
 
2013-11-17 11:44:58 AM
The mayonnaise alone is offensive.

/go to hell, mayonnaise
 
2013-11-17 11:45:58 AM
Mayonaise is not food.
 
2013-11-17 11:47:10 AM
You know what goes w/ foie gras?
Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper.  It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.  And especially not lime and jalapeno.

That's like 'enhancing' a Bach fugue by dubstepping it and adding a wah-wah pedal to the organ.


/glass of Sauternes to go with is nice, too
 
2013-11-17 11:49:36 AM

Type random string here: They should have accompanied the burger with poutine au foie gras from Au Pied du Cochon.

[img.fark.net image 800x600]


Ah yes. That reminds me that I need to make a reservation there for sometime over the holidays. My sister and I are planning to eat a pig head.
 
2013-11-17 11:53:37 AM
wouldn't that classify as a steak sandwich?
 
2013-11-17 11:53:41 AM
The mayonnaise redeems it.

/god bless mayonnaise
 
2013-11-17 11:54:50 AM

Type random string here: They should have accompanied the burger with poutine au foie gras from Au Pied du Cochon.

[img.fark.net image 800x600]


Had that as an appetizer last time I was there.  (And every time I go there).  But the winner of the night was a braised veal shoulder that I split with a couple of buddies.
 
2013-11-17 11:56:58 AM
I don't see anything offensive. It's not like they removed the clits from a hundred infant girls and fried them up like popcorn shrimp.
 
2013-11-17 11:57:11 AM
Wondering what happens when a gold leaf hits the amalgam fillings?
 
2013-11-17 11:57:47 AM
It is the Broodwich. The most evil sandwich ever created. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken force-fed to dogs by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood.
 
2013-11-17 11:58:16 AM

Notabunny: Mayonaise is not food.


It's Satan's sperm, and anyone putting it near my food is taking their life in their hands.
 
2013-11-17 11:58:42 AM
Christopher's Crush, where I used to work, does a foie gras pizza.

Mind you, this is a place that has wines that range to the hundreds of dollars a bottle. And the rolls are quite literally thrown into the wood fired oven when you sit down, so they are the freshest bread you can possibly find unless you bake it your own damn self. But, yeah, the pizza with foie gras is probably the most self indulgent use of the stuff you can find. Until this burger, that is.
 
2013-11-17 12:00:53 PM

FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.


That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).
 
2013-11-17 12:02:26 PM
The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

cbsla.files.wordpress.com

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.
 
2013-11-17 12:02:42 PM
If that get's anywhere near me, it'll also be slathered in puke.
 
2013-11-17 12:03:08 PM

r1niceboy: Notabunny: Mayonaise is not food.

It's Satan's sperm, and anyone putting it near my food is taking their life in their hands.





Maybe you're buying your "mayo" in the wrong place. NTTAWWT.
 
2013-11-17 12:05:51 PM
Of all the recent food fads gourmet burgers are easily the least annoying. I had a 'Korean burger' from a food truck last week and it was delicious.  This same truck also had a gourmet hotdog which my wife informs me was delicious as well. Maybe that's the next step.
 
2013-11-17 12:05:58 PM

dragonchild: FrancoFile: You know what goes w/ foie gras? Just a tiny bit of salt and pepper. It's already magical, it doesn't need a sauce.

That and I don't think the Japanese export their beef.  They don't make enough to meet domestic demand; they import the stuff from Australia.  And if you actually go all the way to Japan to eat real "wagyu", they're not going to put it in a goddamn burger.  You know what goes with wagyu?  Just some salt and pepper.  It's already magical; it doesn't need a sauce.

So. . . yeah.  Not only is Douche Burger douchey; odds are it's downright fake (especially at $20).


Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil--Yes, Virginia, the US raises Wagyu, right here. Kobe beef is an entirely different story, and there are very few licensed folks to carry Kobe here. Wagyu on the other hand, is much more readily available.
 
2013-11-17 12:10:28 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.


Skin 'em and make BBQ Hipster Rinds?
 
2013-11-17 12:18:32 PM
Mayo sucks, but aioli is awesome!!1!1!1!
 
2013-11-17 12:23:32 PM

AngryDragon: DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.

Skin 'em and make Organic Locally Sourced Free Ranged BBQ Hipster Rinds?


Fixed for ya. ;-)
 
2013-11-17 12:25:35 PM

hubiestubert: Wagyu is a breed, and oddly enough, the US HAS Wagyu here on our soil--Yes, Virginia, the US raises Wagyu, right here. Kobe beef is an entirely different story, and there are very few licensed folks to carry Kobe here. Wagyu on the other hand, is much more readily available.


You don't wanna Wagyu beef in public.  You'll get arrested.
 
2013-11-17 12:26:03 PM
The hipster douchebag label is being thrown around so often, I think those who keep using it ARE hipster douchebags.
 
2013-11-17 12:29:18 PM

DarkAmish Tech Support: It is the Broodwich. The most evil sandwich ever created. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken force-fed to dogs by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood.


What, no bacon?
 
2013-11-17 12:31:13 PM

FDR Jones: Mayo sucks, but aioli is awesome!!1!1!1!


Zip's tartar sauce is the god of all mayo like sauces.  It's a bummer that many of their stores don't do the deep fried mushrooms anymore.  Deep fried mushrooms in tarter is one of the best guilty pleasures on earth.

http://everythingisfood-allison.blogspot.com/2007/07/tartar-lord-of- sa uces.html
 
2013-11-17 12:34:09 PM
It may be a doucheburger, but I would still attack that thing like a feral child on a fresh kill.
 
2013-11-17 12:34:12 PM
My first point is, to each his own.  So if you want to flame me, that's ok, because to each his own again.

Having said that, the whole "gourmet burger" thing is Americans being American because they just can't help being American. We can't help being crass, even (especially) when we don't want to be crass.  A hamburger is crass, so just accept that.  It's ground beef, because that's the cheap stuff, stuck in between a pretty cheap bun, with cheap condiments.

Personally, I like a burger made with fairly decent beef (but it doesn't have to be made from aristocratic cows lovingly fed organicallhy-grown grass while listening to Mozart, butchered in a karmic yoga ceremony, ground with cutting-edge specially-engineered blades, air-shipped, and sold for $199 a pound at a boutique butcher shop that also serves lattes), and a fairly reasonable amount of it.  No more than a third of a pound.  A piece of good but ordinary cheddar.  Some lettuce, tomato and onion, and a little lettuce.  A nice fresh bun.  That's it.  I don't need it to be a foot and a half tall, I don't need artisanal hand-craft sauces, I don't need a detailed history of how the recipe evolved from humble beginnings in some far-off exotic land, I don't need it to look like an alien abortion.

Just some ground beef, some cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, mustard, on a bun.

If you want to try gourmet food, try actual gourmet food.  That's a good thing too.  But trying to dress up ground beef on bread as gourmet or exotic...that's Americans being American because they can't help themselves.  Aim higher, for chrissake.

Unless you don't want to.
 
2013-11-17 12:34:36 PM
"Yes, the burger truly is the pizza of foods.".

farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-11-17 12:35:23 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: The burger condiment mish mashing didn't really get that bad till they started doing this with it...

[cbsla.files.wordpress.com image 850x637]

Mainly people who decide to make a bun out of an cheap, bottom of the barrel noodle, which actual poor people (mainly people who are not trust fund Hipsters making a fashion statement) subsist on when money gets tight; while charging out of the ass for it in price, should be skinned in the most ironic fashion.


It's a strange cycle.

Lobster is a great example.

It was poor people food, then rich people food, now rumor has it a rich person wouldn't be caught dead eating lobster these days, that's food for the poor now(again).
 
2013-11-17 12:38:02 PM
... and ketchup
 
2013-11-17 12:40:11 PM
We take the world's most expensive and delicate flavours and then we cancel them out with jalepeno, mayo and lime so you don't have to taste them, Schmuck!

Would you like some ketchup on the side?
 
2013-11-17 12:41:14 PM

lilplatinum: DarkAmish Tech Support: It is the Broodwich. The most evil sandwich ever created. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken force-fed to dogs by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood.

What, no bacon?


Take off the sun-dried tomatoes.
 
2013-11-17 12:42:04 PM

wildcardjack: I don't see anything offensive. It's not like they removed the clits from a hundred infant girls and fried them up like popcorn shrimp.


...and wrapped a hundred foreskins around them like that tasty wedding party hor'deourves (screw you autocorrect for the one time you'd be useful you fail)
 
2013-11-17 12:45:58 PM

Kibbler: My first point is, to each his own.
Personally, I like a burger made with fairly decent beef ...

I like lettuce, tomato, and Muenster on rye.
All this cheese gonna make me cry.
Gorgonzola, Provolone,
Don't even get me started on this microphone.
 
2013-11-17 12:46:24 PM
Had Wagu Beef once - it was much less than satisfying to me than a regular Filet.

I'm a burger fan myself, but I like to keep 'em fairly simple at home - cheese, pickle, onion, mustard and horseradish.  I used to mess around with mixing in stuff with the meat but it was hard to please the family that way.

I find as I get older, I like simpler preparations as much as complex ones, and cooking dinner in a half hour can be a nice change from a 3 hour meal prep like my wife often like to do.

In my house, if it's Gourmet, it must be Coffee
 
2013-11-17 12:50:37 PM

Watubi: The hipster douchebag label is being thrown around so often, I think those who keep using it ARE hipster douchebags.


Hipster has come to mean "anybody who should get off of my lawn" and "douchebag", "anybody who is annoying who should get off of my lawn". The words are useless. I blame VICE magazine.
 
2013-11-17 12:54:27 PM
I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz 57 and french fried potato
A big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer ...
 
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